Time

[Stef]

Im sorry this is abit of an essay but I would really appreciate it if you could take the time to give it a read and shre your thoughts and opinions. Also I may have posted this in perhaps the wrong place... Im unsure... However...

I have just made a post in the third tri area about friends and family wanting to visit.

I am needing to talk about this with some one other than my friends and family who I am not going to upset but the whole ordeal is upsetting me very much that im not able to controll my floods of tears...

The baby was due on 7th December and im now currently 3 days over due, and if i carry on to be over due it could lead me right up until the 21st December now this is where the problem lies...

My uncle is coming up to stay at the weekend which is fine. I said to him ages ago that its fine as I dont see him often at all due to the fact he lives in London. He leaves for Mexico on the 18th and wanted to visit before leaving as he wont be back until after the new year...

Now I have had a text from my friend saying work had told her she had to put her xmas leave in so she has booked off next Monday and Tuesday (17th & 18th) to come up to visit with out making any arrangement with me first... THEN...

My mam has told me she is coming up to visit on the 18th -23rd December... I I have a week and a half with other people being in my house.

1) what if i go into labour whilst they're here. Its not so bad with my family as they can just stay at my house and do what ever... But my friend on the other hand. Im not sure i'd want to go into labour knowing my friend is in my house and im going to have someone fussing as soon as we are back home again. My family I can just tell to back off as they no doubt understand. Theyre your family at the end of the day.

2) When the baby arrives Chris can only financially afford to take one week paternity which is full paid and cant afford the loss of money by taking an extra week now that he no longer has his DJing job... Its going to become difficult enough finding money to pay the bills.

3) All his family and friends live in the same town so its not so much of a problem but they will all be wanting to visit...

4) Now all my other friends are bombarding me with calls and texts about when they can come up. I cant cope with it... I wish they would all just leave me alone and the baby isnt even here yet

Im so upset I expected the week off that Chris can take would be to have proper bonding time as a family. The baby could settle in with me and Chris and get used to things and me and Chris could share our first experiences etc together of our daughter.

I dont want our babys first week where we have a full house constantly as that is not how things are going to be... We rarely ever get visitors.

I feel so upset and emotional. I have just called my granparents who just told me to stop being stupid which really hurt. As far as I was aware I wasnt being stupid.

The spare bed has not even yet arrived for the spare room and we got rid of the sofa bed so we actualy have no where for them to stay unless they stayed in the lounge and then me and Chris have no where in the house to take baby apart from our bed room.

I dont know if my friend would get upset and offended if i asked if she could hold coming to visit until after the new year, My mam would be more than offended if i told her i didnt want her to come up. I just dont want some one constantly there. I think i will need to have my own time and especially me and Chris will need our time together and with baby together with no one else.

I really dont know what to do I cant describe how much its getting to me and i just cant battle with my tears over it... Every time I think about it it winds me up... Any advice???

 

[lauren-kate]

Hey, sorry you're going through all this

I think you just need to tell people that you'd really appreciate some alone time with the baby. There will be plenty of time to see the baby later on, it'll still be there. You'll more than likely want to be resting and getting used to having the baby there, without having to look after all your visitors. I think you just need to be honest and say what you want. Of course, everyone will get some time to come and visit, just not necessarily all in the first week or so. xx

 

[Tezzy]

you need to be strong and tell people you do not want visitors in the 1st week.

they may be annoyed but trust me, it will be worth it. you might be surprised and they may understand!

 

[Stef]

Thanks for replying...

Im such an idiot, I just need to pull myself together...

In my OH words... I care too much about upsetting people. Suppose its very true...

 

[lauren-kate]

Aw it's not your fault at all. Obviously everyone will want to see the baby, but they really don't need to rush to see him/her. There will be plenty of time for that. I think it's really important that you spend some time alone together as a family with the new baby, without all the extra visitors. Hopefully, they'll understand. It's not as if you're saying they CAN'T see the baby at all, just that you want a bit of bonding time first. xx

 

[Tezzy]

Aw it's not your fault at all. Obviously everyone will want to see the baby, but they really don't need to rush to see him/her. There will be plenty of time for that. I think it's really important that you spend some time alone together as a family with the new baby, without all the extra visitors. Hopefully, they'll understand. It's not as if you're saying they CAN'T see the baby at all, just that you want a bit of bonding time first. xx

i totally agree.. good luck x

 

[Amanda]

Here's my advice (sorry, but you did ask for it!! ):

Let your uncle stay - as you said, you don't mind that.

Tell your friend to leave it till the New Year (and I mean Tell, not Ask!). If she is any sort of a friend, she won't mind at all.

Tell your mum that she's very welcome to come and visit, but due to the new baby, and disrupted sleep patterns, you want to be able to relax and fall sleep as and when. And tell her because of that, you've booked her into a local B & B. She's your mum, she'll understand.

And get Chris to call your grandparents back and tell them that THEY are the ones being stupid! FFS, when they were having kids, the mum was confined to bed for 10 days, and no visitors were allowed in the house!

Lastly, stop worrying about other peoples feelings hun. This is the perfect time for you to be abrupt, rant a little, and get away with it! In a couple of weeks, you just call them up to apologise and blame pregnancy hormones!!!

 

[Newt]

I don't think you are being stupid and I totally understand you worrying about upsetting people. Of course you want bonding time, thats only natural, as is the desire to not upset anyone.
I am sure though, that if you explain your feelings to everyone they will understand. after all you do need time to adjust, settle and heal yourself too.
How about just suggesting alternative dates that they can call?
It is nice of your friend to want to visit, but I am sure she can find somthing else to do with her holiday, if she doesnt understand then she isn't really thinking of you and your needs.
Good luck with it babe, I hope it works out for you. If not, then unplug the phone and don't answer the door

 

[Stef]

Thanks guys... Needed some sense shaking into me... Just didnt know where to turn first.

Thankyou Xx

 

[Jules]

I agree with Amanda, you want time alone with the baby and your OH, Everyone should understand, really they shouldn't expect you to want people staying and the extra work when your about to pop!

I am only nine weeks and i have already laid the law down on visiting times at the hospital etc!!! As with another family member when they were pregnant the were all stood outside the labour ward! I want time with just the three of us, no interference!

 

[Layla]

hun you know i can relate to this from our convo in the 3rd tri..

I agree with Amanda, if your friend is a good friend she will understand, and the B&B idea for you mum is a good one, Jases parents are staying at teh local hotel so thats a bit of a weight off my mind.

Be strong hun, if you dont want people there then say, its your house, your baby, your way, dont forget that and let poeple bully you

x

 

[Stef]

Thanks Layla... It was after our conversation that I realised it was all happening at once and got hysterical. Lol

 

[Mantha3]

You know what BabyBean.. this time in your life is about YOU and your family. You will never get back that first week of the baby's life. You need to stand up for yourself even if it hurts peoples feelings... they will get over it- I promis. And if they give you a hard time they are just being insensitive.. everyone knows that over due woman are not the happiest and that people want some time alone when the baby comes. Put yourself first.. explain sensitively to your friends and family.. be strong and don't let them manipulate you. You will be thankful you did it in the long run I am sure. Good luck hun!