Strained relationship with DH--not sure why?

[WantsALittle1]

I just don't want to be around my husband most of the time anymore. He gets home from work and from that moment onward I want to be alone to do my own thing. I don't want to touch, snuggle, and I certainly don't want to be intimate.

He is a sweet person. He is brilliant, compassionate, and handsome as all heck. I love him with all my heart and could not imagine my life without him. He would do anything for DD and I.

But for some reason, I just never want to be around him. I want to be around DD or I want to be alone. I don't know why. He's done nothing wrong. We argue all the time, and I really just cringe when he tries to touch me. It hurts him deeply, as he doesn't understand it.

I'm just lost--I have no idea where this is coming from. Can anyone relate, or does anyone have any advice?

 

[supertabby]

Is your signature accurate? If so I'd say your hormones have a lot to do with it.

I'm also pregnant with number 2 (14 weeks) and while I don't feel as extreme as you (I still want hubby's company) I'm not feeling particularly cuddly or sexy right now. I'm so uncomfortable right now as bigger thsn last time, still having first trimester exhaustion and the weather is too hot! We have also had a lot of silly arguements which I think is me being easily irritated right now (I shouted at a persistent sales guy in the high street the other day lol).

I'm just trying to push through it really as I think it will pass as my hormones settle/move on to other strange moods etc. Sorry I know that's not amazing advice!

 

[Belle25]

I would agree with the above. I knw I'm irritable as hell sometimes when I get PMT, and probably was hard work in pregnancy too!
You have a small baby & are pregnant. This must be a bit hard sometimes.

Maybe you and your OH could do a date night-either at home where you have a nice meal together, or go out for a meal. It's easy to forget what it's like being a couple sometimes
Xx

 

[jazzandru]

A lot of it could be hormonal. You need to talk to him. There is little that can't be straightened out if you are both willing to talk, listen and try in equal measures.

 

[deafgal]

Have you always felt this way? If so, maybe you got into the relationship for the wrong reason. Counseling can help though.

 

[WantsALittle1]

supertabby: yes, I think hormones could be a lot of it. It's up-down-up-down.

belle25: It is SO hard. I have absolutely zero time for me. I spend my life 100% in service of others, and I hate it. I am a musician, an artist, and a scientist. I have time to do 1/8th of one of those things (the science one, so I have a small paycheck from it every day), and so my identity has been totally morphed into mom/wife. Not that it isn't a totally awesome thing to do, but art, music, and science are still incredibly important to me and I have no time for them. When DH gets home and can take over DD, it's the first time each day that I can be ME. I usually just end up on the couch watching TV, exhausted beyond belief.

jazzandru: We have talked about it. He does understand, but he can't do anything about it. He has to work and we can't afford daycare/nanny right now on what he makes, so we really have no choice. Someone has to be home with DD and his earning potential is higher than mine so we decided I'd be the one to stay home :/

deafgal: I have not always felt this way. Every time we get 1-2 hours out of the house, without DD, and I look at my husband I feel like I'm on a first date again. I feel like it's been ages since I saw him, but we really can't afford a babysitter and are new to the area so getting alone time with him away from the house (which is a major source of stress for me) is very very rare. His parents live an hour away so sometimes we drop DD off with them, but that drive itself is a huge stressor as DD just screams the whole way. Sorry for going on and on about it, but basically getting babysitting is really tough for us but when we do, it's spectacular. I love my husband with all my heart. I just have NOTHING left for him at the end of the day and really just want to be alone.

Thank you everyone for being there

 

[Belle25]

supertabby: yes, I think hormones could be a lot of it. It's up-down-up-down.

belle25: It is SO hard. I have absolutely zero time for me. I spend my life 100% in service of others, and I hate it. I am a musician, an artist, and a scientist. I have time to do 1/8th of one of those things (the science one, so I have a small paycheck from it every day), and so my identity has been totally morphed into mom/wife. Not that it isn't a totally awesome thing to do, but art, music, and science are still incredibly important to me and I have no time for them. When DH gets home and can take over DD, it's the first time each day that I can be ME. I usually just end up on the couch watching TV, exhausted beyond belief.

jazzandru: We have talked about it. He does understand, but he can't do anything about it. He has to work and we can't afford daycare/nanny right now on what he makes, so we really have no choice. Someone has to be home with DD and his earning potential is higher than mine so we decided I'd be the one to stay home :/

deafgal: I have not always felt this way. Every time we get 1-2 hours out of the house, without DD, and I look at my husband I feel like I'm on a first date again. I feel like it's been ages since I saw him, but we really can't afford a babysitter and are new to the area so getting alone time with him away from the house (which is a major source of stress for me) is very very rare. His parents live an hour away so sometimes we drop DD off with them, but that drive itself is a huge stressor as DD just screams the whole way. Sorry for going on and on about it, but basically getting babysitting is really tough for us but when we do, it's spectacular. I love my husband with all my heart. I just have NOTHING left for him at the end of the day and really just want to be alone.

Thank you everyone for being there

I totally get what your saying-you need more proper me time I think. You have lots of demands on you, and perhaps the arguing with your husband is you feeling frustrated at this.
They say a womans work is never done, and I think that's right-there's always something needing doing, and me-time can be in short supply.

You need to tell your husband all this, and he will understand your feelings, and he can maybe help you come up with solutions
Xx

 

[xJG30]

I had this when I was pregnant with Thomas. It killed our relationship because I wouldn't go near him or be affectionate etc.