stand stills-my wtc rant :(

[nadupoi]

It's that whole WTT thing.

I hate it sometimes.

See, I'm nearly 18, OH is 18. We've been together for almost 2 years and know we're meant to live the rest of our lives together. I'm ready to grow up and get to the part of my life that I've looked forward to for the LONGEST time. He still wishes sometimes that he had more freedom. Obviously, he won't settle.

But we'd be such amazing parents. Our minds are almost perfectly in tune with the other. We both want kids. But both know it's not the time.

We plan to go to college together next year (but have to live on campus so there goes the plan of getting an apartment together). We both work stable jobs. I make about $400-$500 a month and he makes almost that if not equal as a manager at a nearby restaurant. Both of us have cars (which we pay for), I have a cell phone(which I pay for), and I buy everything else.

Short of living together, we're practically taking care of ourselves already. And I'd totally try convincing him to take a year off after we graduate and ttc, but I know that there are some things as individuals we'd miss out on, and opportunities our child would miss out on. Plus, there's no savings.

I just hate it. I'm the type of person that likes to move forward. And every time I get that little hint that I might be preggo, I get baby fever really BAD!! AHHH what to do when I'm not going anywhere right now. Not even moving towards college or any of the stuff we've got to do before we ttc. I hate standstills.

okay i'm done.

 

[mommyof3co]

I'm sorry I really think it's best you wait too, though it sounds like you make decent money, really that's not nearly enough to support a child on. And if you manage you will be so tight. Also you might have to live on government help and you don't want that. I had my first son at 16, but my hubby was 23 at the time he had a really good job and even then we struggled atfirst. We had lots of help from family the first year, then we were able to get on our feet and have done it completely on our own since then. I had my 2nd at 18 and my 3rd at 21, but he makes over $50k a year and we still live paycheck to paycheck at times. It's really expensive. I think it's great you have the choice, granted I would never go back and change it, but you can go to college and get a really great paying job and your husband/boyfriend too and you will be so glad you waited until you had that stability

 

[Sherileigh]

I'm 32 now and having my first...I always wanted kids, but knew there were so many things I wanted to do first. I travelled the world, lived in exciting places and had a great time. While all of our dreams may be different, and I know it can be hard to wait...just be patient, it'll make it soooo much more rewarding when it happens!

 

[Alexas Mommy]

You say you are not going anywhere if you don't have a child-make goals-ones that don't revolve around having a baby. I know it is what you want right now, butmake the best of your life before you have a baby-if you get pregnant along the way, then great, but do something like better yourself in your job, or find a career-honestly 400-500$ a month is not good money at all-that won't even pay the rent where I live-in fact that would barely cover the grocery bill... I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but just hoping to help you along as you wtt-there are so many things you could be doing. Hope I didn't sound harsh, as that was not my intention. xxx

 

[nadupoi]

Together $1000 a month would get us a by in small town middle of nowhere Kansas.

But obviously, we know that's still a bad idea. Actually, we've never talked to each other about it really. It's just like..an unstated thing. We (in our relationship) are not talking about moving forward. And my main goal now is finish out the school year with A's and going to college in the fall. which takes preparation. But even now, I am just waiting on that.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Together $1000 a month would get us a by in small town middle of nowhere Kansas.

But obviously, we know that's still a bad idea. Actually, we've never talked to each other about it really. It's just like..an unstated thing. We (in our relationship) are not talking about moving forward. And my main goal now is finish out the school year with A's and going to college in the fall. which takes preparation. But even now, I am just waiting on that.

are you forgetting electricity, heat, food, gas for your cars, money for car repairs, car payments(if not paid off) money for diapers and formula (if not breastfeeding) toiletries-little things you wouldn't even think of. I'm not trying to put you down, it just seems like there are quite a few things you are overlooking-I remember, I moved out on my own when I was 17 and quickly realized how much I took for granted-yes I survived and lived a comfortable life- but I was taking care of myself-no baby, no boyfriend living with me. Not to mention I was a work-a-holic-which worked out for me at the time, because I was always making money, and I never had the time to spend it..
As for not discussing moving forward in your relationship, I wouldn't worry about it, as long as things are going well then they must be moving forward-just doesnot seem like it.

 

[nikky0907]

Moved to WTT section.

I have to say hun,that I don't think this is a wise idea at all.
First and obvious - you're boyfriend isn't ready.
Second - I don't think the money you guys earn is enough to support a child at all. From what I've calculated your income together is about 12000$ a year ,there are people struggling today earning much more.
Third - why do you want to have a baby before going to college? Why not now,when you're free,young and fresh out of high school?
I'm a mom and go to university,you have no idea how hard it is.
Finish your education, enjoy being young and enjoy the time with your boyfriend,travel...etc.

Being a parent is a wonderful experience really but it's very hard and brings along a lot of challenges and there are a lot of girls who just like you really want to have a baby but then when they get pregnant it's a completely different story and many,many problems arise,problems that never occured to them before.

 

[Dizzy321]

you have Plenty of time for babies and to ''move forward'' you have so much more things to experiance in life, go out, have fun, be care free for a while, go to collage, have nice holidays together, set up a nice home together.... the time will come for kids, there is no rush! x

 

[toffee87]

I know how you feel. It feels like a baby is centuries away! You're only 18 and you will find that time goes SO fast from now on. The past 4 years of my life have gone extremely fast! It will soon come round, I promise!

Keep in mind that to give the baby everything it needs, you need money etc. And you don't have the now, you will be able to give the baby the best life if you wait!

 

[nadupoi]

obviously I already said we're not ready. I just wanted to tell somebody how I felt. And I get all this stuff everyone is telling. I do a lot of stuff for myself.

I pay for my car (bought it myself and pay for repairs), I pay for insurance, cell phone, yes even toiletries. I'm really not an immature teenager.

I want a baby eventually. It just seems like ages. I am not going to have one now.

 

[cazd]

Hey you... My heart sank when I read your post.

On the one hand... I know what its like to feel broody.
Having a one-track baby-mind is a real killer. And you've got it bad !

But on the other hand... you've got so much ahead of you.
I was confident, sensible and very capable when I left school. I was strong and independent - and I would've managed if I'd got pregnant then.
But... that's all it would have been... "getting by"

Of course... if you're ready for it and you can provide for your new child - financially and emotionally - then why wait?
But... in another 5-10 years and imagine what better start you could give your baby.

And.... college really changes people.
I spent 4 years at Uni and saw so many couples split up - people who'd been together at school.
I know you're felling strong - and hopefully you'll be fine.

My advice..... talk with your man about what's going to happen in 2009.
You'll both have to work hard to keep your relationship strong.

I really feel for you xxxx

 

[nadupoi]

Thank you. Your advice and support really makes me feel better. That's more of what I was looking for. I just wanted to complain for a minute and have someone listen and not preach or freak out (like the OH would). Just wanted to share. Be told, it's good to wait, but I know how hard it is.

 

[eclipse]

I do understand where you are coming from. It can be so hard when you want to make that relationship move forward noticeably, one way or another. I was with my now-husband 7 1/2 years before we got married. But the one thing I will never regret was going (and finishing) college. It was one of the best experiences of my life. It changed me completely. I hope that you can get distracted soon so you aren't stressing so much, congratulations on your up-coming graduation and good luck in college, and if it is meant to be with your boyfriend, you gut nuts after college, girl!

 

[Lilaala]

Ahh I sympathize! I've got the baby bug pretty bad too, waiting is soooo hard!

I concur with eclipse, go nuts after College, and in the meantime just keep reminding yourself what a good thing you're doing for both your own future and the future of the children you will have. It's all you can do if you want to make sure to give yourself and your future kids a financially stable life.

I hate waiting too!!

 

[nadupoi]

Okay, I know I'm digging this up, but I got angry so didn't look at the replies. Talk about over emotional -that's me!

Thanks for the support. And have you ever heard of having an old soul? I swear that's how I am. Like mentally, emotionally, I swear I'm ready (as ready as most people can be), but I know that financially, educationally, obviously not. I feel like I'm at that point where I'm too mature to be with people my age. I don't have friends or hang out with people because I'm pretty kept to myself-I don't party, drink, etc., I don't play sports or participate in most school activities. Currently, I'm just focused on working and preparing for college. Most of the kids around here don't even know what work (outside of helping their family) is.

But I'm not quite mature enough to do all the things I want to do.

It's transitory. (right?)

So what do you do when all you can think about is growing up and being there, when that's all you want. I want to be in college, actually planning the future I want (not waiting to plan, I don't think this makes sense), I want to know I'm going to get married, I want to know that at a Specified point, i can start looking for a home of my own and planning for babies!

Then again I want to say FORGET it, it's not coming now, so I shouldn't have to worry about it.... let's go out and be wild and crazy and get the full highschool/senior/teenager experience. But that's probably a bad idea too!!


OH WOW, I've talked long enough. I just need to write all of this down somewhere. or talk to someone. But no friends. And OH won't listen.

 

[Lilaala]

Oh girl, I know what you mean about old souls. I've been called an old soul so many times. I have a good handful of friends but I have very little in common with them anymore. They are all still taking schooling or working low-wage jobs or both, and spend time at parties and drinking (which I haven't ever enjoyed either) and only some of them have moved out of their parents' houses! I'm married, have savings, and I'm in a union. Sometimes it's pretty darn lonely to feel so isolated when surrounded by your friends. I'd like to say it is transitional, but I haven't reached any other side yet. I'm actually crossing my fingers I'll make friends with some women at a lamaze class or something when the time comes, because I feel more and more distant from everyone the more time goes by. The majority of the people I work with have kids my age or close to it, there are two who are only a few years older than me, both childless, one not even married yet. I'm an oddity, it seems, to even be in my job at 24 'this young'.

The whole 'highschool/teenager experience' always sounded so incredibly unappealing to me. I saw people in it and just thought they looked stupid and were wasting their money and doing harm to their bodies. I let my roomates convince me to go to a club once. I was groped three or four times, surrounded by horny drunk males, (and I would NEVER consider a relationship with someone I met at a bar-bars in Canada are not like Pubs in England) It was dreadful. So glad when I met hubby and started having a proper life of being a responsible and independent adult. (here you can't afford a place on your own unless you make at least $1,500/month and that's cutting it tight, as rent is very expensive. So you're stuck with roomates unless you're in a good relationship and even then you often still have roomates to help pay the bills) Still though, we're shy of owning a place until hubby is at his full wage, which isn't until he's done school next year, and a child is also just out of reach financially. It's frustrating as heck and rather depressing too. I keep thinking I want to start my life but have to wait, it just feels like I've been waiting forever.

I feel ya.

 

[nadupoi]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be called an 'old soul', though. That can have it's advantages. You're probably more ready to take on the stresses and trials of life than a lot of people your age, you know? you've got a great start and that's really probably going to help you out a lot in life. I'll bet you'll find some good people to chat with soon.

The whole 'highschool/teenager experience' always sounded so incredibly unappealing to me.

That is me all the way through. I've been to one actual party my whole life. Never tried alcohol. I don't date around. The idea of going to a club is TOTALLY unappealing. Kids around here go four wheeling and hunting for fun.... never done either and I'm not really that interested. It's just not me and it never has been. Ever since I can remember, I would play house when I was little and have families. When I'd play barbies, they always had to make lots of babies and Ken would be a good worker and barbie would be a stay at home mom. And as I grew up and watched my older sisters get married and produce my little niece and nephews (one on the way right now), I realized, I was a natural with babies and young kids. One of my sisters lived with us when she had her 2nd and I would jump at the chance to change the diaper -yes even a dirty one. I thought it was just amazing to have something so itty bitty. She says even now that I am a natural. When she has her next baby, her 1st girl (3 boys), I'm hoping to baby sit as much as possible!