Still overwhelmed?

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by kateqpr, Apr 11, 2009.

  1. kateqpr

    kateqpr Well-Known Member

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    Does anyone still have days where they feel totally overwhelmed by being a new mum?

    I love Poppy SOOO much, like falling in love with someone. And simply can't imagine my life without her. But i DO still find it so difficult, mainly the tiredness (of course!), the unpredictability of her mood (i find dealing with her crying so tough some days), the fact that my life is totally unrecognisable from before where i had a good job, working in central London and having a busy social life. I just feel that so little of 'me' outside of the house exists any more. (not that i really want to be back in my old job and in town every day...which i know is a contradiction!)

    Also, i hate that i sort of battle with my OH about how tired and alone i feel, and get pissed off some days that he's out at work so much. Which i know is awful as he's a brilliant dad, doing night feeds, giving me breaks to go for coffee/ massages, etc. I guess sometimes i just feel isolated and SOOOO responsible for our little girl, and i guess he can never truly know what it feels like to look after and breast feed her all day every day.

    I still cry some days too - def less than before, but still find myself having a good old bawl, normally at the end of the day when shes crying and i'm exhausted!

    Am i alone in all this? I have met a few other women at my NCT class who all seem to be in a similar state....but i guess i had higher expectations of me as a mother, and thought i would have been coping with the changes better.

    End of essay!!!!
     
  2. caggimedicine

    caggimedicine Mummy to Harry

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    I'm not sure about feeling overwhelmed, but I can sometimes feel quite exhausted by Harry. It's very demanding being 100% responsible for looking after and entertaining a small baby all day whilst hubby is at work. I'm lucky enough that my mum lives just around the corner and only works a couple of days. It's nice just to have someone there who will hold Harry for 5-10 minutes at least, just whilst I have a HOT coffee!

    I'm going back to work in June and whilst I still can't really even think about leaving Harry at the nursery, part of me is looking forward to going back to work. I am dreaming of the luxury of being able to sit at my desk in silence and not have to constantly make sure that Harry is happy, or check that he's not hungry, or needs his nappy changing, or thinking of new games to play etc etc!

    I will be making the most of the time I have with him now until June... i'll never get this time again. It's definitely hard work, but it's so rewarding seeing him changing every day and learning new things. My life has completely changed, but so have my priorities.
     
  3. icclebaby

    icclebaby Well-Known Member

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    Hi
    Just read your post and had to reply, I have been feeling exactly the same, and tbh I think most people do, though unlike you I thought all the other new mums at my group seem to be doing really well and thriving on it, so I thought there was something wrong with me. My little girl is now 12 weeks, and though I do think things are now getting slightly easier, she is more alert and can amuse herself for short periods, (as long as she is full and not tired!!), the days still seem so long and I have to make sure I have lots planned otherwise a day sitting at home fills me with dread! OH cant understand how I feel, though he soon might as I am going back to work and he will be looking after her for the most part. I found I was reading too many books and getting myself in a right state trying to do what was 'right' and not listening to my baby, I even rang the HV 2 weeks ago because I thought there was something wrong with me as I couldnt stop crying, she told me to throw the books away (which is what my mum and OH had been trying to get me to do!!) and she said to let her sleep when she wants and I will know when she needs feeding and this last week has been so much better, I have felt so much more relaxed, I just wish I had done this a few weeks ago but hey ho. My little girl also seems to cry quite alot, aswell as being quite sicky, so I feel quite uneasy when we visit people but I guess these are also things which will improve with time (I hope anyway!). Believe me luv, you are not alone with your feelings, I have just finished reading a book, yummy mummy survivors guide (I think its called) and I wish I had read it before, it is written by a mum and tells it exactly how it is, what we think and then the reality, I would recommend it, its also very amusing. Keep smiling.
     
  4. caggimedicine

    caggimedicine Mummy to Harry

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    I agree that making sure you have lots planned helps. If I have nothing on, I still take Harry out somewhere, whether it's a walk around the block, or taking him to the park, or to the shops.... getting out definitely helps.

    Oh - and I also get really anxious about going to people's houses when Harry is crying or in a bad/restless mood. My hubby is always trying to reassure me by saying "he's a baby... people will understand if he's crying" - but I always see it as a reflection on me if he is crying, and I always feel as though people are secretly thinking "oh my god shut that baby up please".
     
  5. kateqpr

    kateqpr Well-Known Member

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    I do keep myself busy - out every day for walks, or visiting antenatal friends or family, or just going to the shops. I imagine from the outside i look like i'm coping really well.

    I think it's just my OH who knows i'm finding it tough. And you guys!

    Don't get me wrong - most of the time i'm happy. Just struggling more with the change of lifestyle and adjusting to a new future ahead of me as Poppy's mum. I guess i've just realised how selfish my previous way of life was.
     
  6. UKMummy

    UKMummy Well-Known Member

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    Ok. I'll put it to you like this. I have had three children in three years. Before this I had a very good highly responsible job that saw me travelling round Europe. I had a good life, a good social life and I could do as I please. Then BAM I had children and all of a sudden everything that defined me as a person was gone, my life had gone, choices gone, sleep gone, social life gone, money gone blah blah blah. Instead I was stuck at home all day every day (which I hadn't done since being a student/ as a child on summer holidays) with this child that I had no idea what to do with who was keeping me up all night , whilst my husband got to go to work and socialise with other people, have a lunch hour, get out of the house etc. It took me (and him) a long time to get my head around this. Then, all of a sudden I was back at work again 7 months later and I was bereft, I sorely missed my little girl who was in some nursery, being looked after by people she didn't know. I realised at that point as I was sobbing in the toilet on my first day back at work, that I had changed and what I used to feel was important to me; like work, was no longer important, there was something much more important in my life now. I fell pregnant again soon after going back to work and I went back on maternity leave again and I now absolutely love being at home looking after my children because once they are at school, they will be gone, I will never have this time with them again. I can go and have a social life and go back to work in the future, I do not have that option of putting time with them on hold. Don't cry about what you have lost because you haven't. You have gained a precious child so enjoy her because you don't want to look back at this time and feel guilty about not enjoying it 100%. There will be a lot of women at work at this present moment in time who would give anything to have what you have. You have work in the future, they however, may not have a child. So I suggest you have a good cry and feel really sorry for yourself and grieve for the life you once had and then say 'Right, I need to get with the programme here. I will draw a line under this and then get on with my life as Mummy'. Hey it could be worse....you could have to get up in the night AND go to work.....!!
     
  7. kateqpr

    kateqpr Well-Known Member

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    good point!!!!! I know i just need to change my perspective....and actually i know i will relish the coming months and years. Just need to not feel guilty about my career ambition having totally disappeared, and not worry about the 'friends' i worked with who aren't really that interested in me anymore!

    Sometimes i think there's so much pressure on us women these days, to 'have it all'. By which i guess most mean a family, loving husband, successful career, with the new added pressure of trying to be a 'yummy mummy' (yeah right....if i get to shower and brush my teeth every day that's a bonus these days!)

    I guess i just need to savour the moment.... now let me go and give my sleeping Poppy a big hug!
     
  8. sarah_george

    sarah_george ♥Proud Mummy!♥

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    Hi ladies, just stumbled on this thread really and just wanted to comment that maybe you shouldnt expect too much of yourselves, its sad that you 'thought' you had higher expectations of being a mum, you can only do your best! only another mum could ever appreciate the hard work it takes to care for a baby properly, I bet your doing a grand job! it actually goes a lot faster than you think, looking back at my 2 I have already I wonder where the time has gone (they are 10 and 4) I'm sure gonna appreciate every second of this new arrival as i'm all to aware how quick it does go! enjoy your babies and dont expect perfection xxx
     
  9. UKMummy

    UKMummy Well-Known Member

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    It's very tough being a Mummy to a little baby for the first time. You've swapped your old life (and for that matter; body) with a life that seems to revolve around feeding the baby, crying, sleeping, going to the supermarket where you're surrounded by other mummies, retired people, the unemployed and social rejects, walking round the same block with the pushchair, doing the chores, getting moody with the husband, sociallising with other Mums; some you'll get on with, some you won't. and maybe, if you're lucky, eating. It's a jungle out there! Then in the few years time there will be school and the games all the other Mums play with regards to the car you drive, the job your husband has, the road you live in and the holidays you go on....but that's a whole different story!!!

    I have a friend who still has the good job, the lovely clothes, the nights out, the holidays and no children. I said to her "I would love to be you for the day." She said "I may have the £2,000 watch but I will die alone being eaten by cats where you will be surrounded by all your children and grandchildren".

    I never forgot that!!!!

    ...and as for work friends, mmm, well, some you'll stay in contact with and others you won't because the only thing you had in common with them was work. It's harsh I know, I've been there!!!
     
  10. Sovereign

    Sovereign Well-Known Member

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    I know exactly what you are saying hun, I was like this up until a few weeks ago and still am now to a small degree. I think it just takes a while to get your head around it! x
     
  11. baby#4due2/16

    baby#4due2/16 Mommy of 4

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    I dont feel overwhelmed...but tired some days yes....but hes so worth it LOL..
     
  12. ladyV84

    ladyV84 Well-Known Member

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    feel EXACLTY the same as you kate!!!! - couldnt have put it better myself, we know how much we love our lo's and how totally precious they are but it is ALOT to get used to and im sure it will just take some time....i put so much pressure on myself to keep fraser happy then i get upset cos the house (and me!!!) looks such a state!
    i worry that he cries too much & that i am totally failing at something that i always assumed id be so good at!
     

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