So little time..so much confusion

[x-sammi-x]

Right..bit of a long story here but i need some advice ASAP.
im due on the 6th december..so a week today i cant wait to meet my lil man. hes already the light of my life and im so excited to have some1 here who will love me unconditionally and eternally no matter what. hes my whole world! iv enjoyed my pregnancy and would defo have another one but at the minute i cant help feeling really depressed incase i lose him or theres complications at the birth or even after hes born..like cot death. i lose sleep over it..i cry nearly everyday with worrying. im absaloutly terrified to have this lil boy taken away from me. its starting to control my life and with just a week to go im absaloutly beside myself. does any1 else feel this way? do u think i should seek advice from a professional coz i am terrified.
before i was pregnant i suffered from anxiety problems anyway and was on beta-blockers to try and help my anxiety. it was over losing people. like my boyfriend leaving me, or family or friends dying..or even just falling out with me. its like a really bad phobia. it controls my life daily. i surely cant be the only person to feel like this?

another problem i need advice with is..my boyfriend. been with him for over 2 years and we had a REALLY good relationship for the first year and a bit..then he started going out drinking with the lads. he ended up full on kissing this other girl back in febuary..which he told me about only because her boyfriend was guna tell me first though, but because i love him and it was the first time it happened..i forgave him and thought it wudnt happen again. and then when i was 12 weeks pregnant..him and a big group of lads went to scummy magaluf for a lads holiday..he even missed my scan..when he got back i asked if anything happened and he said no..but then on a website called bebo..i was looking through the photos and there was a picture of him kissing this other girl..so i confronted him about that and all he could say was "i was realllly drunk and i dont remember who she was or why i did it.." so again i forgave him because i was pregnant and i love him and dont wana be by myself..i thought being pregnant would make a difference but..then..about 8 weeks ago i was at his house and he got a text off an unknown number on a sunday night (he had been out the night before) saying "why did u kiss me then if uv got a girlfriend? x" at this point i was 32 weeks pregnant and felt completely stuck in a rut..when i confronted him about it..all he said was "arr get over it..i cant remember what she looks like! rwhy dont u just go get with a lad then?" and he was totally angry at me!! when its him who had cheated..again..whilst iv been pregnant. not only has he cheated..but hes lied to me since may!!!! hes always been into his dope..loves a joint but he promised that he would quit after magaluf..and since may hes always said "rrr iv quit..i dont even miss it..its shit" but the day after he kissed that girl (8 weeks ago) one of his mates let slip that hes been smoking dope..and when i confronted him about that..he denied it..and kept denying it..and then one day a couple of weeks ago he went out with his mates and i asked him if he was smokin dope..and he said "yeah il admit it..i am..i just didnt wana lose u or the baby.." i wouldnt of been bothered from teh start if he hada been honest with me..coz dopes nothing really. i know its not ideal round a baby though. so now everytime he says something about who hes with, or what hes doing..i duno if hes telling me the truth? hes totally distroyed my confidence and my self esteem but i dont wana leave him because i do love him..but its really getting me down. i really duno what to do..coz when ever i confront him..he just tells me to get a grip

 

[leeanne]

I'd be kicking him out the door ... kissing girls behind your back that many times. Someone I wouldn't ever trust.

As for the dope, yes, it is a big deal. I've seen people who do dope and what it does to them physically (memory, etc), to them financially, and to their lifestyle and motivation. It's not a pretty picture. People say you cannot get addicted to dope....that's a lie.

 

[PixieKitty]

Hun, you need to get out of your 'relationship', he's cheated on you what, 3 times that you KNOW of already, imagine if he's taken it further, picks something up and passes it to you? And when you're pregnant?
He sounds like a complete waster, you can do so so much better, wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone who'll teach your baby boy to completely disregard women?
And chances are you wont be alone for long, you'll meet someone else that's WORTH your love, who'll be a fantastic role model for your son.

As for your concerns over your baby, I've been worried too, it's just your maternal side taking over and wanting to protect him from harm. Speak to your midwife about it though, as it sounds like you're getting quite stressed over it and that could stress bubs out too!
x

 

[nikky0907]

Welcome to BnB!

First thing - yes,I do really think you should see a professional about your anxiety problems.Everyone's feeling scared and anxious but if you're loosing sleep over it now it can only get worse once you have your baby.
My sister suffered from bad anxiety problems and I know how it can be...She couldn't relax,constantly on the verge of tears,cold sweat,couldn't focus...And you really need your head straight and rested now.

The isse with your boyfriend - he is immature,cheating and disrespectful towards you.I really do think you'd be better off.
I know how scary it is to be a single mom (I am one myself) but there are cases (and I do think yours falls in this category) when a child is better with one parent who will give the world for them then growing up in an unhealthy relationship.
Your boyfriend is clearly irresponsible and completely uninterested in being a father.
And his behavior is not helping your anxiety problem but contributing to it.

 

[Serene123]

In short, I think you know you should leave him! You and your baby can do better. I also think you should see a doctor about your anxiety, it won't do you any harm to see if they can help you x

 

[x-sammi-x]

im at the midwife on wednesday so i'll bring my anxiety up with her. they are aware of it from my past so maybes they can get me to see a pyschologist or something. i think u could be right in saying that my boyfriend is making the anxiety worse but i really cant imagine life without him..it might sound sad and pathetic..but really..hes all iv known for the past 2 and a bit years..i ditched my mates (feel so bad) so that i could spend all my time with him..and now my mates have other things on and basically do what i did to them my bf is lovely most of the time..but the other day he asked if he could have a joint and i said no and he snapped at me sayin " why not? u wernt bothered the other week?" and he was gettin really angry coz i said no. i should of walked away the first time..but now its 2 hard xxxx

 

[Serene123]

I think you owe it to your baby AND yourself to leave, or make him leave. Drugs have BAD effects and they get WORSE. You will make new friends, go to a mum and babies group when your baby is here.

 

[x-sammi-x]

yeah i mean iv put up with his drug habit since day 1..but its the fact hes lied for so long. im actually starting to convince myself that i should leave..if not for my sake..for my babys sake. i gave him an ultimatum a few weeks back and said it was his dope or me and his son, and he said he wud quit the dope by the time babas here. but how am i 2 know that hes not lying about that 2? hes lied for long enough aw this is the last thing i need right now. xxx

 

[Serene123]

My boyfriend said he would quit when the babies here, but I made him quit when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't have any proof he would quit when the baby was here so I wasn't going to stand for it. You need to be strong hun x

 

[Laura--x]

Hi Hun

Sorry to hear about your anxiety problems. I am kind of the same sometimes, but not that bad at all. Definately let your midwife know, or GP when you next see them x

As for your boyfriend, he sounds like a prat. My boyfriend of over 2 and a half years smoked/smokes? weed, hes been smoking it for over a year, when he goes out with his friends and so on. As soon as i found out i was pregnant i asked him to stop, it caused a big arugment with him telling me i was being out of order and that he would stop when the babys here but let him have his fun whilst he can, then after more arguing he promised me he would stop, and i found out he had been smoking it still. I told him i wasn't having my baby be brought up by a father who does drugs, and that if he don't stop i'm going and not coming back, from what i know he doesn't do it anymore, but i don't know the real truth so i can't say. He went away for the weekend 2 weeks ago where he got high, and hes going again around 16th december for a mates birthday, where he said he'll do it again, then after that he'll stop. Again we got into a massive argument and i said if i find out you do it i'll leave.

I'll never know the real truth bceause i know his friends won't tell me and theres no way i could find out, but hes promising me that he isn't doing it so i guess i have to take his word for it. He should know better and with a baby just a week away he needs to get his facts right!! Have a proper conversation with him and tell him, if he don't listen then i think your bettter of on ur own.

 

[Stardancer]

I wasn't pregnant at the time, but had a similar relationship with someone I adored. He had a drink and drugs problem, and no matter how many times he told me he'd quit, he was always sneaking around behind my back. I think with weed and stuff, you're either the type of person who goes through a phase growing up and you grow out of it and find better things in life, or you smoke it forever more. It's an addictive drug and such a popular thing to do in certain circles... I don't believe for one second he'll quit smoking it hunny. The same BF I had also got caught kissing girls a few times, and I figured there must have been more times I never knew about because what are the chances that I got to know EVERY time?? Highly unlikely IMO. I was devastated when we split and I thought I'd never get over him but I met my hubby just a few months after and he treats me so well, I look back at the time I wasted on that loser, and wonder what I was so scared of.

I understand your position, it took me a long time to leave my BF and like I said, I wasn't pregnant... you just hope and pray things change, and the reality is, things rarely do.

I think once the baby comes and you realise you can manage without him (and you can), your baby boy will become more important to you and you'll ditch the BF and make a better life for the both of you. You deserve better - you seem like such a loving caring person.

Where are you in the NE by the way?

Oh, and also... the anxiety thing, do go see a doctor, I suffer terrible with it - convincing myself something will happen to my DH... or if I get pregnant and have a baby something will happen to it. It's not normal (it's a form of depression) and once you've had your baby you'll be able to take some form of meds. I only don't because I am TTC, and I intend to start as soon as I (hopefully) have a baby. Don't let it ruin your life.

 

[x-sammi-x]

u's are all right..i dont think he'll stop smoking it its a shame coz he used to be really nice and he genuinely made me happy 24/7 and my whole life was..well is around him. this 1 guy said that he had seen him with 3 other girls but i just let that go over my head because i didnt know if he was just tryin 2 cause bother between us.
i think maybes i would like to hold on and see if he changes when the babys here..but if he doesnt il have to leave for my little boys sake! its just..how long do i give him to change??
thanks u sooo much for all your advice its really helped loads and i think i know whats best.

and star dancer - good luck with TTC..i wish u all the best hun and to every1 else congrats on ur bumps and babys and hope everythin is allll okay for yaz

(for whoever it was that asked..im from just north of newcastle..near morpeth)

 

[polo_princess]

To be fair i dont think he's going to change, from the sounds of it he's shown no willing to even try.

I hope you listen to the advice of some of the other girls, i wouldnt stand for that kind of behaviour when i wasnt pregnant let alone when i was carrying my partners child.

Hope you manage to get things sorted out

 

[mz_jackie86]

Sorry to say this hun but if he loved u he wuda come home to u every night and not bin with any tom dick or harry, the fact that ur havin a kid should make u realise how important relationships are and how they can affect you.
As for smoking weed, thats for losers seriously who wants to spend their money on drugs...if he gives into that what else will he give into....
This bloke obviously thinks he can still fuck about even when he has a baby on the way!
If he dont wake up to his resposibilitys u shud kick him to the kurb luv cos garunteed u can do a whole lot better without sum1 messin u about!
Hope it works out!! xx

 

[nightkd]

Defo see someone about the anxiety, you could get some sort of councilling even if you don't want to go on medication etc. I get really anxious over things, sometimes to the point of obsessing, which can be stressful and completely pointless...

Onto the matter of your BF. I know you don't want to be alone, but he sounds very selfish. I'd be offering him an ultimatum tbh, and definately consider booting him out after he cheated on you that many times!! That's so selfish and completely unfair to you.

Dope isn't addictive in itself, but the effects of it can be. And teenage boys do stupid things like that, sometimes just to look cool in front of their friends...

Dope can have some horrible side effects, especially over here, because it's sold illegally and you don't have a clue what's in it! My OH has smoked weed over here, and we went to Amsterdam and he said it was completely different. The weed over here is made to have as much effect as possible and make as much money as possible...illegally. The strains sold in places where it's legal are much mellower because they're just sold to 'chill out' with.. Not full of chemicals. So it's not good to smoke over here and he could even be arrested and you'd be left on your own anyway.

If he was afraid of telling you because he'd lose you + LO, then he should be concerned enough to put you and your LO above the drugs and QUIT for your sake.

Don't let him walk all over you! If he thinks he can get away with kissing a girl, he'll do it again. Make him see that he's taking you for granted and you're not going to put up with it, especially when your baby arrives.



xxx

 

[LilMama2be]

Dope leads to other things, i know from my brother.
And it seems like he's only still dating you so he can go out and have a good time, but he knows he can always come back to you, which isn't right.

Either you need to find someone who will actually CARE about you and the baby, or just worry about the baby. Relationships aren't as important as your baby. And you should focus on your baby.

 

[soliloquise]

Dope leads to other things, i know from my brother.
And it seems like he's only still dating you so he can go out and have a good time, but he knows he can always come back to you, which isn't right.

Either you need to find someone who will actually CARE about you and the baby, or just worry about the baby. Relationships aren't as important as your baby. And you should focus on your baby.

dope does not always lead to other things....

this guy tho is disrespecting you and you deffo deserve better x

 

[Smexi.Mommie]

As for the first bit just think good thoughts everytime a bad one pops in i kno its hard but u have to be calm for u and the baby and as for ur so called bf hunni u and that baby deserve much more then him cheating is so uncalled for and shows u how much he doesnt care. but all in all its your choice.

 

[ladyjayne]

Try and keep calm about your baby, it can be very scary but think positive. And like everyone else has said speak to your midwife about it and i'm sure she'll point you in the right direction to help.

As for the b/f. Try and Think of it this way....... when it comes down to it do you think he'llb e a good role model for your LO, will he provide for him, or will he choose to spend the last of his money on dope rather than nappies for bubs? If he's left it this close to the end to stop then he wont have stopped by the time your baby's here! Think about your baby and leave him, he's disrespectful and not worth your time.

 

[leeanne]

Dope leads to other things, i know from my brother.
And it seems like he's only still dating you so he can go out and have a good time, but he knows he can always come back to you, which isn't right.

Either you need to find someone who will actually CARE about you and the baby, or just worry about the baby. Relationships aren't as important as your baby. And you should focus on your baby.

Yes, it often can. I've seen some go through a phase of doing this while growing up, and I've seen some smoke it like cigarettes, and I've seen some that go from weed to harder stuff.