The LTTTC thread for everyone.

[crystal443]

Well if it keeps you coming back checking, maybe I shouldn't do anymore

I did type that right I hope I meant if you have to keep coming to check and I don't test that means you'll keep coming back Sometimes what I mean doen't translate into what I type

I'm trying to hold it long enough to test if I can see something to take a pic of I'll post it But it will be a little while I went to the toilet about an hour ago

 

[LLbean]

well you know I can never be fully gone... need to see how you ladies are. I prefer to stay on FB and see there but I know not all of you like that

 

[readyformore]

Ready- You sound happier now

You know, I am actually. I was crushed after what my doc said, but I think that it is starting to have the effect that I had wanted. "Hey, you won't have a baby unless you do X,Y,Z, (we don't want to do xyz), so maybe you should stop because you have such a remote chance of pregnancy."
It's not what I wanted to hear, but I needed it. It kind of killed the hope, which sounds bad, but I think it's helping me to move on.
Every month I had this illusion that it could happen for me and it was devastating when it didn't work out. Now, I don't really expect it to happen and it's not what I wanted, but I have to make peace with it. I am not a miserable person, but infertility and failed fertility treatments really hit me hard.

So, suck it up, accept it, make peace with my life, be grateful for what I have, and move on...........while simultaneously having unprotected sex.......just in case.

Oh, and I don't blame you for not testing. I'm a wait and see type myself.

 

[readyformore]

I'm with you LL, it's hard to be gone completely form here, (if that's what you mean).

I can do about a month of complete bnb abstinence, not even lurking, but then I feel the pull to come back. It's like an addiction.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Ready- You sound happier now

You know, I am actually. I was crushed after what my doc said, but I think that it is starting to have the effect that I had wanted. "Hey, you won't have a baby unless you do X,Y,Z, (we don't want to do xyz), so maybe you should stop because you have such a remote chance of pregnancy."
It's not what I wanted to hear, but I needed it. It kind of killed the hope, which sounds bad, but I think it's helping me to move on.
Every month I had this illusion that it could happen for me and it was devastating when it didn't work out. Now, I don't really expect it to happen and it's not what I wanted, but I have to make peace with it. I am not a miserable person, but infertility and failed fertility treatments really hit me hard.

So, suck it up, accept it, make peace with my life, be grateful for what I have, and move on...........while simultaneously having unprotected sex.......just in case.

Oh, and I don't blame you for not testing. I'm a wait and see type myself.

I think that makes perfect sense. All this would be infinitely easier if someone could guarantee the outcome for me. I could endure any number of rounds of IVF if there was a guaranteed baby at the end, and if someone could just tell me there's no way in hell I'm ever going to have a baby, it's not what I would want to hear but at least I could start to quiet the voice in my head that tells me maybe this is the month.... In the absence of either of those, we're left to wonder for ourselves how long to go on, and if we stop, there will always be a part of me afraid or sad that maybe we just stopped too soon.... Nope, I'd much rather have a dr tell me, look, it's not going to happen. Unfortunately, since there's nothing truly wrong with either one of us, that's never going to happen....

 

[readyformore]

Ready- You sound happier now

You know, I am actually. I was crushed after what my doc said, but I think that it is starting to have the effect that I had wanted. "Hey, you won't have a baby unless you do X,Y,Z, (we don't want to do xyz), so maybe you should stop because you have such a remote chance of pregnancy."
It's not what I wanted to hear, but I needed it. It kind of killed the hope, which sounds bad, but I think it's helping me to move on.
Every month I had this illusion that it could happen for me and it was devastating when it didn't work out. Now, I don't really expect it to happen and it's not what I wanted, but I have to make peace with it. I am not a miserable person, but infertility and failed fertility treatments really hit me hard.

So, suck it up, accept it, make peace with my life, be grateful for what I have, and move on...........while simultaneously having unprotected sex.......just in case.

Oh, and I don't blame you for not testing. I'm a wait and see type myself.

I think that makes perfect sense. All this would be infinitely easier if someone could guarantee the outcome for me. I could endure any number of rounds of IVF if there was a guaranteed baby at the end, and if someone could just tell me there's no way in hell I'm ever going to have a baby, it's not what I would want to hear but at least I could start to quiet the voice in my head that tells me maybe this is the month.... In the absence of either of those, we're left to wonder for ourselves how long to go on, and if we stop, there will always be a part of me afraid or sad that maybe we just stopped too soon.... Nope, I'd much rather have a dr tell me, look, it's not going to happen. Unfortunately, since there's nothing truly wrong with either one of us, that's never going to happen....

There's nothing wrong with us either.

Honestly, I know that my doctor does not have the emotional investment with me, that your doctor does with you; so that might be why mine was a bit more abrupt.

I also really truly sought it out of her. I asked her about 3 times before she even answered me, she skirted the question a few times. "What are my chances of success?" It was not a conversation about what to do next. It was a conversation of being straight forward, (my preferred approach). I knew in my heart that things did not look good, but everyone under the sun had this obnoxious optimism about my circumstances; "You're so young of course you're fertile," "You have young children, of course you're fertile." I was looking for someone to agree with me.......or maybe *heaven forbid* I wanted her to deny what I felt deep down inside. Maybe I wanted her to agree with everyone else and continue with the false hope and blind optimism that was being thrown at me.

Are you ready to hear that though? Not now anyway when you are starting a new cycle.

 

[crystal443]

Happy and Ready- I have asked point blank..should we stop? should we look at a donor? do you think we will get pregnant? I've told him to be honest with us, I'd rather deal with the truth then be led blindly but he says we don't need a donor yet, we should not stop if we want a pregnancy and we have a very good chance of becoming pregnant(with a sticky bean) its all this stuff in between that's the killer.

Last month I was having anxiety because I was so scared of it being a sticky bean or not but this month I'm ok with whatever comes my way I do think trying the immune therapy makes me feel like I'm doing something to help myself and I don't feel so out of control

As for letting go, I'm not there yet ..there are some things that come with TTC that I enjoy like BNB, DH and I share a common obsession, and as much as I hate what's happened since Feb its really brought us together to do what we need to do. I know that when a baby finally makes an appearance in this family it will be well loved

 

[crystal443]

well you know I can never be fully gone... need to see how you ladies are. I prefer to stay on FB and see there but I know not all of you like that

I was on FB a few days ago said hi to Milty, I find FB confusing because I'm so used to the screen names on here I need to go on more though

 

[HappyAuntie]

There's nothing wrong with us either.

Honestly, I know that my doctor does not have the emotional investment with me, that your doctor does with you; so that might be why mine was a bit more abrupt.

I also really truly sought it out of her. I asked her about 3 times before she even answered me, she skirted the question a few times. "What are my chances of success?" It was not a conversation about what to do next. It was a conversation of being straight forward, (my preferred approach). I knew in my heart that things did not look good, but everyone under the sun had this obnoxious optimism about my circumstances; "You're so young of course you're fertile," "You have young children, of course you're fertile." I was looking for someone to agree with me.......or maybe *heaven forbid* I wanted her to deny what I felt deep down inside. Maybe I wanted her to agree with everyone else and continue with the false hope and blind optimism that was being thrown at me.

Are you ready to hear that though? Not now anyway when you are starting a new cycle.

Am I ready to hear that right now? No, absolutely not. And would that ever be easy to hear? No way in hell. But when I imagine stopping ttc, the one thing that haunts me is having to spend the rest of my life wondering if we stopped too soon. If someone could tell me that's it, there is no more we can do for you, I think it might help me handle it better in the long run.

And I apologize for insinuating there's something wrong with you or that you somehow have it easy because your dr said there was nothing more she could do - I just meant that the absence of any real diagnosis makes knowing when to stop really f*cking hard.

 

[readyformore]

Am I ready to hear that right now? No, absolutely not. And would that ever be easy to hear? No way in hell. But when I imagine stopping ttc, the one thing that haunts me is having to spend the rest of my life wondering if we stopped too soon. If someone could tell me that's it, there is no more we can do for you, I think it might help me handle it better in the long run.

And I apologize for insinuating there's something wrong with you or that you somehow have it easy because your dr said there was nothing more she could do - I just meant that the absence of any real diagnosis makes knowing when to stop really f*cking hard.

Oh stop, I was not offended in the least! It takes a lot more than that to get my feather's ruffled. I was just saying that I'm in the same "unexplained" camp as you, that's all. Sometimes I like to know that I'm not alone on my own private island and I was extending the same to you.

For us, I think it's easier because we have our limits. We don't want IVF and she actually said as a quote, "Then there is really nothing else I can do for you. Your chances of conceiving with IUI is about 5%." Well.............. fuck me, but alrighty then! We're done with that garbage. Which honestly I'm thankful for. I've done it a total of 8 times and it's a PITA!
If we were interested in doing IVF, I agree that it would be really hard to tell when to stop. There is always the hope that next time it will work. And hope is that part that will get ya.

 

[readyformore]

Ah, FB and bnb friends...... I really like the idea, but it's not the same thing. FB is all superficial and bnb is like the deep down dirt that you can't talk about in public.

I need to come here sometimes. I don't want my brother hearing about my menstrual cycle.

 

[LLbean]

oh its a private group LOL so no one knows

 

[Bonnie1990]

yeah-i have one of those for a small group of us-they dont even come on bnb much anymore-----
very few of my "non bnb" friends know we are TTC

 

[Milty]

Like you guys we are unexplained and I think it really is hard to say when to stop. Also at what level of intervention to stop at. So much of it is personnel feelings, how many kids you have/want ect.

We had every intention of doing IVF inspite of my personnel anxietity towards all things medical. However once we had one then I knew I couldn't push myself to that level. Does that make sense?

Oh and there is no way I want my FB friends to know I'm TTC. I'd die

 

[Jennifer01]

Hi beautiful ladies

I don't have facebook I did at one point but I was knowing wayyyyyyy to many personal details about non-friends lives, so I ditched it! Just not my thing I guess.

For the girls that were helping me with feedback on dd-went to the doctor today, it is indeed petechia (sp?!) and they advised if it spreads or we see it in other areas to go to the hospital. They are doing blood tests and trying to speed up her rheumatologist referral. So hopefully answers are around the corner!

Hope everyone is doing well, today was my first day back to work and I couldn't sleep last night so I was on 3 hours sleep all day hoping to get some zzzzzz's tonight!

to everyone

 

[Milty]

Jen you need to take care of yourself sweetie

 

[readyformore]

Like you guys we are unexplained and I think it really is hard to say when to stop. Also at what level of intervention to stop at. So much of it is personnel feelings, how many kids you have/want ect.

We had every intention of doing IVF inspite of my personnel anxietity towards all things medical. However once we had one then I knew I couldn't push myself to that level. Does that make sense?

Oh and there is no way I want my FB friends to know I'm TTC. I'd die

Makes perfect sense to me. While doing IUI for my son, I took all of my IVF classes. I was just waiting for AF to start so I could start my IVF cycle. And now, 10 years later IVF is just not really something we are interested in.

I half heartedly brought up adoption recently to my DH. And it was a similar type of answer. If we had started to build our family through adoption we would have continued to do so, but we just don't want to pursue that now.

I have a few friends that know I am ttc but it's never anything I would post on FB. Actually, I made a FB comment last week that I was thinking of getting a new puppy. I had a friend respond that maybe I should have another baby instead! Now this is someone that knows a year ago that I had been ttc for a year and we were starting fertility treatments. For most people, ttc a year is unbelievable so I thought she would be shocked to hear of our struggle. Anyway, she posts that comment about a baby and I decide to send her a personal message. I lightened up my tone, (because heaven forbid anyone know how desperately I want another baby and how screwed up infertility has made me) and told her that we tried for another and after 2 years the doctor told us it wasn't going to work out. Her response was, "Well at least you have three kids, it's one more than me. I always wanted 3 but my husband refused." Yep, Happy, this is why I don't really discuss my infertility much with anyone.

 

[Milty]

It's not like I try to hide it but most just don't understand. They think after so long I've quit or don't understand why I won't do IVF or IUI.

 

[HappyAuntie]

I have a few friends that know I am ttc but it's never anything I would post on FB. Actually, I made a FB comment last week that I was thinking of getting a new puppy. I had a friend respond that maybe I should have another baby instead! Now this is someone that knows a year ago that I had been ttc for a year and we were starting fertility treatments. For most people, ttc a year is unbelievable so I thought she would be shocked to hear of our struggle. Anyway, she posts that comment about a baby and I decide to send her a personal message. I lightened up my tone, (because heaven forbid anyone know how desperately I want another baby and how screwed up infertility has made me) and told her that we tried for another and after 2 years the doctor told us it wasn't going to work out. Her response was, "Well at least you have three kids, it's one more than me. I always wanted 3 but my husband refused." Yep, Happy, this is why I don't really discuss my infertility much with anyone.

Ok, but if you can't be honest with her about how you feel about infertility, how can you expect her to be compassionate in response? If you don't tell her you're hurting and you act like you're not hurting, she's going to think you're not hurting and respond accordingly.

Maybe the reason most people haven't said shitty things to me about my losses and IF is because I refuse to sugarcoat it for them just to protect them from being uncomfortable. I don't care if my infertility makes someone else uncomfortable - making them happy about it isn't my job. And when people do say inappropriate things to me about it, I let them know that that was a really shitty thing to say... maybe they'll know better next time. And again, I really don't care if my telling them that was a shitty thing to say makes them uncomfortable - their comment made me uncomfortable.

I do think that shitty comments about infertility come from a place of ignorance, and I'm determined to do what I can to end that. People make shitty comments because they don't know any better, so infertiles decide not to say anything and keep their struggles and pain totally secret, and the fertile world's ignorance just continues unabated... I am in a position to do something to end that cycle in my own little way, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something to honor my babies....

IDK. I think I just decided a long time ago that my comfort and well-being was just as important as anyone else's - there's no reason I should pretend it's ok when someone says something shitty to me.

I don't tell everyone everything... everyone knows about our losses and assumes we're still ttc... my family and my "inner circle" of friends know we're pursuing treatments... as much as possible, no one knows the exact timing of our treatments (I can't handle the pressure of knowing my mother knows it's testing day and is waiting for me to call or not call, iykwim). I'm very public about pushing infertility awareness in general on everyone I know, I just try not to divulge too many details about my own situation.

But that's just me.

 

[readyformore]

Good points Happy, all of them.

I think that a lot of people just don't understand why in the world I would want 4 or more children, so that puts me and the other person both at a loss to even start with. It's not something that I can explain to someone. I have children now, so there is zero understanding coming my way. Most people assume that it's not a big deal if I don't have more because they don't want anymore.