Stillborn daughters ashes

[Uvlollypop]

hiya, my daughter was still born in feb 07 and i decided to have her cremated. I have never done anything with the ashes im not sure quite what to do really. see with an adult you have some kind of idea of what the dead person wanted ie- scattered in the sea or some thing along those lines, but with a baby its not like that which makes it hard. i dont want to make a decision and look back to regret it in 5/10 years time.

another thing is i dont really have any emotional attachment to them at all if im honest and im not sure why because its whats left of my baby so i should feel some thing shouldn't i?

any other still birth mummys out there have any ideas?

im not really sure what i expect to come out of this thread its just a blah of a few things that arer going around in my head at the moment, i think its because my current pregnancy is approaching the gestation where it all went wrong for her....

anyway bye

xx

 

[DaisyDuke]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be so difficult. Maybe scatter them somewhere important to you. Sorry i can't be much help, good luck with this pregnancy. XXX

 

[jacky24]

Hey hun, deep down you were waiting for me to reply i know it.

I still have CJ's ashes with me, i have made up a memory box, consisting of a dummy, the outfit he was going to wear after leaving the hospital, a toy and all his scan pic's and a book were me and OH wrote in our feelings and days after losing him and exactly how god spared his mommy and took him insteada funeral brochure and his hand and foot prints, and some things from my baby shower.

I am planning on keeping it with me till the day i die as i don't hold onto it but it was my first full term baby and it is trully a memory box.

It is a hard decision and alot of people told me to bury his ashes but a baby's place is with mommy and daddy that is how i feel about it.

Good luck and another thing, i will tell my future children about there baby brother that is living with our dear Lord one day, so i can show them and not just talk to them.

 

[Uvlollypop]

thanks girls, its hard. a friend told me a baby should always be with its mother and keeping the ashes with me is doing that i guess.

I have a box like that jacky, the hospital bands registration certificate scans photos, photos of the funeral flowers/coffin etc James's daughter likes looking through it and asking questions its nice that she'll never be forgotten.

am thinking about writing my story down, have held back through fear of upsetting people but i think at the moment it might be a helpful bit of therapy

xx

 

[JASMAK]

Good luck with whatever you decide. If you do decide to do something with the ashes, may I suggest you give yourself a space to "visit" her. Either bury the ashes, or perhaps donate a bench in a park etc. I know it's totally not the same, but when my Nana died, we scattered her ashes in the ocean (something she probably would have chosen herself), but, I now don't have that spot to "visit" her, and to lay flowers. Anyways, just an idea. I am very sorry for your loss. (hugs)

 

[tansey]

So sorry about your loss and if it helps to tell your story you must.
It's difficult to know what to say regarding the ashes. A memory box sounds like a good idea but also don't you have to let go a little bit to let the new also into your life. What has your OH said about it? Does he have an opinion?

My only other idea is to think of something that makes you happy or 'feel' - the sun on your face, the rain, the wind whipping around you. If you scattered the ashes in a kind of environment that you can experience again you could remember baby in a good way.

Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

 

[Uvlollypop]

my other halfs just happy to support what ever i want to do

 

[tansey]

That's good.
Why don't you start by telling your story when you're ready. xx

 

[Uvlollypop]

ill give it a go soon. my otherhalfs daughters here right now and i cant do anything without getting 50 questions lol

 

[tansey]

Whenever you're ready

 

[Uvlollypop]

thanks

 

[princess_bump]

thinking of you

 

[Always&4ever]

*huge hugs* I honestly don't know what to say babe

 

[Wobbles]

Want to give you a big *hug* x

 

[TashaAndBump]

*hugs*

 

[xarlenex]

My aunt's boy died after about a week (he had a hole in his heart) She opened a plot at the cemetery so, when the time comes she and her husband can be with him.

 

[Carley]

When my son died I had him cremated, nearly 4 years on, I still have his ashes. Do what you feel is right for you hun.

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Tears are stinging my eyes as I read this thread.

I could never imagine what it would be like to go through this, like some ladies on here have done.

I dont think I would be strong enough, but I know I would have to be....

Please tell your story hun, whenevr you feel ready to do so and remember.....we are here to listen and to sympathise and to offer advice and most importantly to understand.

You are a very brave lady.

 

[Laura1984]

:HUGS:

I don't know what to suggest Molly just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
I think definitely keep her with you untill you 110% decided on what you want to do so you don't wish you'd done something different.

ps. i hope it's ok me posting in here

xxxxxxx

 

[Mynxie]

I know I spoke to you on MSN, but could you plant a tree or something like that, and bury Skye's ashes under the tree?