Taking children to church

[Tasha]

I am really hoping to word this so as to not offend anyone.

Neither my husband or I have any particular religion we follow. I am not against religion or faith in any way, in fact as I've written on here before I wish I had faith. I've never said god doesn't exist or I don't believe or anything to the children purely because a) I cant be sure either way and b) we decided that we would let our children make their own choices when they were older in regards to religion.

Now my son is nine and considers himself Christian and would like to go to church and I am supportive of this. I believe he is old enough to make this choice himself and I try to be a good Mum and be supportive all of his choices (obviously as much as I can be). I of course would go with him as he is only nine but clearly with me not believing it makes it slightly more tricky.

So I thought a service on Christmas Eve would be a nice way to introduce him to the church and if he enjoys it I will take him as much as I can (probably once a week, perhaps a little less as it all depends on my husbands shifts as I have the other two children to consider).

Now the point of this thread is, I feel really awkward about it. I obviously want to take him to a church that has family friendly services so I thought I should ring up but how do I say hey I don't believe but my son does so can I bring him to a family friendly service? Obviously not as blunt lol. I have social anxiety so strangers and strange places (not that churches are strange just that I haven't been there before) are a big deal for me any way but I can count on two hands how many times I have been to church. How would you deal with it, just turn up or ring?

And those of you who go to church, are they family friendly? Will I be welcomed even though I don't have faith?

 

[lau86]

I've been thinking about this myself recently, for slightly different reasons. I went to church as a child and a church primary school, I stopped going as I got older (it's just not cool for a teenager is it). I think it teaches good values. We had a flyer through the door for our local church that seems really good, very modern if you get me.
I was just gonna be honest, and say I am not sure I "believe" (we've had a lot of difficult times as a family that make me question whether there really could be a god that could allow this to happen to us), but that I am keen to give it a go.
If I was you I would just say your son is the one that is driving it and you are keeping an open mind? I imagine they would be very welcoming, if it's the right church.

Eta I would also get hubby to go for at least the first time, if that's possible!

 

[Tasha]

Thank you Lau, for replying. It is sort of comforting to know that I am not the only one who is in a similar situation. That is a good way of approaching it, saying that I am open minded (and from reading my post back it does read that way, I just don't know what to believe). I have discovered that some churches have email addresses so I might try emailing a few as I wont get flustered over email and see if they respond and what their thoughts are.

Also I have no clue how you know which church to go to, there are so many types :/

 

[Tasha]

Oh and I don't think my hubby would go, which is okay as the younger two girls probably wont want to go either.

 

[deafgal]

I used to go to church with my friends. My parent hardly ever go (dad is a mormon but he drinks so he doesn't go. Mom is a baptist but she just never went when my younger sister and I was growing up.

If you don't feel comfortable, do you think he can go with his grandma or relative or go with one of his friend to church?

 

[Tasha]

No one I know goes to church at all. It is why I am so confused about it all and it's probably a bigger deal in my head than it is, iykwim?

It's not so much that I feel awkward about it, I will be okay once we've been and we are in the service but it is more contacting them to see if they are a suitable church for him/us, that feels a bit awkward.

 

[cookette]

You will be whole heartedly welcome! And if not, you are going to the wrong church! Most services tend to be family friendly, some have a children's church, etc. I don't think there's anything a bit wrong in calling and asking and just saying you would like more info on their services, or just going to see yourself. I applaud you for allowing your kids to decide for themselves, I think that's very big of you. Best of luck

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd suggest looking at the churches website, see when their family services are, and if they have a children's coordinator or similar. At my church we have family services on a Sunday morning, it's the same as the later mass but there is a half hour in the middle of the service where the kids go to a Sunday school type thing (children's Eucharist), something like that might be nice for your DS.
There are several people who go to my church who aren't religious but go to take their children, mostly primary school aged children who go to the catholic school and identify as catholic although their parents don't. In my experience from attending churches of different denominations I've always been welcomed. I've either just turned up, emailed someone from the contact details on their website or spoken to people I know who attend the church and gone with them.

My DH is agnostic but he comes to church with me and the kids, and has taken DS on his own. When the kids are older we'll explain that we go to church because that's the place where people share my beliefs, but that there are other faiths and other places where people go to be close to and learn about God/Gods. They will always be able to explore their faith, whether that means DH taking them to church, or me to a synagogue, wherever. I would always do a little research first to make sure that it was OK for me to turn up and that there wasn't anything I needed to know in order to not cause offence (for example if I needed to have my head covered or sit in a certain part of the building) but other than that I'd just go!

 

[sweetlullaby]

Look about on local facebook chat pages. I recently found out a church near us does a really family friendly informal "café church"

 

[SassyLou]

I always said you should move nearer to me, the you could have come with me
Not a lot I can add to what others have said, but you know where I am if you want to chat about it xxx

 

[Natsku]

I know with Baptist churches they have a family service once a month which is geared more towards the children (not such a long sermon etc, and a talk for the children). Look up websites of churches around you or call them (I am sure they will be fine about you not believing but wanting to bring your son) but if you feel awkward about contacting them then just turn up.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

From my experience of church you'd absolutely be welcomed.
My local church has 'messy church' where they open it up to do activities with kids, crafts and things. We took Lucas to the messy church Christingle service the other week and the people were just so lovely. Lucas was in an awful mood but everyone really tried to get him involved and treated us as if we were anyone else there (even though the last time I went to that church I was about 10!)
There's no harm in calling ahead but generally people are really friendly there anyway and there won't be an issue with you not following the religion.

I'm like you, I have no faith but I wish I did (I was very religious as a child and took great comfort in it). All I tell Lucas is that some people believe there is a God who created the world and created us (etc) - Lucas has decided on his own that God is a man with wings who flies around the sky with his son, flying Jesus

 

[MissRhead]

A Christmas Eve service would be a good time to attend for the first time, many families go even if they don't attend usually. At my local church it is always full of family's, their is a couple of hymns and prayers, theirs donkeys and a nativity it really is lovely. If you feel uncomfortable about attending just ring before hand but I'm sure you'll be put at ease. Some have Sunday schools which would maybe be worth looking into? You can also go in the evenings running up to Christmas and Christmas Day to light candles, maybe a good opportunity to talk to someone?
Ps. I am Christian but do not practice my religion as such, I live on the same road as my church so I'm quite familiar with how things work their X

 

[Ceejay123]

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[Eternal]

Has he expressed a specific church? Do any of his friends go? If he has friends who do that would be a good place to start, might mean he can tag along with them if you don't feel comfortable.

My church is all about family, I won't go into long details about all my beliefs but our whole belief and religion is based on families so children are very welcome, however it's a long church day, not that you need to attend it all, but the meeting run for 3 hours, thre separte meetings but all together, so in my area it runs 10-1.

Most church have a sacrament kind of thing and sometimes a Sunday school for the kids but that's usually a separate time, but every church and religion is very different.

I'm not sure how able 9 year olds are, lol, mine are all 4 and under, but can he research himself, there are questionnaires etc which direct you in the general way of religion most suits your beliefs.

But I'd start by asking him, if their a particular church you want to try or has be got any friends who attend a church. Xxx

 

[NerdyMama]

There is a church here called unity church it seems to follow the many paths to god and is very accepting of all faiths and no faiths a like. It is just approaching god as practical spirituality and they teach useful life skills like meditation. Maybe there is one near you? I haven't personally been but they sound good and accepting

 

[mammy2oaklen]

I think u will definitely be welcomed I take ds to playgroup at a church they know some of us don't believe but they still invite us to Sunday and special services they aren't bothered what we believe they are just trying to get their beliefs across it's up to us if we believe or not

 

[emyandpotato]

Does he go to a school where he might have picked up on the idea of God? Or has he just expressed it out of the blue? If so, it might be worth talking to him about how he sees God, and what he feels is important, and discuss a little about the different religions and denominations within those religions. He may be saying church just because he doesn't realise there are other options. Not that church isn't a good option... Wow sorry I am making a mess of this. But yeah I think talk to him about it first because there are big differences even within Christianity. After that you can look in to taking him but I do agree with everyone else that any place of worship will likely be very welcoming.

By the way I think it's wonderful that you're giving him this opportunity!

 

[mummylove]

I dont go to church and never have and nor have my kids. I wont be taking them but if they choice to go when older thats up to them.

I dont judge anyone in their religion and what they believe

I do think tho i would like to try the midnight mass on christmas eve but doubt it will happen