So Surreal when a FOB tries to talk you into abortion...

[44npregnant]

I spoke to FOB tonight about the pregnancy for the first time since we went our separate ways 2 months ago. He simply tried to talk me into an abortion again and stated that since I refused to have an abortion he was letting me know he was not going to be in the baby's life at all.

My heart broke for the baby. I had hoped that if I didn't pursue child support or make him have any responsibility except for just letting him/her know who their Father was, he would at least do that.

So much for that pipe dream.

I told him that I do not want to see him again and I meant it.

Even though the dream is gone that my child will have a relationship with their bio father, I can just focus on the baby and being the best Mom I can be. He can dream that he can just pretend the baby never happened but I guess that's what child support services is for.

 

[xSweetTartx]

I'm sorry hunny. That "man" sounds like a waste of space. If this is how he wants to act, then he doesn't even deserve the joy of a child. Your little one will be better off without him. One day you will meet a real man who will love and care for both you and your little one.

I can only imagine how you must feel, but you will get through this. The beautiful baby growing inside of you will cure all of your pain.

 

[Googiepie]

Honestly, it sounds like your baby is better off without him in their life. When I was 21, I was in what I thought a serious relationship with a man who was mentally and emotionally abusive and I found out later on also habitual liar and cheater. I ended up getting pregnant and not being the strong person that I am today, I actually let this man convince me to have an abortion. I can honestly say that it was the biggest mistake of my life and I still regret it. Now having a baby girl, I always wonder if she would have had a big brother or a sister. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your baby is lucky to have you and is loved by you that s/he won't need the deadbeat that he is in their life. Take his ass for child support and at least make him financially accountable.

 

[SophieBey]

I dont understand how any human being wouldnt want anything to do with their own CHILD planned or not!!! It doesnt register with me or with anyone who is normal i think. He is a prick.

 

[44npregnant]

Honestly, it sounds like your baby is better off without him in their life. When I was 21, I was in what I thought a serious relationship with a man who was mentally and emotionally abusive and I found out later on also habitual liar and cheater. I ended up getting pregnant and not being the strong person that I am today, I actually let this man convince me to have an abortion. I can honestly say that it was the biggest mistake of my life and I still regret it. Now having a baby girl, I always wonder if she would have had a big brother or a sister. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your baby is lucky to have you and is loved by you that s/he won't need the deadbeat that he is in their life. Take his ass for child support and at least make him financially accountable.

Thanks for sharing your story! I know I will have to love this baby twice as much but somehow I think that will be easy.

 

[mdjoy]

My 1 st sons father did that at first but then straightened out.. although i still needed to pursue ch support as he decided to take off for five years

 

[Louise88]

Sounds like he doesn't even deserve to be labelled a father your child is defiantly better off without him. It will probably turn into one of these things where he'll suddenly decide he wants to be a dad once babies all grown up and they really won't want to know, that's his fault though he made his bed he can lie in it. I think this baby is already lucky to have such an amazing mum xx

 

[megrenade]

My FOB also recommended that until he went to the ultrasound and he cried and totally changed his mind. Try to get him to go to your next ultrasound. If THAT doesn't make him fall in love, kick his ass to the curb!

 

[Mommy2be20]

Ohh a deadbeat! My DD is unfortunate enough to have one of those pieces of.. ya! The way I look at it is, you can't force a male to be a father, at least not a good one and no child needs a halfass father. Being a single mom can have it's trying times, but it is so rewarding. My DD is 18m old, saying "thank you" and "excuse me".... no thanks to her sperm donor You just enjoy your pregnancy and get ready to meet the love of your life!

 

[Spockette]

I dont understand how any human being wouldnt want anything to do with their own CHILD planned or not!!! It doesnt register with me or with anyone who is normal i think. He is a prick.

Don't think I could've said it better myself! If he leaves his child's life now then he'll just be running for the rest of his miserable life. Thank goodness your child has a wonderful mummy like you xxxxx

 

[ClaireJ23]

I would pursue child support if I were you, it's for your child at the end of the day.

 

[Tinkerbella4]

I'm so sorry to hear this. What a selfish ****!!! I wouldn't even call him a man let alone a father! He doesn't deserve to have a child! I'm sure you will provide every bit of love and nurturing your baby will need! On the other hand...make him pay!!! Xxx

 

[Dragonfly]

People like that regret it later on and try to come back again. Causing a storm. And when their kids come looking for them its worse.

 

[Mummy2aStar]

What a deadbeat! At least the baby has a good carimg mother like you... single parenting is hard..but so worth it..Good luck to you x

 

[mummy2o]

Men are rather visual creatures and can do a U-turn after the birth. Its not physical in front of them so it doesn't exist. They don't get all the joys of morning sickness, getting a bump or feeling the kicks. Which is why we become mums as soon as we get the BFP and they become dad's after the birth. My OH is very reluctant about this pregnancy despite it was semi planned. I think he's more worried something going wrong though, but said to me until the baby is born and is fine he can't love it.

 

[AC1987]

Oh no sorry you're going through that!!

 

[44npregnant]

My FOB also recommended that until he went to the ultrasound and he cried and totally changed his mind. Try to get him to go to your next ultrasound. If THAT doesn't make him fall in love, kick his ass to the curb!

Although this is my first child, he already has children so he knows what the whole experience is like. Obviously, those children did not soften his heart at all, mine certainly won't. He would never go to ultrasound. In his mind, it's about money. He doesn't want the responsibility and it's not a baby or a person. He would rather erase their life than inconvenience himself.

I feel much better about it this morning. I know my child won't be the first or last to have an absent father. We will be okay.

 

[sjwebb]

My father was never in my life because he was a piece of shi!t. There were times were I was sad and asked myself why he wouldn't want to be a part of my life but I knew firsthand what a deadbeat prick he was and I KNEW I was better off. A baby doesn't need both parents to be loved. You are going to be just fine momma. Some day your baby will understand that he just chose to walk away and its better that he walked away now, rather when your baby is like 10. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong.

 

[randomrach]

I would pursue child support if I were you, it's for your child at the end of the day.

I agree. He had the choice to not have a child BEFORE you got pregnant, I assume he is more than old enough to know how to use a condom. It's very unfair to now decide he doesn't want it anymore and you should get rid. Yes, it was your choice not to put yourself through an abortion that physically and mentally would have been hard for you but he already made his choice! It doesn't mean he should be let off of all responsibility.

 

[cruise]

My FOB also recommended that until he went to the ultrasound and he cried and totally changed his mind. Try to get him to go to your next ultrasound. If THAT doesn't make him fall in love, kick his ass to the curb!

Although this is my first child, he already has children so he knows what the whole experience is like. Obviously, those children did not soften his heart at all, mine certainly won't. He would never go to ultrasound. In his mind, it's about money. He doesn't want the responsibility and it's not a baby or a person. He would rather erase their life than inconvenience himself.

I feel much better about it this morning. I know my child won't be the first or last to have an absent father. We will be okay.

You sound like an amazing woman and I'm sure you will be an amazing mom

I can't get inside your FOB's "logic"!! Not seeing the baby doesn't absolve him of not having to pay child support. Out of sight, out of mind I guess!.

Since it sounds like you're in a stable situation financially -- I'd be torn between "punishing" him with maximum child support and just not cutting the creep out of your life.