Suprised at the sadness I feel

[cacahuete]

We had our 20 week scan yesterday and it was confirmed we were having a boy, my husband kept asking me if I was ok, and I kept saying yes, I know first and foremost I want baby to be healthy, but I was so convinced it was a girl, we had a scan at 14.5 weeks, and we couldn't see a dingle ( she checked a few times) and my pregnancy was so different at the start, and everyone kept saying I look like I'm carrying a girl.

But I'm not. It's another boy, I have 1 already, I lost a little girl before we had my first son, and I had a second mc also, so I kept thinking maybe I just can't carry girls. So I was so happy when I thought it could be a girl .
I never had a relationship with my mum, so I always wanted to have my own daughter mother relationship and you know , do the girlie days! I used to hear stories of my friends going out for the day with their mum, getting their hair done, going for lunch, just going for walks together and I just really wanted to be able to do that,

Since I had an ecs on my first, I'm not sure if I would go again after this one, I just wish I could shake the sadness, I'm so happy he is healthy, ESP after losing 2 I was sure I wouldn't ever feel disappointed with what we were blessed with, but yet I can't shake myself today .

 

[Mum2threeboys]

I know how you feel! Sometimes the guilt can be just as bad as the sadness

I have a gender scan tomorrow and already have 3 boys.

It does get easier.... Allow yourself to grieve, buy a super cute boys outfit (or three!) to concentrate on and coo over but most of all just give yourself time!

 

[cacahuete]

Thank you mum2threeboys!
Even before we found out , we would be asked 'would you go again if it's another boy' to try for a girl, and I can just imagine how many more people are going to say that to me, I have had 4 pregnancies already, so I'm not sure if I would be able to go again- maybe my two boys will be it. At least they will have someone to grow up with! My husband was talking about adopting ( he is adopted, and it was always something he wanted to do)
I hope your scan goes well tomorrow! And you get to hear the words you are hoping for! Let me know how it goes!!