Spooked out by friends with kids.

[Jossie]

People with kids keep making snarky remarks that I need to sleep as much as I can, because I'll never have that luxury after the kid arrives. They say, soon you'll have no time for anything. They tell me, "don't be too hard on yourself when none of your plans for after the birth work out." Some of them laugh like I'm naive when I say I'm not planning to become a stay-at-home-for-YEARS mom with no personal life or even time for gym. I want to start gradually (at least 1 day per week) working 6 minths after, so I don't lose touch with reality. I want to go to the gym twice a week as soon as my health allows (or at least once for a thorough work-out). The only thing they're not doing is patting my head to make me feel even less in control of my own life.

People without kids fortunately don't treat me like a naive little child and they just say, "I hope you're ready, because that's a 20-year commitment you're not gonna get rid of.". Don't tell me that!

Just so you don't get the wrong idea here, I'm not a child. I'm 24, well educated, been together with my hubby for over 5 years, married for over a year, etc.

But still - concearning people with kids - why do they have to live out their own failings on me? Why do they think I'm gonna end up making the same mistakes as them? They list the things I'm gonna feel unhappy about, the things that can barely be helped. Like the baby keeping the parents awake. I'm sure gonna try to sometimes keep the baby awake during the day, so they get a good day-night pattern. It's healthy! And it keeps me sane! I don't know why they never tried it. We do have an impact on the life we have after we give birth. We will still make our own choices.

Maybe I'm wrong and I will lose all control over my life. And maybe babies really are all about staying up all night and not having a personal life ever again, then why do they tell me this now?! I don't want to know.

Has any of you had that problem with other people making sure you know how hard it's gonna be?

 

[Dragonfly]

Yes I know exactly what you are talking about and it pisses me off to be honest. I am 26 and worked in serveral homes looking after from young to old and I like looking after poeple even babies. But...

No in comes the shit on you perade and tells me things like

"do you know what your letting yourself in for?"
"kiss good bye to your life"
"see that (points at their own brat child) that what you have in store for you!!" *as if i would let my kid act like your brat kid!*
"yuo have no idea do you?"
"you will never sleep again"
wait to you see the labour!OMG I feel sorry for you"
"I hope you have a girl because boys aare a nightmare"
My fav one during pregnany is "its going to get much worse"

all of these are supposity helpful to first time mums like myself. *sarcasm*

never mind the endless dictating on how to bring up a kid like a complete spolied brat!


They have made it out to be a life of torture to be honest. And although there is good and bad times, NO ONE has said good times to me at all! they all look at me like i have made some sort of massive mistake and my life is about to end! I dont see a child as that,, I see it as a gift and something to look forward to.

If your confused at my anger i have just fallen out with two so called friends who dictated to me all the time and rubbed my face in it about everything. Thats all I heard out of them an I am angry over it.

 

[lesleyann]

ive always looked after my baby couson ** she is now 1** and i used to have her every weekend friday - sunday and i have to say she slept very well woke up maybe once or twise a night and just wanted a bottle even when she was getting her teeth come though she was always good i remember when she would only have abottle trying to get her to eat proper food was hard but it was fun trying.. since im very young i dont know everything but i can say what i do know...

she has always been really good for me when ive had her i can not say what she likes monday - friday but as a 15/16 year old i found looking after her very easy and it came like a second instinct and her mother was only 17/18 years old and i have to say she is a very happy baby that wants for nothing..

so dont let them bother you i know people with no job and very young who have done better jobs at rasing kids/babies than 30 year olds with more money than sence..

bring your child up how you want and live your life how you want

 

[**angel**]

i 2nd all of the above we have been ttc for just under 3 years and my bro and sis both have kids (my sis had her first at 19 when still living at home in same bedroom as me) and i helped her with it all then and i am also a nursery nurse yet ppl still say all of the above u feel like saying if u aint got nothing nice to say dont say nowt atall GRRRR!! xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Alexas Mommy]

last christmas, i got into an argument with oh's mother. oh and his younger brother were having a fight because his brother had figured out the key code to unlock our car door, and opened it without our permission. anyway his brother can be a real pain, and is very disrespectful at times. oh's mom was trying to tell me that i was going to have a child exactly like oh's brother. i was like no, i am going to make sure my child is respectful and whatnot. she then went on and tried to tell me that parents had no control over how their children turn out! i couldnt believe she was trying to feed me this crap! lol also after alexa was born she would ask me if i was getting my sleep, and i could tell she wanted me to say that i was having an awful time but really alexa has been a treat! for a few months i could tell she wanted me to say i regret having alexa, but of course, alexa is everything to me! and ill take her crankiness any day!

 

[maccy]

Ok so I have a little girl and yes it does change your life...but for the better.. we had a fantastic relationship before and now we have even stronger one. My little girl is magic, I worked hard with her and persevered, she slept through the night first time at 6 weeks old...yes I did have some trouble times at around 18months but got through that. She is fab, well behaved and I would never wanna change not having her. She is in bed now too! I had all that off people too but don't listen to them live your life the way u want and Im sure it'll all be fine! Kids are hard sometimes but the smiles and laughs u have with them far outweighs any little hiccups ..which everyone has!

Just hope my next one will be the same...gd luck!!!

 

[mummymadness]

I dont think your friends phrased it in a well way ...
But !!! , Really your life does change .. I looked after plenty of Familys kids when i was younger .. But nothing could prepare me for how hard it was .
And for the first year everything i wanted or needed went out the window , I remember when Layla was 4 months old , Going to the shop with my hair bedraggled Baggy joggy bottoms and slack t shirt lol .
I looked a state no time for the gym , I was a full time house wife , I do agree work etc goes back to normal after a while .. And i think every one phrased it badly to you . But yer lifes hard with a baby (As iam sure you are aware and expecting ) . xx .

 

[sandrass]

Oh, don't listen to those people...

You'll do fine...you'll have your hard days but who doesn't?

If having kids was THAT much of a "bad" thing, then why would so many people be wanting a 2nd or even 3rd or 4th?

Just look in TTC, there are a few women in there who already have children and loved it so much they are trying for their second!

I think these people are jealous of you.

 

[flitty]

The thing is, it doesn't matter what anyone says to you, you'll only find out how hard/easy it is for yourself. No-one told me anything when I was pregnant for the first time, and the sheer amount of stuff I needed to 'know' was overwhelming. have no doubt becoming a mother will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have done, but it really is the most rewarding too

 

[Angel2Fire]

I feel the same, I'm sick of people telling me horror stories about labour, as well as the comments about never getting any sleep e.t.c.

Infact yesterday I had my 12 year old neighbour telling me that having a baby is a big responsibility and that I'm going to be too knackered to see my friends anymore!!!! (it's obviously what her mum has told her!!)

I lived with one of my ex's for 6 months and they had a young baby. From that I feel I got a bit of experience of the basic things. Yet people are telling me I have no idea what its going to be like....

I also find it annoying how stress is bad for you during pregnancy, its a common known fact.... so why do people seem so intent on causing us stress by telling us nightmare stories?!!!

 

[dannydustcart]

Im getting that and im on my second!! lol
I mean, what they're saying is probably right in someways but there are less patronising ways of saying it.

Most peope dont stick to routine with children, then they blame the kids when they dont go to bed etc. I have has excellant nights sleep since my daughter was younger unless she was teethign or ill, but we never leave our routines...!

Kids get ill or have problems that interrupt plans. But im guessing you know that.

People just love to interferre dont you think. Just ignore them its your experience, your baby and everyone is different x

 

[Dragonfly]

There are some decent people here that know the joys of parenthood and I am so glad to see so many havnt went the same way as our so called horror story friends who like to say "god if i could go back in time I wouldnt do it again" humm nice! not!

Its what you make of it, remember. Every kid is different I think. Some spoil their kids and tell othersthey are horrors and dont take any of the blame. So watch for that and learn! I now know not what to do . So what if you miss some sleep. It will be all worth it in the end because they are only babies for a short time compaired to the length of human life. And they are yours and will bring you much joy. I cant wait till i get a proud parent moment !

most call me nieve as i have no children and this i my first for saying all that but I would like to keep thinking that way instead of negitive.

 

[snettyb]

It really gets my back up when people feel the need to tell you all the bad stuff and then exagerate ontop of that. Having kids is not glam, and yes it will change your life but so does buying a new puppy! Ok so there worlds apart but it was just an example hee hee.

My son slept all night from 6 weeks except for when he was poorly, he only wanted feeds every 4 hours through the day and he was happy and sociable all the time. Its all about routine in my opinion and sticking to it. Your social life might take a dive but it doesn't have too, its amazing how much family members want to babysit (until the kid starts answering back that is.)

My son is 6 now and i must admit he's harder to deal with now than when he was a baby, he's just a cheeky little nutter TBH and it's this stage of having kids that no-one warned me about!!

Anyway, everyones expeiriences will differ and you've got your own adventure to look forward to, you make it what you want, enjoy it and prove all them sharp toungued people wrong! Enjoy the bump and enjoy the baby (they don't stay like that long lol)

 

[mummymadness]

I agree with Snetty ... Its this part when they can answer back wich is the hardest lol .
I have one very stubborn strong minded independant 3 and half year old as proof lol . xx .

 

[Alexas Mommy]

oh's mother actually told me in conversation, that if she could relive her life over, she would have never had kids! i mean seriously! how can someone say that, i mean i can not imagine life without alexa, and i would never say, nor think that i would like to relive my life without her.

 

[faille]

I'm hearing the same kinda stories but I'm not sure if people are actually meaning it or whether they're trying to be "funny"....

Either way, I'm am so excited and all I say is bring on the puke, poop and sleepless nights!!! It's not like I'm expecting much different lol

Like others have said, it's when they start talking and going to school I'm more worried about!

 

[bethyb]

totally agree with maccy. Id be nothing without my little boy he has brought so much joy to my life! hes hard work at times and iv had my fair share of sleeplesss nights but i wouldnt swap it all and you have it all to look forward to, being a mum isnt always easy but i adore it! u will too!

 

[Janisdkh]

I have 3 little girls. My 1st daughter was hard because it was new to me. I would have to wake up all hours of the night to feed her. it was very tiring and sleep for me wasn't going well. I now have 3 little gilrs and am so used to it that everything that I was used to when I didn't have kids I can't even think about anymore. I can't think of my life any different. Yes it is hard but oh so worth it. I am on my fourth and I cannot wait for those 3-4X a night breast feedings. They might have some truth to what theya re saying but people like to blow things up and make it look very scary. I hate that. You will be fine Oh and you can grow up with a bad family and end up a problimatic child or a normal child because of youre upbringing. No matter what anything can happen.

 

[charliesmom]

I would take their "advice" with a grain of salt and just remember that every child is different. It doesn't hurt to be prepared for the worst though. lol

 

[6lilpigs]

Hmmm, not sure what to say really but this is a very good thread. Firstly Dragonfly's point about maybe you will be tired for a while but in the length of your life it will be such a short time is so very true. Sometimes you will feel like you just haven't slept but before you know it months have passed and your wishing them precious and magic days back again. Enjoy them they are part of the wonder of new emotions that you will feel. Labour hurts, yes. Nothing else really needs to said about that, so does getting your ears pierced but can you remember that? I doubt it. Will you ever decide 1 year down the line that this wasn't a good idea after all? I bet you all the tea in China you don't, no matter when you last went down the pub to listen to your old single slapper mates talikng about their sad empty lonely shallow lifes because I swear its not until you become a mum do you realise how empty life was before despite it being full of friends, jobs, gyms and parties. Being a mum is without doubt THE best and most important thing that anyone will ever do, if I'm talking to a first time mum and they ask whats it like I don't tell of all the crap I say 'Its like somebody came, opened the curtains and let the daylight flood in and I never even realised they were closed'. You may find that some of them are just having a bit of fun with you lol, ask the next one 'but would you change it?' very few would. Hope I haven't rambled on lol.