Those who are TTC Nº1, do you worry about...

[calm]

how you are going to manage after at least 35 years of doing what you please and no kids? I mean, of course we are all TTC, we are longing for a kiddie of our own... but its such a long time of doing what we please and our time being our own if you know what I mean. My husband said to me: "You do know you had a lot of spare time, you won't have it with a kid", and I was like "I know this *roll of eyes* I don't want spare time, I want a kid" But inside, my mind was going "he is right, omg omg, its going to be hard". I just wonder if I am too set in my lazy ways! Any one else have similar "worries". (By the way, just got my period, after it finishes, its going to be my very first ever cycle of NTNP/TTC in my life, very excited)

 

[wannebmom]

Hi Calm, I think that crossed the mind of everyone ttc #1, even me, and that caused me some cold feet,
For about 3 months and I said I don't want kids anymore. And then I had a chat with my best friend, tcc#2
And she said that its will be something you need to get used to, that's what the 9 months are for, and once
Baby is there the first two weeks is worst because you'll have to get use to the night feeds etc, but you won't
Be able to imagine your life without that baby, ant won't know how you ever lived without him/her..
I think its a good thing you ask yourself that question now, so you can get use to the idea that you wouldn't
Have that much time for yourself anymore. As soon as your used to baby, you would've gotten into a routine
And you will find time for yourself I'm sure!

 

[Desperado167]

I must say I hear this from my dh all the time as my youngest started school last year and everyone keeps saying u are mad trying for another wen u have just got your life back ,well my life is my kids and I dont want it back ,I just want another l.o ,

 

[Natsby]

My mum was saying to me the other evening when we were all out in a jazz bar, you won´t be able to do this if you get pregnant. Well no but i have had 38 years of going out and doing as I please and now I´m ready to stay in with a baby. Truth is I often don´t really want to go out anyway, I know what I´ll be missing and I´ve been there done that thanks.
I do worry i won´t have time to do my own work, (I´m an artist,) but then we will find a way, my parents always worked and my OH has as flexible schedule as do I so I´m sure it will be possible...eventually.
Great news your on your first cycle!! How exciting. My advice (strange though it may seem,) is come on here for support advice etc, but don´t get in too deep, if you read too many posts you will end up thinking it is a hard and long journey and that is going to increase your stress. You may get lucky quickly (here´s hoping) so I think it is better to enjoy your ttc rather than start empathizing with those of us who are having problems. I hope your stay here is a short one and any questions ask away, there are some great ladies on here!

 

[calm]

I know what you mean Natsby, I have been on BnB as a WTT for over 2 years... I am sadly very informed now on how frequent miscarriages are, how it can be hard or impossible to get pregnant etc. But I am actually planning do to what you said, I am going to be cool and take it how it comes and try not to BnB in excess. I don't go out much either, I mean, my and DH go for a meal, cinema etc, but we are not party people, we are very home orientated and we both value family. Its just pre TTC nerves I think, anticipating what will be a big change in our lifes, and as I said, I am a bit lazy, but there will be no time for that when/if there is a baby. Thank you everyone for your replies XXX

 

[happygirl326]

Calm- I had concerns and feelings simliar to what you are describing the first cycle we tried conceiving. I (mistakenly) thought that as soon as we started trying it we would conceive. By the end of cycle three, my feelings have changed and I have more clarity- I am ready to be a mom. I am ready for a pregnancy and am ready to make the sacrifices and changes necessary.

We are on cycle five now and are in the middle to the two week wait...

Best of luck to you and lots of baby dust!!

 

[dachsundmom]

I am not TTC my first, but my DD is almost 15.

I have waited many years to get my life back, lol.

Friday night DH and I went out to dinner and did a little shopping, alone! We realized that this could be our new reality and it sounded pretty good.

So, I guess what I am trying to say, is what you are feeling is perfectly normal and if you're anything like me, you will go back and forth about it quite often; even more so when AF arrives, lol.

I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you don't have to do this TTC thing for very long.

 

[peacebaby]

hi calm and everyone posting here.

this is a concern of mine too...DH and I are both very homely but life has always been about ourselves and I do worry about how we will adjust to parenthood...although I take considerable comfort in my belief that just as the body knows exactly how to adapt to and provide for the baby instinctively, that a natural maternal love and instinct will propel me to adapt.

@Natsby, that's such good advice regarding the forum, I've learnt that through my own journey here. While I appreciate all the advice and sharing that I've gained from here, I am now very selective about my time here for exactly the reason you mentioned. I learnt the hard way... After my first BFP ended in early miscarriage I realised I was incredibly stressed about TTC. Now I'm focussing on enjoying it and thinking positively, meditating on the wonder of the journey towards motherhood.

wishing you all the very best, may we all be embraced warmly by motherhood!

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi calm, I think this is one of the reasons that I didn't ttc before but now it has really hit me that I don't really care - like Natsby said I feel like I have been there and done that and I am ready for the challenges that this might bring - my only regret is that I didn't realise this sooner but I have to think that what will be will be and now I am in the right place where I wasn't before so if it happens I will be especially grateful

 

[Jax41]

Hi calm, I think this is one of the reasons that I didn't ttc before but now it has really hit me that I don't really care - like Natsby said I feel like I have been there and done that and I am ready for the challenges that this might bring - my only regret is that I didn't realise this sooner but I have to think that what will be will be and now I am in the right place where I wasn't before so if it happens I will be especially grateful

Butterfly couldn't have put it better myself x

 

[arlosmama]

Hi all,

I just wanted to add my input as a mother who had her first at 34 (in 2008) after being married for 7 years and waiting that long for the simple reason that I liked my life. My husband wanted to start trying about 2 years into our marriage and I just kept putting it off and putting it off...and then finally in a moment of weakness I said we could have unprotected sex which resulted in an immediate BFP...oh the luck...well needless to say I was not super thrilled to be pregnant and was worrying about my carefree lifestyle and was sad that my husband and I would never be a twosome again. I remember crying my eyes out as I left the house to give birth thinking we would never come home just the two of us. I was gutted. Well I had my son and didn't have that "crazy bonding" that everyone talked about and it took us a little while to get to know each other...at least a month or two...and after that I cannot imagine why I waited. I have never been happier...and my husband and i still do a lot of things jut the two of us, but within about an hour of being away from my son I find myself looking at photos of him on my phone or talking about how I can't wait to get home to him. I often times pull him into our bed on night we go out just to get some more time with him...even if its just cuddling and sleeping...

I guess what I am trying to say is I know the trepidation and I know the fear and I am one who will be honest and admit it took time to bond...but I can only say it is the hardest job you will ever love...and it is fleeting. My son will be 3 next month and I don't know where it went...and I know it is going to just go faster once he starts school on a full time basis...we can all do it...and the love that is there is enough drive for an army...

Good luck and realize that a good decision is the decision you make...

 

[calm]

I have no doubt I want kids though, I have been wanting kids for 10 years, but circumstances and health have stood in the way. Just a bit nervous, its been a long time just the 2 of us XXX

 

[sarahincanada]

I think the worry of how it would change my lifestyle is what stopped me from trying sooner. I love my life, my family lives in a different country so I love the freedom of visiting them when I want. Even when I started TTC in Feb 2010 I wasnt 100% sure I wanted the lifestyle change, but always thought we wanted kids so thought we'd better start. Now that its 18 months later with no BFP I have grown to like the idea and crave it a little more. Ive spent 39 years focusing on myself and would actually welcome having someone/something else to take up my time. However if it doesnt happen for us I think I can easily adjust to a child free lifestyle full of travel, and be a great aunty instead. I just want to know either way, can it please happen or not! I suppose I will get my answer soon if we start ivf!

 

[sarahincanada]

Hi all,

I just wanted to add my input as a mother who had her first at 34 (in 2008) after being married for 7 years and waiting that long for the simple reason that I liked my life. My husband wanted to start trying about 2 years into our marriage and I just kept putting it off and putting it off...and then finally in a moment of weakness I said we could have unprotected sex which resulted in an immediate BFP...oh the luck...well needless to say I was not super thrilled to be pregnant and was worrying about my carefree lifestyle and was sad that my husband and I would never be a twosome again. I remember crying my eyes out as I left the house to give birth thinking we would never come home just the two of us. I was gutted. Well I had my son and didn't have that "crazy bonding" that everyone talked about and it took us a little while to get to know each other...at least a month or two...and after that I cannot imagine why I waited. I have never been happier...and my husband and i still do a lot of things jut the two of us, but within about an hour of being away from my son I find myself looking at photos of him on my phone or talking about how I can't wait to get home to him. I often times pull him into our bed on night we go out just to get some more time with him...even if its just cuddling and sleeping...

I guess what I am trying to say is I know the trepidation and I know the fear and I am one who will be honest and admit it took time to bond...but I can only say it is the hardest job you will ever love...and it is fleeting. My son will be 3 next month and I don't know where it went...and I know it is going to just go faster once he starts school on a full time basis...we can all do it...and the love that is there is enough drive for an army...

Good luck and realize that a good decision is the decision you make...

thank you for this very honest account of what you have experienced! a friend of mine never wanted kids, and she fell pregnant aged 30. she called him 'alien' during the pregnancy and didnt gush when he was a baby like other mothers do. but as soon as he started to smile and his personality formed she has completely fallen in love. she just posted his 'first day of school' photos on facebook and he is such a lovely boy. when I saw her, who didnt even want kids, blossom as a mum I knew I could do it.

 

[Sus09]

I fear a lot of things, the first one not being able to have a child at all. I am terrified about the thought of never becoming a mother. Then I fear more pregancy losses and if I do manage to conceive, my child not being healthy.

In the past I wanted my own space, work, spend time with my friends, hobbies, do things, travel. Now, although it would be a massive change in my life, I would give it all up, for having that little baby in my arms.

Quite a weird feeling for me as I have alwasy been a free soul in the past, no ties, no commitments... Must be age lol!!

 

[calm]

I fear a lot of things, the first one not being able to have a child at all. I am terrified about the thought of never becoming a mother. Then I fear more pregancy losses and if I do manage to conceive, my child not being healthy.

In the past I wanted my own space, work, spend time with my friends, hobbies, do things, travel. Now, although it would be a massive change in my life, I would give it all up, for having that little baby in my arms.

Quite a weird feeling for me as I have alwasy been a free soul in the past, no ties, no commitments... Must be age lol!!

I have all those fears too, that I will never get pregnant, or that I will and will lose it, and then not cope with the loss and ruin everyone's life and... its endless really, I try not to feed it as much as possible, but its hard.

 

[Sus09]

Still, Calm, it is all worth a try!!!

 

[littlepeps]

Hi calm, I think this is one of the reasons that I didn't ttc before but now it has really hit me that I don't really care - like Natsby said I feel like I have been there and done that and I am ready for the challenges that this might bring - my only regret is that I didn't realise this sooner but I have to think that what will be will be and now I am in the right place where I wasn't before so if it happens I will be especially grateful

Hi there ... We have trying for 16 months but nothing has happen but thats because I have not really been putting much effort in ...and had been wondering if it was the right thing to do but the past 6 weeks something just clicked and I couldnt agree more with Butterfly

 

[Indigo77]

I am with Butterfly and Sus...

Also, I probably am unique in that I have experienced both sides.
I was a mom for a year and I was a free spirit and career person, as well.

I have traveled all over the globe, I have had different careers, I have lived abroad and all over the States...I truly have done it all...

I realized that the best experience of my life was the year I was a mom.
There is no experience that even comes close.

Unfortunately, I did not fully realize this until last year when we took a trip to Spain...

I must admit, that I did experience a bit of 'culture shock' the first 1-2 months with my FS, but after that, we found our groove and it was wonderful.

By the way, we took him with us everywhere. By the time he was 14 months old, he had been to 6 different states and 4 different countries. That's not a big deal for those of you who live in Europe, but I will venture to say he has traveled more than 90% of Americans. (and he was a wonderful traveler )

I will be disappointed if this venture does not work out for us, but at least I got to be a mom for 1 wonderful year!

I sincerely hope that you all have that privilege one day soon!

 

[Sus09]

I am totally with you Indigo!!

Spain? a culture shock?? I am with you there as well, and that is saying a lot coming from me, being half Spanish!

Good people the Spanish though! Love their way they live life and socialise