Support thread for all the atheist,agnostic,non-religious and secular humanist TTCers

[Duckieshoes]

No problem. I think the thing you never hear about TTC until you're doing it is that it is incredibly depressing. I know I keep wondering "Can I do it? Is it possible? What if it's not? What if I can't get pregnant?" And that happens every cycle...sometimes I feel like my life is on hold. Why do anything special when I'm trying to do something so important to me? Not that any of that is productive...but it's always there in the back of my mind...

Which makes it harder to be happy for other people when they get what I want.

 

[babyluv2012]

I agree completely. I feel like its all I think about sometimes.
I made the mistake of letting a few close friends know that we are TTC and I keep getting asked about it, like " sooo..are you preggers yet??" ugh, I'm like nooo not yet, its not going to happen overnight!

 

[MMW430]

I agree completely. I feel like its all I think about sometimes.
I made the mistake of letting a few close friends know that we are TTC and I keep getting asked about it, like " sooo..are you preggers yet??" ugh, I'm like nooo not yet, its not going to happen overnight!

I know how you feel! And now for me, everyone I know who claimed they hate kids/didn't ever want them is getting pregnant. If I have to read one more post about it on facebook, I think I'll scream.

The one girl is "complaining" about how she has an aversion to meat with baby #2. I don't even want to hear it anymore.

 

[Sbmack]

No problem. I think the thing you never hear about TTC until you're doing it is that it is incredibly depressing. I know I keep wondering "Can I do it? Is it possible? What if it's not? What if I can't get pregnant?" And that happens every cycle...sometimes I feel like my life is on hold. Why do anything special when I'm trying to do something so important to me? Not that any of that is productive...but it's always there in the back of my mind...

Which makes it harder to be happy for other people when they get what I want.

This is so true. Most people don't talk about ttc. I have to remember that when I see so many getting preggers. I really don't want to be a jealous person and I'm not for the most part. There's just a 'why not me' feeling. I was talking to a colleague recently (she's pregnant with her third) and found out she has had two miscarraiges. I was a little sad when she told me she was pregnant again, but I didn't know of the prior miscarraiges. I was happy for her but wondered why not me, all the while not knowing about her suffering.

 

[tsyhanochka]

I unsubscribed to friends with new babies that were spamming my feed with daily albums!!!!

I feel like I'm on hold too. I just want to know if we can do this naturally or are we adopting. We talked about putting off adoption to travel and live some more first. I'm keen on getting siblings if we go the adoption route and they don't need to be infants...that way we can skip over the sleepless nights

 

[babyluv2012]

I agree completely. I feel like its all I think about sometimes.
I made the mistake of letting a few close friends know that we are TTC and I keep getting asked about it, like " sooo..are you preggers yet??" ugh, I'm like nooo not yet, its not going to happen overnight!

I know how you feel! And now for me, everyone I know who claimed they hate kids/didn't ever want them is getting pregnant. If I have to read one more post about it on facebook, I think I'll scream.

The one girl is "complaining" about how she has an aversion to meat with baby #2. I don't even want to hear it anymore.

I agree. It is really tough to hear things like that, especially complaining about something so silly. I think I will be so gloriously happy when I do get pregnant that I really don't care if I get aversions, etc.

 

[pbl_ge]

A friend of mine who is pregnant with #2 complained this summer about her aversion to fresh home grown tomatoes from her garden. Since you can only get good tomatoes for a few months a year, I could understand that complaint. Especially since she grew them herself.

Have you folks heard of Unbaby Me?

 

[babyluv2012]

Home grown tomatoes are really delicious!

I have never heard of unbaby me, what is that?

 

[MMW430]

I agree completely. I feel like its all I think about sometimes.
I made the mistake of letting a few close friends know that we are TTC and I keep getting asked about it, like " sooo..are you preggers yet??" ugh, I'm like nooo not yet, its not going to happen overnight!

I know how you feel! And now for me, everyone I know who claimed they hate kids/didn't ever want them is getting pregnant. If I have to read one more post about it on facebook, I think I'll scream.

The one girl is "complaining" about how she has an aversion to meat with baby #2. I don't even want to hear it anymore.

I agree. It is really tough to hear things like that, especially complaining about something so silly. I think I will be so gloriously happy when I do get pregnant that I really don't care if I get aversions, etc.

Oh I know! Bring on the aversions. I don't care! I'm trying to decide if I should early test tomorrow (that's when the window starts). I just don't want to be disappointed....

 

[babyluv2012]

I don't know, I guess I personally hate seeing those BFN's so this cycle I'm going to wait until I have for sure missed my period.

Of course, its up to you sweetie. What are you thinking?

 

[MMW430]

I don't know, I guess I personally hate seeing those BFN's so this cycle I'm going to wait until I have for sure missed my period.

Of course, its up to you sweetie. What are you thinking?

I'm thinking I want to wait.....but what I think I want to do, and what I ultimately end up doing are two different things. I'm sure I'm going to probably end up testing tomorrow morning.

I just don't know how I'm going to react if it's a BFN. Normally I get irritated, roll my eyes, throw it in the trash, and move on. If I hadn't had that BFP last Sunday, I think I'd feel better if I get another BFN. For all I know that BFP was a false positive, but it gave me hope....and now all week I've felt weird, and I've never had these weird (well, weird to me) symptoms before.

 

[Duckieshoes]

Well, if it doesn't bother you to get the bfn, then I suppose it doesn't hurt to test...except that, at least for me, I get frutrated at wasting the money, ya know? Then again, that's what those tests are for, right? Meh.

 

[MMW430]

Well, if it doesn't bother you to get the bfn, then I suppose it doesn't hurt to test...except that, at least for me, I get frutrated at wasting the money, ya know? Then again, that's what those tests are for, right? Meh.

I think this time it might bother me to get the BFN. I mean, it always bothers me, but I think it might bother me more this time.

When I really think about all the money I've wasted on tests, it bothers me, but at the same time, I almost feel like I've already threw so much away already, what's a little more? Bad mindset...I know.

 

[vietmamsie]

So happy this thread is alive again!

I'm back from a break, but don't plan to be on BnB everyday as I was for several months. Taking it a bit easier after my last miscarriage. Seeing a doctor now and will have all my blood work results back this week. Turns out I have PCOS, but it isn't very sever because I am able to get pregnant. From the looks of my uterus everything is fine. He said we just have to keep trying and if I another miscarriage, then we'll move to the next step. It's nice to finally have a PLAN, even if we aren't sure we'll go through with it (we're not sure fertility treatment is for us, and are still trying to figure out our limits before we move forward. I think a round or two of clomid would be ok, but draw the line at IUI and IVF, where as my husband doesn't really want to do anything unnaturally. It also just isn't in our budget to have 5 unsuccessful IUIs and 3 rounds of IVF. We are both totally into adoption and would strongly consider adoption for a second child even if we didn't have fertility issues. But just really want to go through pregnancy and child birth once to see what its like.)

What are your views on fertility treatment? What are your limits? What motivates them? Financial or other? How do you feel about adoption?

Anyways, enough rambling from me! So happy to see so many new faces!

 

[MrS. MaBrEy]

So happy this thread is alive again!

I'm back from a break, but don't plan to be on BnB everyday as I was for several months. Taking it a bit easier after my last miscarriage. Seeing a doctor now and will have all my blood work results back this week. Turns out I have PCOS, but it isn't very sever because I am able to get pregnant. From the looks of my uterus everything is fine. He said we just have to keep trying and if I another miscarriage, then we'll move to the next step. It's nice to finally have a PLAN, even if we aren't sure we'll go through with it (we're not sure fertility treatment is for us, and are still trying to figure out our limits before we move forward. I think a round or two of clomid would be ok, but draw the line at IUI and IVF, where as my husband doesn't really want to do anything unnaturally. It also just isn't in our budget to have 5 unsuccessful IUIs and 3 rounds of IVF. We are both totally into adoption and would strongly consider adoption for a second child even if we didn't have fertility issues. But just really want to go through pregnancy and child birth once to see what its like.)

What are your views on fertility treatment? What are your limits? What motivates them? Financial or other? How do you feel about adoption?

Anyways, enough rambling from me! So happy to see so many new faces!

because my husband is in the military we have pretty decent infertility coverage. all the testing for both sides is included and any "drug only" treatments. We decided for financial reasons to do all that we could within the "free" range of our health insurance and then after that if we had no luck to do 3 rounds of IUI because our insurance will cover the visit and the drugs just not the procedure its self. after that we were done. IVF is so expensive that in what 2 rounds cost with only a 40% chance of success combined with the military adoption grant we could adopt and guarantee ourselves a child...maybe not an infant...but a young child would be good enough for us. this little owl baby stuck our first cycle of clomid+trigger shot. I know you mentioned "unnatural" but i promise you it doesn't feel unnatural. i remember every moment of making this baby and it is a pretty amazing thing to know the exact moment you made your child the drug side effects are sucky but totally worth it and, for me anyway, nothing compared to pregnancy. hopefully you can make the right decisions for you and your family!

 

[MMW430]

I took a test this morning. Since I'm obsessed with POPS all I had was an EPT that I technically shouldn't have taken early until tomorrow. I feel like I can see a very very faint line, and I woke my husband up and after looking at it for a minute, he agreed. Bottom line is I still don't know what to believe and think I'm just going to try to hold off until I (hopefully) miss AF (due next Thursday) and test again then.

 

[pbl_ge]

Viet, welcome back! Are you TTC this cycle? I'm still waiting for HCG levels to go to 0, so I've got a few more weeks. In the meantime, I'm doing a cleanse:
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/ttc-journals/1265167-detox-cleanse-preparation-ttcal-2.html
I definitely understand about viewing this whole process differently after a m/c. It totally changes your perspective on TTC, BnB, and pregnancy. And other people, too, as so many people are so idiotic on the topic. I've seen a lot of people disconnect from BnB after a m/c, but the TTCAL threads can be great. I hope you get a sticky BFP soon!

As far as what I'm willing to do, I don't think I have a lot of limits, except for no surrogates. IVF is pretty routine these days, so it doesn't bother me. It may be less "compelling" (a friend's word) to have a procedure rather than a transcendental physical experience to conceive, but I want a child, so I'm definitely willing to try it. My current insurance doesn't cover it, but I'm planning on switching in December, anyways. The one I'm on doesn't cover IUI when there's a sperm donor involved, which seems purely discriminatory to me. I lodged a complaint and am waiting for the open enrollment period in December. But I've always considered adoption for #2. Like you, I want to experience the process myself, first.

The good news is that the fact that both you and I got pregnant naturally indicates a good chance of another natural pregnancy. (Chances are lower that it will be in the right place for me, but that's another story.)

MMW, a line is a line!!!! Maybe post a pic? I'm cautiously celebrating for you!

 

[MMW430]

I can't seem to get a good enough pic where you can see anything. I'll feel better when I miss AF and its an obvious line.

 

[tsyhanochka]

Fingers crossed MMW!!!

I like viet and pbl's positivity of 'at least you can get pregnant'. FX'd for you guys to get some sticky beans soon!!!

I can totally respect your decisions on taking time away from BnB as well. My sister lost 3 beans before finally keeping my niece. I know how much she withdrew during that time and I have nothing but respect and admiration for women who struggle through a loss (or losses) and keep trying. So props to you ladies!

As for me and my 'limits'. I've discussed with DH and we've decided we'll go as far as our provincial health coverage gets us and our work insurance. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with drugs like clomid though. I get that for some families that having their own baby is everything but for me it's more about having a family, not necessarily how I got it.

My sister that I mentioned is actually my older half sister, and my mom gave her up for adoption. She found us when I was 15 (she was 21). So we've been lucky enough to bond over these 15 years (yes, I'm '30' *sigh*). So I'm happy to have her in my life for many reasons, one of which is medical history. Knowing that she experienced losses, and that she had low progesterone and was really open with me and shared all of that helps me so that I can share that with my doctor if my time comes. But also, knowing how she was raised in such a loving family makes me comfortable with adoption.

We have an older brother whom we've not found yet. I always felt like I wanted to adopt 2 siblings so I can bring back into my family what had to be given away. I don't know how DH is about having our own AND adopting 2 more... we'll see in time (he really only wants 1 maybe 2 kids). But he is ok with the idea of adopting if having our own is going to be out of our reach. I'm ok getting tests to find out what's wrong but I don't think I could do IVF or IUI simply because of the cost. And I'm pretty sure most fertility drugs are out of the question insurance wise as well. So I'd rather spend my money on the legal expenses around adoption than into fertility treatments. If that makes any sense.

I've always had the opinion that if nature wanted me to have children... it would let me. (I know how close that sounds to 'what god intended'...I really feel that religious folks plagiarize most of their beliefs anyway )

I just feel that there are so many children that need love too that I've often wondered if I shouldn't just adopt instead. I know I'm meant to be a mother, I've known that for a very long time. And since my sister has been a part of my life*, I know that adoption may be one of those ways.

*My mom said when I was 5 I said 'when I grow up I want to be a mommy' instead of a 'real job' like all the other kids....


Anyway that's my ramble for the day.

 

[vietmamsie]

Viet, welcome back! Are you TTC this cycle? I'm still waiting for HCG levels to go to 0, so I've got a few more weeks. In the meantime, I'm doing a cleanse:
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/ttc-journals/1265167-detox-cleanse-preparation-ttcal-2.html
I definitely understand about viewing this whole process differently after a m/c. It totally changes your perspective on TTC, BnB, and pregnancy. And other people, too, as so many people are so idiotic on the topic. I've seen a lot of people disconnect from BnB after a m/c, but the TTCAL threads can be great. I hope you get a sticky BFP soon!

Yeah, I've having a hard time even reading the posts on some of my favorite threads, I guess I just don't think I'll ever be as enthusiastic about TTC again and kills me to see others so excited. Maybe I just don't want them to go through what I'm going through and get their hopes up and everything. I'll take a look at your other thread this week! Thanks for the link!