Terrible News- Need Support

[Peanut Love]

Hi Everyone,

I need some support and love today. I am 33 and am only child. That pretty much means that my mom and dad really want to have a grandchild...and I want them to be a huge part of my child's life. This past week, my mom and dad were planning all of these trips they want to take my children on once I actually have them.

Well, we found out yesterday my dad has stage 4 melanoma. I know there is hope but I was completely crushed. I feel like I am going to lose my dad before I even have a child. On top of it all, I got a BFN today (but I tested 8 days before my missed period because I got my days messed up).

I just don't know how much I can take. I am completely crushed and sad. I feel like I am completely alone. I am feeling so desperate. I just cannot stop crying.

Please send support and prayers.

 

[lauren1991]

Oh god!!!

i know how u feel all these bfn's are horrible, but we all go through them.

My dad is making me a sister before i even make him a grandad and im 20!

Dont stress too much keep an open mind and it will happen when ur body feels ready, i know its so frustrating its the only thing we cant control!

I know exactly how u feel except its my Grandad, he has parkinsons and dimentia, (hes still there a bit) i really wanna make him a great grandad before he goes as my gran just died in May.

We all need to have a little patience and perservere.

It'll happen soon enough xx

 

[Clucky as]

I havent had any experience like yours but I just want to say I am praying for u and thinking of u in this hard time u are experiencing.

 

[jchic]

Im so sorry sweetie. Stay strong for your Dad and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Peanut Love]

Thank you so much, everyone. I appreciate the prayers. I just cannot stop crying. But my friends and husband (and everyone here) are super supportive and I feel loved.

 

[jme84]

I am very sorry to hear about your dad I hope things go well for him. I can kinda relate my grandma who I am very close to had some heart issues last month and was in the ICU in heart failure fluid filling up her lungs. I just kept thinking that I was going to lose her before her ever getting to hold my baby. They were able with medications and a pace maker to get my grandma out of the hospital and doing great. It made me realize that life is way to short and that I want a family even more. Good luck to you hope you get your BFP soon my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Mrsh2007]

I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

 

[1babydreamer]

Oh hun I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you're going through. My dad passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago and all I kept thinking was how much he loved being a grandpa to my nephews and now my babies would never meet him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you get your BFP soon. Try not to stress and worry to much about that though and just be with your dad now.

 

[Peanut Love]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for the well wishes and prayers today. I thought I would send a quick update to my dad’s diagnosis. I talked to my dad a few minutes ago and he said the doctor told him there is a difference between levels and stages of melanoma. I misheard him. His biopsy came back as a level 4, which is not the same as stage 4. Levels indicate the actual targeted area and how far the cancer has gone into that skin in that one area. Level 4 means the cancerous cells are deep in the area he had removed- that is the bad news. Stage refers to how far it has spread throughout his body. We don't know that yet. So, I'm going to be hopeful for now. The doctor says it is no rush and he can enjoy his vacation and they will talk when he returns.

My dad has beaten cancer 2 times (kidney once and prostrate) and the good news is that he goes for yearly body scans. The doctor is optimistic that his scans would have caught any serious spread.

I’ve spent my day praying, crying, calling friends and family and I feel slightly better with this news.

Wanted my TTC to be in the loop.

 

[Jen.Uh.Fur]

Major hugs about your dad. I'm going through the same thing with my grandfather, I was hoping that he would be able to meet my child, but each time I get a BFN, it gets more depressing.

 

[Princess Lou]

Hey, three year ago nearly, we were told that the pregnancy I had was actually cysts. Before we found out we told our parents and then had to tell them what actually happened. A month later we found out my Mum had cancer and two month later she died. I wanted more than anything for her to live to see a grandchild (although I never thought she wouldn't as she was only 44). I was devastated, not just for me but for her and my unborn child/ren as they will never meet each other. (When we were sorting out her things we found a baby book she had bought for us after the 'pregnancy' announcement.)

My point is, yes it would be great for them to hang on a live to see the next generation, but sometimes it's better for them not to. I love my Mum and would give anything for her to be alive right now but the pain she was in was unimaginable. If she hadn't died it would have killed everyone else watching her suffer and not be able to do anything for her, she wouldn't have had a life. It's an awful thing to say but she is much better of where she is now wherever that may be.

For me, the sacrifice of her never meeting her grandchildren was nothing compared to the pain she was living every day and if I was given the choice, to have my children never know the Grandmother in person or have my Mum alive, I wouldn't choose any different. Not because I don't love her/miss her/want her but because I could never put her through any more pain she went through. When I saw her just hours after she died I didn't feel grief, I felt relief. Relief that pain was no longer written all aver her face, that she no longer had to hide from me just how bad things were. She was finally pain free and to me, that was the important thing. (Because of what I believe in, although her body may have passed, her soul is still out there somewhere living.)

I just wanted to share with you why, maybe, it may be a good thing that your Father may never meet his Grandchild. He will no longer suffer and he doesn't have to watch his loved ones suffer because of his suffering.

If I have hurt anyone's feelings or upset anyone by saying this, I want you to know that it was not my intention and I sincerely apologise. I just wanted to share this with you to offer a different view point.

XX

 

[wifey1988]

im very sorry hun the C word is very scary i know praying for you and your family!

 

[taylorxx]

Big big I will keep your father, you & your family in my prayers. I'm so glad they think they have caught it early enough. Sending lots of love and prayers your way! xx

 

[Bug222]

So sorry to hear this.. big to you. I can relate.. my mum was diagnosed with AML (a type of leukemia) in 2007.. she was treated but had a relapse in 2009. She then was treated with a bone marrow transplant.. and is doing well. It was probably her second diagnosis that really got me thinking about having children sooner rather than later. The first few days/weeks after a diagnosis is super hard.. all the "what ifs" running through your head. I hope you get some concrete answers to your questions. I am praying for the best for your dad.. the types of treatment advances are amazing. He sounds like a strong guy having beat Ca twice already!!

 

[Torsornin]

*hugs* sorry about your news..... negative tests are a bummer too - but compound those two things

 

[terces]

Prayers to you and your family! So sorry, I don't know what else to say except that I will pray for you.

 

[londongirl]

I'm so sorry for the bad news about your dad. Sending lots of hugs xxx

 

[greenpear]

I'm so sorry dear hold on there - lots of prayers your and your dad's way

 

[Peanut Love]

Hey, three year ago nearly, we were told that the pregnancy I had was actually cysts. Before we found out we told our parents and then had to tell them what actually happened. A month later we found out my Mum had cancer and two month later she died. I wanted more than anything for her to live to see a grandchild (although I never thought she wouldn't as she was only 44). I was devastated, not just for me but for her and my unborn child/ren as they will never meet each other. (When we were sorting out her things we found a baby book she had bought for us after the 'pregnancy' announcement.)

My point is, yes it would be great for them to hang on a live to see the next generation, but sometimes it's better for them not to. I love my Mum and would give anything for her to be alive right now but the pain she was in was unimaginable. If she hadn't died it would have killed everyone else watching her suffer and not be able to do anything for her, she wouldn't have had a life. It's an awful thing to say but she is much better of where she is now wherever that may be.

For me, the sacrifice of her never meeting her grandchildren was nothing compared to the pain she was living every day and if I was given the choice, to have my children never know the Grandmother in person or have my Mum alive, I wouldn't choose any different. Not because I don't love her/miss her/want her but because I could never put her through any more pain she went through. When I saw her just hours after she died I didn't feel grief, I felt relief. Relief that pain was no longer written all aver her face, that she no longer had to hide from me just how bad things were. She was finally pain free and to me, that was the important thing. (Because of what I believe in, although her body may have passed, her soul is still out there somewhere living.)

I just wanted to share with you why, maybe, it may be a good thing that your Father may never meet his Grandchild. He will no longer suffer and he doesn't have to watch his loved ones suffer because of his suffering.

If I have hurt anyone's feelings or upset anyone by saying this, I want you to know that it was not my intention and I sincerely apologise. I just wanted to share this with you to offer a different view point.

XX

I totally appreciate this. I never even thought of the pain he might go through. When he beat cancer twice before, it was terrible watching him go through surgeries and watching the pain my mom felt. I'll keep this thought in perspective. It's so hard when I am being so selfish about a baby.
Thank you!