Telling my parents for a second time- help?

[mummytobe_93]

Hello, so basically just a bit of background, i am 19 years old and had a loss in January i told my parents that i was pregnant and i was expecting them to be super angry and disappointed, although deep down i think they were a bit disappointed they were fine and very comforting towards me and told me that accidents happen- when i had a mc my mum knew how upset i was bit after the loss nothing else was mentioned.

I am now pregnant again and have no idea to tell my mum or dad or how they will react? i have a feeling they will be more disappointed this time, because to them it looks like i will have purposely got pregnant as i was so upset over the loss- i wont be telling them until just before or after 12 week scan- how do you think they will react?

I am in a 2 year steady relationship, we both have full time jobs how ever im looking at going back to uni in the future, and we are looking at getting a house if we can afford it!

I am so worried, last time they took it so well and this time i imagine they might not take it as well but i dont know....

 

[MummyMana]

You're in a steady relationship and have your life together, I don't see why they'd be disappointed that your starting a family

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Parents will be.parents, and they will.always love you. My.mother expressed disappointment in my daughters pregnancy, because I had just miscarried as well.. but she came around. She was also disappointed.with this pregnancy as well, which i.dont get because we have our shit together and dont even reside in the same state as her anymore...? But all in all, Id wait for 12 weeks and express how excited you and OH are, and ignore the.negativity

 

[skyesmom]

i think you should tell them right away, because you've got your life together and they were supportive the last time. maybe they'll be really hurt if you wait for so long because they would take it as if you couldn't trust them, despite their good reaction the last time? and then blow out any resentment or disappointment they may have had on that excuse.

i would talk to them openly, and even if they say you got pregnant on purpose because of the loss, well, having suffered two losses so far, i can tell you that the majority of the women get over a loss only by having another baby, and even then, it takes ages to recover (and in your situation, i guess it must have been really lonely losing your baby and having very few people around you who understood how that felt. what i find unfair towards young people who go through a loss of an unplanned pregnancy is that everybody takes it as a "you've been lucky to dodge that bullet" instead of showing some empathy!)

so if i were you, i'd face them openly without waiting for a 12 weeks scan. they need to know what's going on with you, and be next to you through these times!

 

[mummytobe_93]

Thankyou very much for that post, i do completely agree that i should tell them i am just incredibly nervous! And i definitely felt as if everyone thought i was extremely 'lucky' to loose a baby because of my age, my OHs dad even text him saying 'be careful, you were extremely lucky loosing the baby last time' hm i definitely did NOT see it that way!

I think i will tell them in the next few weeks, i just need to adjust to the idea myself too, so scared i will have another loss and dont want to worry them for no reason if i do...

 

[skyesmom]

I think i will tell them in the next few weeks, i just need to adjust to the idea myself too, so scared i will have another loss and dont want to worry them for no reason if i do...

i kinda knew you'd say something like that, because of how you were treated regarding your loss the last time. the fact is, if something goes wrong with your new pregnancy (and i hope with all my heart it won't!!!), your parents will come to know then, they'll see something's wrong with you, and you may need their support in case this happens.

and i can't believe what your OH's dad texted! i think people are often insensitive on this topic unless they've been there themselves (and i think that text hurt your OH quite a bit too), so even when they're being hurtful try not to take it in as much as you can. whenever it happens to me, i just take a deep breath and think "they don't know. and i wish with all my heart they never get to find out"

anyway! talk to them whenever you feel it's right, i am sure it will all go great! and happy and healthy 9 months and beyond!

 

[Kiki1993]

Hello, so basically just a bit of background, i am 19 years old and had a loss in January i told my parents that i was pregnant and i was expecting them to be super angry and disappointed, although deep down i think they were a bit disappointed they were fine and very comforting towards me and told me that accidents happen- when i had a mc my mum knew how upset i was bit after the loss nothing else was mentioned.

I am now pregnant again and have no idea to tell my mum or dad or how they will react? i have a feeling they will be more disappointed this time, because to them it looks like i will have purposely got pregnant as i was so upset over the loss- i wont be telling them until just before or after 12 week scan- how do you think they will react?

I am in a 2 year steady relationship, we both have full time jobs how ever im looking at going back to uni in the future, and we are looking at getting a house if we can afford it!

I am so worried, last time they took it so well and this time i imagine they might not take it as well but i dont know....

I'm sure they will be fine, we are similar in situations except im not preg yet, me and oh have been together over 4 years and we had tests in the bin which mum found, turns out she was thinking i was and when i told her i wasnt she was actually upset maybe your parents would like a grandchild after your loss? we live with my mum n step dad as they need care so we provide it but like you im in a full time job too so surprisingly mum said she would definitely not be disapointed if i were to have a baby

 

[jozylynn896]

First, I'm sorry for your loss. Big hugs
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents but i would tell them after the12 week scan.
If they're upset that you waited, they'll have to understand that you were too scared to dry something because of what happened before.
Good luck

 

[x__amour]

Tell them exactly how you told them the first time. They'll support you.

 

[jesssika]

Sorry for your first loss but just tell them ASAP, chances are they'll surprise you!