Those with 4 or more or wtt/ttc #4 or more

[jessicasmum]

Hi I have 3 children, DD1 (12 in july), DD2 (2.5) and DS (3 months) and me and hubby are considering trying for a 4th probably in 2 years time.

So I wondered what's life like with 4 children? Did you always want 4 or more children or was it not an easy decision?(I mean was you back and forth over the idea before you decided). Did you get any negative comments or still do? What was your own personal reasons for wanting 4 or more children?

Me and hubby aren't at the certain stage at the moment and it's a very recent conversation that we said we might try for a 4th. I was just hoping to get other mums views who have larger families, sorry if my questions seem too personal but I thank everyone in advance for your replies

(Oh and I've also posted this same post in the TTC section)

 

[kjrbmom]

Hi there,

I have 4 kids. My 4th wasn't planned and was quite the surprise. When I found out I was pregnant my 1st thought was how am I going to manage? My youngest at the time was quite the challenge, I learned about a year later that she is autistic. My mom provided me with the encouragement I needed and I'm very glad I had a 4th. He was such a wonderful baby and to be honest I didn't feel that much of a difference going from 3 to 4, except for maybe at the baby stage due to having a daughter with autism. The kids all got along well. My sons older sisters were a huge help. Fast forward 15 years, my kids are mostly grown up now and I wouldn't change anything.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I am raising three kids and DH and I will be having 1 more for sure, possibly more because we are obviously crazy

For me, deciding to have more kids was an easy decision. I've always wanted at least 4. I just love big families and I love being a mom...it's all I've ever wanted to do in life. My DH was a different story, though. My older kids are from my first marriage and it took DH a while to get used to the idea of being with someone with kids because he never (originally) wanted any kids. But he came around and realized it was actually pretty great so now we've got our son and will be having more. At this point, I'm not sure how many DH actually wants, but he went from no kids to 3 in just a couple years, so I think he's pretty confident in his ability to handle however many we have. He's an amazing dad and I think he loves having kids so much more than he ever thought he possibly could, so he's completely on board with having a few more.

I have another daughter (who I sadly lost to SIDS when she was 3 1/2 months). She was my third and when I got pregnant with her, I got all sorts of comments about why I wanted another. People figured since I already had a boy and a girl, I shouldn't want any more. No one has made any comments this time around but that's probably more because my youngest is my DH's first. I imagine that if we have a girl next and then decide to have another, the comments will start all over again. I don't worry about it very much, though. However many kids DH and I have is no one's business but ours. We're the ones who are taking care of them, so unless someone else starts to, their opinion doesn't matter.

 

[jessicasmum]

Sorry I've only just replying back now.

Thank you both for taking the time to message

Kjrbmom: My 2nd child has suspected autism, we've only been to the paediatrician once but she thinks like i do that she has autism, she is suppose to be now going through a assessment phase which we have been told takes normally 6 months but we should know before that, definitely before the year is out. Do you mind me asking at what functioning level is your daughters autism at? My daughter will be turning 3 in September and doesn't talk yet, she'll say a random word and not repeat it and then might not say another word for months. She has sensory problems, always chewing things and likes to hand flap, touch things like walls, tv washer etc. She goes to playgroup at the moment and mainly really enjoys it, she'll be there until next July and starts nursery school next September, I'm concerned over what school we will/can apply for her.
My concerns are over having a 4th are one of the reasons that with my daughter's autism that this might be too much of a strain but my youngest who is only 6 months he so loves the attention already and loves going up to both his sister's when he sees them but my eldest is a lot older to play much because she's soon turning 12 and my daughter with autism doesn't really take any notice he's there, so i would love another for my little boy.
Can i ask a personal question did you worry that your 4th child before having him/her that they might end up having autism also? I understand if you don't want to answer that kind of question.


Aidensxmomma: I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, i can't even begin to understand how it must of been to go through something like that
I really can't understand why people think like that just because you have 1 of each gender that why should you bother having another, like really that's all people have children for, if my mother in law had of thought like that she would of never had my husband because he has 2 older brothers and a older sister. My sister in law said when i was pregnant with my 2nd child before we found out she was a girl she asked what gender did i want and i said boy but as long as they were healthy that's all that mattered, then she said yeah then you are done then aren't you 1 of each, i already knew i wanted a 3rd then either way but never said anything.
I know we will get grief off my mother in law if we announce when/if I'm pregnant with number 4, she likes to moan about things but she has no place because she had 4, so did her mum and so did her sister too, everyone in the family were horrible when my husband's cousin announced her 5th pregnancy but soon felt bad when she lost the baby. My in laws are just interfering gossips, you're so right though what you said that it's no body's business we are the one's that are looking after the children nobody else

 

[lau86]

Hiya! I am also having this debate in my head. On one hand I am so busy with three. On another hand I don't actually think it would be much more work to have 4. I'm just trying not to stress about it st the moment. Either there will come a time when I will definitely want to (and then I will have to talk to hubby as he has said no more!). Or, I will be too old and won't want to. Don't worry about other people it's not their business! Though for me I would have to look at my child care arrangements as currently family take my children when I work and both grandparents would struggle to mind 4

 

[jessicasmum]

Hi lau86: not spoke for a bit, thanks for posting
Has hubby mentioned like making it final though like vasectomy or anything?
With me it's been my hubby that's be making the comments of wanting a 4th and i always think he's joking but he's not. Came out with it again the other day and i was shocked, thought it was just a bit of a blip the other month we sort of considered it and just thought we haven't talked about again for a while so thought that was that and I'd pretty much talk myself round to it was unlikely until the other day and he said he was more for it than against as previously was 50/50. He's even come up with a name suggestion if we had another girl which is Billie.

 

[lau86]

I know, how are things with you?
He has said no to a vasectomy, but it's more because he doesn't want one rather than wanting more children! I'm sick of sorting out the contraception all the time so it's condoms at the moment. I had a chemical last month which he doesn't know about
I don't think we will have any more, but it's nice to not have the door closed if you get me

 

[jessicasmum]

Things with me ok I suppose just things are up and down because my 2nd child has autism well is at the beginning of assessment but it's pretty clear she has it because even after only 1 appointment with paediatrician and she said she thinks so too, we will find out by time year is out, just want the best care for her and for us to understand and manage the best we can, she's an amazing little girl but when she goes through her bad stage which she seems to every few weeks is so emotionally draining at times and a hell of a lot worse because she can't talk but we are keeping our fingers crossed that she will eventually be able to.
How are things with you?
I'm so sorry about your cp that must of been tough not to be able to talk to hubby about it.
I know not the view of everyone but i think because I've gone through all the crappy parts and had the children that it's only fair my hubby gets a vasectomy, mine isn't obviously happy about it but has said he will after we have had number 4, he was suppose to after having our last but he said no because he doesn't feel sure we are done.

 

[lau86]

Oh that must be hard with your daughter, do you know how long it will take for a diagnosis?
I agree with vasectomy, think he just needs to man up and get in with it! I do need to tell him about the cp as that may give him a kick up the bum. But he puts me off as he says he doesn't believe in things like that.

 

[jessicasmum]

We seen the paediatrician in May and she said she normally says 6 months but it should be before that the diagnosis but definitely before the year has finished, am a bit concerned though because we haven't heard from no appointments from anything since that appointment and there is several things like another paediatrician appointment suppose to be July, speech therapists, a new health visitor who is ment for kids with special needs and this children development forum which the playgroup has referred but the paediatrician has mentioned as well.
Sorry if I've got confused did you mean your hubby doesn't believe in CP?