Support thread for all the atheist, agnostic, non-religious, and secular humanists

[pbl_ge]

Edit: she removed the offensiveness (thanks), so I will remove the quote of it, too.

 

[MrsSmartie]

If you don't like it, don't post. Everyone is just introducing themselves and saying their background, what's wrong with that? None of us want to be in a group where people say that things are 'god's plan' etc etc. It's just about having things in common to make friends on here.

I've moved over from the TTC thread... DH and I identify ourselves as humanist and had a humanist wedding, as we would have the naming ceremony for baby. Xx

 

[pbl_ge]

snip snip snip

 

[CherylC3]

Aw me and hubby also had a humanist wedding and will hav a naming ceremony. Xx

 

[MrsSmartie]

I don't know about you guys, this is my first pregnancy. I am so thrilled and excited but I am so frightened that something will go wrong. I feel like the wait until the 12 week scan is going to be hard just with worry that something could be wrong. I know that will never really go away really though! I was getting really strong crampy 'period pains' last night and although I know that it is normal it made me all anxious! Xx

 

[pbl_ge]

What's a naming ceremony? That sounds like our kind of thing!

And MrsSmartie, I am definitely with you in terms of the worry! I don't have a scan until September 24th, and this is likely to be one of the most anxious months of my life. For better or for worse I have a ton of symptoms, so I know that there's definitely something up! My boobs are up almost a cup size (waiting to buy new bras until I see how much they grow!), I'm desperately exhausted, and my back is hurting almost nonstop. The bright side is that there's no doubt I'm pregnant!

My mom asked if she could pray for me. I told her to knock herself out because it couldn't hurt.

 

[BeagleSmuggle]

Awesome! Thanks for starting this thread. My partner is a 'devout' atheist. I'm more of an agnostic leaning atheist. We're lucky in that our family - even the religious ones - don't try to force their views on us. Good luck to them if they did.

This will be our first child. I'm nervously awaiting our 12 week scan to hopefully get some indication that things are well so far.

I'm really glad to see this thread because it really makes me uncomfortable to see prayer threads up. As usual I simply don't participate but I feel that creates a culture where expectations are that people will support each other in religion as well as experience.

For those that are struggling with loss, I had a real test of my belief structure (or non-belief) structure a few months ago when my younger brother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly of unknown causes. I wasn't sure if it would be easier if I could believe he went somewhere good.... but then he was a 'devout' atheist as well, so I suppose if I did believe in that stuff I would still have trouble convincing myself that he was accepted by whatever deity... In any case a friend forwarded me this pod cast and while I thin the tone is a bit over the top it made some good points and helped.

Grief without God, The Thinking Atheist Podcast (YouTube)

 

[mjemma]

I am interested in Humanism and think we will probably have a naming ceremony. I think it is a nice way to mark your baby's entrance into the world without having a christening.

 

[buttonnose82]

I reported her post. Recommend others do the same. Seems like she's going around and being a general ***** on other threads, too. I understand pregnancy hormones makes us cranky, but sheesh!

once you have reported you should just leave it there, not them go on to call other members names, please remember the following forum rules & TOS yourself when posting in future

When using BabyandBump, be polite, do not break the law, and do not use The Web Site for self-publicity or advertising.

Rudeness, flaming or trolling is not tolerated on, or about, BabyandBump or its members. Any member who is intentionally disruptive may have their account restricted or banned without warning.

 

[pbl_ge]

Thanks for the podcast!

 

[Elisianna]

The circumcision thing--oof! It's such controversial stuff anyway, but do you really think your mom will carry through on that threat? I'd always felt that the circumcision thing should be decided by the dad, if there is one, because it's definitely out of my area of expertise.

I definitely do not think she'll follow through with it. She's not that crazy, she just pretends to be. She'll make remarks, but I'm pretty good at ignoring them now. She's going to be too happy to have a grandson to not want to be around him and babysit him. It will be her first grandchild, and the others probably will not come for a while. My sisters will probably be single for a long while and my brother's fiancee does not want to start having kids for another 8 or so years (she wants to wait until 30 to "ruin her body" as she puts it).

 

[ellieb31]

DH and I are both atheist/agnostic - it's just not that relevant to us or our lives. We married in a beautiful civil ceremony 7 years ago and I'm pregnant with number two. Our families don't really have religion as part if their lives although DH's grandma (who has passed) had DH secretly baptised against his mothers wishes! Outrageous behaviour!

Sorry to be controversial but I disagree with the poster who said circumcision is the fathers decision, in their circumstances - I just don't understand how something as serious as surgery isn't a joint decision whether religion comes into it or not. I personally wouldn't dream of giving a baby a procedure like that unless it was medically necessary although I do appreciate that things are very different in the USA. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I think as his mother it's your duty to have an opinion and an informed opinion at that.

 

[Elisianna]

I agree ellieb. I wouldn't leave it up to my husband. I asked him what his thoughts were on circumcision and he just kind of shrugged and said that he was circumcised, but I think in his case it was medically necessary. I told him I didn't want to do it unless it was necessary and he agreed.

I think fewer and fewer people are doing it all the time, because people are realizing they don't have to do it.

 

[pbl_ge]

I totally respect your disagreement. Here's my thinking: There are a lot of compelling arguments on both sides of the circumcision debate, including substantial potential health benefits (https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision.htm). Of course, there are also nontrivial health risks. Additionally, I've known U/C men who had lifelong shame and stigma for looking different than other young men, such that they even considered adulthood circumcision. OTOH, I've known men who harbored deep rage that their most private parts were "mutilated" without their knowledge or consent within days after their birth.

Based on this mixed evidence, I didn't and don't feel strongly enough to take a strident stance either way, and I had always assumed that my partner would have a stronger opinion, given his personal knowledge of the subject. As it happens, my OH does have a strong opinion, and we will not be circumcising.

 

[ellieb31]

I'm sure it varies from husband to husband but I know that my husband would 'just shrug' too! That's why I wouldnt leave it to him! Well done for knowing your own mind and being prepared to stand up to your family - religion isn't an issue for us but I'm sure there are other areas where our families would love to stick their noses in but i think most of them know better than to try it!

I haven't listened to the podcast but it's an area close to my heart. My incredible mother passed away 7 years ago (1 week before my wedding) and it made me question things a lot because religion must be such a source of comfort at those times. My personal feelings now is that there is potentially more to life than we actually know but I can't convince myself of a god no matter how hard I try!

 

[ellieb31]

Pbl - it won't let me thank you but the thought is there! If my DH had a strong opinion then I would probably be prepared to let him decide alone. I misinterpreted what you originally said as 'I'm not fussed' but you clearly have considered the subject and decided you don't know. Totally fair enough!

 

[pbl_ge]

No worries! I think it's the first time in my life that anyone has ever accused me of not having an opinion, so it kinda made me happy, in a weird way.

There's just so much about this whole parenting journey that is difficult, particularly for those of us who don't start with specified cultural or religious framework, and I'm frankly flummoxed by a lot of the decisions we'll have to make. Part of the point of this thread, actually! Pregnancy, parenting, and childbirth just seem so political and charged these days, and there's soooooooo much judgment! I just want a space to discuss and be supportive of independent thinking.

Anyway, .

 

[I Love Lucy]

Hi all! OH considers himself a Christian but doesn't practice and I'm an agnostic. We are expecting our first child.

No one has really made any comments to us about not being married and not planning to have the child christianed but I know MIL disagrees with our choices. She wanted us married before we lived together actually but that would have been absolutely rediculous considering OH and I had only dated long distance prior to living together. How in the world could you feel good about marrying someone that you only saw on weekends?

Don't get me wrong, we do plan to get married but we don't see it as a top priority like other people might. We know we are 100% committed to each other and really our relationship isn't going to change by getting married so we'll do it when it's right for us.

As for doing a christianing, I strongly believe all religious decisions should be left up to the individual and I feel like doing a christianing on someone who can't consent to it isn't right. But that's just my opinion. I think it probably helps that my parents gave both my sister and I the freedom to find what religion or lack of religion works for us rather then telling us what religion to believe.

As for the circumcision debate, I'm in the US and that just seems the norm to me. I've always just assumed we would do it. But I figure that will be something OH and I will have to figure out if we find out we are having a boy. Right now I don't feel it's that necessary to stress about all that stuff that may not even be relevant iykwim?

 

[MrsSmartie]

Yeah it's a bit different in the UK as boys are not routinely circumcised as they have not found good grounds to do it so most men are left intact! They are only removed for religious reasons (Judaism and Islam) or if they got an infection or any problems with their foreskin. So it wouldn't even be on my radar to have a little boy circumcised, it seems a bit barbaric to me personally but I know in some places it is the cultural norm... although so is female circumcision in some places :-/.

DH has all his bits and I don't think he would be without them (you know how protective men are of their winkies!). Interesting thoughts though. I suppose if we lived somewhere where it was normal not to have one then it might be different. The health risks are grossly exaggerated, I have to say I thought it was always so the US doctors could make more money as healthcare is private! X

 

[MrsSmartie]

Although I have a feeling I'm team pink anyway! Lol xx