thinking about labour. what advice can you give

[laura109]

Hiya im now 21 weeks. I am having a week thinking of labour. How i am going to cope. How i want to give birth etc. I expect it to hurt but the pain people look in on t.v on one born every minuite and dont drop the baby sways me to an epidural.

i know theres side effects like not being able to push and giving birth on my back but i feel like its better than being stressed panicked abd in pain.

i dont like feeling sick or dopey so gas and airs putting me off. I hear its not great anyway.

Ive thought about birth pools but theres only one pool so it could well be taken. Im not sure id like it anyway because warm baths make me dizzy. Im just stuck!!

I dont want to tear badly or get the ring of fire. If i have an epidural and cant push will my babies head get damaged.

Any advice would be appreciated

 

[Bellaloo12]

Im guess this is ypur first baby...my advice is dont thi k too much about it because anything can happen and you wont know untill your actually giving birth. Everyone is dofferent and everyones labours are different. Ive got 3 children and all 3 labours were completely different my first born was an epidural gas and air labouring on my back labour 2nd was no pain relief got in The pool at the last minute and pushed baby out into the pool 3rd labour i was induced because baby was small. and that was a gas and air labour and was pretty painful but they say it can be when your induced try not to watch anything which has anyone giving birth i did and i already had done it twice before and it was scaring me and i already knew the pain of it...my point is your body will cope with it how it copes with it my advice is stay calm!! thats the main thing just to stay calm and breathing techniques....my best labour was in the pool it felt the best...i might add that my last 2 labours were very quick and i laboured on my feet the whole time till baby was ready to be pushed out so that i strongly believe helps i found the pain much worse when i laid on my back i swear thats the worst position but thats just me. You do wht feels right at the time. And dont worry you will be fine its the most natural thing int he world and your body is made to do it. I might add that im actually jelouse you get to go through it i love it its the best most exciting time of your life although you might not see it that way at the time lol good luck x

 

[the why bird]

My only advice would be to learn about ALL of your options - pros, cons, side effects, and what your hospital's policies are. If you decide on an epidural, that's great, but it's good to know your other options too because you might end up being too early/late to get one when you arrive, or the anaesthetist might be busy for a while. If you have already done your research you can be in a better position to decide whether you want to try that gas and air or get pethidine or just rely on breathing techniques etc. I found that after a certain point in labour I just wasn't able to have a sensible conversation (not because of pain, just because I cope by shutting everything out) so I wouldn't have been able to ask the right questions or take in their information.

And if you get to the day and find it isn't as bad as you expect, you can weigh up whether an epidural is still your number one choice.

Re the ring of fire: many hospitals will avoid giving/topping up your epidural if you're close to delivering, because they want you to feel how to push. So you may find that you have an epidural but it is partly/completely worn off by then. That said, while I felt some stinging I barely noticed the ring of fire, the urge to push took all of my attention.

Don't forget to look into non-medical options too. Some people have slow early labour which means you could be in a bit of pain for quite a while before you need to go to hospital. I found a hot water bottle and breathing to be helpful, but I also had aromatherapy and a tens machine ready in case I needed them. It can make you feel better just knowing you have some options to try out because it helps you feel in control.

A lot of women tear but only 1-2% of those are bad tears (3rd or 4th degree) so your odds are small.

It's really unusual for the baby's head to get injured though I suppose it's not impossible. If you weren't able to push baby out they'd be looking at forceps/ventouse or c-section depending on how far he is down the birth canal. They will discuss this with you at the time but again, I'd advise reading up on it in advance because you're likely to be exhausted by that point and not really able to take much in.

I hope I didn't make that sound too scary. I think between my two births (one c section after 4hrs of pushing, one uncomplicated vaginal birth) I have had every type of pain relief on offer! And I'm still in one piece and have two very healthy children and I'm not traumatised.

Edit to add: I also found labouring on my feet to be the best way to go (and the second time my contractions slowed waaay down when I laid on my back) but I was totally open to an epidural since I had back labour and it was very painful. The ordinary contractions in my stomach were manageable.

 

[Feronia]

I suggest looking into HypnoBirthing or HypnoBabies, which are incredible for changing your mindset about labour and pain. I practiced HypnoBirthing with my first and had a pain-free natural birth -- no transition, no ring of fire, no tearing at all. I'm not saying it is like this with everyone, but the people who really practice them seem to have very comfortable births.

It's also true that being on your back is the worst position to be in. Having the freedom to move around and change positions is very beneficial.

 

[laura109]

Thank you so much for the tips. Im going to take some advice from all your posts. As a ftm i dont know how brave or unbrave i will be. Thanks for your experiences.

I will do some research and hopefully the midwife will talk to me soon

 

[LeoTheLion]

Honestly don't over think it, making a birth plan is nice because it gives you a feeling of control & some piece of mind but you will never know what you want until your actually doing it. I planned for natural with gas and air, baby came 4 weeks early, facing the wrong way, after a hour of pushing had spinal block, forceps and episiotamy .
This time round i'm hoping for natural again with gas & air .. hated the stuff for first 10 puffs but soon made me feel great.
First time round i was alot more relaxed due to the not knowing

 

[purplecupcake]

Don't let anyone else's experiences scare you. Go into it with an incredibly open mind and a positive attitude. I was so excited to experience labor and have my baby and knew that everything would be ok. Your body was designed to do this, many women have done it before you, blah blah blah. Honestly, it was a lot more intense than I could have imagined, but I managed, and I'm not even scared to do it again!

Definitely have a birth plan, but expect it to change. Make sure your birthing partner is well versed in your wants and needs and can advocate for you. Remember that you ARE in control and don't let a doctor or nurse tell you what to do.

 

[JessesGirl29]

The thing about labour is that you can't know how it will be until you get there. I was a FTM just like you and I had a plan and goals but also accepted that that might change if I needed it to.

My labour built throughout the day so it wasn't an fast 'emergency' situation. I had time to feel it build and cope. I spent as long as I could at home because I wanted to avoid intervention.

How could anyone know how water can help? What gas and air will feel like? What contractions feel like? You can't.

My overall suggestions are to be open to suggestions from your birth team....a bath didn't help at home but I labored in the tub with OH blasting hot water on my back during contractions. Laughing gas was amazeballs.

You can't stop labour and you can't avoid it. Try and relax and stay positive. I had an iPod mix of music that pumped me up that helped so much. Don't worry about tearing or the ring of fire.....you'll be so close to the end I promise you you won't be worried about it, just listen to your dr or midwife. I tore up front with no pain relief and I didn't even care, I was holding my BABY!!!! It's all worth it, I promise.

 

[mom2b2013]

I felt exactly the same way as you. Giving birth was one of the most terrifying things I could possibly think of. Fortunately it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I imagined. I dilated pretty fast and by the time I got the epidural I was almost 5cm. It was excruciatingly painful but once I got the epidural I felt a million times better and relaxed enough to focus on the rest of the labor. Next time I will just make sure to get the epidural earlier. I had a 2nd degree tear but didn't feel it at all because of the epidural. You got some great advice above as its true that every birth is different. All you can do is prepare yourself with knowledge about your options and do what feels best at the time. It really won't be as bad as you might imagine. Best of luck to you.

 

[kksy9b]

Just remember that every labor and delivery is different. Once you get there its not as stressful as the weeks leading up worrying and wondering about it. For me it was a relief since I was 12 days late

Completely agree that being able to get up and walk around or use a birthing ball is SO much better than lying in bed. For me, labor was bearable walking and unbearable sitting.

I went in with the intention of a natural delivery but open to an epidural not knowing how I would handle it. I labored to 8cm, hit transition and requested an epi. Contractions were coming without a break and I was getting nauseous and lightheaded. The fact that It was 4 or 5 in the morning and had been awake for 24 hours didn't help. I knew I needed a break to gather my energy to push. Epi kicked in at 9cm and I got to rest for a bit.

The thing with epidurals is that it can be controlled of how strong it is. I was still able to feel my legs and move around in bed. I could still feel all of the pressure of a contraction without any of the pain and was able to lead the delivery on my own (vs. being told when to push). And then when that absolute NEED to push hit and there was no one at the end of the bed. I was saying " can I push?! I need to push! Can't stop it!" they all hurried over. That was the one that he came out on (took 40 min total in pushing). I was out of bed and walking on my own less than 2 hours later. I did push on my back, but because I walked through prettyuch the entire labor, he was in the right position and it didn't take long. I did tear but I really think that would have happened no matter how I delivered. He was a small baby (lease than 7lbs) but in the 80th percentile for head circumfrance :/

My point is that when you get there, do what feels right for you. Go in with an open mind knowing that things will probably not go according to plan and that its okay never let yourself feel guilty for the choices you make. At the end of the day your LO will be on your arms and thstd what will matter

 

[laura109]

Thank you for sharing your experiences girls. I guess when im going through it i will get on with it. The hospital is 40 mins away from our house so when its time to go in we have abit of a drive. I do want to try stay at home for as long as i can. My cousin has recently had a home birth in a pool. She had to go in after the birth as her placenta did not release but the experience for her was nice. It does get me thinking about home births. If anything went wrong though its a long way to hospital.

After you have given birth are you very sore and achy for a few days?

Have you all had nice midwives? I guess they reassure you alot of the time too. X

 

[JessesGirl29]

You are a little sore and achy but you are also riding on a high or adrenaline. I made sure I had things ready for me when I got home. I made padsicles by wetting and freezing maxi pads and have your comforts ready at home....premade comfort food, pain relief, tv shows lined up to watch and just relax and let everyone help you out and take every minute to get in the baby snuggles.

 

[kksy9b]

A lot of it depends on how the delivery goes. For me, I was sore for about 6 weeks. However, I tore up so every time I peed it was super painful until it healed (if you are planning on bf'ing you can take motrin (I was prescribed a stronger one than OTC) and that made ALL the difference in the world). Like JessesGirl said, have your house stocked up with your favorite snacks, load your Netflix list up with some shows and take the time to relax and snuggle with baby as much as you can. Also, Dont push yourself too much too soon. I tried stairs about a week pp and had to rest for 20 minutes before coming back down :/

 

[purplecupcake]

I was up and walking around immediately afterward, but I only needed one stitch. I did feel some kind of pressure feeling when standing, and if you sit directly on your hooha it's not very pleasant.

My hospital was 40 minutes away as well...worst car ride of my life! Since my labor went so quickly, unbeknownst to me I was in transition while on the way there. One thing I wish I would have had was my iPod (it was in the hospital bag my husband put in the trunk...grrr) so I could just plug in and tune out the world.

Also, pre-register at the hospital!! I was told I was pre-registered but the hospital dropped the ball I guess. Filling out paperwork and answering questions during contractions is a miserable experience.

 

[laura109]

Brilliant thanks girls.i feel abit more clued up now.

Its bad nowadays how far you have to travel. Im in the uk and there closing down led units and local maternity units. U have to go to the bigger citys now.

thanks again xx

 

[MindUtopia]

My advice would be to not watch any of those horrible tv shows (they're edited to make it look awful and they never show the easy births because they aren't entertaining) and trust that your body can do it. You really can. There's nothing superhuman about women who have natural births, though they do tend to be the women who plan and equip themselves with more tools for coping.

I had a completely natural (home) birth with my first baby. I didn't need an epidural (it wasn't an option anyway) and I had gas and air if I'd wanted it, but never needed it. I took two paracetamol and used a TENS machine. I also practiced natal hypnotherapy (I'd really, really recommend it). It was completely manageable. There were a few moments that were painful (the cervical check - that was the most painful part of giving birth!), but overall it really wasn't painful. My husband says I did say 'ouch' when she was crowning, and it did feel stretchy and intense, but it wasn't this horrible 'ring of fire' everyone told me about. It was really completely doable. So please don't think of it as this scary, awful experience. It's not. It's really awesome and cool and very manageable. But you have to learn to trust your body and not be afraid (pain is caused by our bodies tensing up during contractions, if you're relaxed, they don't really hurt much). Also, I can't recommend enough doing natal hypnotherapy. It was really wonderful. I'm planning another all natural home birth next time and I'd use it again.

I was definitely sore afterwards. Not terrible and soaking in the bath a couple times a day with some lavender oil added in helped a lot. It was a lot better in a couple weeks. The good thing is, you've just had a baby, you really shouldn't be doing anything other than sitting and resting and holding your baby. And your body will tell you if you're doing too much. Let other people take care of you.

 

[purplecupcake]

My advice would be to not watch any of those horrible tv shows (they're edited to make it look awful and they never show the easy births because they aren't entertaining) and trust that your body can do it. You really can. There's nothing superhuman about women who have natural births, though they do tend to be the women who plan and equip themselves with more tools for coping.

I had a completely natural (home) birth with my first baby. I didn't need an epidural (it wasn't an option anyway) and I had gas and air if I'd wanted it, but never needed it. I took two paracetamol and used a TENS machine. I also practiced natal hypnotherapy (I'd really, really recommend it). It was completely manageable. There were a few moments that were painful (the cervical check - that was the most painful part of giving birth!), but overall it really wasn't painful. My husband says I did say 'ouch' when she was crowning, and it did feel stretchy and intense, but it wasn't this horrible 'ring of fire' everyone told me about. It was really completely doable. So please don't think of it as this scary, awful experience. It's not. It's really awesome and cool and very manageable. But you have to learn to trust your body and not be afraid (pain is caused by our bodies tensing up during contractions, if you're relaxed, they don't really hurt much). Also, I can't recommend enough doing natal hypnotherapy. It was really wonderful. I'm planning another all natural home birth next time and I'd use it again.

I was definitely sore afterwards. Not terrible and soaking in the bath a couple times a day with some lavender oil added in helped a lot. It was a lot better in a couple weeks. The good thing is, you've just had a baby, you really shouldn't be doing anything other than sitting and resting and holding your baby. And your body will tell you if you're doing too much. Let other people take care of you.

The ring of fire wasn't bad for me either! Felt like when you have a poop coming that is too big haha.

The pushing was such a relief, too. Once you start pushing the contractions become very mild.

 

[Eleanor ace]

My advice would be to educate yourself as much as posisble about your different options for pain relief (not just gas and air/epidural but things like TENs machines, different positions, water pressure, accupressure etc) and to watch some positive birthing vidoes (you can find lots on Youtube, they tend to be home births but you can find hospital births too). Knowledge is power!
Try to remember aswell that the births you see on TV tend to be over dramatised, they choose the loudest and most TV worthy births to show.
For me gas and air is the best thing ever- I've told DH I either need to have another baby or I'm breaking my arm so I can get ont he G&A again . I had a spinal after having my 1st and I had pain from it for a few months and it did make things sore in the days after having my LO, more than anything else (and I tore badly requiring surgery but I'd take that over the needle in my back!), so you won't neccesarily find that G&A makes you feel sick and you my find that the epidural has undesirable side effects. i'm not saying that to scare you, epidurals are a good choice for a lot of people, but they aren't without their downsides and I have seen a lot of people on here who went for the epi out of fear and not knowing their options and regreted it. Also if you get to hospital and you're not dilated enough for an epidural or the doctor isn't ready to do it you might want to try gas and air or something else, so it is good to keep open minded about other options. With regards to the water birth thing and worrying it might make you dizzy if its too hot, maybe get a thermometer and run yourself a bath the temperature your hospital usually has the pool at (you could ask your MW. At my hospital it is kept at 37 degrees I think) and see how it feels, if it makes you feel dizzy.
I was sore after birth but not majorly. With my DS I had a 3rd degre tear and it was sore but not horribly so, I was up and about for walks the next day. I had the pain in my back from the spinal which made it hard to sleep but it eased after a week or so. The afterpains were bad, especially at night so I'd dose up on paracetamol before bed. With my 2nd the afterpains were sooo bad but I dosed up on ibruprfen and paracetamol and it was bearable. The pain in my vagina and stomach area was minimal, I was up about 40 minutes after birth and was out and about the next day again. I had a water birth with my 2nd and I think being mobile and in the water really helped with the aches and pains afterwards.
Try not to stress, you will probably find that labour really isn't as bad as you think it will be. Going into it with a positive attitude really helped me.

 

[laura109]

Thank you for your experience. Was you back pain really bad from epi? Did u need assistant getting your baby out? X

 

[NDH]

I third hypnobirthing, or similar. I never took any courses or listened to any CDs, but still found myself naturally meditating through the contractions anyway and was relaxed enough to fall asleep through them (induced, powerful 5 in 10 minutes with 30 seconds between contractions even). I did not experience the ring of fire, but I was pretty numb down there after 2 1/2 hours of pushing and 2 hours of fighting against my body's urge to push at the midwifes request. I was very sore after that birth for at least a week and had a hard time holding my baby as my arms were so weak from pulling on dh. But my second birth was a spontaneous breech birth and I felt so amazing after it. The after pains were tough but following the birth itself I felt completely normal.
Both my births were drug free, not even gas and air (I tried a puff both times and couldn't stand having something in my mouth).

Instead of watching obem and other mainstream birth shows, YouTube natural birth videos - maybe even hypnobirth videos. You'll find them portrayed VASTLY different to how the media does. Some women can still get rather loud, but you can just tell that the whole atmosphere is different and their ability to cope is so much better.

As a ftm to be I read a ton of birth stories, good and bad. I read the bad ones not in a state of fear, but just to say to myself "if that happens to me I can cope.

I think however you choose to give birth it's so important to be fully informed of all your options. Make sure your provider ticks your boxes (if you really want to avoid a cesarean for example but discover your provider has a 30+% cesarean rate you may want to look into changing providers, just as an example). And also find out if their colleagues are on the same page as well. Your provider may say one thing, but if theyre away for the birth (it does happen) their colleague(s) may not be so agreeable... Its never too late to change providers either - even in labour!