Sleepless Nights Support Thread

[twobecome3]

i don't even know how many times last nite...lost track

still starting our day at 3 am utube bumpin and OH cleaning up the kitchen/making breakfast, Annaleighs making Chewbacca noises on the floor ... our neighbors must love us

 

[BettyBoop152]

Ah fab Stella at least there is a little light at the end of the tunnel for now hehe xx

 

[purplelou]

Hi Ladies,

looking for help/support/words of comfort etc.
MY LO is 9 months old, she is BF. she has never slept through the night. I am back at work full time now and its shattering to keep getting up. she really resists DH trying to settle her (lthough he does try) she wakes about every 1-2 hours
she still feeds (big 20 minutes BFs) on most of these wake ups.
now and then (about once every 2 weeks or so,) she will resist going into her cot at all - last night was like that. we have never managed for her to self soothe so are still putting her into the cot asleep, but on nights like last night, as soon as any part of her touches the mattress she will wake up and cry. I tried for more than 2 hours last night to lie her down and she was having none of it. eventually since we were all exhausted I slept on the floor on a mattress with her (she still woke every 2 hours)
we have tried, white noise, no noise, items of our clothing in the cot, paracetamol (for teething) and teething powders, putting her down asleep/drowsy/awake, shusshing/patting - that just makes her mad, we used to do swaddling but she is too mobile for that now,
she seems to sleep fine on one of us (always has done)
DH is a sahd and is having some success with putting her down (when asleep) on the sofa - but she will not go into the cot during the daytime..we thought this was at least a bit better that on him all the time.
she will sometimes nap in the car but as soon as the car engine stops - awake!
she is eating solid foods - but BLW so not massive amounts yet.
I discussed it with my HV who told me to let her cry and give her only water at night times - but (maybe Im too wimpy) I cannot let her CIO - its too upsetting for us all.
I have booked two weeks annual leave next month so that between us, me and dh might try PUPD - anyone tried this???
its so tiring !!


(oh and everyone I know has a baby that sleeps well (apart from the odd hiccup) and has done either since birth or 12 weeks or thereabouts )

 

[lysh]

purplelou- Oh goodness, I know how hard it is to wake up multiple times a night while working full time. I was beside myself with exhaustion. My LO hated the crib as well- it as a struggle. I did some CC (not CIO) to get her into her crib at night because I could not go to bed with her at 7 every night and do what I needed to do to get ready for work the next day. Then we did some CC to spread feedings out a bit. We spread them to 2 1/2 hours. If she woke up before then, DH would go in and comfort her. Eventually she spread them out longer on her own.

I wish you luck.....now my LO is finally STTN, but it was a LONG year.

 

[purplelou]

thank you Lysh - its nice to hear a positive story.
can I ask...with CC, what exactly did you do (if thats ok) I really struggle because our LO doesnt cry as such - she screams! there are tears...its horrible!

 

[lysh]

thank you Lysh - its nice to hear a positive story.
can I ask...with CC, what exactly did you do (if thats ok) I really struggle because our LO doesnt cry as such - she screams! there are tears...its horrible!

CC= controlled crying. It is another controversial method of sleep training, however, we needed sanity back into our lives and my daughter is fine. She is a screamer too....I completely understand that as well!!! We call it her 'pissed off' screams. We have her screams down pat: Pissed versus scared, frustrated versus excited etc. Basically we let her cry for a minute. Then my DH would check on her (if I went in she would want to BF). Ferber is the author of this method, but we did it a little different. He said not to even pat the babies, DH did. He would pat her and comfort her for a few minutes. Then he would leave. Then we would wait 3 minutes and he would go in. Then wait 5 minutes. We decided not to go past 5 minutes without checking on her....the book on CC says to keep extending it, but we were not comfortable with that. However, we did not have to worry about it because she typically stopped crying after a total of 10 minutes with checks. The worst was 15 minutes. Every baby is different though. I know how hard it is....we did it when she was younger.....now at a year old, it would be MUCH harder because she is more aware, can stand up in her crib, etc. I never got naps down pat and I recently tried CC again and it was a disaster....I think now that she is older she is even more strong willed. It would have been easier to do CC with naps months ago, now I am just calling it a wash with naps!!

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Purplelou - first of all, I think it's rare for babies to sttn from birth of 12 weeks on. I think a lot of parents exaggerate on this.

Given that, at 9 months you can def sleep train your LO if night wakings are taking a toll on you. I recommend Ferber's night weaning because it's very gentle and much better than going cold turkey.

 

[purplelou]

lysh - thanks for that. can I ask another one....
when you DH went in and patted or comforted your LO did she stop crying and settle? (because my LO does not stop screaming unless she is picked up - the patting and reassurring words seem to make her more angry!)

 

[purplelou]

shadowy lady - thank you - Ill just do some reading on that now

 

[purplelou]

ok, so ive just read about night weaning...
sorry if this sounds stupid....
my baby drinks a LOT at night. proper big gulps of milk, and drains the boob completely. if I try to gradually go longer between feeds, isnt she going to hungry?? or is the idea that she will eat more during the day??

 

[lysh]

purplelou- I just wrote a whole response and my computer restarted!

When we did CC, my LO was much younger. I honestly believe the older the baby is, the harder. I think as they become more aware, it is a more intense experience. When DH went in she did continue to scream, but she knew we were still there. When the 5 minute stretch came without checks she calmed down during that period. Now that she is older, if we tried this, we might have had to continue to extend the checks (7 minutes, then 10 minutes). I tried for naps and it was a disaster...much more strong willed now. I saw your LO is 9 months, it might be slightly more challenging at 9 months than say 6 months, but if you feel it is the right decision for you and your family it might be worth a shot.

As far as night weaning, yes....by spreading the feedings out your LO will make up for it during the day. Obviously, it is a gradual approach and not something that is done all at once. My daughter got up once a night through 10 months, and then started to switch between STTN and getting up once at 11 months. Now she is consistent (unless there is a disruption) in STTN.

I honestly could not function, unless someone is superwoman I am not sure how any human being can function at a full time job, childcare, housecleaning, cooking etc. and wake up all night long, every night. It would be great if we had a nanny, a cook, someone to clean our homes, and community support but it is not the world we live in!

 

[lysh]

One more thing....keep in mind there are 'gentle' methods to sleep training if you are not comfortable with crying at all. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution...it had good recommendations, they just did not work for my daughter. Plus it takes patience and a lot of time, which working full time in a new job on no sleep, I was having a hard time with. Maybe if I was able to be a SAHM I would have tried it longer. In the end, my mantra is that every baby is different and you do what you feel is best!

 

[purplelou]

lysh - thank you.
I dont want her to cry! I hate when she does.
to be honest i am so tired at this point im not sure what i should be doing!
if i were a sahm maybe things would be different but I have to work.
dh and I are off for 2 weeks together next month, so we hope to be able to make a start on getting her to sleep better then (since we can be home for all naps, plan etc.


i feel quite confused now. i do have the no cry sleep solution at home. I might have another look at that tonight. is it too much to try and get her to go a bit longer between feeds AND to go into her cot awake and get herself off to sleep???

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Purplelou - no one likes to hear their baby cry, trust me. But sometimes you do what works for everyone at the end of the day and babies are always happier when they're rested I have the No Cry Sleep Solution too but it didn't work for us. We did it for a week and Sofia slept less and cried more than when we did Ferber (took two nights, and she has sttn since).

It may work for you though so give it a shout.

 

[lysh]

purplelou- I did the CC and my LO is fine...she was happier and so was I (which means so was DH) when we got more rest. If you want to look at no cry, that is fine....like I said, it just did not work for us.

Ferber said that some parents choose to work on one thing at a time while others do it all at once....so that is up to you! I personally still nursed my dd to sleep....I have not fixed that yet. I am sure it will be a tough battle when I do!!!

 

[purplelou]

Thanks ladies. I am so grateful for your input.
It's definitely given me things to think about
Thanks again xxx

 

[Samiam03]

My daughter still wakes up 2-3 times a night and wants to be up for good at 6:50. During her night feeds, she expects a boob to soothe her back to sleep. We are coming up on weaning in a month and a half so I am interested to see how she reacts when she doesn't have a boob to fall asleep to. And CIO attempts have been unsuccessful because my daughter is stubborn. Fun times.

 

[lysh]

Samiam- Good luck! My daughter is 13 months and I still BF to sleep and for naps. I am scared to take it away because she finally STTN (long journey to get there!!!). I would like to start weaning, but dd nurses for EVERYTHING and I just am having a hard time not giving in. Hang in there...maybe when you stop nursing to sleep she will learn to self-soothe a bit better.

 

[BettyBoop152]

Hiya ladies.. I couldn't help but see that there are some older babies that are yet to be weaned.. I have a reflux baby boy an he really struggles sitting up right.. but assumed I HAD to wean at 6 months (don't think he will be ready) is this wrong? Would love you're input xx

 

[lysh]

BettyBoop- Why do you feel you have to wean at 6 months? My dd does eat solids if that is what you mean....she eats 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks...she just still nurses A LOT. Mostly for comfort though, so she is not 'eating' every single time she nurses. Adding solids at 6 months (with the ok from your pedi) is fine...I think it actually helped my LO with her reflux. We got her off her reflux meds by 10 months.