Sleep-deprived and neurotic? (letting off steam rant!)

[emilyp83]

I think its official, I'm a crazy neurotic scbu mummy! Louie has been doing really well and has been breast feeding on demand for the last 36 hours. Massive step forwards I thought. Except that when he woke for a feed at 1am he fed for an hour solid and still wouldn't settle, still looked hungry to me. The nurse ended up sending me to bed and trying to sort him out herself coz I was in floods of tears. This isn't helped by the fact that my left nipple is so sore I can hardly stand to feed him at all on that side.

So they just woke me to say he was screaming for food at 5am. I haave been and fed him for 30 mins and he's settled reasonably. He's under phototherapy lamp which he seems to hate anyway so never settles particularly well at first. My worry now is that his nappy was bone dry so they think he is dehydrated now.

If he's not getting enough food why doesn't he wake for a feed sooner? Why is he not getting enough from me now? What the heck am I gonna do about my left nipple? And since when did I burst into tears over the fact he hasn't had a wee?!!!

I'm just about managing to hold it together now but can hear the little devil on my shoulder saying that I didn't manage to keep him in my tummy for long enough and now I can't feed him properly and its all my fault...

Feel rubbish and needed to rant! Thanks!

 

[25weeker]

It's very stressful breastfeeding as you don't know how much they are taking. Jaundice makes a baby sleepy which is probably why he isn't waking as often as he should.

Buy some lansinoh it is a godsend and if your left nipple is too sore you could try a nipple sheild until it's better.

You could try expressing after feeds to boost your supply. You may not get much at the beginning but after a few days it should start increasing. The nurses could syringe, cup or bottle feed your lo some expressed milk if he isn't settling.

I hope your lo gets home soon

Xx

 

[katy1310]

Aww, huge hugs!! Your post brought back so many memories. It's like you're at the final hurdle but it seems to take the longest. I remember exactly the same feelings with the feeding - it was the only thing keeping Sophie in, and it felt like one step forward and two back.

There was a day when I was in tears pretty much all day with the feeding, and I was totally ready to give up bf and put her onto formula. I didn't feel like she was taking enough, she was taking ages to settle and to top it all, she forgot to breathe while feeding and went grey and floppy and her lips were blue. We'd been in neonatal for 11 weeks by this point and I honestly thought I was going to crack up at the end, after being so strong all those weeks!

I was staying in the hospital to establish the bf, and I went into SCBU that evening all ready to tell the nurse I wanted to put her onto formula - but luckily it was an amazing nurse with a specialism in bf and she got me all sorted out and she sat with me for each feed that night and was just so lovely. It's thanks to her that I managed to bf for another 3 months.

BF is difficult, and very stressful, especially with a preemie when they are already tiny and you don't know how much they are taking. Definitely try the lansinoh - I couldn't have coped without it, and a nipple shield and expressing like 25 weeker said. I ended up having them feed Sophie expressed milk from a bottle when I felt like I wasn't coping well, and she was fine - she took to both bottle and breastfeeding.

Don't beat yourself up -it's tough in there, especially when you just want your baby home and it feels so near yet so far.