Struggling to get on side with his career.

[Pearls18]

Perhaps he could do his A levels so that opens up his options as to where he can train nearer to you? There has to be give and take I'm certainly not denying that

 

[Rhio92]

I don't blame you for not being too happy. Medical school is 5 years minimum. During that there are huge exams and a lot of hard work. Then when they get a job, it's 2 (or 3) years of foundation years and study. There are long shifts (we're talking about some shifts lasting 25 hours!). Then what does he want to do? He needs to choose a path to go down, so that's more study. I read somewhere that to become a GP, it's 12 years from the start of medical school to actually being a GP.
I used to want to be a doctor (still do, if I'm quite honest). I worked hard to get the grades for uni. But when I had Connor, I knew it would be impossible to balance being a good mum and a good student/doctor. Well, not impossible, but very very difficult.
You need to tell him how you feel hun. You don't want to suffer or your child/family to suffer because you stayed silent on the matter. Good luck (and hats off to the doctors on here that do manage )xxx

 

[aimee-lou]

I can sympathise. My hubby is just finishing his 4th year of a biology degree and will potentially be going on to do his PGCE (although his enthusiasm has waned slightly as he hates studying! lol) and it's taken a lot out of us with the sacrifices we've made, the compromises, the house moves and the adjustment financially.

I would probably try to get him to see this as a family venture - life I mean - it's not a solo venture and he needs to see his family unit as his support network, not as an inconvenience. I've had to point this out to hubby on many an occasion, not least last week when he was telling me he didn't want to go to his own graduation! How selfish! lol

Could he defer by a year, and maybe save up for his tuition so you didn't need to get a loan? in the meantime could he maybe do the necessary A Levels via OU or through the local college so maybe he could do it closer to home? Or use the time to gain work experience which may also help him. Academics can only get one so far. This would also give you time to fulfil your own ambitions and emotional needs, like completing your family and so on.

This is a team effort, or it should be anyway, and if you can view it that way, it makes the whole thing a lot easier. I also agree with MarineWAG though that it's important that everyone gets a crack of the whip, and that a move isn't always a bad thing - nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Good luck x

 

[seoj]

Although I can understand wanting to do something your passionate about... especially as a career (long term, we all want to be happy with our work right?)- at the same time, he does need to consider that it's not JUST about him anymore... it's about your family unit and what is best (generally speaking) for you all.

Personally- there is a part of me that would like a career change. For a while, I honestly felt trapped and very unhappy with my job. It's something I fell into with luck and doors opened through hard work-- but not where I wanted to be I guess. I just never really had the drive to figure out what I wanted to do- so I just went along and feel very blessed I got where I am without any training (other than work experience).

In the end- I had to find a way to feel good about what I do and now, I'm happy. Maybe it's not something I'm passionate about or LOVE... lol. But I have so many good things about my job... it's flexible, I love my manger/co-workers, I make good money, I get to work from home on Fridays and see LO more... so I had to decide what made sense. And it didn't make sense for my family if I went back to school for something I might love- to spend that money/time/effort only for a job that pays less?

I see where long term it might benefit you all- but why can't he wait for a while. Stick with where he is now- then see how things go... the school will always be there, but your LO's youth will not. I do think you just need to be honest with him- he's not a mind reader and probably isn't thinking about all that as men sometimes have blinders on But if he's rational- he'll get it.

 

[missk1989]

Thanks ladies. He has never had a job he loves and seems to be really enjoying this training so i am not sure why he wants to go on to do more. On that note though it would be nice to see him doing what he wants its just that if what he wants to do is work long shifts in a hospital and being away or on call at holidays im not sure i would ever be okay with this. If the university nearby would accept him without alevels (they say they wont but he will have had 2 years hospital experience and a masters by then so why not?) then i would probably just about be able to get on board as we would still have a support network, my job and with him on a course most of our childcare would be paid for so i could continue to work full time even with 2 kids which would be amazing. I just dont want my son missing out on time with his dad.

 

[dani_tinks]

I totally understand the not wanting him to work long shifts and then on calls ontop. It isn't easy and you do feel like you're married to the hospital, I always say the hospital is our second home. With my hubby I really have to pester him to make sure he takes his holiday leave because otherwise he works himself into the ground. x