Telling family before 12 weeks?

[spunky84]

Normally I'm all for waiting until 12 - 14 weeks to tell anyone. We waited until 13 weeks with DD. I worry too much about something happening and then having to tell everyone the bad news (which obviously can happen even after first tri).

It's been a very rough couple of weeks because of brown spotting and clots with an inclusive scan. We got great news today, but I still worry about what can happen over the next several weeks.

On Feb 7th I'll be just over 9 weeks. We're going to visit my family for my brother's birthday (about an hour and a half away). We don't get to visit often (and vice versa) because of our schedules. Starting March, it'll be nearly impossible to visit them (the only chances are the week between the end of April and early May - and a few weeks before jelly bean is born).

We're considering telling our (immediate) families on/around the 7th. I really would like to tell my family in person which is why I'm considering the 7th as I don't know when I'll have a chance to see them again.

But I'm scared to tell them at only 9 weeks. DH said it's up to me if we tell them then or not. Part of me wants to for the reasons stated, but the other part of me is scared to death to. I told him that we're tentatively telling them on the 7th, but it's not set in stone. If we do, I want to put a copy of our scan in his birthday card (that's how we told the family with DD, so thought that would even be kind of fun).

Anyone tell early? Did you have anxiety about telling too early and something happening?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Ive always told the same day i got BFP. (around 4wks). It didnt make a difference between my earthly babies or angel babies.

Next baby i will still tell on BFP day. It wont stop anything from happening and Its happy to share and sure sad if something goes wrong but id much rather have those SAME people help me through a loss than never say anything because i never told them.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

We announced to our parents at 5 weeks, and everyone at 6 weeks. I started spotting/light bleeding right after, and was diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage, but had zero regrets with going public. It was so nice to have all the support during those two weeks, and I didn't have to pretend that everything was okay at work. It was actually pretty relieving to just put it out there!

I plan to announce early with the next one as well.

Everyone has a different comfortable level though, so you have to do what works best for your situation.

 

[babifever]

So far both my and dh parents know, my 3 sisters and a good friend. Granted im no more then 5-6 weeks. If everything looks good Tom I might just announce. I know people say wait until 12 weeks. But the more and more I think about it. Anything can happen at anytime. I'm super excited to announce, not sure I won't to wait to 12/13 weeks.

 

[LittleLala]

Due to previous losses, our rule is to wait until we see a heartbeat (we get early scans). Then we tell our family we will wait until we are out of the first tri to tell friends

 

[spunky84]

Thanks for the different perspectives It does make sense from a support aspect if something were to happen.

I do think we'll still wait until 12-14 weeks to tell everyone else, but it is important that I tell my family in person. It's exciting but scary at the same time.

I just think it'd be a lot of fun, too, to announce the same way we did with DD with my family, especially now as it's probably even more unexpected than they found it with DD.

Kitteh, that's a good point about not having to pretend to be okay when you're not. During the last 2 weeks, it was very hard to put on a front and act like nothing was wrong when it was really taking every bit of energy to not cry.

Makes me feel a bit better about this decision Though I'm just not looking forward to telling DH's family as I know they won't be impressed (considering our circumstances - major shock to us, but DH is hoping that MIL will be understanding as she thought she was pregnant at the age of 40 due to possible b/c failure). I think I could wait forever to tell DH's family lol I joked that we should just wait until after the baby is born lol

 

[krisnumom]

It's best to tell your closest family first after that your other relatives.

 

[YikesBaby]

I am pretty adamant that we wait 12 weeks... but mostly because I am a very private person who likes to 'deal' with things on her own. I dread the idea of having to explain to people if something happened, and especially the idea of people not close to me who say something inappropriate and make me re-live it all again... ugh. But that's just me. I like to do things myself. Always have. Only child thing maybe?!

That being said... I am positive I am going to show really early this time around, so it's pretty safe to say I won't be able to hide it for 12 weeks anyway! LOL

 

[Aliop]

I've told my mother, father and sister straight away with my first three and DH's parents pretty much straight after them but this time I'd like to wait a bit. I'm not exactly sure why but I feel like I want to keep this to myself a bit longer my only issue is how long I can keep the secret with a baby belly! I have told one really super close friend who is also pregnant with her 4th.

I say tell whenever you're most happy to and if you want to tell them in person, 7 weeks sounds ok to me

 

[techheather]

I could barely contain the husband from telling at 6-7 weeks. He wanted to tell on the day of BFP. .But it is your choice and what you are comfortable with

 

[Buffyx]

We told our parents & siblings at 6 weeks this time. We had a loss in October and we had also told them then. We really appreciated their support during that hard time.

This time we have also told a couple of friends, and my work knows because I had a bit of a melt down at work. No one else knows until after my 12 week scan

 

[cherrished]

I don't announce officially till 12 weeks but, as my family live far from me and we only see them on special occasions and I wanted to tell them to their face I told them at Christmas (4 weeks) pregnant, also when we came back we told OH mother and sister, and I have told a couple of my everyday close friends due to seeing them every day, and I must say all of them have been so supportive and helpful especially with SCH & all the spotting and worrying etc, I will tell the rest of family and friends after my official dating scan, but it's totally upto you hun, xx congratulations btw xx

 

[DSemcho]

One of my sister's and two friends found out the same day I did. We waited until Christmas to tell our parents and DH's brother - which I was a couple of days shy of 8 weeks.

 

[nixm]

I am pretty adamant that we wait 12 weeks... but mostly because I am a very private person who likes to 'deal' with things on her own. I dread the idea of having to explain to people if something happened, and especially the idea of people not close to me who say something inappropriate and make me re-live it all again... ugh. But that's just me. I like to do things myself. Always have. Only child thing maybe?!

That being said... I am positive I am going to show really early this time around, so it's pretty safe to say I won't be able to hide it for 12 weeks anyway! LOL

Ditto! Also an only child so has to be that .

I told my parents when I was 4 weeks but only because we were going away with them for a week (to the desert) and I had some bleeding and was scared of something going wrong.

My MIL we told on her birthday when I was 8w (after we had our first scan and heard a heartbeat)

We are planning to tell the rest of our families over the weekend when I will be 12w (getting my 12w scan on friday)

I think it's a personal choice and you definitely have a valid reason for wanting to tell them earlier. Good luck!

 

[lucy_smith]

I'm so glad you asked this question,
We told our parents the day after our bfp, we told a couple we are close with a few days later, we were not going to tell anyone else until 12 weeks but bf told another few friends an now I feel like I should let my brothers and sisters know and my gran and grandpa incase they find out from someone else!
Everyone has promised not to tell a sole but you just never know!
I'm not I think 7/8/9 weeks and considering telling close family . After reading you comments I think I will! X

 

[Lirpa11]

We told close family (moms, sister) a week after our bfp.

We told extended family at 7.5 weeks as some family from France was in Australia for a bit, and won't be back for years to come. We then announced at 8 weeks as it's too hard expecting others to be quiet, plus we wanted to enjoy it with our australian friends as we are moving to usa when I am 12 weeks which means we couldn't enjoy it with them.

As for something happening, I know girls who told at 12 and still lost a baby. We had also seen the heartbeat already, and honestly if something did go wrong I'd rather request privacy rather than everyone hounding me as to what's wrong while I'm trying to grieve.

The miscarriage rate drops significantly at 8-9 weeks, and doesn't change that much between 8/9-12 anyhow so I think we made a good decision. Some people mentioned it was early (like thanks reminding me negative things can happen!) but I said it's our choice to tell and be happy and I don't understand why so many people are so judgemental over it's it doesn't hurt them or affect their life, and it's our choice.

 

[apreslaube]

Spunky- we are in the same boat. We want to wait until 12 weeks. However we live in chicago and my family and friends live in phoenix (a 3 hour flight away). We already planned a trip to visit the end of February (work vacation approved, rental car reserved, plane tickets bought). We planned this before we knew we were pregnant. At that time I'll be approximately 9 weeks (from last period). I'm scared to tell early, but I really want to tell my mom, grandparents, and best friends in person. We decided assuming all goes well till then to go ahead and tell and wait to tell everyone else after 12 weeks - including husbands family who lives here.

 

[Ajos]

With our son, we were going to wait until the 12 week scan but we spoke to our midwife at first appt at 10 weeks. She said "You are pregnant; you can tell people". So we told immediate family and told others after scan.

Second pregnancy we held out for first scan. It wasn't til 14.5 weeks and it was awful feeling so sick and struggling alone. I was also sporting a bump early and felt really under pressure to hide it until we'd seen all was well inside.

This time, I have booked an early scan for next Thurs, when I'll be just over 9 weeks. If all's ok, we will tell family then. My boyfriend would rather wait til 12 week scan but I really look forward to having a bit of help with the other little ones. It's bloody horrible feeling so ill and tired all day on my own

 

[raggamuffin82]

I told my mom and sisters right away each time. I'm extremely close to them and they would be part of my support system if anything should happen. It's totally up to you.

 

[Koifish]

I told my mom, dad and aunt at 5 weeks and mil. My work also knew at that time. I ve been so sick it's kind of hard to hide anyway. Though I was nervous about jinxing it. I am now almost 9 weeks had scan with heartbeat so I've told close friends and family and waiting until 12 weeks for everyone else. I think it's something to be happy about so if you want to tell you should.