Speechless

[Redfraggle]

Chatting about infertility with someone who has two kids. Both concieved first try and been told "you make your own luck".

Seriously?? Is that what people think? Am I right in thinking I'm being told I have some form of control over all this.

Sat at my desk in floods of tears. I can't believe what I've just heard. I don't know how to respond.

 

[Victory78]

Redfraggle - those sort of comments are horrid. One friend was asking me about my LTTTC journey recently and said something similar "I strongly believe that people get pregnant when your mind and body is ready" Well my mind and body have been ready and waiting for a while now!!!

 

[wristwatch24]

I had a friend say that to me last night, in different words. She said that if I didn't stress about it it would happen. I told her that A. I'm not sitting here stressing about it constantly. Wanting does not equal stressing. and B. In order for stress to affect your fertility to this degree, you'd have to be going through some major trauma. And she's like "it's not all science, you know." Being a Christian, I get that it's not all science, but I told her that I don't appreciate comments like that because it makes me feel like it's my fault I'm not getting pregnant. Ugh! She also said that she doesn't think I should be so open about my struggles because "it should be private." I guess it's okay to overshare ultrasound pics, baby poop/puke/bleeding/sickness stories, and a million pics per day of your baby, but it's not okay to be vocal about the reality of infertility. All of us infertile women should just hide what we're going through.

And yes, she conceived her daughter her first month of trying.

 

[2have4kids]

That's sounds like such an unfortunate person, every single one of those girls who gave you ladies ridiculous, insensitive foul comments. A great response to those sorts of people might sound like "well, it may have been difficult but through it OH and I have really found out who our most valued, supportive friends are and I'm thankful for that."
Rotters.

 

[arizonagal]

Yea, this journey is definitely showing me which friends I want to cut out of my life! It sounds like this was a co-worker (since you said desk) so that is awful, you can't get rid of them!

Don't listen to her, I know it's hard, but if you're a good person and trying to be healthy then you ARE making your own luck! If the universe or God doesn't want us LTTTCers to have a baby that is not our fault!!!

 

[chefamy1122]

Some people just should not open their mouths.
Sorry you had to deal with the stupidity

 

[tamithomas]

I swear to you, it should the law that people need to repeat what they're about to say 3 times in their head before opening their mouth. I MC'ed and I got the "How the bleep did you manage that one?" Like REALLY? how did IIII manage that one?

 

[tommyg]

Some people just don't think. How stupid to suggest that it's somehow you've not created your own luck.

My mum says "baby is a gift from god and they come in their time not yours" Personally I can't get my head round why it just doesn't happen for some couples any more than I can get my head round what makes some people die young and what makes some people live to a 100.

 

[tamithomas]

Some people just don't think. How stupid to suggest that it's somehow you've not created your own luck.

My mum says "baby is a gift from god and they come in their time not yours" Personally I can't get my head round why it just doesn't happen for some couples any more than I can get my head round what makes some people die young and what makes some people live to a 100.

not to mention, how come teens and crack addicts are given the "gift from god" yet the perfect couples in every way are not? That's the reason I don't believe in the whole it's gods plan thing.. I respect religious people and their beliefs, but in my eyes if it were his plan then his plan sucks lol

 

[dodgercpkl]

Yeah slightly different twist, but my mom told me that I needed to "let go" and "move on". Um. what? You tried for all of 3 months and got pregnant with my brother. Yes you've had a loss, but it was after you already had my brother and then you got pregnant with me immediately after that miscarriage (like 2 weeks later she started having morning sickness with me). You DON'T know what it feels like to go month after month after month waiting and hoping. You DON'T have a CLUE what it feels like to get a BFP and then lose your first child... and then your 2nd. I'm sorry, so NOT the same thing Mom!

 

[arizonagal]

@tamithomas that's what I was thinking the other day! I believe in God but just think that he doesn't get involved in it. I just can't see how child abusers and drug addicts have 5 kids and I don't have any! I think it's just up to nature and nature doesn't care. So now to try and trick nature into working for all of us!

 

[Blue12]

Red. That is horrific. I'm so angry that person thinks that they can even think and say those things. How disgusting and unfair of a statement that is.

 

[uwa_amanda]

*clip*

That's the sound of someone being cut out of my life!

It really offends me to hear of people telling us infertiles that we need to "keep it quiet" or "that is a private matter" and all that crap. Those very same people are the ones who are ignorant to what comes of infertility. You would think they would learn something about how awful a disease infertility is. Geez...the nerve of some people amazes me. I can't talk about it much myself because I'm tired of the same old lines.

If relaxing helped get you pregnant, there would be about 10 billion more people on earth!! Relaxing is not a component of making a baby...it takes one sperm and one egg. THAT'S IT!!! Relaxation is not involved. I want to throttle people everytime I hear that crap about, "relax...it'll happen..."

 

[Needababynow]

I get tired of people saying things "it will happen when it's SUPPOSED to" ???really??? It was supposed to happen a long time ago and it hasn't.

My all time favorite is "oh you're having trouble? What's the problem?" hmmmm, if I knew the damn problem I would have fixed it you insensitive idiot!

Some people have just not had any problems and they don't understand and probably don't know what the appropriate response is or how it can make someone feel.

 

[tommyg]

Need a baby now I guess the "whats the problem?" queston is better than no responce and people will assume you know whats wrong. I know what my problem is my cycles are completely random, currently on cycle week 8, but that doesn't mean I know how to fix it!

 

[laustiredttc]

i just think in all, some people (not all) sometimes enjoy the fact that its not happening. I think that in some small way it makes them feel better about themselves.

(enough said about them and the type of person they are)

 

[Rin731]

Chatting about infertility with someone who has two kids. Both concieved first try and been told "you make your own luck".

Seriously?? Is that what people think? Am I right in thinking I'm being told I have some form of control over all this.

Sat at my desk in floods of tears. I can't believe what I've just heard. I don't know how to respond.

Literally everyone I talk to says, "Relax, and it'll happen." or " You know, I know a woman who tried for years, then suddenly got pregnant!" or, "Once you have one, you won't be able to stop!"

....Seriously? I understand you don't know what to say, but COME ON. And this is just bc I'm irregular, they don't even know we're sort of TTC!

 

[wristwatch24]

Yeah I truly don't understand how difficult it is to say "I'm so sorry, I'm here if you need to talk." and give you a hug. Why must everyone feel the need to provide a solution for something they know nothing about?

 

[WANBMUM]

Well I got from a 'good' friend 'maybe it's not meant to be'!!!! And basically maybe it's time to accept it!!!

 

[cybermum81]

Chatting about infertility with someone who has two kids. Both concieved first try and been told "you make your own luck".

Seriously?? Is that what people think? Am I right in thinking I'm being told I have some form of control over all this.

Sat at my desk in floods of tears. I can't believe what I've just heard. I don't know how to respond.

I started a similar thread two days ago ( inconsiderate things people say when TTC.. ) Check it out.. Also speechless!