Silent screaming

[Jennyd109]

I put on a brave face but it is exhausting!

I go to family baby showers!

I chuckle my way through the office baby showers!

I giggle at the gender reveal parties!

I laugh and give a hug every time someone tells me that they are pregnant!

I am exhausted!

I had my second mc in April and every day is just frustrating!

I am 9 days late and still BFN....it is like a bad dream! I have never been a patient person but this is just exhausting!

I have cried at family functions, in my office, in my car....is everyone getting pregnant or is everyone silently screaming?!?!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this but I have to say that I know where you're coming from. After my last mmc in July I couldn't even go on Facebook for a month. I sobbed every time I read about someone becoming preggers, every time I saw a bump photo and dismissed (as kindly as I could) invites to baby showers. To top it off, my best friend became preggers around the same time I did and she found out she's pregnant with TWINS! You could only imagine the envy and how horrible I felt as she went on to have two babies while I turned to the miscarriage support group on BnB because I lost mine. Yes, it does feel like you're silently screaming and that everyone around you is pregnant.

 

[Vicky_92]

I'm so so sorry your going through this. I lost my little bean last month. It's so hard all I see are bumps. And today in work a colleague just told me that her daughter is pregnant and showed me her scan on her phone!... She has the same EDD as I did 😢 she doesn't know what happened to me so I can't blame her. But it hurt! Hurt a lot 😢😢

 

[tag74]

I am so very sorry.

I am suffering literally back to back miscarriages. I thought to myself...wow pregnant again 3 weeks after the last, what are the chances I'd miscarry again...

I'm in a different boat though. I have two daughters 15 and 2. I never take for granted my ability to have them when others are still trying for their first.

At 40, I could never imagine where you all have been.

At 41, with two under my belt now, I wish I was a little more sensitive, a little more understanding and took pause just a little more.

I pray for each of you every day...that you can experience a healthy pregnancy.

I'm here for you all...many of you all have been wonderful to me.

 

[Mdc]

Jenny, lilmiss, and tag so very sorry for all your losses. This is the worst ever experience to go through. I myself just lost my pregnancy, and just feel so lost and numb. I am 38 and it took 9 long months and an IUI to even get this far, so have it stripped is awful. I see pregnant women and babies everywhere and feel so guilty because the first thought is pure anger and jealousy. I know time will allow me to eventually move on, and I need to be patient, but I am not a patient person to begin with. Here is to hoping that peace comes sooner rather than later and best of luck that we may all receive our take home babies.

 

[mummof1]

I feel that's why I had a tantrum the other night . Out of no where around 1030 pm I was laying in bed and became SO sad .. I ended up feeling a sudden fit of anger and threw my bed side lamp across the room (it smashed everywhere).

I feel like it was because I've been trying to put on a happy face and I have had to be strong around my two boys. I had to deal with other things going on in our lives (moving, back to school for my oldest - I'm also a kindergarten early childhood educator so couldn't take any days off since it happened right before back to school)
My best friend is also pregnant we had due dates two weeks a part
I also keep seeing pregnant women everywhere !!!

My husband was so understanding of my breakdown , he helped me clean the mess and laid with me until I fell asleep.
I kind of feel like it was necessary to get that emotion out !

It's so hard to be strong every day when inside your so broken

 

[tag74]

I cried when I read your post. I totally get it. One of my best friends is also a few weeks ahead of where I was and I so badly want to celebrate with her, I just can't right now. I pray every night she won't go through this.

I like the lamp throwing...maybe that'll help me tonight.

 

[mummof1]

I cried when I read your post. I totally get it. One of my best friends is also a few weeks ahead of where I was and I so badly want to celebrate with her, I just can't right now. I pray every night she won't go through this.

I like the lamp throwing...maybe that'll help me tonight.

Its so challenging , you want to be happy for them but you can't help but feel sad and envious and then you feel guilty for feeling that way.

They say time will heal, I've been praying so much that I can have peace in my heart over this.

I think if we suppress our emotions for too long it's bound to come out some way or another like mine did.
It sort of felt like I could breath again after it happened.
It's just so important to express your feelings , we can try to be strong but then in those moments when we aren't feeling strong at all, we have to know that it's okay to let it out.
It's good we have this forum too, such a great support system

 

[Mdc]

I hear you both on the emotions. I go from being devestated to feeling better quicker than a blink of an eye. Smiling to holding back a waterfall of tears. I am sure the hormones are not helping. Any ideas on when the hormones are supposed to level out? Sometimes it just feels like I am at a tipping point.

 

[bubbles82]

Big hugs to all of you ladies.

I've just had my second loss confirmed a couple of days ago. Finding it so tough as I have two close friends expecting, one due 12 days after I was. I can't bear to even see her at the moment and feel guilty for pushing her away as it's not her fault this happened to me, I'm just so angry at the exciting times we thought were ahead that have just been snatched away, and I get angry that she doesn't understand at all as she's ever had a loss. I keep thinking I'm ok and that I shouldn't be so upset as my loss was so early at 7 weeks, but then I have really bad days where I keep hiding myself away and sobbing. So worried that we might have to go through this again and so hurt that our pregnancies will never be the happy exciting times they should be, the whole thing is just filled with fear for me.

 

[KBCupcake]

I am so sorry. I felt very similarly after my first MC, but I would not have been able to muster the strength to be happy for others or attend gender reveals/baby showers. You must be so strong.

When I had my first MC it was absolutely devastating. Then I had 2 CPs, one right after the other, which felt like being kicked while I was down. The only thing that helped was talking about it, and time. I talked about my first MC a lot because I wanted people to know my baby existed, even if only briefly.

I also had a lot of resentment towards pregnant women, or women with small children. I turned very sour. I wish I hadn't, but that was just how I became after my MCs, so I have a lot of respect for you to be able to put on a smile and be happy for others.

I hope that when you're ready, you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.