Small age gap vs longer age gap?

[katherinegrey]

I can see pros and cons for both sides to be honest. My mother had a small age gap between my brother and sister, just sixteen months, and she keeps telling me not to do it, and wait until my LO is at school But my brother and sister are in their late thirties, so there were no disposable nappies, no wet wipes, nothing there is today that makes it so much easier. And to be honest, my dad wasn't great, he was never a hands on dad, where as my DH really is and really helps me out.

I would love a smaller age gap, for so many reasons (the main one is I'm broody ) but everyone looks at me like I'm crazy when I say I want another one sooner rather than later.

So I'd like to hear off ladies with either small or larger age gaps, how is really for you? Would you advise against it like my mother does? Or is it the best thing you ever did? Ladies with larger age gaps, how is it getting a child to school and fetching them back with a newborn? Is it better when they're a bit more independent? Not in nappies or pushchairs etc?

 

[rachmumtobe]

I've been told that I should wait for my little boy to be older and he's 2 years 7 months. We're ntnp now though so I'm hoping a 3-4 year age gap is good for us x

 

[katherinegrey]

Good luck hun, I hope you catch quickly

 

[cammyg]

Expecting my second at the moment, which means there will be a 16 month gap between my son and the new baby. I've had mainly positive comments from most people, and we always liked the idea of having our kids close together.

Personally, i'm hoping that they'll relate well to each other as they grow, and they're always going to have a similar set of needs, rather than one starting to become independent and the other being totally dependent. We're also still very much in that baby stage, so the whole routine of nappies, disrupted sleep, etc isn't some forgotten horror from the past.

On the other hand, i'm preparing myself to be completely wiped out for the next few years!

There are always going to be pros and cons, no matter how big or small a gap you have, so i suppose all you can really do is just go with what feels right.

 

[pinkstarbinks]

The gap between ours feels nice but given the chance to adjust it I'd narrow the gap so they were extremely close in age. Go for a small gap is my vote

 

[katherinegrey]

Thanks for your advice ladies, I think hubby will be in for a long talk quite soon!

 

[CarlyP]

We have a 4 year age gap and it is great, DS goes to school so I get to spend the day with DD.

 

[lozzy21]

There is going to be 4 years between our kids. I feel it's best to give children quality time with their parents. If we had a smaller gap I wouldn't have been able to give DD enough attention and she would not be as smart as she is, same for the next one, how could I give a baby the attention it needs if I'm chasing after a toddler.

Having a close age gap is no guarantee they will get along and be close, it's got more to do with personality

 

[BeachyFeelin]

I have no children yet so I can't talk about experience there.

However my sister and I are 6 years apart and I wish my parents hadn't waited so long. I love her dearly and we are much closer now than we were growing up. But that's just it....it took us a long time to be on the same page in life.

The age gap growing up was just enough so that we could never really relate. When she started dating at 16 I was only 10. So we didn't talk about things like that. When she was 18 and moved out of the house to go to college I was 12. What did I know about that?

With that being said, I would prefer to have an age gap with our children no more than 3 years.

 

[Courtney917]

There's a 4 year gap between my first and second, a 3.5 year gap between my second and third and with this one there will be a 12-13 month age gap (this is our last). I think a closer age gap is better as for me the larger the gap the harder it is to do activities that both kids like. However, I did like the larger gap at the same time bc
I feel like I was able to give each child individual time and enjoy their "babyhood.". Ill keep ya posted on how the 12-13 month gap is lol.

 

[katherinegrey]

There is going to be 4 years between our kids. I feel it's best to give children quality time with their parents. If we had a smaller gap I wouldn't have been able to give DD enough attention and she would not be as smart as she is, same for the next one, how could I give a baby the attention it needs if I'm chasing after a toddler.

Having a close age gap is no guarantee they will get along and be close, it's got more to do with personality

This is my issue with a close age gap, will I have the time to spend with DS if I have another child? DS is obviously my world, but I can't work out if it's better to give him a sibling or my undivided attention

 

[Courtney917]

Whatever you chose it will work out. My two older ones are very close and they are four years apart. Plus u can always have special days set aside for each child where you do things alone (like movie day, etc)

 

[lovelylaura]

I have a 13 month age gap. They both get my attention. When one naps we do one on one. When there both up we go activities together. I've never felt like one has missed out. Both are very smart btw. It's hard work getting out the house though! They always have a playmate too. Also if you don't plan on sitting at home for the next 8 years you will get to go back to work sooner. Freya's 14 months now and we are trying again. Well for the last 4 months we have. small age gaps have worked for us.

 

[HoneyBee144]

Stalking this thread! We are going to ntnp in January. Originally we wanted 2-3 years age gap but since having DS I've changed my mind, I can't really explain why but I just feel like I want them to be close in age. In a few years I want to train to be a midwife so I don't want to get halfway through my training and fall pregnant.

I think (as has been said before) it's more about personality than age. My sister and I are 3 years apart, we're completely different people but are so close and I love her so much. I remember when I was little she was just at the age where she didn't really want to play with me but that's more because she likes to be on her own, we've always got along though and never fought. To be honest now I'm 24 and she's 27 age means absolutely nothing as I can barely remember how old I am let alone her

 

[Chai_w]

My sister and I are 2 yrs 8 mos apart. Growing up we weren't close, but it was more clash of personalities when we were younger(elementary age), once she hit high school the age gap played a part, but then when I hit high school we started getting along a bit better. We get a long better now then we ever did. Can't say how tough it is from a moms perspective yet cause I'm Wtt my first.
I'm hoping for 3-4yr difference in age, maybe less just depends on the cards we are dealt once we start trying.

I think a big part of it is how they are raised and what their personality is like

 

[rachmumtobe]

Thanks Hun. I would've loved to have had another soon after my ds but I know that when it comes to me having our last baby (hopefully we'll have three) that I'll be sad and so I wanted to spread it out a bit.

Another thing that put me off was that I love spending all my time with my ds and can't imagine loving anyone as much as him. But I know I want him to have a sibling and so even though I'll probably feel guilty for a while, it's something I'll have to get over.

It's been a hard decision to make though but I kind of set myself a target that I wanted him to at least have started nursery before I have another and when I do I'll set days aside just for me and him while baby stays with Daddy x

 

[wishuwerehere]

There will be 4 years between mine, I waited for practical reasons but it's been great having so much one on one time with my daughter, I love that she understands so much and is excited about her new sibling, and she's much more independent (no nappies, can help me with little jobs, is happy to play by herself for longer periods) which will help when there's a new baby to care for!

 

[fides]

15 months between mine

1st 5 months of DS2's life were hard, make no mistake

but now, i'm already reaping the benefits of having them close.

wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

[lucy_smith]

I can imagine it would be difficult rpm have children close together! But I love being so close in age, I'm the eldest and my brother is only 13 months younger! I am one of 5 and we are between the age of 15 and 21. My mum must of been busy!! Having us close in age ment that we always had someone to play with! And argue with. But I would not change it for the world!! I love that it has made us such a close family and hopefully when I start having children ( if financially it works) then I will ha having mine as close as I can.
..... but then again I may change my mind when I have a new born!

 

[katherinegrey]

Oh I certainly expect it to be hard, I'm just glad to hear it all becomes worth it