So upset, no one understands and I feel so horrible

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Ecologirl, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. BeccaxBump

    BeccaxBump Mummy to Lily Ella*

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2012
    Messages:
    2,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hope you will get there eventually hun. I can totally understand how you feel though. I know if this baby is a boy I'll be devastated. I even said to my OH - we will try for another if this is a boy. It makes you feel guilty and kind of ashamed, but you just can't help it. It's an aching sensation in your heart an your head.
    Here if you need a chat.
    xoxox
     
  2. ILoveYouZandT

    ILoveYouZandT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2011
    Messages:
    1,043
    Likes Received:
    0
    First off :hugs:!! I know how you feel. I wasn't as bad off with my second son, I got over the fact pretty much instantly. I think that was mostly because I knew I could try one last time... And now, even though I don't know what it is I find myself crying randomly throughout the day. If I read through forums online about people and their daughters. Friends post those photo deals about "Why I love my daughter ect.." on facebook, looking through a box of stuff my mom gave me with dresses and girl things I've saved through my last two pregnancies.

    This whole gender deal consumes me everyday!!! I feel myself sinking into a depression and I'm only 5 weeks tomorrow!! No one really wants to talk to me, they tell me it's too early to worry about. But I knew last time I thought my son was a girl, and I was wrong. I felt at first this baby was a girl, and now I've convinced myself it is a boy because I know things never go the way I want them too. Nothing is ever in my favor, so why would this?! I feel like crap. Complete crap. I feel bad for this baby, because already I feel like it's being rejected by me based off it's gender and I know I'm not that type of person. :nope:

    No one around me gets it, not a single person has gone through this. Announcing the pregnancy to everyone of course brought me the "I hope this ones your little girl" types of comments. One of my closest friends sisters messaged me and asked me how far along I was, then messaged back and said "Awww, 3 boys, you're brave ;)" obviously being a little bitch because she turned out to be pregnant too and was pissed I announced before her. But OUCH nonetheless :cry:

    Another thing that really REALLY worries me is that if this baby is another boy... I will forever want to have another baby. And there is NO way my husband would go for another. Nor do I necessarily want another. But I know I will have permanent baby fever for the rest of my life and it scares the heck out of me.

    I just want my little girl, the little sister for my boys, and too be happy and content in my life.


    Just don't listen to other people, unless they've gone through it they have no idea how you could feel, and it's not okay for them to judge you. :hugs:
     
  3. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0

    Thanks, yes I can understand how it consumes you. It was all I thought about since I got my BFP and I was obsessed, but didn't want to show it. It's so awful being so obsessed with it, would be lovely not to have that worry. I do know what you're going through, but I did get my girl a long time ago so at least I got that. Still doesn't make it easier, but I can imagine its worse for you. A good friend of mine ( due about 10 days before me) has just found out she's having her 3rd boy. She's devastated and now I'm counselling her. I think when it's your last it make sit even harder to digest. It's just not fair, but then again something good has to come out of it and the baby will still be wonderful and still be loved. Feel free to PM me anytime. Fingers crossed for you, but I don't even want to say maybe you'll be luckily this time. I know with me I was grasping at anything. Any hope that this one was a girl. Like you said I tried to convince myself too that it as a boy because things don't work out for me either, but deep down I honestly thought it was a girl. It's awful the let down you feel. I hope yours is the opposite. I can't even look at people's posts on here announcing they've got girls. There was one on this gender disappointment forum the oth day and I got angry thinking it wasn't the place someone should post that. Still in two minds about that. I'm not sure if it's fair or if it validates how seriously we feel about our disappointment when people announce on this particular forum. Anyway, like I said I'm here to chat if you need. Hope you can find something else though to think about for the next few weeks though, xo
     
  4. detterose

    detterose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,560
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ecologirl, I wish I could hug you. Everything you've said so far describes how I've been feeling. Only difference is, this is my first baby and wasn't planned at that. So I really had my hopes set on a little baby girl as I know we won't be trying for a second for years to come, as this baby is pushing the financial limits for us as it is.

    The hardest part of learning to cope with it is that three other friends of mine who are currently pregnant are all having their little dream girls. Which makes shopping the most depressing thing in the world, as all I look at is the beautiful girls clothes I wished I was also getting to buy :nope:

    From day dot I only ever had a girls name picked, we've never settled on a boys name and even now knowing it's a boy, still cannot choose, which makes it even harder to cope with. :cry:
     
  5. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah looking at girls things is very depressing. It's a hard thing to avoid really. I think I've trained myself to have my blinders up now if I'm out at the shops. I'm lucky though, most of the friends I do know that are pregnant now are having boys, except one. My best friend though back home is having her 5th child, another boy which she desperately wanted. I'm happy for her, but a very small part of me thinks it's unfair she got what she wanted and I missed out on the girl I so desperately wanted. I guess though there's things I have that maybe she wishes she did. Not that it matters, because then it starts to sound petty, but I guess I'm trying to work out why I've been dealt the cards I have been.

    It does make it a lot harder not seeing that chance to have another one in the near future or at all. Must be even harder for those ladies with 3 or 4 of one sex, desperately wanting the other. Being your first all I can say though is the love you will feel for him when he's born and when you hold him will compare to nothing else. That moment you just can't describe in words. You'll love him so much and he'll become your world. I hope one day he gets a little sister, but until you can plan that etc, just enjoy your little man. It's hard when all you had in your head was girl things, girl names (that's still a really sore point for me), etc, but speaking as a mum of a boy who's two, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I never ever saw myself as a mum of a boy, and I'll soon have two of them, but my little one is honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I really shouldn't say that, cuz sounds like I'm playing favourites, or that I don't even love DH that much (of course I do), but this little boy of mine really is the love of my life.

    You'll get there, just give yourself time and don't feel guilty for wishing you had your girl. Just try and see the positives of your situation now if you can, xo

    :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  6. oliviarose

    oliviarose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    3,159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dont't feel bad for being upset... I think most women out there have a preference to what gender they want their baby to be.... Some are just better at hiding it....

    I am in a similar situation.... I am 15 weeks, so still don't know the gender.... I did want to find out at 16 weeks with a gender scan, but DH said that we have better things to spend our money on and he is true..... And I don't mean to sound awful, but I would feel like we wasted £55 if we get told a boy as I would be so upset...

    As you can see I am desperate for a girl...... This is my last shot at it too, we won't be having anymore after this..... I am lucky in that I have one of each already... I was very lucky in that I got my girl first... I didn't think I would be lucky enough to get what I wanted, but I did and I was so happy :) With DS I wasn't too fussed about the sex, I was leaning more towards a girl but was happy enough with either... I was a little disappointed when they said boy, but I soon got over it.... It will be a totally different story this time though....... I will be gutted and it will take me a while to come round to the idea......

    I have posted my 13 week scan pic on here and everyone bare two ladies have guessed boy.... I know it is only a guess, but I am trying to get my head around the idea of having a boy and boy is it pretty depressing.....

    Don't get me wrong I love my little man to bits and he is such a loving boy.... But he is so much hard work, I don't think I have the energy to deal with that all over again.......
     
  7. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  8. oliviarose

    oliviarose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    3,159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just found your 12 week scan pic........ I am so sorry, that must of made it awful... If I had that many people saying what they said I would be convinced what they had said was true....

    Similar to your situation...... My DD is 9 and I was very young when I had her and still lived at home with my parents.... I felt like I was never a proper mum to her in the beginning as my mum had a lot of imput in things..... She is very much a nans girl now too...... I really want that proper mum/daughter relationship........
     
  9. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs::hugs: Hard isn't it? Oh well, I'm wishing you get some happy 'pink' news, one of us has too, lol. Take care, feel free to PM me anytime if you're feeling down about it. Sounds like we have a bit in common, xo
     
  10. bigmomma74

    bigmomma74 Its a BOY after 4 girls

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    683
    Likes Received:
    0
    I also have the 12 week scan blues but for the opposite reason. All my guesses have been girl and I am desperate for a boy :cry: I don't even know for sure and I am already gutted.
    I know what you mean about no one understanding - everyone tells me I should be grateful for a healthy baby (and I am!) but I can't help the longing for a boy. I love my 4 girls to bits but knowing I won't be able to give my DH a son is killing me. I have zero enthusiasm for this baby - usually by now I've started buying but I just feel like I can't be bothered (which makes me feel like a terrible person)
    I'm so glad there is this board with people who understand :hugs:
     
  11. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Me too, it was the only place people actually got me. I must admit I went very quiet on B&B when I got my news, the only threads I could look at we're the gender disappointment ones. I'm slowly working my way back though. If you don't know 100% yet, don't give up completely. I know you need to prepare yourself though. Good luck, hope you get some wonderful news next scan, xo
     
  12. MrsP2be

    MrsP2be Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2012
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know I haven't posted here before , but just wanted to send out a huge thank you and a massive hug to you all. The last few weeks have been tough after finding out the gender of my baby , and finding you all here has bought me some comfort in that I'm not alone.

    It is so , so hard trying to explain my feelings to anyone , just knowing of the horrid looks and comments. The hardest part , was being referred to the local mental health team , who after an assessment told me that they couldn't help me and advised me if I needed help , I would have to find it myself and pay for it.

    I have a wonderful fiancee , it hasn't been easy the last few weeks, but we are working through it. He told me how he feels about things , and we have been supportive of each other even though it's been tough.

    I'm now starting to get excited about the arrival of our baby , I can now buy things for him , I can refer to him as him , he , our baby boy rathervthan "it" or " the baby" and more importantly , I can touch my ever growing tummy and talk to him.

    I still yearn and think about my litle girl often. I know she's physically never been here and hope that one day , I shall be lucky enough to have her. In the meantime , I'll keep her in my heart x
     
  13. AdriansMama

    AdriansMama Mama to 3 gorgeous boys!

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Messages:
    1,451
    Likes Received:
    0
    i have been REALLY ttc #2 for the past 4 months and i am not pregnant yet but i undertand what you're feeling. DH and i had our DS when we were 16. DS is now 3 and a half , DH and i have been married for a year, and are financially stable. since the wedding i have been off of my depo and we were kind of ttc (since DS came so easily we didnt think we would really have to try). As of the past 4 months we have been desperately ttc and i know that when we finally succeed i 100% want the baby to be a girl. every month AF comes i feel depressed for a few days ... i can just imagine how i would feel if i got my BFP and waited all those weeks just to find out it was another boy. i tried not to care about gender but i find myself only looking at girl things while shopping and saying things to DH like "oh i cant wait to buy this when we finally get our little girl!" my brain has made no room for the option of another boy ...its like its not even possible. it makes me feel like an aweful person and im not even preggo yet! i know that i wouldnt love a boy any less, its mostly because i spent my life from 12 -15 years old raising my 2 little brothers from the time they were 1 year and the other was a newborn, just to move out and get pregnant with another boy. i have already done the boy thing 3 times and im desperately wanting my little girl!! i have 4 neices and i love them to peices but its just not the same! i hope all of you waiting to find out will get what youre hoping for!!
     
  14. MrsClark24

    MrsClark24 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2012
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's an awful feeling. I'm sorry for you, I hope that you get excited eventually!

    I think what makes it harder is knowing that you're partner is down about it too. I"m the same, I wanted a boy and I'm having a girl, he already had 2 girls from a previous marriage and made me bones about wanting a boy. It's an awful thing to feel.

    Hugs to you xxx
     
  15. Ecologirl

    Ecologirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just thought I'd update seeing this thread's active again :flower:

    I'm nearly 35 weeks now (team blue). It's been a very long road, but I am feeling better than I was when I found out the gender. I'm not wishing it was a girl anymore. I'd have still loved a girl, but I can see the positives in what I've got now. I still don't feel like I've bonded with the baby, but the pregnancy itself has been vile to me and we're still in a silent stand off over names so if these things weren't part of the picture I think it would be better. Just wanted to say though I've realised it's not the be all and end all. I think of how devastated I was to find out it was a boy, to now where I can look at boys things and sort out his room and think "that's actually really cute". I try not to look at girls' things in shops. No point making myself dwell on it. Maybe one day I'll get a pink one as a grandchild to buy for and help look after. In the meantime (well in a few years when kiddies are older) a female dog so I can use my name seems like a nice idea.

    I hope the rest of you who are struggling with gender disappointment find ways to come to terms with things. It's awful having those feelings and knowing how ungrateful it seems. Although you know you're not ungrateful, it's hard to explain to other people who haven't experienced it. Good luck to everyone, at least we have each other to lean on here, xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice