Support (or lack thereof) during 1st tri

[Rymel12]

I find that because it's so taboo to talk about being pregnant in the first trimester it often leaves me feeling very isolated. I've told a select few about my pregnancy and my best friend is one of them. I thought she would be a great support this time around. Last pregnancy she wasn't great support cause she was jealous that I was pregnant before she was (she admitted this to me much later). Not once during first trimester last time did she ask how I was feeling. This time around I was hoping would be different as she has since had a baby of her own. But it's been the exact same! I even sent her an email the other day desperate for support as I told her how tough this pregnancy is on me, not even a response back. I saw she read the message, even a two word "sorry girl" woulda been better than nothing and would take three seconds to send. I'm sure she's busy with her 6 month old, but I feel slighted and disapointed at this point. It's like, if your closest circle can't support you right now, where does it come from? Well here for one, thank God, but without a lot of people around me knowing, it feels hard.. This is a vulnerable time full of misery, sickness and anxiety and as the pregnancy goes on it gets easier. I need the hugs now, so to speak. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Amygdala]

YES! Exactly how I feel. I've had losses in the past (as well as two healthy kids) so I have that extra layer of anxiety and it feels like I can't really talk about it to anyone apart from DH. He's great but I don't want to stress him out too much, especially with the million and one other things he's currently doing to make my nausea riddled life a bit easier. My best friend knows about the pregnancy, and the losses, but hasn't asked me once how I'm doing. I know things are tough for her. They've been ttc for a long time for their second and I know she's upset it's not working out. But I've asked her outright and she says that she's happy for me and my pregnancy doesn't upset her, but then continues to pretty much ignore me when I try to reach out to her for support. I literally feel like I can't cope some days and I'm terrified of this pregnancy not working out either because right now, I don't think I could put myself and my family through another first trimester. I know it's temporary but I'm really miserable and pretty depressed as a result of that. And yes, I'm grateful I can get pregnant but not knowing whether it'll result in a baby is just cruel.

 

[ebannawuoyohw]

I am in the same boat.
I got pregnant before my cousin who is a year older than me. We'd both been trying a while both have endometriosis. I don't have any friends she is the closest thing I have to one.
I had a missed miscarriage and she was so happy I'd lost it.
She then got pregnant and was shoving it in my face.
I don't know why i still talk to her tbh I should have got rid there and then.
Anyway I got pregnant four months later but I had hg so it was hell. No sympathy. No support. If she'd had it she'd expect so much. I don't but it's just how it's different for her you know.
She since had baby number two fine.
And here I am again struggling with my number two. Why do the nicer people get all the shit?
I'd never be as nasty or selfish as her yet she gets it all on a plate. Mil buying everything and I mean everything. We have to do it all ourselves and don't have a lot of money. It does get to me.
I rent a house and she had a flat she came here once in a year because she was so jealous. Now she has a house I don't hear from her at all. I went to hers once a week but I refuse to now. I'd rather have no friends! All she does is say look at this look at that what she's bought or whatever. Sends me pics of her kids for complements ect. She has lots of friends she does things with so I'm always last resort.
I'd like to make friends with mums this time.
Sorry for the rant but I just get where you are coming from.

 

[Amygdala]

Your cousin doesn't sound very nice! I agree, go make some mum friends! Can you maybe take your toddler to a playgroup or class? There'll be plenty of other mums who will appreciate someone to have play dates with or go to the park. You definitely don't need that negativity in your life!

 

[ebannawuoyohw]

Yeah I know. I guess I'm quite a family person but my family aren't the same when it comes to me. I'm the black sheep because I work and have a loving supporting partner who works. Most of my family are on benefits and single mums or with controlling partners.
I have been recently going to groups but now I'm pregnant I'm going to struggle to even get up for a wee. So I'm hoping my sickness tabs give me a bit of normality and able to go out for the sake of my three year old.
As for the first trimester being taboo I wanted mine kept secret because of my mmc but my whole family including my mother think it's okay to all tell each other behind my back literally they all know I only told my mum and my cousin. And my work want to tell everyone too because I can't be the one on the shit heavy Isle anymore and no one wanted to swap without a reason! I told them no ill do a different isle as someone recently left so no one needs to be told. But I guarantee they all know as well.
I feel like I literally don't matter or count when it comes to things in life everyone's like oh its only hayley never mind.
I'm suffering on my own but luckily I have a supportive oh.

 

[ebannawuoyohw]

Amy totally get you too. I've had a loss and the first trimester is so hard. Give me labour any day even though I thought Ido die from the pain it was four hours not 8 months of sickness.
Sorry your best friend is no support but I do feel a good friend is hard to find. I'm 29 this year never really had one.

 

[cnote]

I also feel a lack of support...mostly because my family and my husbands family all live hundreds-thousands of miles away. My family is also obsessed with my sister and her drama, and her 3 kids. I haven't even told them about the pregnancy because I know they won't care. I can't tell my work either until after my annual review in 2 weeks, after which I will have some protections (govt job) and more job/insurance security. My husband works long hours so after I get home from a long day at work, I then gave to cook, clean, etc. So I really feel like I'm in this alone...and in many ways I wish I weren't pregnant.