Stressed over sleeping arrangements

[brownhairedmom]

More of a rant than an asking advice thing.

I am so damn stressed out about where to sleep her to! She's outgrown her co-sleeper and I still want her in bed with me. My mother is absolutely against it and making me feel like shit about it, telling me if she dies it'll be my fault because I'm just too lazy to get up out of bed to see to her in the night Obviously if I'm taking her into bed with me I'm going to make sure its done safely. Now I'm paranoid that something is going to happen to her and I'm going to roll over on her or something. I'm just so anxious about putting her in her own crib, even if she's in the same room with me. I'm scared she's going to stop breathing or get caught up in the spaces between the thingys or whatever they are. I put her in there this afternoon and when I came in the room she had her face pressed into the sides so hard that she had marks from it on her face when I picked her up. An obvious solution would be to use bumper pads, but I'm also nervous she's going to put her face in them and smother.

ugghhhh it shouldn't be this stressful putting her to bed every night!

 

[kayjor04]

i totallly understand your stress... like what your explain was me a few months ago.
jordyn stayed in bed with me until she was 2 months old... alot of the time she'd fall asleep in her nursing pillow.. and before anyone yells at me, i'm aware it probably wasnt the best thing, but it worked. she was safe and sound.i never had a co-sleeper.. once again i'm not looking to get yelled at.
i'm just not a mover in my sleep and i'm well aware of it.. i fall asleep and wake up in the same place. so she usually just fell asleep beside me in bed. Anyways, My mom always made me feel like crap about having her co-sleeping with me as well... she'd tell EVERYONE and tell them in that condesending way that gets right under your skin. finally i had to tell her to piss off. that i'd move her when i see fit.
So have you thought about getting a basinet for her?? with no bars, and no little places she get stuck in... i had Jordyn in my room in her bassinet until she was 4 months old.. then i moved her bassinet into her own room then moved her into her crib. Its REALLY hard to let go.. i get that.. from time to time i still take naps with babe just cause i miss the sound of her sleeping beside me...
But take your time, theres no rush, tell your ma you'll move her when your ready. till then, maybe keep an eye out for a little bassinet. they're a grat way to kinda move up a step... cause you can still have her RIGHT beside you.
chin up bebe!

 

[Sarah88]

Hun, many many women cosleep without the use of aids and do so successfully. Yeah i'm sure there are some risks but you will find that you probably won't move. I know whenever I have Savannah in our bed I never move and i'm normally always tossing and turning.

 

[mommyof3co]

I'm sorry your mom is being like that. Alot of people feel that way but alot of well known pediatricians, such as Dr. Sears, even say it is safe, if done safely, and can be even safer than crib sleeping.

Here is some great info you could read over and have some actual facts to tell your mom
https://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp#T071006

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I'm sorry your mom is being like that. Alot of people feel that way but alot of well known pediatricians, such as Dr. Sears, even say it is safe, if done safely, and can be even safer than crib sleeping.

Here is some great info you could read over and have some actual facts to tell your mom
https://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp#T071006

thanks for that link mommyof3co!!


Rae, I co-sleep with Alexa still! She is nearly 8 months and I get tonnes of people telling me oh don't do that, it's bad to do that it's dangerous etc etc. I am very aware when I sleep with her. I sleep better knowing she is next to me... hell I wouldn't get any sleep if she was in her crib... I have been told I am selfish for having her sleep with me, but I don't see it that way at all-she enjoys having my comfort overnight-she sleeps in her crib for her daytime naps- I get more sleep through the night (especially in the early months when she would wake for a feed, it was so much easier on me to pop a boob in her mouth than to get up and sit with her in the living room) while that might sound selfish, I think of it as making it so I can sleep better, so I will be better rested, and not be cranky the next day... I have a clearer and more positive head, and I think that is important around an infant. Do what you feel you should do, not what your mom tells you, she is your child, someone is always going to be telling you that you are doing something wrong regardless.

 

[anita665]

I've had some scary moments with Pierre in his cot in his own room. I've gone in on a few occasions to find he has completey covered his head under his blanket but I'm confident he can still breathe and move it if he needs too. He just likes to sleep with his face covered!

I don't think it's bad to sleep in your bed either. At almost 8 months she is probably quite robust and would soon cry if she was in any trouble. The only thing I'd be concerned about is if she was difficult to move to her own bed later.

You're the mummy. You do what you think is best. Forget what others say. x

 

[Serene123]

Firstly, I want you to know co-sleeping is NATURAL. It is safe aslong as you know your baby is in bed with you. Whilst you're asleep with your baby you WILL NOT go into the 4th nor 5th stage of sleep. You and your baby work together and have a mutual understanding of eachother as you sleep. Whilst you will not notice this, you and your baby will mimic eachothers movements and in turn, get a much better sleep! Tell your mother that she bought her kids up the way she wanted to, and now you'll do the same. That said, if you want her in her crib, don't let fear stop you.

 

[Becky]

I have co-slept with Jacob even when he was in the hospital! Yes people have disagreed but he is my baby and I know what is best for him! He started sleeping through the nights with me and for the last 2 nights has slept the whole night in his own cot!

My feeling is you cant force her to sleep where she doesnt want to you need to make her happy and you will be happy as a result! x

 

[AC81]

I'm another co-sleeper! This thread has totally cheered me up. I too have been really beating myself up about it, but I'm not going to anymore. I'm subject to daily rants from people about how bad it is, how dangerous it is and that I'm 'making a rod for my own back' because she will still be in my bed when she's older (apparently).

I am a very light sleeper and I find that I don't move at all if she's on me. It is much easier to co sleep whilst breastfeeding too - just pop a boob in while you're still in bed. I can't for the life of me wake myself up enough at night to put her back in her cot, although I do try once I've fed her.

I started co sleeping when she was sick at a week old and we've done it ever since. Hubby sleeps downstairs so we have the bed to ourselves. The few times I have put her in her cot I've woken up to find her covered in her own sick, freezing cold from the sick and trying so hard not to cry and put her self back to sleep. I am so worried that she'll choke on her sick that I find I can't sleep if she's not with me. We both sleep so much better when we're in bed together. As a result, most nights since she was a week or so old, I get at least 7 or 8 hours of sleep (albeit a little broken).

Thank you ladies for making me feel like it's ok to cosleep (and that I'm not the only one doing it).

 

[Novbaby08]

I've been sleeping with Harley in my bed since day 1, and I have a bed rail on the side that she sleeps on, but a lot of nights she sleeps on her stomach on my chest, and other nights on her side with me on my side facing each other and I'm holding her of course. And despite the "risks" I always know she's there, and I tend to be a deep sleeper. My parents are also against it, and want me to start working with her to get into her crib, and I do.

 

[charlie07]

I have not slept with gabbi in our bed, even though I am a light sleeper, my OH is the deepest sleeper I know!! He doesn't even hear her sometimes when she cries so no way could I sleep with her in our bed. Also, I have woken up thinking I HAD put her in our bed and have woken up in a sweat feeling the covers trying to find her!! Hence, never done it.

Saying that, I was also sooooo paranoid about her in her own cot and stopping breathing, I was checking her every 5 mins!! I had a tough few weeks until my mum brought over (I live in Bulgaria and very little available) the AngelCare sound and movement monitor. I can HIGHLY recommend it, I think it is mentioned elsewhere on the forum too. She got it from Toys R Us as Mothercare only sold it online.

It has a sensor pad, so detects even the slightest movement. Also has a temperature part to it, so if the temp drops below or above the temp you put in, the alarm sounds, also acts as a baby monitor up to 250 m, so all in all it's brilliant. I can now sleep peacefully knowing that there is a back up, it's not fool proof but I know another friend who got the same as she had a scare, she has also slept soundly since.

 

[ryder]

I dont feel co-sleeping is safe, plus your going to end up with probs later... It seems co=sleeping is alot more popular in the UK and other places here, I dont know many people here who co-sleep as it is not recommended in Canada.

You can buy wedges at toys r us and walmart that keep the baby in one place on her back... I use these with Jasmine and she stays exactly where I put her.

 

[ColtonsMom]

I've coslept with Colton since he was 2 weeks old, he's now almost 10mo.
I'm not going to go into detail as lots of people have already done that. The only thing I worry about is that I wont be able to get him in his own bed later on.
However, you are the mommy, you decide how you want to raise your child. The lady that cuts my hair told me she didn't cosleep with her first because everyone told her it was bad and she regretted it. Said she coslept with her second and third and loves it!

 

[nikky0907]

I don't know what more to add since the girls explained it really well. I don't co-sleep most times but there is an odd night when I do and honestly there's nothing to be scared of,there is a psychological barrier that will stop you from flipping in bed all the time even if you usually do it,in fact the stress will be relieved and you'll be much calmer,therefor sleep a lot more seren,same goes for Renah.
I too think it's more widely accepted in UK then in North America but I don't see a reason why you shouldn't do it.
Also I am terrified of Lola going into her big girls cot and that she'll suffocate so I armed myself with wedges for the cot that stop her from turning around.

 

[Chellebelle]

Simeon is only a week old and I planned on having him in his moses basket next to me at night... but when he wakes up for his early morning feed (usually around 2am) he will not go back into his moses basket. He never cries, but if I try and put him back in there at 3am, I even persisited the other night until 5am up and down picking him up and putting him back down... and he just cried and would not settle.

So now, he comes into our bed when he finishes his feed and he falls straight asleep. I feel there is no danger whatsoever as we are both completely aware that he is there and there is no way that I would fall into a deep enough sleep to not think about him being there. All three of us sleep better since I have been doing that and now he never cries at all... he is a content little man.

xxx

 

[welshcakes79]

Ive co-slept,
And i totally agree with Toria, you dont go into a heavy enough sleep to roll too far over, thats why they tell you not to co-sleep if yo have been drinking because under alcohol you do go into a deep sleep because your senses are impaired...
i have also found Rhiannon in some "worrying" positions... one being arm and leg through cot bars and her face down.. i honestly thought that id lost her but i checked she was breathing, and stood and watched her until she moved (ok i stood there like a numpty for 20 odd minutes, but i had to just so i could know she could move on her own, and she did)
She is still in the same room as me down here but in our house in north england she slept in our room whilst we had the spare.. didnt think i would sleep, but i did and could tell it was a deeper sleep when i got up because i "knew" she wasnt in bed with me (if that makes sense)

your feeling everything a mommy should be feeling rae hun, you want to be close to her, worried your doing the right/wrong thing and trying to please everyone (ie your mom)..
your doing a grand job and that beautiful little girl of yours would soon let you know if you accidentally took up any of her space in bed (they are quite severe in the eye poking department lol!!!)

xxx

 

[BlackBerry25]

We sleep with Helena. We put her in her crib, but if she wakes up or is fussy I just plop her in between me and Brian. I have slept with her since she was born. You won't roll on to her, its like how you won't roll off the bed. You just know where she is. Helena has never moved close to me either, she just stays in her own little space.

 

[BlackBerry25]

and I hardly think it is dangerous unless you have been drinking. I really would like to know real facts about babies dying from this.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I have co-slept with Jacob even when he was in the hospital! Yes people have disagreed but he is my baby and I know what is best for him! He started sleeping through the nights with me and for the last 2 nights has slept the whole night in his own cot!

My feeling is you cant force her to sleep where she doesnt want to you need to make her happy and you will be happy as a result! x

It was acrually the hospital that showed me how to co-sleep with Alexa and told me it was safe!! It's funny, because before I gave birth to her I always said I would never co-sleep...

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I've coslept with Colton since he was 2 weeks old, he's now almost 10mo.
I'm not going to go into detail as lots of people have already done that. The only thing I worry about is that I wont be able to get him in his own bed later on.
However, you are the mommy, you decide how you want to raise your child. The lady that cuts my hair told me she didn't cosleep with her first because everyone told her it was bad and she regretted it. Said she coslept with her second and third and loves it!

that's my worry too marchbaby... but i definietely would never regret sleeping with her-we have had lots of bonding time while co-sleeping, and I would never change that-even if it takes some extra work to get her into her own crib later on.