Surrogacy

[Tasha]

This issue has been playing on mind a lot lately for obvious reasons (seven first tri loses, a stillbirth and five first tri loses in a row), in that it might be something we have to discuss in the not too distant future.

So I was just wondering if you could ever be a surrogate? And also if you could ever use a surrogate? Feel free to share your reasoning too

 

[Jaylynne]

I would be a surrogate if it wasn't my egg just my womb and it was for someone I loved and knew would be a fantastic parent. I'd also do it if my body was capable but not sure I could carry as effectively as others due to my issues with severe pre e. I think it's a wonderfully selfless act to be a surrogate for another.

Even though I was sick a lot in pregnancy, I loved feeling him move in me.

Im not sure if I would use a surrogate myself as I would want to try to have a normal pregnancy and birth experience I never had before. My mom had eclampsia and seizured with my oldest brother but went on to have 2 normal pregnancies and natural births. I'd love to try again. If I failed I would look at adoption as it's always something I wanted to do.

But I think surrogacy is a great option for others.

 

[fantastica]

Sorry for your losses, have seen you post and am always amazed by your strength

I think I definitely could be one...maybe not with my own eggs and only if risks were minimal (had a pretty horrendous birth, so would way it up in that respect), it must be a wonderful thing to do for someone. Not sure if i'd use one..probably purely out of some weird jealousy though, that said if I was in a position where it was the only option, then i'd definitely consider it.

 

[TriChick]

One of my best friends has been struggling with infertility for years now, she and her husband are actually attempting IVF in the next few months. She is one of those "natural mothers", the type who would be an absolute blessing to any child coming into this world. Because of this, I have strongly considered volunteering to be a gestational carrier (her egg) for her should it ever come to that, though I doubt it will. She deserves all the happiness in the world, and if I were able to help her and her OH in their quest to start a family I consider it an honor.

 

[tina3747]

Never.

I don't think I could ever give a child away after carrying it for that amount of time. Ladies having Ivf using a donor egg and sperm obviously must feel its 'their child ' so I'm assuming I would.
I could never take the chance of not wanting to give it up.

 

[Piper84]

I would do it for a close friend of family member experiencing problems, but with their eggs or donated eggs. It would be hard, but facing up to never having your own children is harder.

What I find hard to stomach is celebrities paying surrogates to have children when they are capable of having their own. I also find the recent trend of people like Ricky Martin, Neil Patrick Harris, Elton John and Ryan Murphy buying little versions of themselves wrong somehow. It's not because they're gay, more because they are buying little versions of themselves and removing them from their mothers without a second thought, just for the sake of passing on their genes.

 

[AP]

I probably would have once upon a time, but I couldn't knowing what happened with Alex.

 

[smileyfaces]

I think the theory behind surrogacy is amazing. Giving that sort of gift to someone is just beyond words.

However, for me personally, I would feel uncomfortable using a surrogate but purely for selfish reasons. I would be EXTREMELY jealous of the woman carrying my child. I would be jealous that I couldn't bond properly before the birth, I would be jealous to have missed the first kick, I would be upset that it wasn't me physically bring my child into the world.

I would also be uncertain of using a surrogate because of how the surrogate may feel towards my child. I would be going crazy the whole time thinking that they are ging to want to keep my baby This is also the reason I couldnt be a surrogate for anyone else because I know deep down I would not want to give the baby back to its rightful parents.

This all makes me sound like a complete weirdo but like I said, it is just how I feel on a personal level. I think surrogacy is an amazing thing and take my hat off to anyone who is able to do it!

 

[karlilay]

Totally, and i would do it now. In a heart beat. But Jonny is so againsnt it, i cant veer see it happening

 

[MissWaiting]

I would bbe a surrogate but my only reasoning that i wouldnt yet is because i havent had my own babies yet but did concider it for a friend who doesnt actually know when they were having problems ttc and i was really up for it but my dh didnt agree with me but i waited abit longer and my friend got pregnant so i never mentioned it but would realy concider it again but only after i have babies myself i think id only do it for friends thought as id feel weird carrying a baby that id never have anything to do with i think for me to feel ok with carrying a baby that biologically wasnt mine it would have to be a friend so i could feel abit better knowing that i was helping someone near and dear to me

 

[special_kala]

I would be a surrogate, I dont feel a real bond with my bumps until they are born so dont think i would struggle too much with giving a baby i grew to their real parents.

 

[lesleyann]

I couldn't do it as I get very attached to bump but I do think its a wonderful thing

 

[karlilay]

I would be a surrogate, I dont feel a real bond with my bumps until they are born so dont think i would struggle too much with giving a baby i grew to their real parents.

I feel exactly like this.

 

[Kess]

I don't think I could be one, and I'm not sure if I could use one. I bond so much with my babies right from the BFP, and don't enjoy pregnancy. I also don't put that much stock in being genetically related, so even knowing it wasn't my egg wouldn't stop me bonding. If someone was being a surrogate for me I'd be paranoid about them changing their mind. If it was someone I knew that was either being a surrogate for me or I was a surrogate for, I expect that's got the potential to be a tricky relationship to navigate, between surrogate and the child they've carried but isn't theirs.

I think it's a wonderful gift for someone to give if that's something they feel they can do though, and I guess it might be something we considered (with a surrogate who wasn't family or friend) if we had fertility difficulties, along with things like adoption. Surrogacy is as old as the hills, at least old testament times, and I think it's always been an amazing thing to do.

 

[Tasha]

Thanks for your thoughts and opinions girls.

I use to want to be a surrogate when pregnancy, I thought it would be an amazing gift to give someone. I never thought it would be something that I would have to consider using for myself though.

I dont know how I feel about using one, part of me says yes because I would do anything to hold my baby. The other part of me says no for the same reasons some of you have mentioned and a few reasons of my own.

 

[Rainbow82]

I have so much respect and admiration for anyone who could do that it is an amazing gift.

Unfortunately I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't give that baby to it's parents after giving birth and I would never want to put anyone through that experience because it must feel awful to watch a bump growing on a surrogate and then be faced with a surrogate who doesn't want to give that baby up.

If it becomes necessary I would consider using a surrogate, I know that I would feel jealous and be worried all through the pregnancy but believe that by acknowledging that i could find support to overcome it.

 

[NellyLou]

I would but only for a family member and it couldn't be with my egg. I do know a woman who was a surrogate for her sister. Doing it legally in Canada is very expensive and is a long process. Unfortunately the process was so much that the sirrogate's husband left her... Although I don't think she has any regrets!. So I think it is something that needs to be taken very seriously.

I am so sorry for your losses and hope it works out for you!

 

[Emma&Freya]

Yes I would but only for my sister. I am actually going to be her surrogate in a few years.

Unfortunatly, my sister had cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy and therefore cannot have children. This destroyed her, but now she is such a role model and has the attitude of she can adopt etc.

I will be using my other sisters egg and have it inplanted in me

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I would defiently do it if it was for either a family member or friend if it was using their own eggs or donated, not sure if I would if it was my own egg though.
TBH I would have no problem doing it for anybody aslong as it was their own/donated egg but I don't think OH would like it, I've always told him I would for family or friends though so I don't think he would have to much of a problem iykwim?

I'm not to sure whether I would ever use a surrogate, part of me would say defiently not but if I was desperate for a baby and that was my only option then I'm not sure I wouldn't take it.

 

[fantastica]

I would do it for a close friend of family member experiencing problems, but with their eggs or donated eggs. It would be hard, but facing up to never having your own children is harder.

What I find hard to stomach is celebrities paying surrogates to have children when they are capable of having their own. I also find the recent trend of people like Ricky Martin, Neil Patrick Harris, Elton John and Ryan Murphy buying little versions of themselves wrong somehow. It's not because they're gay, more because they are buying little versions of themselves and removing them from their mothers without a second thought, just for the sake of passing on their genes.

Is that actually a thing?

Also...not really sure what those celebs have to do with it...they are doing it for exactly the same reason many other people use a surrogate..because they can't have children of their own. Pretty sure with Elton John the mother is a close friend and still has a lot of input? Not sure on the others though. It just seems like you've made a pretty judgmental statement just because of who these people are.