Stress/Breakdown

[Mrs Doddy]

Work has been hell for the last two months - far too much work to do and I have been working extra hours to try and catch up. 3 weeks ago after a ranting telephone conversation from a client I burst into tears at my desk. I spoke to my manager.

My collegue went on holiday for two weeks and she is due back tommorow - my manager has been helping with the work and is going to try and put something in place to help more longer term - but the workload needs to be cleared down now before things get worse

Everyone else at work thinks that because i have had a bit of help everything is ok. Its not. The workload is still over and above what it should be. I wake up early in the morning about 2am and can't get back to sleep, I can feel my heart beeting really fast and have a nervous feeling inside I am on the verge of tears all the time and just want to stay at home and curl up on the sofa (which I won't do as i know it wont help) I have Reiki once a month I have started take kalms tablets which i really don't want to but feel that I need to do something to stop myself breaking down.

I know my manager is helping and hopefully by the end of the month there will be light at the end of the tunnel but I can't stop my feelings as above and don't know what to do

please can I have your advice


Updated on page three

 

[Caroline]

It sounds a lot what i went through recently. I was having an awful time at work, struggled for months to settle back when I went back after maternity.

I was sleeping badly, waking several tiimes during the night then struggling to get back to sleep, or laying awake for hours before I got to sleep then waking up a few hours later.

I was living on the edge, I was bad tempered at home, and dreaded going in to work every morning. I would sometimes actually cry on the way to work.
One day, I had a utility room full of washing, having beed away to MIL for a week, trying to prepare food for baby, who wouldn't stop crying & kids fighting. I lost it with the kids & then burst into tears. OH found me in kitchen. Following day I was the same, so he made go to GP who was lovely.
He signed me off for 2 weeks with depression & said to go back if I needed more time. I was given option of medication but really didn't want to go down that route.

I went back to work, but still found it difficult. Again sleep problems & difficulty getting to work. I had to swop my day off & work a Monday and I got to work & burst into tears GP again signed me off for 2 weeks.

I felt beteer at the end of the 2 weeks & so far have felt better, but have been taking St John's Wort.

I would say if you have a good GP go and speak to them, from experience the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

I hope you get something sorted soon.

If you need to chat pm me & I'm more than happy to chat on msn.

Hope this helps. Sorry its such a long post, just thought it may help to share my story, and to let you know you aren't alone.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Thanks for your post.

That sounds exactly me - I have been taking kalms but its not really doing anything. I am scared of going to the doctors and being signed off (although I know that is what I need) as I am worried what my Manager and people at work will think of me - although I know I need to think of me. I am worried that she will think I cant do the job and will think less of me, also if I stay off work then the workload will be so bad that it will start all over again.

Its a vicious circle and I don't know what to do

 

[Caroline]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I really didn't want to go to Drs either, I thought that once I'd had a week off I'd feel better but, it actually made it harder to go back.
I too was really worried that they'd think less of me, everyone else was coping so why couldn't I.
I was so wrong. The manager & assistant manager were supportive & the 2 weeks off helped. I still struggled when I went back, but not as bad.

I felt really bad the 2nd time I was off but I just wasn't coping. I was signed off earlier, but TBH it was only due to having to swop days off, so I only had 1 day off instead off 2 days together that brought everything to a head.

TBH, IMHO I think the only way you are going to feel better is to take time away. If you are off, hopefully they will realise how inadequate the staff levels are.

I now go in ti work, do my job ( or in your case do what jobs/paperwork/ phonecalls etc you can. Make sure you sit down for lunch not eat lunch at your desk whilst doing other stuff. When its the end of the day tidy away, walk away, go home, sit down for a meal with OH and try and switch off from work.

Its very difficult to do, but for your own sanity you really need to try and do this.
Everyone deals with stress differently, some ppl thrive on it, other don't cope at all, and others can only take so much then snap. Your manager may well be feeling as you do too. You being signed off, maybe all it needs for her to get the powers that be to get extra help, even a part timer.

I hope you get something sorted soon. I really do know how you feel, and hope you feel better soon

Take care of yourself
Caroline xx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Thank you Caroline

I have been eating better (well actually eating) have been going out of the office at lunch even if it is for 5 mins to walk up the road and back and have started leaving on time, though I am still not sleeping through the night without waking. I still feel on edge and was tearful on my way in this morning. I have been doing the most important jobs and the rest can wait. I think I will give it another week and if still things aren't better then maybe I will call in sick for a few days - though I am not sure what sitting at home is going to achieve apart from make me feel lower.

Thanks for your advise it makes sense xx

 

[Caroline]

From experience I would say you need more than afew days off, you really need a week minimum, 2 is better.
1st time when I was off I should really had more than 2 weeks off, but couldn't afford not to be paid (only get 2 weeks paid sick).
The longer you leave it, the more time you need to get back to normal.

The first time, I found it took a week before I even felt slightly better, and it was only by the end of the 2nd week I felt anything like going back to work.
1st week I was off I couldn't even face taking my 2 kids to school/ pick them up. I found everything an effort, my OH even continued with the cooking (I normally cook if I'm not @ work).

If you're off, you need to do things you enjoy doing, go for a pamper session, go walking with the dog, curl up on the sofa with a good book, sit and watch your fave DVD's, spend all day on here (lol), things that make you feel good.

2nd time I was signed off (about 6 months later) as soon as I'd been signed off I felt better and did contemplate going back aftyer a week, but OH told me off! After a week I did actually feel ready to go back, but then the 2nd week helped nme psyche myself up, and felt much better going back that time round, and I actually coped with the stress much better when I went back.

In some ways its like an invisible injury, just like you need time to heal & then recouperate after after an accident, if you're under stress at work/ suffering from depression you also need time for your body & mind to recover.

I started on St John's Wort about a week after starting back @ work a second time and I do feel much better I'm trying to drop dose down to 1 a day now, with a view to dropping to every other day after Christmas, then hopefully off all together, but if I start to fell teary or feel as if I'm not coping again I'll up the dose again. I'd like to ttc next year so I want to ensure I'm coping without before we try.

I hope you feel better soon, but what you describe ( teary on the way to work etc), is exactly how I felt.I normally pop online most evenings, so if you want any support, advice, or just want to vent, just post on the thread I'll see.

Caroline xx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Couldn't work out how to edit the orginial post ....

So I thought I was ok - stopped working late trying to take time out at lunch and I thought all was going ok ish. I bought a book called don't sweat the small stuff and it made so much sense and picked a few things out of it to work on. The woman I work with came back from holiday - I felt like I was taking control again -although collegue appeared to be getting annoyed with me for trying to stick to the rota and what I was supposed to be doing - though this was her problem and not mine - she was not happy that our manager had helped out - I was grateful so I ignored her - she wasn't there.

I took a few days off and we went away to the beach for a few days - as soon as we got back on saturday my mood changed to thinking about having to go back to work and the crap I would go back to - collegue was off sick today - and started to get myself in a pickle again - another collegue called me and I ended up in tears on the phone.

I don't know what to do, I can't leave the job as money is good/can afford to take a pay drop and am worried with all the redundencies going on maybe its not a good idea. I feel so pathetic that I can't do a simple job - also want to ttc in feb so need to think of the maternity pay. I have asked my manager today if we can have a meeting when my collegue comes back to sort out a working method altogether. I need to control myself as the next time it may be a client that I cry infront of/ on the phone its not proffesional.

any advice would be appreciated

Thank you

 

[Caroline]

Hi hun, just seen this.

Do you get sick pay?

I honestly think you need to get signed off for a good couple of weeks. Take the time to chill out & enjoy the stuff you enjoy doing, then go back to work and have a meeting to sort things out.
I really think that if you do it now, you'll get worked up, get upset & not get your point across as it should, and even end up saying stuff you'll regret.

I know when i was bad, the stupidest thing would get me upset/in tears/on verge of tears and then i'd get cross with myself as it was stuff that i'd normally cope with, maybe rant a bit, but not burst into tears over.

What you describe about your holiday, then mood chsnging before you went back is exactly what i was like. On a Sunday I was moody, but by Monday evening I was the bitch from hell, woe betide my kids if they started whinging, fighting etc, they'd get yelled @ so bad, & how my OH didn't leave me was beyond me.

You need to get yourself back on track, before you start ttc if you can. Financially I know where you are coming from. I'm pretty certain though if you can get time off & start feeling better, you can then get things sorted @ work, and find its not so bad.
Sometimes it actually makes your colleagues realise what is going on & be a bit more understanding & helpful.

I found taking St John's Wort really helped. Can't take if ttc, but I found a couple of months on full dose, then weaning down helped.

I really hope you can get something sorted hun.
My pc has died, so I'm using laptop. Haven't got msn up & running yet, but if you want to chat, I can do it tomorrow evening.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Thinking of you. I really feel for you as I've been there.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Thank you Caroline

Yes I get sick pay though can't afford for it not to be full pay - not sure how long they pay you in full for. I am finding the taking time off sick thing hard - (although I appreciate what you say having been through it yourself) as I have been brought up to only not go in if you are dying - which I am not - H is the same he was in the army so unless you are on your death bed you go in and im not sure how supportive he would be if I did that. We are actually going to Mexico in 6 weeks and have two weeks off work then which couldn't come any quicker !!!!

I hope my collegue comes in today so we can have this meeting -It is purely to sort out who does what and when- I think that having a structure and not feeling so overwhelmed with the work is going to make things better as when my collegue came back off holiday I was able to sleep and yesterday when she was off I went into panic mode with it being monday it was really busy. I have to learn to do one thing at a time and take lunch breaks.

I think my boss would appreciate/think more of me to work through this bad patch (which I hope it is all it is) then take time off sick which is going to make things busy for my collegue then its going to go round and round in circles

However feeling tearful at work, being snappy is not good for everyone else. I will see what today brings and I will see from there - I have 1 day and a half days in lieu that I could ask to take in advance of working it to have some time off next week which will give me 4 1/2 days off. If we can get the metting adn workload sorted in the next day or two I can see if things get better.

Thank you for your advice Caroline it is much appreciated and from reading that you felt the same - at least I am not going mad !!!!! When you got back from your time off was it ok or did you still feel bad ???? or was the break what you needed to be better ???

 

[Caroline]

Hope today went ok for you.
I understand totally what you are saying about not going in to work, I am the same, if I'm not on my death bed then I'm at work. I've worked on crutches, with chronic SPD, until consultant threatend to put me in hospital, then i cut my days & hours down, until i was induced @ 37 weeks.
I think its a generation thing, as kids we always went to school unless we were really ill, so now we are working its the same. Some of the younger generation @ work just give in at the first sniffle/ sneeze

I was exisitng day to day initially last year, I'd get up on a Tuesday and think only 5 days to go then i get 2 days off. Ii pushed on & on, thinking, i've got a week off for half term, and kept going until then. Which in all honesty contributed to everything. I knew i was struggling, deep down I knew i was depressed, but I pushed it away, and "just got on with it". Going back to work after having that week off was awful. A week later I broke down @ home, and GP signed me off for 2 weeks.
Thankfully I get 2 weeks on full pay, and i did feel a lot better when I went back, although i wasn't 100%. My work were supportive, & they did what they could to make life easier.

Unfortunately, things started going pear shaped again in may this year. I knew the signs, but again, thought were closed for refit in Aug for 2 weeks, so i'll keep going until then. i was silly really & should have taken time off sooner. I agreed to change my day off, so i only had Sunday off, worked Monday, then had to work until thursday for day off. All Sunday I thought oh god i've got to work tomorrow, followed by oh my i'm not getting a day off until thursday.
I got to work on the Monday morning, burst into tears, and the assistant manager sent me home. Went back to Gp who signed me off. Funnily enough as soon as he did it i felt better. Had I not changed my day off, I would have continued struggling in day after day. Getting signed off earlier made my recovery a lot quicker the 2nd time round, and I actually went back to work feeling, just about my normal self.
2nd time round GP put on my notes that it was work related depression.

I would certainly get something sorted about responsibilites, work load, especially on days off & holidays & maybe in a weeks time if you are still struggling abit take those 4 days off. If you struggle to go back I would def see about getting signed off, even if its just a week. You don't want to ruin such a wonderful hoilday, by worrying about going back to work if you are still struggling.

Sit down and talk to your OH. It is the most difficult thing to do I know, i didn't, and I should have. I'm a mum of 3, work full time ( OH loks after LO's) help run household wash every weekend, shop etc, and tbh the fact I wasn't coping @ work made me feel weak & pathetic, and of no use to him or my kids. Once he realised, why I wasin such a foul mood all the time, he was very supportive.

it really depends on your manager, but once my manager & director realised the problem they were very supportive. I would hope they would be understanding of your difficulties, but some can be a nightmare. Mine were quite shocked as they didn't realise I was having such problems, as i just soldiered on, until I broke. Everyone else was coping so I should too. I thought I was really weak & pathetic and was no way going to admit i was struggling. I am not a weak person, I just get on with things.

I have now come to realise that sometimes we don't cope. Theres no reason why it happens, it just does. It is not a sign of weakness, at the end of the day it is an illness, and like everything needs treating. Sometimes with medication, sometimes with just rest & relaxation.

I know no doubt if i start struggling again, i'll still try to push on, but in all honesty, the longer you try & "ignore " it, keep going until your next holiday etc, the longer it takes to get back to being yourself.

Sorry this post is so long, you'll probably fall asleep by the time you get to the end.

I hope you got your meeting and are feeling a lot better.
Take care.

caroline

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Thanks for your post

I need my job - although it may not be the best in the world the pay is ok and I don't think that I should look for another one - I wouldn't be able to find an admin job on the wages that I am on, I don't think my collegue would be supportive - she can be a bit funny sometimes and although my manager was supportive at the begining she has other things i.e her pregnancy and other staff to deal with. Also when I took on this job my manager wasn't sure I would be able to cope and excited for getting my promotion I was like its no problem isn't not that harder job !!! pfh

So my concern really about taking the time off sick is that I will have a black mark on me and that I will not get the support I need so I think that I will just take the lieu days off. Our office is full of women and one is having an egg donor from her sister and is waiting for the procedure and the results to see if she is pregnant - she has been trying for 5 years and another has come back to work after loosing her baby one month before her due date so I feel that I am being silly and my worries over little work things really are insigificant

I know that the work thing can be resolvable - its taken longer than I thought because collegue keeps calling in sick and last week I was away - so the workload isn't settled. Yesterday she didn't come in as was off sick again and therefore the metting didn't happen and I felt like I was in a call centre the phone just did not stop ringining so didn't get anything done. I didn't feel like I should ask for help as I can't do this every time and its my job i just have to get on with it.

things just aren't moving on as they should be and until it does im going to feel like this

I have to tell myself I can't give up on this job just because its getting a little difficult, I tend to do this alot I start something and I give up when it gets too much/or get bored -I am so kicking myself for taking this job - the admin job I was doing was perfectly fine and the pay would have risen eventually. Not too long till ttc and I really hope I get a BFP quickly - or alternatively win the lottery !!!!!!!!

3 more days and it is the weekend whoo hoo !!!!

you sound like you have been through alot

 

[Caroline]

hun, it sounds really tough in your office. I can totally understand how you feel.

before you start ttc, try taking St John's Wort. It isn't recommended if pg, but to get you through the next couple of months it may help. I'm certain it helped me.

The job i was offered just happened to come up via an agency i was registered with. I was offered more money better package. My directors, virtually begged me to stay, met package, so i realised how much the actually valued me. My colleague also got a pay rise, and we both got an apology, (were told we were being over paid when we weren't for our area).

I'm certain work is the issue, and it is getting you down. I'd really try the St john's. I got mine online for about £7 for 180 tabs, I took 2 a day regularly, then when i was feeling better dropped to 1 a day, then every other day, then stopped.

Sounds to me as if your other colleague may be struggling with the conditions too if she keeps calling in sick!

Take care hun.
Always here if you need a chat/ rant
Caroline

 

[Happy]

I am going through exactly the same thing now. I have had a lot of extra pressure in my job since May, I came back from having my m/c only to be faced with having to cover the receptionists job as well as mine - I am a PA. At first it was ok as it was only supposed to be in the short term but 5 months later it is still going on. As well as being a PA am I head of admin, doing the receptionists job and doing all the admin for 5 offices, it got to the point last week where it became all too much.

I have had numerous conversations with the bosses about sorting things out, and it does improve for around a day and then goes back to normal. In the end I have given up trying to sort it out. I have been suffering from terrible headaches for the past few weeks and palpatations, I have also lost my appetite and cant sleep. I went to the doctors the other day as my mum thought my headaches could be linked to high blood pressure (turns out BP was fine) the doctor took one look at me asked if I was under stress and signed me off for 2 weeks to allow me time to calm down.

When she checked my pulse it was racing and I have been sent for an ECG although I have had one before and I know I have a naturally fast heart beat. I get the results tomorrow and I have to go back to see my GP to review things.

I felt guilty about having the time off but the more I think about it the more I agree, I tried to sort things out to no avail so it is them that have put me in this situation. My headcahes have now stopped but I can still feel my heart racing sometimes.

If I were you I would seriously consider getting signed off for a few weeks, 6 weeks is a long time to be stressed out before you holiday and it sounds as though you are making yourself ill. You need some time to relax and get back to normal. xxxx

 

[Caroline]

So sorry for your loss.

Hope things improve for you at work. My GP was brilliant, I felt awful going, especially as both times, i sat there & burst into tears, then apologised for doing so. My GP told me we all have problems coping @ times it is perfectly ok. He was so understanding, & brilliant about signing me off for longer if I needed it.

Take care of yourself hun. Take time out for you, chill out, don't do too much. I had a colleague who was getting palpatations & had to have an EEG, it was normal it was work related. She was fine when she was off, then they started up just before she was due to come back. She left, and felt heaps better. She was in a situation where she could.

Sending you loads of .
Take care of yourself. Always about in evening if you want to chat
Caroline xx

Edit : I also know what you mean about feeling guilty for taking time off. 2nd time I was off, I nearly went back after a week 'cos I was feeling a lot better, until OH talked me out of it

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Hiya

Collegue was still off yesterday - I thing she is ill and nothing more. I am a little peved with her that she decided not to work on sat said it was quiet so didn't come in. There was loads of things that she could have done and then she isn't in so I have to bundle through everything - it is just a job to her and she has done it alot longer than me and has done it on her own before. From her attitude her family comes first (and there is drama after drama) work is work - but yes maybe she feels a bit under it all too.

Does Holland and barrat do st johns wort ?? I have the kalms tablets do you have to take them for ages to see any difference ??

Made a little hint to my manager yesterday that I was going to have to take some work home because it needed to be done urgently and I hadn't got round to do it because of the phones constantly ringing and she said not to and she would help me - she has been helpful a bit.

I am going to request the day and a half off today I don't know if I should say why or not.

I really feel bad today - just feel like curling up on the sofa and not going in - and again I am crying at the thought of going in. I have never appreciated the weekends so much as I do at the moment - thing is I am so exhausted that we don't end up doing much, the house is a mess and the ironing (my most hated household job) builds up. H is out on Sat so am going to go swimming, jacuzzi, sanua, do the housework and sit and read a book

we didn't win the lottery either lol

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Hi Happy

Sorry to hear that you are feeling the same sorry about your m/c the last thing you need is stress at work.

I know what you mean about asking for the help and getting it for a bit then you are left - but I think to be fair to my manager we are on three floors and she can't see what is happning as she is on a different floor.

Things may get better when my collegue gets back and we have caught up - though this isn't going to be until next week and in the meantime im stressed - though it doesn't seem as bad as a month ago when my collegue was on holiday for two weeks.

Hope you feel better soon

 

[Happy]

I got the results of my ECG today and my heart beat is 92 beats per minute - the normal is 80! I had a normal rytham so my GP wasn't concerned she just put it down to stress and said pregnancy could be increasing it.

I rang work to update them and I was asked if I would def be in a week Monday
which really annoyed me and made me stressed. Good news is the new recptionist is starting at the beginning of November so hopefully things should start to go back to normal after that.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Hi Happy

Its good that they have employed someone else - typical employers when will you be back - the cheek !!!! Its good that the doctor wasn't worried - take it easy

Well I wrote an e-mail to my boss this morning to say that I want to take my lieu days off all at once and that I was feel stressed and tearful and crappy and that I wanted a meeting now collegue has came back (from having flu - no signs of a cold - is this normal after 3days ??? can you have flu without a cold ?? ) I waited all day for a reply feeling sooo sick as I didn't know what she was going to say - she said we would talk tommorow and the time off was ok yay !!! I was soo worried about what she would say. I hope she doesn't think less of me - at the end of the day I have told her there is a problem and I have tried to work through it and haven't just gone sick so that has got to count for something.

 

[Happy]

Hiya

I thought if you had the flu you would be in bed for days with a serious cold and an achy body?! I'm glad you can take some time off, how many leiu days are you taking? Typical of them to make you wait all day though sometimes I think employers think we go to work for fun!

Trust me she wont think any less of you we have both said something to our employers and luckily for you yours listened.

I bet you cant wait for Mexico, we went in January this year and it was fab! xx

 

[Caroline]

Hi Girls,
Happy I'm glad they've taken on someone extra, but do make sure you take care of yourself & lo. Can't believe they pestered yo u about going back, cheeky so & so's. I'd have said well I have a review with my GP on Fri, and I will back if they are happy for me to do so.

Mrs D - you have done the right thing not gong in, hope you are feeling better and your meeting goes well tomorrow. Your colleague seems to have made a remarkable recovery from the flu, normally full of cold & bed ridden for several days. Once out of bed you feel pretty lousy, so it seems very suspicious to me, either she pulled a sickie, or like you just couldn't face going to work.
Bad as it sounds, some mornings i'd wake & hope my hip would be bad, my back bad, anything just so I could phone in sick & not go to work.
I hope you feel better after the weekend, but if you are still feeling the same come Monday, I really think you need to see your GP.

Holland & Barrett do sell St. John's ( just cheaper online). It takes about 2 weeks to get in to your system and about 4 weeks for maximum effect, but may be a little quicker, everyones different.


Take care, hope you both start feeling better soon. Have a couple of duvet days & chill out, the ironing can wait another day.
for you both
Caroline xx