Telling family before 12 weeks?

[Christi85]

So, here's the thing with us: I was diagnosed with some possible fertility issues last year after TTCing for more than a year without success, so after we found out about that, we thought we'd tell the immediate family and some close friends about our issues, so that they didn't expect to hear 'the good news' anytime soon. Just to prepare them that it might take time.

Then surprisingly, I got pregnant 2 months after we 'came out' so to speak, which was at 16 months of TTC. I really didn't enjoy that pregnancy at all. I was super stressed from the get go, and after my progesterone levels came back abnormally low, I was constantly freaking out. We'd only told my parents the day of the BFP and I had asked my husband to wait to tell everyone else (in laws, sister in law etc.) until after 12 weeks. Then, at 7w2d I got diagnosed with a blighted ovum (which probably explains the low progesterone levels) and we felt we couldn't keep it from the close family anymore, seeing as I'd be having a D&C plus recovery time etc. And I couldn't pretend that all was well and act happy either. So it went kinda like this 'hey, I'm pregnant, BUT it's probably failing'. It felt weird and awkward and kind of unfair telling them like this, especially my MIL who we see every other week or so.

This time, regardless of what the outcome will be, I decided I didn't want it announced like this to close relatives. I wanted them to know that I'm pregnant, so that, even if something bad happens, it won't come as a shock, like the first time around. So we've told the close family. I told my parents the day of the BFP and we told my husband's family the day after my second beta results came in showing a healthy rise in hcg, around 4w5d. We've explained that we are hopeful but cautious and they all understand and are going along with that. They are very discreet when they ask how things are going and they're not discussing the issue all that much, which I appreciate. Even if things go bad again, at least I won't feel I've left them out. We haven't told any friends and we aren't going to until around week 12-14. And that's for closer friends. Less close friends - they probably won't hear about it until much later.

I don't think there's a right or wrong 'recipe' in such cases. You just do what makes you feel most comfortable.

 

[aries_22043]

We told our immediate family ( parents both sides, my sister/brother in law) 3 days after we found out BFP. We told 2 of our close friends after seeing the heartbeat. The rest of the world (regular friends/relative/boss/coworkers) will get the announcement after first trimester. To me, I would like to have some support from the ppl that are matter in my life, just in case something happen (the good and the bad). It is nice to have my mom/mil/sister calling to check in on me once in a while and be acknowledged of my baby. I know things will happen when it suppose to happen, doesn't matter you tell or not, so I don't really stress about it. However I just don't want to tell everyone yet because it is hard/lot of effort to keep explaining to a bunch of ppl if something bad happen (aka miscarriage) vs just a few people.

I support your decision to tell your immediate family when see them in person. The rest can wait after first trimester. Hope this help.

 

[Bexypie]

I told my close family at 7 weeks with our first. But this time we've told our parents at 4weeks. Too excited.

 

[spicyorange]

I want to tell mine now but I ain't see then until 13weeks and I don't want to do it over the phone so we will be waiting, I got my bfp at Xmas but that felt to soon to tell and I haven't seen then since. We will tell dhs patents at 12weeks when we see them. I told 4 friends, one I see once a year now, my boss who is also pregnant and has been do goods to share stuff with, and two friends who I told when I was worried for some support. I want to tell people but I don't think my parents should be last to know so I'll be holding out largely until we see them. Also I'm really worried that I'll get to 12week scan and have bad news!

 

[pachamama92]

We waited with DS but this time we are going to tell families earlier. I want the support if something did go wrong. It is nothing to be ashamed of if something goes wrong and we shouldnt feel like we should hide it. (Although, yeah, its hard to tell people if they congratulate you) I am going to tell family and close friends and work next week at 7.5 weeks

 

[spunky84]

I truly appreciate everyone's responses! It's given me more peace with my decision.

Telling people will not make you miscarry. Actually, when my spotting and clotting started, I told DH that it's happening because I already told a few people (the director of my program and my chemistry instructor - I wanted to make sure labs were safe and because of the program, I knew they wanted clearance from my dr though wasn't sure when). I know it was absolutely ridiculous to say lol

The only thing that scares me is that if something were to happen is that I'm afraid they'll smother me instead of giving me the support that I need while giving me the space that I need.

I didn't tell my mom anything at first about the issues I was having during the first week because I didn't want to worry her, but after the first scan, I decided to tell her. The day of my second scan, she called me before my scan (I didn't answer) and wanted a call right after my scan. If it was bad news, the last thing I wanted to do was be sitting on the phone with her when all I wanted was to get home and stay in bed and cry.


I've been kind of teetering back and forth on telling them or not telling them, but I realized that it's more fear holding me back more than anything. I WANT to tell people. I'm EXCITED to tell people, so the only logical reason behind this is fear.

I even had a dream last night that MIL was over, my vitamins were sitting out. I kept begging DH to just tell her, but he was still too scared to tell her. The fact that I was begging tells me that I'm really just ready to tell.

 

[pandinha]

sI told my parents two days after BFP. My mom let the secret out to family and friends I plan to announce probably in a few more weeks. I do regret not telling my parents and grandmother on the day I got the BFP because my grandmother passed away suddenly two days later and I would have liked for her to have known that there was another great grandchild on the way.

 

[snuffleupagus]

We told our parents and brothers all within a few days of our BFP. We'll wait to tell grandparents until after we've heard a heartbeat.

I had to disclose it at work because I work around radiation, but it's strictly on a need-to-know basis there until I've passed the first trimester.

I understand how you feel, I hate to think about how disappointed our families would be. This will be the first grandbaby on both sides, so everyone is over the moon right now. I'm trying to stay positive, and with each passing week I feel a little better.

Best of luck with sharing your news, whenever that might be!

 

[geordiemoo]

I did last time and will this time tell my close family and friends and probably my immediate manager at work. My friend had a mc just after I became of with dd and she said it was easier that people knew and could be supportive than to have to put on a brave face or tell them after the loss. Each to their own though and you have to do what makes you comfortable x

 

[Whatme]

I think the 12 week wait is more for work and friends, close family is different, parents siblings etc,
That's my opinion anyway