Time Outs to be banned In Australian Childcare

[Ashley8806]

That may be true, but I know that even with the discipline I do with my daughter we have a very close bond. I don't feel it affects us, in our situation anyways,to use the discipline methods we do. I guess it just comes down to personal feelings on how to discipline/not discipline, whatever you choose, and what works for you.

 

[Lightworker]

Thing is though children do not have the same cognitively ability as adults. There are concepts they simply do not understand, like death, consequence, impulse, different types of attention. These are things they learn slowly all the way up to 18.

I have looked into positive parenting links that have been given out and it does seem to have some similar to what we do. However it seems to be strongly based on a very good bond with the parent and child. I think you have to accept that in today's society not everyone has a good bond/relationship with their kids.

Yes. I agree that the efficacy of gentle guidance can be compromised in situations where the bond between parent and child has been disturbed. Totally.

 

[Lightworker]

You know what I feel, I feel like to someone reading what I am writing, I might be coming off as very unrealistic, viz-a-viz society today.

As far as my parenting goes, I think I like to work on the basis of "treat her as I would like to be treated". That also applies to when I make mistakes. When I make a mistake, I am always hopeful for forgiveness, and hope that there are no negative repercussions, so its the same for my child.

I know as parents, we spend quite alot of time talking to our children and telling them whats right and whats wrong, but to me, the most effective lessons are those learnt by your child observing the way you act as a parent. Those seem to be the ones that stick the most. If I show my child that when she does something wrong, she has to leave my presence, she will perpetuate that behaviour into her adulthood, and whenever someone does something wrong, she will push them away. Thats not how I want her to treat people.

I want her to love everyone, to know that we all make mistakes, but we are still deserving of love. Society these days has a huge pre-occupation with punishing people, and quite frankly, I think it is destroying society. In my other thread (which nobody responded to!!!), I was questioning the legitimacy of this punitive attitude, and how it is eating away at society.

I know alot of people use the analogy of crime and jail, but there are so many things we do wrong, lie, cheat etc, which are not necessarily crimes, but we do them, and yet we expect forgiveness, and unconditional love, so if this is what we want, then it should be what we give.

It is not just the way I treat my children, but the way I try to treat everyone, no one special measure for anyone.

I am not in any way perfect, I can be impatient, and irritable, but its how I try to be. Imagine if we had time-outs as adults..me sitting in a corner for 26 minutes..it would be bananas.

I also agree that I think for some parents, once a child can sit, walk, talk etc.,they link this to an ability to reason like adults and thats why they are quick to punish. The child still does not reason like an adult, and can forget quite quickly, so I think some of these punishments are based largely on unreasonable expectations on the part of parents.

My post is jumbled up, but I hope you can see what I am getting at. x

 

[marley2580]

I completely understand where you are coming from and I think that it's great that your method works for you (I actually agree with you about too much emphasis on punishment in society), but I honestly do not believe that it would work for our family. My personality simply doesn't lend itself to positive discipline. I don't hit my kids and I disagree with smacking or proscribed 'time outs', but I can see that for some families they do work. I believe that the most important thing a parent can do is to love their children and to be consistent.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I'm totally with you lightworker, word for word. Oh I'm going to stay away now because you want a debate

 

[smelly07]

I also agree with lightworker and that post was well written

(sorry i cant even pretend to disagree with you on this one )


I was thinking actually, to the parents who use time outs......... after you have used a 'time out'/naughty step does your child no longer repeat the behaviour that got them the time out in the first place?

what sort of behaviour gets a 'time out'/naughty step?

how often do you use this method on a weekly basis?

surely if a time out worked then it would only be neccesary to use it a few times? and what do you do when you are out in public?

i'm genuinely curious.

 

[marley2580]

I was thinking actually, to the parents who use time outs......... after you have used a 'time out'/naughty step does your child no longer repeat the behaviour that got them the time out in the first place?

They do repeat it, but the behaviour tends to reduce and then stop.

what sort of behaviour gets a 'time out'/naughty step?

For me it's things like hitting, being rude, continuing a behaviour or action even after being asked to stop or repeatedly refusing to do something they have been asked to do, sometimes it's used to calm them down when they're having a tantrum.

how often do you use this method on a weekly basis?

Not often, only once or twice, it's usually a last resort.

surely if a time out worked then it would only be neccesary to use it a few times? and what do you do when you are out in public?

I have (rarely) taken them to a doorway or a corner out of the way, only usually if they're having a tantrum about something.

 

[britishsaffy]

I'm with Ashley, I see nothing wrong in time outs, or in 'spanking' when needed. Neither would be my first resort, and when it comes to spanking i'm hesitant. I would tap the bank of the hand, or perhaps the back of the legs, but I really do think that has to be a final resort if all else has failed.
I was spanked as a child and I love both of my parents dearly. My brother on the other hand is rather a lot younger than me, and was barely disciplined because of societies changing ideas, and he has major issues with respecting authority, has been in trouble with the law, and disrespects both of my parents....

 

[Ashley8806]

I also agree with lightworker and that post was well written

(sorry i cant even pretend to disagree with you on this one )


I was thinking actually, to the parents who use time outs......... after you have used a 'time out'/naughty step does your child no longer repeat the behaviour that got them the time out in the first place?

what sort of behaviour gets a 'time out'/naughty step?

how often do you use this method on a weekly basis?

surely if a time out worked then it would only be neccesary to use it a few times? and what do you do when you are out in public?

i'm genuinely curious.

after you have used a 'time out'/naughty step does your child no longer repeat the behaviour that got them the time out in the first place?

-In some cases it only takes one or two, in some cases it takes a few time outs. But in the end, it does work.

what sort of behaviour gets a 'time out'/naughty step?

-Lately, it's been just flat out not listening. After I tell her to pick up her toys 50 times, and her telling me no, it's time out time. She goes in for a few minutes, says she's ready to help clean up, and comes out and does so. And she has slowly been getting better at doing what I say. Other cases would be hitting, biting, tantrums, etc, that don't happen hardly ever at all.

how often do you use this method on a weekly basis?

-maybe once or twice, not very often.

surely if a time out worked then it would only be neccesary to use it a few times? and what do you do when you are out in public?

-We don't run into a lot of problems in public, but if she is acting up we go out to the vehicle until she's ready to be good.

 

[Ashley8806]

I'm with Ashley, I see nothing wrong in time outs, or in 'spanking' when needed. Neither would be my first resort, and when it comes to spanking i'm hesitant. I would tap the bank of the hand, or perhaps the back of the legs, but I really do think that has to be a final resort if all else has failed.
I was spanked as a child and I love both of my parents dearly. My brother on the other hand is rather a lot younger than me, and was barely disciplined because of societies changing ideas, and he has major issues with respecting authority, has been in trouble with the law, and disrespects both of my parents....

Yes it is definatley a last resort. I don't just do a time out or spank (which I hardly ever do, it is even after a time out lol) right away. I try other things like redirecting her, telling her if she doesn't do something or stop what she is doing she will go to time out, etc. I was also raised with being spanked, sent to time out, etc. It has had no effect on me as far as loving my mother or anything along that line. It has, however, taught me respect, and right from wrong.

 

[Blah11]

after you have used a 'time out'/naughty step does your child no longer repeat the behaviour that got them the time out in the first place?

She does do it again but not on the same day or even the same week. It diffuses the situation quickly.

what sort of behaviour gets a 'time out'/naughty step?

Mainly being agressive and hurting me

how often do you use this method on a weekly basis?

Um, it depends. Sometimes she can be in it 3 times in 1 day, other times it can be once in 3 weeks.

surely if a time out worked then it would only be neccesary to use it a few times? and what do you do when you are out in public?

I don't do time out in public. I just ignore her and walk away and she comes a running lol I doubt 'cuddle outs' mean the child never does anything 'naughty' again either

 

[Eve]

I find time-out when done correctly, is a great way to help teach your children the tools to live in today's society successfully.

A child shouldn't be placed in a secluded area, and should never be faced toward a wall or corner. Instead of calling it time-out, it can be called anything from calm spot, talk spot etc... I use time-outs with my son and what we do is have him sit down on the couch, or his bed or at the kitchen table. We then sit with him and talk to him. I explain why he needs to sit down for a few minutes, we talk about what he did, and come up with some solutions to the problem that started the conflict in the first place. He then is to sit for a few minutes and is asked to apologize, if he means it, and off he goes. Cuddles don't work with a child like Jacob, and by having him calm down and talk things through, he is being taught many skills he will need to use in his everyday life, well into adulthood.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Personally, and I'm sure I will get jumped for this, I feel society is taking it way too far to end discpline for our kids. While I obviously don't agree with beating our kids, I feel kids these days are not discplined enough. Time out is the least abusive form of discpline there is, IMO. If it works, then why not?

I do agree with you, sorry only read first page.
I feel like people are scared to discipline now! It does not mean your child will have issues/problems/fear. If you teach them right from wrong!

The point about just teaching children to separate, I dont think its a bad one? When my son is mad/angry/sad I want him to recognize that and remove himself from the situation!

 

[deafgal]

I had one person who think time out is torturous for both the child and the parents. He said he spank his kids, and move on and done with.

 

[deafgal]

I usually don't call it time out, but thinking time (or the thinking chair)! give our child to think about what he done. Mom used to put me in a corner for doing something bad but I don't think it really helped because I NEVER thought about why I was put there. Just the fact I was sent there.

btw, I don't think time out really worked for our son. so we are taking away privileges

 

[deafgal]

I'm sorry i just dont think there is any need for time outs, and especially for children under school age particularly the under 3's...........i dont think their behaviour is naughty its normal, They are learning, they dont have the language to express themselves properly, they dont understand fully yet. its frustrating being a toddler in this crazy world..... i would also not be happy if a daycare/nursery/pre school used a 'time out' method of any sort, i think like someone else said its very humiliating for that child and imo could damage the child in other ways.

heres a link some people may like to read.

https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts

I agree, unless both of you are having trouble calming down, then sometimes it is a good idea, but not as a form as punishment. kids under three need guidance to do the right thing.

 

[deafgal]

I just don't agree with cuddling with a child who has done something wrong. To me, that is sending the wrong message. If they are upset about something, sure. But if they are biting, hitting, throwing something that could break a window, etc, I don't see how cuddling will show them right from wrong.

Its not cuddling in a simplistic sense. The cuddle is essential to show the child that you love them, in spite of their "negative" behaviour. That is a CRUCIAL aspect. They need to know they are loved unconditionally.

In addition to the cuddle, you are talking to the child, get to the bottom of the behaviour, help your child to express themselves more positively.

The cuddle is an act of compassion as well. Its an "I understand you are angry" x

yeah, you going to love them no matter what. But I can understand where she is coming from, you don't want them to get the idea that you are pleased with their behavior but that you are disappointed (because you do care and love them)

 

[smelly07]

I usually don't call it time out, but thinking time (or the thinking chair)! give our child to think about what he done. Mom used to put me in a corner for doing something bad but I don't think it really helped because I NEVER thought about why I was put there. Just the fact I was sent there.

btw, I don't think time out really worked for our son. so we are taking away privileges

although i still wouldnt use 'thinking time' or 'the thinking chair' approach, i do think that it is a better name to use rather than 'time out' and 'naughty step' etc

 

[Blah11]

I never use the term naughty step but whats wrong with 'time out'? Thats what they're doing - taking a time out from whatever they were doing.

 

[Quackquack99]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with time out as a form of discipline. It is not a physical form of punishment.
Majority of people who commit a crime know that it is wrong, yet should we explain to them what they have done instead of sending them to prison?
I think discipline should start at a young age and if a young child understands what they did wrong then they need to understand that when they do something wrong, consequences follow. Just like how we all know if we commit a crime etc we suffer the consequences