Social Services

[emma.c89]

Ok so Im expecting a visit in half an hour off the social services as I had a domestic with baby's dad. All they know is we had an argument I phoned the police as I was scared he was going to harm himself. I had a phonecall yesterday to say they were coming round to 'asses' me?? What on earth does it mean?

Are they going to try and put words in my mouth??
Are they going to have my baby on a at risk list??
Will they visit me just the once or what??

I dont want my baby to be on the at risk list I would never in a million years let any harm come to him!! I just feel like a bad mum already and I dont think I should, up to now I've felt like Im going to be a fantastic mum, I love this little dude in my belly so much already!!

 

[lynnikins]

they will just want to talk about what happened hun if you just talk through what happend, how you felt and why you called the police they will see that you will be fine with baby , they will want to know if you want the dad to have anything to do with baby and how you plan to manage that contact etc....

 

[Mindy_mini]

I'm sure they are just following procedures and they need to make sure you and lo are ok. No doubt they will ask about your relationship with fob. They have a duty to check lo is safe within their home.

It's a shame social services don't take such an interest in all babies. Maybe some of the high profile tragic cases we've seen in recent years could be avoided.

Just be honest with them. If they think you're hiding anything they will be more worried.

 

[starnicole]

wow, how stressful for you! i don't think they will try and put words in your mouth. i'm not sure how it works where you are, but over here they would be assessing whether or not the baby is at risk. so whether or not there is domestic violence or neglect. i think i would be honest and say you were concerned that your OH was going to harm himself which is why you called the police. then tell them that you love your baby and would make sure that no harm came to him. i personally don't think you have anything to worry about. as long as there isn't domestic abuse (physical and emotional) in your relationship there shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Celesse]

When a domestic dispute occurs in a household with children police automatically inform social services. Children living in households with domestic violence are at risk of getting physically injured in the cross fire and emotioanlly damaged from seeing these arguements. Even very young babies can be upset.

They are probably going to ask you a lot of questions to make sure that baby is safe and that you have the support you need. Be very honest with them. If they think you are lying about something they be more worried as they won't be able to tell if you can protect the baby. They may want your OH to move out for a bit so they can do more assessments. They want to know that you will prtect your baby, even from OH, and the fact you called the police shows this. They may want to know what contact plans are for OH if he is having issues, and that you will supervise him. Or if he is having issues what help he is getting. And they will want to know if arguemtns are caused by alcohol and if you have plans to avoid these when baby is here.

The social worker can't just decide to put your baby on the at risk register. If the initial assessment gives them cause for worry then they may decided to hold a Child Protection Conference. This is where all the professionals, the social worker and yourself come together to decide if the child needs a child protection plan, which is the same as the old At Risk register. There will also be an independant Chair person there who will make sure both sides of the story are heard.

Future visits depend on what happens today.

Social workers are not the enemy. They want to keep families together and make sure that the support is there.

 

[crazylilth1ng]

I'm sure they are just following procedures and they need to make sure you and lo are ok. No doubt they will ask about your relationship with fob. They have a duty to check lo is safe within their home.

It's a shame social services don't take such an interest in all babies. Maybe some of the high profile tragic cases we've seen in recent years could be avoided.

Just be honest with them. If they think you're hiding anything they will be more worried.

sadly, this is true. I have seen SS called out to a friend of mine because some vindictive neighbour made a lie/complaint because they didn't get on. And SS hassled her for weeks even though she was innocent.

The same friends sister was a heroin addict and alcoholic and her poor kids slipped under the net for YEARS despite complaints

 

[crazylilth1ng]

Having said that however... They do have to investigate all claims as to ensure the safety of all children. Just tell them what happened... However if they feel that HE is a risk they may make check ups if you stay together... But they don't just place kids on the. "at risk register" willy nilly

 

[emma.c89]

Babys not here yet, he's still in my tummy and the argument was due to alcohol (us not being able to afford it but he still decided to go to the pub every night) & him being drunk escalated it, money worries & just stress, his car being off the road & he's been working hard to try and fix it as well as having a hard job.

 

[ashley_gee89]

You have nothing to worry about hunni! Just tell them what happened, thats it no more no less. They might visit you more than once but hey, your gonna be a great mum, you and lo will be fine. I think their issue is with OH, theyre prob wondering if hes been voilent to you before etc because a child witnessing anything like that, even if theyre not at harm themselves, its classed as emotional abuse, which they tend to investigate too. They jus wanna be sure tou have all the help you need and your not going to struggle when baby is here. Dont worry! You'll be fine

 

[emmadaisy]

My ohs ex called ss on us when Charlie was a few weeks old, she made all sorts of accusations, I was furious to start with and quite defensive thinking they were going to try take him from me but sat down with the guy and told him everything and we've never seen or heard from them since!!!

 

[ProudMum]

I had a similar issue where someone reported me from the hospital when I had my second son because I was in too much of a rush to get out and get back to my eldest boy who was with his grandad- for some reason the midwife saw my actions as odd as though something was ''going off'' and proceeded to report me to SS.

Thankfully my health visitor stopped them coming and expressed her horror that someone who'd only met me for 5 minutes could do something so disgraceful
I didnt sleep for 2 weeks thinking theyd come and take my baby away...

I dunno what I would have done had they come to my house... I hate them. They may have to follow up all alligations etc but they look in the wrong places most of the time.
I was an abused child (by my mother)- she abused all her children and got away with it. No jail sentence or anything.
She broke my brothers arms and legs and collar bone and walked out the court room scott free claiming it was her partner who'd done it....
Plus she used the ''My mum is dying of cancer'' get out of jail free card and the judge fell for it.
I do not like the Social services one bit..

 

[emma.c89]

well I know someone on here will have seen my thread about when this happened (the argument & night I phoned police) and bring it up. I'll be completely honest to you, OH did hit me that night, the police asked and I said no, but she knew I was lying (I'm a shit lier) so then I just had to admit yes he had hit me but Im not putting it in a statement or having him arrested he's on a suspended sentence. She said it will go no further, but now SS have been it was written down in their notes that OH had hit me in the past!! I was sooo annoyed cause I love this baby with everything I have and would never let him come to harm and my OH does too, he wants to wrap me in cotton wool throughout this pregnancy as he's s been scared something may happen to us. Yes you'll say contradictory too him hitting me?? but he was drunk and is a completely different horrible man when drunk.

We we're apart for 3 days he slept in his car, I realised how much I love him I couldnt sleep through crying. but he has vowed to change and I'm giving him the chance, we did go to the pub on the weekend, while he worked on his car I went to see a friend who works in the pub and then he joined me later for 3 pints before catching a bus home, and he's had 4 cans at home in the week, the issue is when I kick off as he spent too much. He's now working 7 days a week and comes home after, not go to the pub like he was doing. I've seen a change in his behaviour this last week & half, we talk not argue, he's made tea and washed dishes a couple of nights, even when he's worked 7 days. I hope it carrys on like this though I will have to wait and see! but if he starts going back to the pub thats it.

The real clincher.... SS lady asked me if he's had any dealings with them in the past as she hasnt had reports back from police... I said not that Im aware of but I lied, I know he has, him and his ex used to argue and his ex would phone the police then SS would visit. I think we're doomed when she gets the reports back. Terrified of whats going to happen next I know it wont be good


P.S Please dont bitch at me for my choice. opinions yes ok I know I'll get them but dont bitch at me

 

[ProudMum]

well I know someone on here will have seen my thread about when this happened (the argument & night I phoned police) and bring it up. I'll be completely honest to you, OH did hit me that night, the police asked and I said no, but she knew I was lying (I'm a shit lier) so then I just had to admit yes he had hit me but Im not putting it in a statement or having him arrested he's on a suspended sentence. She said it will go no further, but now SS have been it was written down in their notes that OH had hit me in the past!! I was sooo annoyed cause I love this baby with everything I have and would never let him come to harm and my OH does too, he wants to wrap me in cotton wool throughout this pregnancy as he's s been scared something may happen to us. Yes you'll say contradictory too him hitting me?? but he was drunk and is a completely different horrible man when drunk.

We we're apart for 3 days he slept in his car, I realised how much I love him I couldnt sleep through crying. but he has vowed to change and I'm giving him the chance, we did go to the pub on the weekend, while he worked on his car I went to see a friend who works in the pub and then he joined me later for 3 pints before catching a bus home, and he's had 4 cans at home in the week, the issue is when I kick off as he spent too much. He's now working 7 days a week and comes home after, not go to the pub like he was doing. I've seen a change in his behaviour this last week & half, we talk not argue, he's made tea and washed dishes a couple of nights, even when he's worked 7 days. I hope it carrys on like this though I will have to wait and see! but if he starts going back to the pub thats it.

The real clincher.... SS lady asked me if he's had any dealings with them in the past as she hasnt had reports back from police... I said not that Im aware of but I lied, I know he has, him and his ex used to argue and his ex would phone the police then SS would visit. I think we're doomed when she gets the reports back. Terrified of whats going to happen next I know it wont be good

I know you were only trying to get them off your back (rightly so, they're vile people in my opinion) but by lying you have gone and made it worse for yourself...

I dont think for one second that they'll take it further with you but if they think your OH is going to be of any harm to the child and they know he;s seeing te baby and living with you, then they will take it further.

My MW had a case where she was looking after a lady who was in a refuge because her OH kept beating her etc; she had one child already and was due to have another- they bent over backwards to keep her away from him and the social services did nothing in regards to taking the baby away- but had she stayed with the man causing her all these problems they would indeed have removed the child from her care until the father was nowhere in sight.

I hope my reply hasnt scared you further- Im just telling you the truth.