Silly things people say. What's your experience?

[Sinead]

"Just Relax" gets me. I hate it sooooo much. People don't realise that hurts. After dh got his dodgy results and I was fine, my nan said this and I was having a bad day, so replied "its not me that has to relax, its him". Obviously dh wasn't there, nor does he read this. I felt so bad afterwards

 

[FJL]

And all of these comments go to show the ignorance attached with IF.

I know it is different, but it is similar to telling a cancer patient to relax and your cancer will go away, OR go off chemo and your cancer will disapear.

Its just stupid and it has no evidence to back it up whatsover.

When will people realise that a simple hug and a comment like 'thinking of you or' 'I hope it happens really soon for you' are all we need? We don't need their advice, thats what we pay our bloody FS's for!

 

[NeyNey]

^exactly.

If I listed every stupid comment I've heard I'd be here all day.
All I ever want is understanding. For someone to simply say they are thinking of me. I don't need all the "right answers". Because they don't have them - they only think they do.

 

[ellie]

aaargh .... people can be so stupid and ignorant ! ........ it's amazing really .....
i particularly like it when strangers e.g. people that you meet on holiday, or family neighbours etc, say things like 'you and oh have been together ages, no kids yet? isn't it about time you had some of your own', etc etc - well, yeah !!!!!
to all and I really wish that none of us had to know so much about all of this ourselves .....

 

[Kitty23]

ugh I hate insensitive arses!

My 3 sisters who all fell pregnant on the pill were like " kids are horrible! You can have one of mine!" Gee helpful comment alert lol

Or the in laws who keep friggin asking if we are pregnant yet infront of extended family who dont know we are ttc, whilst my two vile pregnant sisters in law smirk at me!

Oh my God Tabby, how many borthers and sisters do you have?!

I have 2 smug pregnant sister in laws so no exactly how you feel!

I keep getting people telling me what an amazing mother I would be and how much I deserve to get pregnant. I find that really unhelpful cos it doesn't matter how much we deserve it, it still isn't going to happen in a hurry!

Lol I have 3 sisters, two brothers and DH has 2 sisters and 3 brothers! Needless to say lol alot of nosey annoying opinions there!!

Oh I also hate people saying you've got all your life to have children... lol thanks for that! I'm almost 22 and Dh is 27 , married, good jobs, own our own house etc. I don't need their unwanted bloody opinions! xxx

 

[Mazmos]

I just hate the "you both need to relax" or "maybe you are trying too hard" - How can you try too hard????? The more BD the better!!!!!

I also get the "you want another child now after such a big age gap - you must be mad" (Me and DH have a 17-year old son).......... It's our bloody choice, and doesn't make me want a baby any less

I feel better after letting that out!!!!!!

Maz xxx

 

[Helen]

I think one of the worst I got was my then boss (MD) telling me that he thought his wife (the FD) was a better manager than me because she'd had children and that gives you so many more skills. Aaaarrrggghhhh!

I'd worked hard on cultivating the career woman thing so people wouldn't ask about children and work was something to focus on instead so to have that criticised for lack of children was devastating.

 

[Nathyrra]

Oh goodness, some of those are just awful things to say!

I totally agree with FJL. I don't need anyone to tell me what I should do, I just want people to be there to listen when I need a shoulder to cry on, and be sympathetic. Instead of condescending.

 

[HoneyWright]

My BF who has now got pregnant twice first time round said to me when i said hopefully it will happen for me finally this year (we have been trying 2 years) said yes you just need to have lots of sex. I mean wow if only we all knew that, id have tried that 2 years ago!!!

 

[Arcanegirl]

The best one i can remember is "you wont be able to drink you know, pregnancy is very boring"

And the youre thinking about it too much etc, yea like having the first go of IUI whilst half my flat was sitting out in the street for a refit was thinking about ttc too much

 

[fairywings]

I know this doesn't apply to me now, and not my section (I just came across it it while surfing) . . . but once my OH's sister said "so when are you going to make me an aunty?"

I replied that we were not being careful and basically trying for a while.

she replied "oh you could be infertile"

I thought that was really insensitive as I had thought it myself. But I guess she didn't know how much I wanted it and was hiding my longing . . .

Really hope you all get your BFP's soon. x

 

[Mynxie]

I gave up listening to stupid comments a while ago tbh. I get them when TTC, when PG or after a m/c, so tbh I usually change the subject if I'm feeling nice, or tell them to f**k off if I'm feeling not-so-nice

 

[CurlySue]

So many to list:

1. It's not God's plan. Everything happens for a reason. (what reason was it that Baby P's mother got pregnant five times, then? Was that God's will?)
2. You are trying too hard. Just relax. (Of course, because that's going to magically make me pregnant isnt it?)
3. Have you ever considered adoption? (yeah, and it's fucking costly and there are no babies!)
4. You do know that you are only supposed to have sex when you ovulate don't you? (erm, no, I've been having sex on my period and hoping to get pregnant!)
5. This is a good one. My mother. "It's going to work because i've decided it's going to work." Oh, right, so the fact that I decided years ago didn't make a blind bit of difference, then?
6. You should be grateful with what you've got. Some people haven't got their own house (wtf, I would rent for life if it meant having a kid.)
7. Stick your legs in the air after sex. Made me pregnant the first month of trying both times (again, you think I haven't tried this at least 20 times?)

There are just so many...

 

[hayley352]

Yep Yep, this thread is great, i need to have a RANT today!!

It really bugs me when people have one child and then they fall pregnant again with their 2nd and they say 'oh we werent really trying, it is too soon after our first'...well if u didint want another one use protection!!

some people should just be grateful for what they have got. as you can probably tell im in bad mood, tested this morning and got BFN!!

 

[CurlySue]

My stepmother-in-law, pulling me aside whilst her seven year old was misbehaving, "Are you sure you want a child?"

Yes. And mine won't be as spoiled and badly behaved as yours.

"It comes in threes, you know? It'll happen." It comes in threes? How come about ten people I know have got pregnant before me, then?

 

[chefamy1122]

I have gotten them all... most have already been said on this thread.
I think my new favorite is "Are you sure you want to take fertility drugs? You will end up with a litter- haha"

Yes you stupid asshole, I want to take fertility drugs, b/c they are my only hope to get pregnant since my body does not work. If I end up with multiples, I will be blessed.

 

[DebsHopeful]

Awesome thread ladies.

Nothing really new to add, just the usual.

Like Nathyrra my latest one has to do with my brother. I spoke to on Friday telling him I have been scheduled for surgery on Thursday 12th March 2009, to have a Hysteroscopy and Laparoscopy. In a well meaning manner he said to me, 'Debs, I think all you need to do is just relax and it will happen'

And of course everyone always says, things happen for a reason. WTF!

I really hope 2010 is going to be our year for BFPs and Babies.

 

[jk28]

I can´t believe some of the things people say...when I began the TTC journey a person I worked with said, "well if people can´t have children then maybe it´s Gods way of telling them something" ...nice!! Says her with her 4 perfect children & me obviously a mass murderer!! After my mc´s I also got the, "well maybe it´s for the best as there was probably something wrong with the baby", lots of psychic people out there?? My favourite one & the one I´ve heard the most, as I´m sure many of you ladies has is, "it´ll happen for you soon"......5 1/2 yrs later & no not yet!!

But then it´s only when you go through something that you truly understand...I´m sure most people mean well, they just don´t stop to think sometimes!

Love Jayne x

 

[hollee]

i have to say im lovin this thread, best one in ages....

the old 'it will happen when you stop thinking about it so much & stop stressing'
they obviously haven't got a clue otherwise they would know that its impossible to stop thinking about ttcing, that its always on your mind

one of my friends who has 2 girls and knows that we are ttcing txt me saying 'would you consider me for surrogacy, ill have you baby for you' im like noooooooo the point is i want to carry my own baby and im sure there's other options for me, i just thought that was really insensitive!

i won't even get started on seeing druggies or alcoholics pregnant or with babies

 

[JASMAK]

As most of you know, I have secondary infertility...I have two kids. I have been trying for over two years with 3 pregnancy losses in there. I have had most mentioned above, but also some others:

"Just be grateful"
"Perhaps God is trying to send you a message?"
"They were just a tiny bunch of cells" (referring to my miscarriages)
"I didn't feel sorry for you when you m/c'd, because you already have kids"
"Just relax and stop thinking about it, honestly, you are trying too hard."
"I believe in fate, and it just wasn't meant to be"
"What's wrong with a family of four?" (A friend says this one to me all the time. She herself has easily had three kids).