Things you should NEVER say to the mother of a Preemie

[Betheney]

I think what I hate the most is people expecting you to divulge your pain and what you were going through. I'm an incredibly personap person and hate people knowing when I'm stressed about something or upset about something. My preeclampsia and our special care nursery stay I never cried in front of anyone and come off as flippant on serious matters. Im not flippant I just don't want to share my inner most anxieties and pain WITH YOU?!?!? I hate pity eyes yhe most.

So when people hear of your struggles and they give me pity eyes and start sayong "oh it must be hard leaving everyday" and just nosying into my business. I don't understand how yout answer "everything is going just fine thanks" is a signal for "ask more questions that are inappropriate"

 

[myra]

I wish people would stop telling me "Just be patient." As if I haven't been putting all my energy into being patient from the minute he entered NICU!

In line with that, we've already had half a dozen people this week say things like "Don't be too eager for him to come home, having a newborn is exhausting...It's better if he stays in hospital a bit longer since you won't have any free time when he does come home."

And they continue to push the point when we say that we'd rather be exhausted & have him home with us than be exhausted & have him in hospital. Yes, it will be tiring but that's part of having children- and we are so desperate for him to be well enough to come home and for us to feel like a family.

 

[Foogirl]

I wish people would stop telling me "Just be patient." As if I haven't been putting all my energy into being patient from the minute he entered NICU!

In line with that, we've already had half a dozen people this week say things like "Don't be too eager for him to come home, having a newborn is exhausting...It's better if he stays in hospital a bit longer since you won't have any free time when he does come home."

And they continue to push the point when we say that we'd rather be exhausted & have him home with us than be exhausted & have him in hospital. Yes, it will be tiring but that's part of having children- and we are so desperate for him to be well enough to come home and for us to feel like a family.

Oh that's unforgivable. Imagine thinking you'd prefer a wee one in hospital to a wee one at home.

 

[Betheney]

that is the most ridiculous statement i've ever heard. As if anyone would PREFER their baby in hospital. That just makes me angry.

 

[PinkLady17]

My ex mother in law (good riddance to her and her abusive son!) told me when baby was at hospital: "My friends and I are not buying gifts because we don't think your baby will make it"

she did not buy gifts after baby got out either way lol

 

[lilbeanhoping]

My ex mother in law (good riddance to her and her abusive son!) told me when baby was at hospital: "My friends and I are not buying gifts because we don't think your baby will make it"

she did not buy gifts after baby got out either way lol

Wow!

"well I guess you've only got what, a couple years left, what's the need in buying birthday, Xmas etc presents!"

Glad ure rid of them!

 

[Sproglett]

Omg pinklady that's awful, I don't know what I would have done if that was said to me, I'd like to think I'd b*tch slap her, but I'd have probably broke down in tears. Agreed you're better off without them x

 

[PinkLady17]

My ex mother in law (good riddance to her and her abusive son!) told me when baby was at hospital: "My friends and I are not buying gifts because we don't think your baby will make it"

she did not buy gifts after baby got out either way lol

Wow!

"well I guess you've only got what, a couple years left, what's the need in buying birthday, Xmas etc presents!"

Glad ure rid of them!

good one! lol..

 

[ShelbyLC]

Sorry to bring back an old(ish) thread, but I didn't want to make another.

I was talking about my twins today with a friend's step-dad. We were at a get-together/party and it was my first time meeting him. He asked, "Why were they early? Were you doing crack or something?" I politely answered that, no, my body wasn't capable of handling twins. A few minutes later, on a separate strain of conversation, he said, "With two kids, your life is over. You should just give them to someone who wants to adopt them and move to a beach somewhere." Everyone got really quiet and I walked outside and cried. OH told him off and the guy left quickly after his wife apologized to me.

I can't believe the nerve of some people. It was NOT my fault they were born early. I didn't do drugs. I took care of them as best as I could.

 

[Simonecah]

I'm so sorry. What an obnoxious thing to say! I'm glad you brought back this thread. So cathartic so read all of the other obnoxious things people say. I'm not alone in hearing them., I wanted to add a few things that the NICU nurses say that really anger me...

He didn't like that (after trying to do kangaroo, but he dropped his sats too much)
He's just being a drama king
I heard he was really ding-y
He's being naughty
What are you doing NOW?

I want to tell them that NO, he is not being any of those things. He is just 33 weeks gestation, born at 29. He gets tired and he is just learning how to do these things that my body should have let him do inside. Have a little compassion. Furthermore, he is the sweetest little baby in the world! I am also annoyed when they come running in and rush to do things, when if they would just wait a bit, he would get better. Some of the are great, and some clearly don't have as much experience. Finally, let me do what I can! Some are great, and some insist on doing things that I can clearly do. If life were perfect, I would be doing everything for him. I want to be as involved as possible and I have said this repeatedly!

Anyway, done with my rant. Can't wait until this NICU time is over.

 

[mommy0629]

Sorry to bring back an old(ish) thread, but I didn't want to make another.

I was talking about my twins today with a friend's step-dad. We were at a get-together/party and it was my first time meeting him. He asked, "Why were they early? Were you doing crack or something?" I politely answered that, no, my body wasn't capable of handling twins. A few minutes later, on a separate strain of conversation, he said, "With two kids, your life is over. You should just give them to someone who wants to adopt them and move to a beach somewhere." Everyone got really quiet and I walked outside and cried. OH told him off and the guy left quickly after his wife apologized to me.

I can't believe the nerve of some people. It was NOT my fault they were born early. I didn't do drugs. I took care of them as best as I could.

What?! Oh man I would have punched the ***hole in the face after the crack comment, he wouldn't have even made it to the beach one. People are just idiots I swear. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a jerk hun

 

[Fliss]

I had a big preemie and can remember people asking why she was not smiling at 7 weeks and when they were told she was 5 weeks early asked if i was sure?! No i just fell asleep for 4 weeks and missed a month of my pregnancy.

Oh gosh me too - Nathan was 6lb 11.5oz (3.05kg) at birth and that was at 35+4 - and people KEPT ASKING if I was a. sure he was prem and b. sure of my dates - yes I bloody well was - I charted!!!!

 

[MommyGrim]

I had one of my friends mom tell me that I should be happy I had them early otherwise they would have been huge... (they were 5 lb 9 oz and 4 lb 11 oz at 34 weeks)
What I would give for them to have baked longer...

 

[MommyGrim]

Oh and MIL kept saying we were 'being paranoid and overprotective' for asking her to wash her hands well before touching the babies and telling her not to touch them while they were sleeping since they need their sleep to get better

 

[Heramys]

À friend of mine just said to me: "oh you're so lucky being at hospital still, getting all the help you need. I wanted to stay longer with my baby as i had so much pain after c-sec, but couldn't"...

I really got angry and said "well I rather be home and in severe pain with healthy kids, than having kids with a tube down their throat connected to a ventilator"

She got the message load and clear and apologised.

 

[MYBezalel]

Uhmm... I have a CRS IUGR baby, although he was born 36weeks, his size is of a 28weeker.

One thing that hurts the most is being asked, "Why did this happen to your baby?" or "Why did you not get the vaccine before you got pregnant?"

Honestly, I never ever knew about the 2types of measles. I was just told by my mom that I already got it when I was a kid. But turns out it was the baby measles, not rubella. I already blamed myself for causing this to him, but when others would ask, "Why did you not get the vaccine?" or "What did you do wrong?" It hurts a lot even more.