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In July of 2011, I became pregnant with my son. We got pregnant on the first try. I was so happy and nervously excited all the way up until my 12 week scan. There, I was told my baby likely had a chromosomal abnormality and I should call my ob to schedule a termination. Instead, I opted to have some testing done and continue the pregnancy as long as the baby was surviving. The remainder of my pregnancy was nerve-wrecking. I had chromosome testing done, and detailed anatomy scans. The doctors were certain the baby was either genetically messed up or had a major heart defect and would likely need surgery after being born. It was until around my 22nd week they said he appeared normal on the scans, but I would continue to be monitored every 2 weeks for the remainder of my pregnancy. Every scan day was filled with anxiety as I feared I'd see a deceased baby on the screen. To everyone's surprised, my son was born at 40+4 perfectly healthy.
After such a traumatic pregnancy (and infant stage), I swore off having another child.
Though I cannot conclude it for sure, I believe I had a chemical pregnancy back in August. My test was only barely visible for the morning, then quickly faded later in the day, only to be gone the next morning. The experience was sad, but it made me realize I very much want a second child.
When we got pregnant again this cycle, I was initially excited, but became worried quickly as my lines were not getting darker fast enough. It took 10 days for the test to match the control line on a frer, and all other tests were there but faint, however at 18dpo they should have been matching the test line. I knew things weren't going to work out...but instead of accepting fate, I just started to worry and panic about the possibilities. What if it's ectopic? What if it sticks around for weeks then fails? The only thing that was actually making me feel better was that the most likely scenario was a miscarriage. Fortunately, I started to bleed last night.
Still, the waiting was/is so stressful. I'm still waiting for second beta results. I'm still waiting for the bleeding to increase, and the cramping to hit me worse.
Sorry this is all become a bit rant-y. My point is this...I really want a second child, but now I'm terrified of being pregnant. My pregnancies have thus far been accompanied with a ton of stress, to the point I occasionally cannot function. I can't sleep. I can't enjoy it.
I just don't know what to do. And I don't know what typing this will do for me, but I just had to get it out.
After such a traumatic pregnancy (and infant stage), I swore off having another child.
Though I cannot conclude it for sure, I believe I had a chemical pregnancy back in August. My test was only barely visible for the morning, then quickly faded later in the day, only to be gone the next morning. The experience was sad, but it made me realize I very much want a second child.
When we got pregnant again this cycle, I was initially excited, but became worried quickly as my lines were not getting darker fast enough. It took 10 days for the test to match the control line on a frer, and all other tests were there but faint, however at 18dpo they should have been matching the test line. I knew things weren't going to work out...but instead of accepting fate, I just started to worry and panic about the possibilities. What if it's ectopic? What if it sticks around for weeks then fails? The only thing that was actually making me feel better was that the most likely scenario was a miscarriage. Fortunately, I started to bleed last night.
Still, the waiting was/is so stressful. I'm still waiting for second beta results. I'm still waiting for the bleeding to increase, and the cramping to hit me worse.
Sorry this is all become a bit rant-y. My point is this...I really want a second child, but now I'm terrified of being pregnant. My pregnancies have thus far been accompanied with a ton of stress, to the point I occasionally cannot function. I can't sleep. I can't enjoy it.
I just don't know what to do. And I don't know what typing this will do for me, but I just had to get it out.