Ecologirl
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- Apr 13, 2012
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I'm sitting here just balling my eyes out. Found out 3 hours ago that we're having a boy and to say I'm devastated would be an understatement. I had my heart set on a little girl even though I knew it probably wouldn't happen for me. I don't want to even really look on this website anymore. I don't want people to congratulate me, I don't want to see other people announcing they're team pink. I just feel so horrible and selfish and ungrateful. I thought DH was being supportive until I just rang him and I said I wish I could be happy and he said "yeah me too" in kind of a pissed off way. I just said I'd let him go and hung up. I feel so alone. I know I'm being so silly, I'm just absolutely devastated. I don't think I can bond with this baby. I texted a couple of close friends to tell them and I just had one write back saying at least I should be grateful I can have children (something I am aware of as my Mum had 9 MC's) and that how her friend had to terminate because of her baby having DS so I should count myself lucky. I know I am lucky and I know it's healthy and eveything's fine so I should be really grateful, but I just feel inconsolable. I don't know how I'm going to get excited. Yes I already have a girl, but she's 13 yrs old and it was a long time ago when I had her as a baby. Also I was in an abusive relationship and then left him when she was 6 months old. I feel I missed out on so much of the enjoyment because of his abuse and harrassment that didn't stop until years after I left him. This is DH and my last baby too. I really wanted one of each with him. I wouldn't change my little boy for the world, I love him so much, but I didn't want another boy. I know I took that chance when I got pregnant, I just didn't know I'd react so badly to this. What do I do? I don't want everyone to hate me and DH is already pissed off with me. I don't know what to do 
