support after a loss

[wantingagirl]

People have been telling me how lovely and support all you ladies are

I really need help and support from people that understand.

I cant see a way as to how I am ever going to be ok with this or even be happy

at all. I started losing my very longed for beany 2 days ago at 5wks 4 days To

some this may not be long but I feel the grief as if I carried my baby for a life

time, its weird. At the moment I dont even know where I am half the time and

finding things very difficult to even just function. I hope in time I can get over

this and move on

xxx

 

[hollyw79]

It doesn't matter HOW far along you are- a loss is a loss. I lost mine around 7-8 weeks and was devastated- and I am SURE it's even harder the farther you go - but that doesn't mean you don't have every right under the sun to feel equally as upset- this was your child that was conceived and taken from you- I definitely understand. I really don't care for how some people have said "well, you were only 2 months" ... WELLLLLLLLLL- that was a baby that I wanted for the last 7-8 years and WELLLLLL it still hurts like a beotch! And WELLLLLLLL my baby had a heart beat and WELLLLLL I loved it from BEFORE it was conceived. VENT! (SORRY!) Mine happened about 2 weeks ago- and 10 days since I had a d&c and it *does* get easier- but it's still very, very hard. I cried in bed last night honestly... there will forever be a hole in my heart. One of the ladies on here suggested reading "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo~ I had heard about it before my miscarriage- but when this Bnb member suggested it again- I went and read it- AWESOME, AWESOME book- especially if you've gone through a miscarriage. I had tears in my eyes countless times.. if you're up for a good, meaningful read- check it out. I am soooo sorry you've gone through this. My heart just aches big time for anyone who has experienced this. It's very hard. DO try and keep your chin up my dear!

 

[Lucia]

I am very sorry for your loss. I agree with hollyw79. It doesn't matter how far along you are - a loss is a loss and it hurts like hell.

I think I can say that it will get better in time - the grief and feelings of anger. It just takes some time. Don't force yourself to just "get over it". Take time to be good to yourself and feel the loss. Cry your heart out if you need to.

I hope that things improve for you (even if a little) very soon.

 

[wannabe mam]

Hi hun,
I am really sorry you are going through this hun. Like said above it dosnt matter how far you were you still loved your baby just as much. Being honest yes there will be hard times ahead. Its coming up to 1 year since my loss and I still get depressed everytime AF arrives and still cry for my baby that should have been nearly 5 months old now. I dont think we ever get over this we just learn to carry on. Its important to grieve, so cry and talk to as many friends and family as you can, around AF time plan something nice so you have a distraction. The only comfort I can give you now is that you will be an amazing mum one day because you loved your baby so much. Someone on here posted a lovely poem about the babies growing up in heaven and that you will meet them one day - bit hippyish but a nice thought!
This place is great for venting, friends and family are there for you but only those who have lost understand your pain. I know my world will never be the same and ttc has changed my life, lets hope it will all be worth it one day.
Tale care xxx

 

[xSamanthax]

I'm so sorry for your loss I agree with the others, it doesn't matter how far along you were, you still have lost a baby. I was 9 weeks when i lost my Baby Angel. I think about my Baby Angel everyday there isn't a day that goes by when i don't think about them. As each day goes by it does get slightly easier but there are still bad days. One day you will be a mum and have a beautiful baby. We are all here for you to talk to and vent to when you need it

 

[wantingagirl]

thanks girls

I hope we stay in contact its nice to have such strong support from someone that understands.

I am originally from scotland and just moved to england 7 months ago so I have no family here and non of them know I am ttc or that I was pregnant. To be honest I am only close to my oldest sis and still wont tell her. This is my second and I guess I just took for granted cos my first went well that it wouldnt happen to me. I had no symptons at all with my first and pregnancy went great and so many symptons with this one which I thought was re-assuring. Yes I agree sometimes I am fine and other times not. I have stopped blaming myself and already have a plan in place so hopefully I will get there slowly

Thank you again for all of your support

xxx

 

[BabyDeacon]

thinking of you xx

 

[Eternal]

im so sorry for your loss

 

[wantingagirl]

thanks babydeacon and eternal, so sorry for what you have had to go through too. I hope we all get there soon

xxx

 

[pip7890]

So sorry for your loss.



Pip x

 

[wannabe mam]

Found that poem that someone has posted on here before.

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.

He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

 

[Angel.Mummy]

sorry for your loss,
i don't think it matters how far you were i was 7weeks 4 days and lost my baby, i felt as if i had carried my baby my whole life like it was a part of me.

none off my family knew i was pregnant either cause i was planning to tell them the day i found out i was losing it xxx

 

[NatashaZ]

Hello sweetie. I lost mine at 9 weeks. I also had that feeling that I was already a mom and that my life was this little miracle inside me. It is a sense of purpose that nothing else in life can match. It is hard, and I don't think we'll ever forget our babies and wonder about who they would have been had things gone differently. But we are all here for support and if you are anything like me, you will gain a lot of strength and feel very loved sharing your story with all the other people here If it weren't for this forum, I think I would have a much harder time dealing with what happened.

My OH and I also didn't tell many people about our pregnancy. My family has no idea, and I think his mom is the only one that knows- and she doesn't know we lost it yet. It is hard going forward without support. If you have someone you can talk to about it, even if it is just your OH, talk often and vent as needed. Still, as hard as it is, I think when/if I get another BFP, I am again going to keep it a secret until week 13. That's just me. I want to enjoy it without the pressure from family and friends.

Good luck hun. We are all here for you. Stay strong and positive

 

[debzie]

Hello hun.
First of all so sorry for your loss. I agree it doesnot matter how far on you were you morn not for the tiny clump of cells but the baby it was and you morn for the life you would have had with that child. . didnot know the meaning of heart ache until last November. But the old cleashay is true time does heal. I know although a long way to accepting what happened the process has started. I do get bad days still. I was lucky in that I had two friends that had been through it that was before I found this forum. just know that we are all here for you when you need it. take care x x x

 

[wantingagirl]

girls thank you, I agree I dont think I would have got through the 16 months TTC and then the miscarriage that followed without this site altho it is still really early days. Today was a better day and then it just hits me for a little while the sadness. But I will be glad for the few hours of happiness a day than non at all. I am starting a new job tomorrow which I am dreading but I have to.

That poem was absolutely lovely that thought of my baby watching over me makes me feel a little more content with what is happening, had a tear in my eye reading that

xxxx