starting to feel pretty bitter.

[jenniferttc1]

I hate feeling this way, and I want to be as supportive as I possibly can to others, but I just can't help thinking its not fair, it should be MY TURN! I'm not a rude, or mean person, But I guess after 17 cycles of ttc im not suppose to be the most relaxed and happy person for someone that got their BFP within 1-6 months. Or the women having all these kids, and are so depressed because they can't have their 9th. I always said from the get go, if god only gave me one baby, i'd be just fine with that, cause I WOULD be a mommy to one little angel! It honestly makes my skin crawl how they act like nothing could be worse. So many of us just want one little bundle of joy, that is apart of us! Sorry for the rant, its been a very long day. And well if you have been trying as long as me, im sure you would understand.

 

[Bradpittswife]

 

[NDH]

Some days I can totally relate - 27 cycles and counting for #1 (nearly 2 years of unprotected BD and another 6 months apart that was a total waste of valuable TTC time). It's sometimes very hard not to envy the lucky ones who fall pregnant exactly when they want to every single time.

 

[Chello]

Hi jenniferttc1

Just read your post and i had to reply back...

I feel the same on my "low" days, and it also makes me so angry !! I have been trying for 18months now, and nothing!

I have a few friends around me that have children, ones due anyday now and One has just found out shes expecting again even though she has a son 6months old! My other friend might be but won't keep it, which really makes my blood boil!

But there's no point in these sort of people getting you down, thats them and your you. I also get fed up sometimes when people say "it'll be your turn soon" OMG, I could scream sometimes!!!

But honestly, just think of it this way; when everyone around you has had there turn, you will have yours, theres no knowing when, so just take each day as it comes, and enjoy because when your baby comes along you'll rushed off your feet, and "your" time will be very limited.

Hope this helps.

Regards

Chello

 

[Coco14]

Morning! I know exactly how you feel, TTC for 18 months too. Now waiting for AF to start Clomid. The worst are all the facebook friends posting that they are pregnant when it was an accident most of the time, it's not their fault but it's hard to accept

 

[Chello]

Morning! I know exactly how you feel, TTC for 18 months too. Now waiting for AF to start Clomid. The worst are all the facebook friends posting that they are pregnant when it was an accident most of the time, it's not their fault but it's hard to accept

I know that feeling! Facebook is the worst for EVERYTHING, pregnancies or not, This is my new facebook now lol x

 

[Bradpittswife]

Chello- love your positive attitude! I think I could do with a big cup of that right now!
NDH & Coco14 I think envy is the right word here- it doesn't make us bad people that we are jealous and it's not like we are going out shouting abuse at pregnant women! I bet like me you put on a smile and then cry secretly at home!
Hugs to all you lovely ladies

 

[cffaith]

im in the same boat as you all been ttc for 2 years now i agree facebook is the worst and most girls that get preggers werent even ttc or are complaining that they are preg.. oh what i would give to be a mom.. baby dust to you all!!

 

[Coco14]

Thanks guys that's why BnB is so awesome! Thanks goodness you ladies understand! xx

 

[mjemma]

I know exactly how you feel. This weekend I was away with my best friends and one of them announced she was pregnant. I knew she was trying so had tried to psyche myself for when it happened but it hit me so hard, I was shaking and had to try really hard not to cry. I didn't want to take away from her happy news but felt so jealous.

 

[Dodgegal]

Im the same as you 18 cycles now and still waiting. In that time my younger sister got preggo, not trying, and has had the baby and tells people that I shouldnt try to have kids as I don't get all gooey over her kid. Many friends are pregnant on facebook too, I tend to not spend much time on there. I rely on my OH to keep my hopes up, I also have a fertility appointment May 25th. Just have to keep hoping.

 

[hopefaithcj]

I'm really glad that some of us are truthful about the 'bitterness factor'. I have also endured my younger sister getting pregnant, at 17 and all of my cousins are now having babies. My mother in law loves to tell me that so and so up the street ( who i haven't a notion who they are!) is pregnant.

I have fought hard with my bitterness, not to let it overpower me as it can just put you in a permanent bad mood which is not a passion starter!!

At the moment I'm trying to let it wash over me and think of something else when someone tells me their expecting. I'm not about to join the knit-your-own-showes-brigade and go all hippy like, but chilling out and ignoring others and thinking of something else is definately helping me right now!

Just think of the big grin YOU will have when you announce your

 

[jenniferttc1]

Sorry i have not replied yet, I have been away all day. I'm so glad im not the only one feeling this way, makes me feel not as much as a monster. Now I don't go and be rude to pregnant women, or someone announcing their pregnancy, i try to act as happy as I can, And when im alone, I'll cry like a baby. I'm not gonna lie, i'm devestated, this has been a long and difficult process. Such a life changing, relationship testing, and faith questioning experience. I have decided that after i finally have my first baby, i won't prevent it at all from happening again, cause i never want to ttc again!

 

[sequeena]

I went through the same emotions

 

[DG1984]

I have only been TTC for a few months, but I totally understand where you all are coming from. My sister has 5 kids and every cycle she's so surprised that I'm not pregnant yet. It is so frustrating, every month she says to me she never had to do a blood test and all of her kids were conceived on the first month of trying. I also get tired of people around me saying how easy it is to get pregnant....it's not easy for everyone and I wish some people would just understand that and realize how words like that hurt our feelings, you know?

 

[sequeena]

I know my sister has 7 children... only one lives with her now and she only had to talk about sex and she'd be pregnant. My niece is the same, she's 2 weeks ahead of me pregnancy wise. Had I not got pregnant when I did I think I'd have completely lost the plot (niece turned 18 in January and of course is not with the father, is sponging money and quit college as soon as she found out).

 

[dizzyshell]

totally agree feel same,imon another site and allgirlspreg and few of us left ive been ttc 16months , and i see so many come and go and im stillleft makes me feel like a failure

 

[HanginOnHope]

I have to agree that "bitterness" sets in after awhile. The first 4-6 mos of TTC I tried very hard to remain up beat; I'm approaching 9mos and feel like "when it it my turn". It is a double edge sword when close friends become pregnant--on one hand your ecstatic for them, on the other it is a reminder of how hard this is when it's not happening to you. I have always been a person that sets goals and does anything to achieve them. Unfortunately, I am trying to accept that this is not about performing to the best of our abilities. The fear of the unknown gets me too. I am convinced that there is something wrong with me and that I may never have a child of my own. I have become very frustrated with people telling me that "it will happen", when they have no idea of what my future may hold. I too am trying VERY hard to remain positive, but right when I feel my period coming on and/ or take a test, I am devastated and have a flood of emotions. I find this struggle comparable to grieving the loss of a loved one and/or having your heart broken in that you can't explain the feelings and you don't know how to manage the feelings when they fluctuate up and down constantly, at least in my case. Some days are better and some days I feel unable to function due to feeling depression and anxiety. Thank you for sharing and being so open...I think it is the key to surviving this. We don't want to feel the way we feel at times, but in the end we must acknowledge the feelings in order to deal with them as they come. I hope it is your turn very soon!

 

[Jaylina]

Oh I went through the same thing. Well, I'm still going through it. March sorta just left me in shambles; I've had it! TTC for so long has made me so stressed out. It starts out fine. 3 cycles with a no-go? Okay, fine. Another no and another no, negative after negative, pisses me off. But I never cried until last month in March. An evap tricked me.

And to add to the craziness and stress, my friends were expecting their 1st or 2nd. My good friend, although I know she's just talking when complaining about what her 3 years old had done today or last week or whatever, she always says "Don't have kids."

But I DO WANT it! Just as you've mentioned. ONE BABY and I would be JUST fine. I'd be SO SO SO happy because it really hurts TTC every month but only to failure.

So honey, I know exactly how you feel. And only women who have been trying for so long can understand this feeling.

Those who have it easy to get pregnant do not understand and even though they try to understand, they'd never really come close to feeling this emptiness inside. Sorry, but it is true and it is a matter of just being human.

So anyway, I'm now NTNP. Not worth the stress, sorry. Because even the stress of TTC can prevent pg from happening! Think of it that way too!

(sigh)

hugs and kisses,
JL

 

[Bradpittswife]

The fear of the unknown gets me too. I am convinced that there is something wrong with me and that I may never have a child of my own. I have become very frustrated with people telling me that "it will happen", when they have no idea of what my future may hold. I too am trying VERY hard to remain positive, but right when I feel my period coming on and/ or take a test, I am devastated and have a flood of emotions. I find this struggle comparable to grieving the loss of a loved one and/or having your heart broken in that you can't explain the feelings and you don't know how to manage the feelings when they fluctuate up and down constantly, at least in my case. Some days are better and some days I feel unable to function due to feeling depression and anxiety. !

Wow it feels like that came from my head! I think we all feel like it at some point to a greater or lesser extent. I know I felt and sometimes still feel like I'm failing and it's hard to accept that this is one area of our life that we don't really have any control over. This last few days I have been an emotional wreck but today I feel a bit better and more positive again. I guess it doesn't help that our hormones are being so mean!
I hope everyone has a better day today