Surrogacy

[marley2580]

I wanted to add that, surprisingly enough, surrogacy is sometimes the less expensive option out of the two as well.

The cost of adoption is astounding many times It's so unfortunate, as the heavy price tag proves to be a deterrent for many loving people who would otherwise adopt in a heartbeat but many not have the financial means to make it a reality. Even in the case of foster-care adoption, many of the allowances offered by the state are either hard to obtain, or cap out early in the fiscal year.

Thankfully the adoption process doesn't cost anything here (that I'm aware of).

Just to say that I agree with Whit in that everyone has the right to choose to go down the surrogacy path, it's just not one that I would take.

 

[haylo]

I would surrogate

Someone elses bun and my oven? Whats not to love

 

[TriChick]

I wanted to add that, surprisingly enough, surrogacy is sometimes the less expensive option out of the two as well.

The cost of adoption is astounding many times It's so unfortunate, as the heavy price tag proves to be a deterrent for many loving people who would otherwise adopt in a heartbeat but many not have the financial means to make it a reality. Even in the case of foster-care adoption, many of the allowances offered by the state are either hard to obtain, or cap out early in the fiscal year.

Thankfully the adoption process doesn't cost anything here (that I'm aware of).

Just to say that I agree with Whit in that everyone has the right to choose to go down the surrogacy path, it's just not one that I would take.

Wow really? I didn't know that! That is really awesome

I wish it were the same way here

 

[LoraLoo]

I agree with the points raised about the fact that of us that have children- aren't we just as selfish for wanting our own rather than choosing to adopt instead? Its the same thing in my eyes as some one going down the surrogacy route rather than adoption.

I'm not sure that I agree that it always takes a special person to adopt an older child either. My husband was 8 when he was adopted along with his 3 year old brother, and his adoptive mum told him that they only adopted him because they wanted his brother I like to think that it isnt the case with other parents but i just dont know.

 

[marley2580]

I agree with the points raised about the fact that of us that have children- aren't we just as selfish for wanting our own rather than choosing to adopt instead? Its the same thing in my eyes as some one going down the surrogacy route rather than adoption.

I'm not sure that I agree that it always takes a special person to adopt an older child either. My husband was 8 when he was adopted along with his 3 year old brother, and his adoptive mum told him that they only adopted him because they wanted his brother I like to think that it isnt the case with other parents but i just dont know.

Yes we are selfish to have our own children instead of adoption, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'm currently debating with myself over whether I want another child - I do want another, but I can't decide whether to have one of my own or try for adoption when we move to a bigger house. It's a lot easier and less stressful to have my own, but I really (I mean REALLY) hate being pregnant lol. Plus I would like to offer an unwanted child a loving home, but the adoption process is totally putting me off. All these feelings that I'm having are selfish ones, but that doesn't mean that they are bad feelings.

Hope you know what I mean by this ramble lol

 

[LoraLoo]

I agree with the points raised about the fact that of us that have children- aren't we just as selfish for wanting our own rather than choosing to adopt instead? Its the same thing in my eyes as some one going down the surrogacy route rather than adoption.

I'm not sure that I agree that it always takes a special person to adopt an older child either. My husband was 8 when he was adopted along with his 3 year old brother, and his adoptive mum told him that they only adopted him because they wanted his brother I like to think that it isnt the case with other parents but i just dont know.

Yes we are selfish to have our own children instead of adoption, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'm currently debating with myself over whether I want another child - I do want another, but I can't decide whether to have one of my own or try for adoption when we move to a bigger house. It's a lot easier and less stressful to have my own, but I really (I mean REALLY) hate being pregnant lol. Plus I would like to offer an unwanted child a loving home, but the adoption process is totally putting me off. All these feelings that I'm having are selfish ones, but that doesn't mean that they are bad feelings.

Hope you know what I mean by this ramble lol

Totally get your points hun

 

[Tasha]

Lora, I think it is a much stricter process from when DH was adopted, I would hope that the sort of thing that happened to him wouldnt happen now, but I imagine there is a chance of it.

Yes we are selfish to have our own children instead of adoption, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'm currently debating with myself over whether I want another child - I do want another, but I can't decide whether to have one of my own or try for adoption when we move to a bigger house. It's a lot easier and less stressful to have my own, but I really (I mean REALLY) hate being pregnant lol. Plus I would like to offer an unwanted child a loving home, but the adoption process is totally putting me off. All these feelings that I'm having are selfish ones, but that doesn't mean that they are bad feelings.

Hope you know what I mean by this ramble lol

You said in your first (I think it was your first) post about the fact you disagree with it and that it is selfish. But by your own admission it is okay for you and others to be selfish, so is it not okay for those who want to use a surrogate to be selfish too?

 

[hopeandpray]

I would certainly become a surrogate for my sister if she needed me to be. I would like to have my own children first and make sure that I am able to have a healthy pregnancy.
I wouldn't mind being a surrogate for someone else but I don't think that my oh would like that. He's adopted and I think it would be too difficult for him to see me be pregnant and then not keep the baby.

 

[marley2580]

Lora, I think it is a much stricter process from when DH was adopted, I would hope that the sort of thing that happened to him wouldnt happen now, but I imagine there is a chance of it.

Yes we are selfish to have our own children instead of adoption, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'm currently debating with myself over whether I want another child - I do want another, but I can't decide whether to have one of my own or try for adoption when we move to a bigger house. It's a lot easier and less stressful to have my own, but I really (I mean REALLY) hate being pregnant lol. Plus I would like to offer an unwanted child a loving home, but the adoption process is totally putting me off. All these feelings that I'm having are selfish ones, but that doesn't mean that they are bad feelings.

Hope you know what I mean by this ramble lol

You said in your first (I think it was your first) post about the fact you disagree with it and that it is selfish. But by your own admission it is okay for you and others to be selfish, so is it not okay for those who want to use a surrogate to be selfish too?

It is ok, yes. It's not for me to judge. I know I'm probably totally contradicting myself but I don't agree with it. I also don't agree with voting Tory, but I'll defend your right to do so lol.

 

[special_kala]

If surrogacy is selfish because there are children out their who could be adopted then anyone TTC a child is also selfish because they could adopt.

I dont understand the difference

 

[Eternal]

To answer the original question then my closest friends were struggling to become pregnant and one day I asked my husband if he would allow me to be a surrogate for them, it would have to be their sperm and egg, I couldn't give a baby of my own up, but we agreed for them, a week later we had the news she was pregnant, I would do it but would need to be someone I knew and had a relationship with so I could see the child occasionally.

Adoption is noble but it's a hard and complicated process, and very long, plus there a very few babies these days. I'd love to adopt, perhaps a child with learning disability but the process puts me off.

With surrogacy you get I be the mum from the beginning.

 

[LoraLoo]

To answer the original question then my closest friends were struggling to become pregnant and one day I asked my husband if he would allow me to be a surrogate for them, it would have to be their sperm and egg, I couldn't give a baby of my own up, but we agreed for them, a week later we had the news she was pregnant, I would do it but would need to be someone I knew and had a relationship with so I could see the child occasionally.

Adoption is noble but it's a hard and complicated process, and very long, plus there a very few babies these days. I'd love to adopt, perhaps a child with learning disability but the process puts me off.

With surrogacy you get I be the mum from the beginning.

I dont think the adoption process is THAT long- it took my Aunty and Uncle about a year, they got 2 boys they were 16 months and 3 at the time. If you think of the process of surrogacy- the testing, the ivf, the pregnancy, thats if it all works 1st time round, probably not that much of a difference x

 

[Tasha]

Think it varies Lora cos I've known people to take almost three years.

 

[LoraLoo]

Think it varies Lora cos I've known people to take almost three years.

I think there are different routes? I remember my Aunty saying they had gone through the 'catholic route' cos it was quicker, what ever that means?! Its so strange because the youngest, you could swear he is biologically theirs x

 

[Tasha]

Yeah, I've heard their are christian, catholic etc adoption agencies. I think it is probably state adoption that takes as long as I mentioned but not every one can go through those agencies.

 

[RedRose]

I think surrogacy can be an incredible and selfless gift to give someone. I don't know if I could do it though. I don't really know why, but maybe I have this gut feeling that I would fall in love with the baby at birth...

ETA Thinking about it, maybe it's cos I've given birth quite recently so it's still quite fresh in my mind?

I feel uneasy about surrogacy as an industry though, and the 'outsourcing' of pregnancy to third world countries. I worry about the morality of using impoverished women to carry anonymous pregnancies, and also the morality of couples choosing donor sperm and eggs based on the description of their physical attributes.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I couldn't do it. Not because I wouldn't want to, cause I do, but with the antibodies I carry, I would not qualify.

I admire those that do though

 

[Eternal]

To answer the original question then my closest friends were struggling to become pregnant and one day I asked my husband if he would allow me to be a surrogate for them, it would have to be their sperm and egg, I couldn't give a baby of my own up, but we agreed for them, a week later we had the news she was pregnant, I would do it but would need to be someone I knew and had a relationship with so I could see the child occasionally.

Adoption is noble but it's a hard and complicated process, and very long, plus there a very few babies these days. I'd love to adopt, perhaps a child with learning disability but the process puts me off.

With surrogacy you get I be the mum from the beginning.

I dont think the adoption process is THAT long- it took my Aunty and Uncle about a year, they got 2 boys they were 16 months and 3 at the time. If you think of the process of surrogacy- the testing, the ivf, the pregnancy, thats if it all works 1st time round, probably not that much of a difference x

I know it took a friend three years and she got declined. Assumed it was all simular. Fostering takes 6 months to a year so assumed all adoptions would be longer. Obviously years who it was much easier, my aunt is adopted and a few other distant family members, but that was all 50 years ago so very different.

With surrogate, it takes a long time yes, but your a mum once the baby is conceived.

I'd would like to adopt though, if I lost my fertility today and decided on more kids I would definatly look into adoption. I suspect we will foster in the future though.