Staying strong: Do you share your disappointment with your S/O's?

[hellodarling]

So, I'm 37, hubs is military and gone a lot, will be gone for significant period of time soon. We have been trying for over a year, I'm borderline perimenopausal, cycles range from 16 days to 53 days. I"m not PCOS and I do get functional cysts so it looks like I ovulate every now and then. The first few months of negatives, in my mind I was like "ok, well, next month!" And never made a big deal out of it.

Last month, month 11, I mentioned to my husband "I"m just surprised and bummed it hasn't happened yet", thinking well, "next month for sure!"

So, I'm not completely out yet but AF doesn't feel like she's anywhere around, today I tested (assuming it was a 29 day cycle, today would have been AF showing), BFN. It could be another 53 day cycle for all I know though.

It starting to get to me. I always thought "next month" but our chances of "next month" are terminating and now, the reality of that is setting in.

I finally told him today that it's getting to me. I'm sad and it's more than disappointing now. He didn't really respond, I think that's because feelings are gross. lol... He's said previously that maybe it's him, maybe his sperm is no good. I need him to get in and get tested but there's not time for that with his schedule. I don't know how much to press to be honest, bc I never wanted this to become stressful; however, it's becoming more and more that way.

How much do you tell your hubby's or SO's about how you're feeling? Especially the disappointment and sadness, maybe even the depression that sets in?

How do you cope with the bummers?

 

[krissie328]

My husband and I are both pretty open about it. We were ltttc with ds and that took its toll on both of us. So we try to maintain an open line of communication along with a support system because it is hard.

As far as coping I just try to stay distracted. I work full time and have a 15 month old so that helps. Before having him I worked full time and went to school full time.

I would suggest he gets checked. We tried six years thinking it was my pcos but he had a sa before we started fertility drugs and he has low motility on top of my fertility issues.

 

[jtr2803]

I couldn't hide my feelings if I tried, its better out than in with me and we said for better, for worse and meant it.

Hubby and I are very different personalities, he puts all his hope into the next cycle whereas I tend to sink into a little funk for a day or so. Last time I was very upset he held me while I had a little cry, its a team effort in every sense

 

[Holliems]

So, I'm 37, hubs is military and gone a lot, will be gone for significant period of time soon. We have been trying for over a year, I'm borderline perimenopausal, cycles range from 16 days to 53 days. I"m not PCOS and I do get functional cysts so it looks like I ovulate every now and then. The first few months of negatives, in my mind I was like "ok, well, next month!" And never made a big deal out of it.

Last month, month 11, I mentioned to my husband "I"m just surprised and bummed it hasn't happened yet", thinking well, "next month for sure!"

So, I'm not completely out yet but AF doesn't feel like she's anywhere around, today I tested (assuming it was a 29 day cycle, today would have been AF showing), BFN. It could be another 53 day cycle for all I know though.

It starting to get to me. I always thought "next month" but our chances of "next month" are terminating and now, the reality of that is setting in.

I finally told him today that it's getting to me. I'm sad and it's more than disappointing now. He didn't really respond, I think that's because feelings are gross. lol... He's said previously that maybe it's him, maybe his sperm is no good. I need him to get in and get tested but there's not time for that with his schedule. I don't know how much to press to be honest, bc I never wanted this to become stressful; however, it's becoming more and more that way.

How much do you tell your hubby's or SO's about how you're feeling? Especially the disappointment and sadness, maybe even the depression that sets in?

How do you cope with the bummers?

Hello, Hellodarling. Military DH here too. There have been times where he has been MIA for a while too. Eventhough, I am pretty open about how Im feeling about TTC, DH never really says much about it. I still have no idea how much he wants it. I know he doesnt NOT want it...I think hes pretty indifferent about it. It would be nice if he wanted it as much as I did! I think guys, for the most part, as just not as emotional about it as we are.

 

[hellodarling]

Krissie- It could be him... maybe. I don't know. He actually has another child from a prior relationship, we have full custody of her. He has two more from a prior marriage (yah, could't have gotten myself into a more complicated scenario! lol). Maybe our chemistry just doesn't match or something. I'd like him to get checked though. I definitely know that my fertility issues don't help at all and insurance won't cover testing until a year of trying, which we are finally at, and unfortunately, now he's going to be in and out of the door for quite a while. I wish women just had a button we could push when we were ready and then "BLAMO" pregnant!!!!

JTR- I think open is better than stuffing for sure. I think it's good to have that balance, your hubby is optimistic and pulls you out of your funk. I love that!

Hollie- I hear you! I always feel like I have to be uber strong with him bc he's such a stoic guy...I"m sure he feels like he has to be uber strong for me too. Kind of a weird catch 22. Being military definitely complicates ttc efforts!