Myself and my Husband are currently going through a surrogacy. We are the Intended Parents. First thing's first, get legal advice! Have a detailed agreement signed by ALL parties before you even think about acting on it. I'm not going to lie, it's expensive, But knowing that you have legal cover should you be questioned on the legitimacy of the process then you can't be prosecuted for "buying a baby" when all you are doing is taking care of reasonable expenses from your surrogate mother. Yes, this is something that we could be accused of, thankfully we have receipts and bank statements to corroborate our outgoings and surrogates expenses.
Secondly, talk to your family and friends and let them know that this is what you are thinking of doing. It will be a massive thing for them to comprehend. Then go to an AGENCY. Please Please Please don't allow a friend to do this for you. The strain this would put on your relationship will slowly crumble away at you, your partner and your friend.
I cannot express just how hard this process has been on all of us involved in our surrogacy. It has broken me in so so many ways. There have been very few moments where I've really and truly felt happy, and that was when agreements were signed and i felt the excitement of what we were about to embark on, and during the scans.
I said I wouldn't lie, so here's how I've been feeling through this whole process. Resentment to surrogate mother, because she has my baby with her 24/7, because she has a life of her own so I don't get much time with her or our baby, I've only felt 4/5 kicks in the 35 weeks she's been pregnant for. I have to listen to her moan and groan about every little thing about the pregnancy that I would give anything to experience for myself. The Birth Plan has been changed so often I don't even know if I will see my baby come into the world. EVERYTHING pregnancy/birth related will be decided/organised by surrogate. I have ZERO rights to anything about baby, during pregnancy and even after the birth until we have the parental order signed. Even after my husband goes on the birth certificate.
I did all my research and sought legal advice, I did everything right and jumped through all the hoops and still this process is the most difficult thing I've done in my life. I've been through 12 miscarriages (the last one being twins). I've been through some horrific things when I was younger. This, however, is by far, the most traumatic, heartbreaking, exciting, terrifying and lonely thing I have ever gone through. Baby isn't even here yet, still got 5 weeks to go! My poor husband has been my rock though, if it weren't for him i would have been institutionalised long ago!
I would recommend you really thing about the inns and outs of this process and be hand on heart honest with yourself if you can sit on the sidelines while someone else (no matter how close you are to said person) carries your baby for 9 months. Be honest about how you will feel not to feel baby moving inside of you rather to have to wait till kicks are strong enough to be felt externally, how she feels so crap and how you wished you felt even a fraction of that, how will you feel when she starts lactating and you suddenly realise you won't be able to breast feed your own baby without medical intervention, How will you feel having to ask someone if you can touch baby bump when all you want to do is just sit with your hands on bump all evening... That get's awkward, trust me.
It's not for the feint hearted, and I don't mean to sound so negative, but I wish someone told me some of this before we started on this journey. If you do decide to go for it then I wish you nothing but happiness and love in the year or two ahead of you.
