Support thread for all the atheist,agnostic,non-religious and secular humanist TTCers

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Sorry, I misread that she did have problems sharing about her money problems. Well, I don't know. It is strange. She does seem nervous about receiving gifts. :shrug:
 
Hi guys! I can see that this is a well established group, and I'm quite late - but would love to join. I am ttc and would love to talk to some other people ttc who are not religious. I live in the Bible Belt, and my husband's family, mainly his mother, is quite religious. I'm not sure how everything will go when (saying when instead of if!) we have a child, as I'm sure they will have strong opinions about attending church, etc. I just like to be respectful of others' opinions, and I would love to avoid any tension in the family. Any of you have a similar concerns?
 
Hi, Ameli. Um... Kind of. My parents are very religious. But. I think with many religious people, unless you completely give in and turn religious yourself, you're going to offend them no matter how nice you try to be. I don't know how pushy your hubby's family is or how they've been with any decisions you've made in the past that they didn't like. Multiply that reaction several times over. Lol.
Personally, we're at the point where us being happy with our choices and raising future kids the way we want is more important than some disagreements. But mine has been very negative about most of the things we've chosen, so we're way past the point of trying to keep them happy. ;)

Weirdest AF ever. Seriously. Stop. Start. Stop. Start. To be expected, I guess, since it's the first real one in more than a year.
 
Viet- Could you possibly take her some cookies or something and see if you can find out what's bothering her about the shower idea? If it's really making her uncomfortable, don't do it. I'll bet that if you tell her friends that she'd prefer not to have a shower, they'll still get her some gifts to help her out.
 
Ameli said:
Hi guys! I can see that this is a well established group, and I'm quite late - but would love to join. I am ttc and would love to talk to some other people ttc who are not religious. I live in the Bible Belt, and my husband's family, mainly his mother, is quite religious. I'm not sure how everything will go when (saying when instead of if!) we have a child, as I'm sure they will have strong opinions about attending church, etc. I just like to be respectful of others' opinions, and I would love to avoid any tension in the family. Any of you have a similar concerns?
Click to expand...

Welcome!

Luckily, I don't really have these problems. I grew up in the bible belt as well (good old Nashville, TN), but left my family there to go North. They know I'm an atheist. Well... At least my parents do. They probably didn't tell the rest of the family. But I live so far away, they won't know or maybe care.

DH's family is Methodist, but they are very open-minded and don't care what we do as long as we're happy.


I think I would just do what I wanted. If your family wants to have religious babies, tell them to have their own. I wouldn't let my baby be christened or baptized. I think if they wanted to make the decision to do that later, they could. My family was Southern Baptist, and it kinda felt like growing up in a cult.
 
Hi to both of you, and thanks for your responses. Yeah, my husband's family are Southern Baptists and they are a different breed of religious. Most of my family is either Methodist or not religious and they're all laid back. I agree, the most important thing is what we want to do, but man I can just foresee trouble. We moved to Northern California for several years, and moved back down south a couple of years ago for school and work. It is ridiculous how conservative the majority of people around us are. Kind of scary, and we're discussing moving to a more liberal area in the next few years. It is nice to be close to family in some ways though.
 
Nothing to it but to do it, darlin'. If they're going to throw a fit about how you raise your child in regards to religion, then that's their problem. Yeah, you might get some resentment and so on, but so what? They'll get over it and be a good family, or they won't and won't see your child much.

What does DH think? Is he religious?
 
You're completely right, just nice to hear from someone who understands. My husband isn't religious, and has a generally strained relationship with his mother mainly due to their differing beliefs on nearly everything. I just usually try to play peacemaker, and avoid talking about things with her that will highlight our differences. Kind of easier to keep it surfacy, sort of sad, but hey, I know talking about it won't change either of our opinions.
 
Sounds like you're in a good spot, then! I just wouldn't bring up religion regarding your kids and see if she wants to make a stink. If she knows you two aren't religious, surely she can't assume you're going to raise your child in the church.

... I say that, but I know how SB families can be. Either way, you'll all get through it somehow!
 
Ameli, you sound like us! We're trying to get out of Idaho for a lot of those same reasons. ;) If I get lectured very many more times, I'm going to be wearing orange. Lol.
 
Ha! Gets hard to bite your tongue sometimes. Just wish everyone could understand that it's ok to have different beliefs. By the way, are you guys telling people that you're TTC? We aren't telling anyone until it happens. I really don't want the pressure.
 
Welcome Ameli: Wish I could help... no one in our families are religious, and we weren't raised religious so no tension to deal with. Makes life easy!

Girls: Thanks for the input. I think I'm just going to lay low, and when I see her next ask her about it. It bugs me, but maybe that's my Type A want-to -plan-everything-and-make-it-all-perfect side coming out. People are different and what I would like, others might not.

On a another note, I woke up TTC crazed. The internet is amazing.... TTC madness online is like a drug, and after only about 20 minutes on here yesterday, I'm hooked again! Ready to test, but have to wait a few more days. My chart is looking good, so I'm starting to wonder....
 
Viet - Is it possible your friend is worried about having a formal shower, with gifts, because she would feel obligated to give gifts to all her friends whenever they have kids? That could be a cost she would dread for years to come causing guilt and insecurities. Just a thought!
 
Lol basically everyone EXCEPT the overly pushy religious part of my family, more distant family (as far as relationships, not blood) and acquaintances know. We kind of hinted to my family last weekend, but we're hardly talking to them right now so they won't have a clue until 12 weeks along. All we told them was that we were in an endless wait for this depo to wear off anyway.



(This all sounds so dramatic... Usually it's not. Usually we're just irritated with the attitudes. But it's been awful lately- to the point where even though we're trying to get out of this area, I can't make myself spend time with them to take advantage of whatever time we have left that won't require long trips.)
 
Wow, I missed a lot. Hello Ameli. My family are all atheists with me or agnostic but DF's family is Catholic ughh. He kind of confuses me though because he doesn't believe most of the bible bullshit but he's a catholic and says he believes in god (refuse to capitalize) but won't talk about it any further. I am hopefully ovulating in the next week. Skipped yesterday and tonight and then we are going at it until I see a temp shift so hopefully we will have 3 or 4 days of :spermy: waiting to catch the egg.
 
Suzy: Good point, however, here's the reason why we all want to celebrate... no one in our group will ever have a baby. with the exception of me, no one wants children or is in a relationship where it would even be possible to have one (and most of them would chose abortion should they fall prego) I did however think that maybe she is weirded out that I want to do the shower... since she knows about all my miscarriages, maybe she feels guilty?? I guess I'm just the only female in our group with a motherly bone in my body and love to organize things. I don't know.
 
Welcome Ameli! I told too many people we were ttc. It took is ten months and it was pretty hard to hide once I conceived because everyone close to me knew we were trying. Well, that and they knew something was up if I wasn't drinking at all. I was very lucky though and this bean has stuck around. Neither my parents or in-laws are very religious. All of my grandparents are, but they won't push for church and they're getting too old to notice.

Viet, you may be right about her feeling guilty about your miscarraiges. If it were me, I would think it made you a more amazing person/ friend, but I could see how it might make her feel bad. That's no reason to avoid you though. I hope she let's you know why she's been acting this way. Fx you caught that egg!!

Everything is good here. I have an NT scan this week...where they check for downs and other chromosomal or birth defects. I wouldn't terminate unless there's no chance for survival. A friend had to do that on Christmas eve this year. How horrible. I feel bad still posting in this thread, but I still lurk and post sometimes because I'm rooting for you all and want to see how everyone is doing.
 
Sbmack: I'm glad you're still sticking around! We need to keep a few pregnant gals around to keep hope alive!

Over here, I've got the itch to test. I know 9dpo is a bit early, but what the heck. I only have one test left, have to swing by the store tomorrow for more. With my last pregnancy I got a second line the first time I tested at 10dpo, so it might show tomorrow, who knows. I'll keep you posted if I test.
 
Sb, I agree with Viet! It reminds us that there is hope, and we could be next! :thumbup:

Viet, fingers crossed you've got a super sticky bean snuggling in there! :dust:



AFM, this week was busy! Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment to replace three fillings and add another. All in on the left side, and all in one sitting. (Genetically, my teeth are very prone to cavities, no matter what I eat. My mother is the same way. Now I'm using a special prescription toothpaste, so hopefully that helps.)

Today, my face is really sore. It's also DH's birthday! He doesn't really care much for his birthday because it means he's getting older and "closer to death", but he's been less worried about it since we started TTC. I think it made him realize that we're still young, and we have so much life left ahead of us.

Tomorrow is my follow-up with my OB/GYN, and I'm hoping the test results for DH's SA are in and good! If they are, then he'll prescribe me Provera (to start AF, because she's still not here and almost a month late) and Clomid!
 
Wow, I've missed a lot here! Welcome, Ameli! Religion and families are always a mess. Ours isn't too bad, but there are extended family members who make me roll my eyes.

Viet, sorry about your friend. I don't have anything to add to others' speculation, but it sounds like it's more to do with her than you. Not everyone is into showers. Let us know what happens when you :test:!

Sb, good luck at your scan! And sorry about your friend. I had a friend terminate bc of Downs, and I don't view the friendship the same way anymore. But we're actually not supposed to talk about these things outside of the "ethical terminations" forum. I wrote a post about this friend at some point and the whole thing got shut down. Anyway, please don't feel bad posting here after your BFP. We'd much rather you stay and lurk rather than leave us in your dust. It's not a lot of fun when everyone who used to post has moved on the pregnancy forums and you're still here.

Ginger, good luck with your appt! I too have terrible teeth that I inherited from my mother. By the time I was 30 I'd had 7 crowns and five root canals. It seems to have stopped. Only one very small cavity last time. :thumbup:

Hi to everyone else! Hope all are doing well.
 
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