Tired of the newbies. Tired of this journey.

[Melts]

Recently my husband and I found out that he only has a sperm count of 8000. I posted a thread in the TTC section asking what people did to increase their husbands sperm count. I got a couple responses, but none of them were what I asked. Someone said they did not know if their husbands count was low but they did this and that and used pressed and got pregnant. Then another person started telling me everything that could increase sperm count like I did not know anything, then she proceeded to tell me that she has only been trying for five months and she had one misscarriage, and she already had one little one.
I have been TTC for almost two years and have never gotten pregnant, in those two years I think I have read almost everything there is to read about TTC so I know it all. I was asking for success stories; I was not asking to be told about TTC.
Also I am so tired of hearing about all these newbies on here and everyone who I used to talk to is now pregnant or has had their little one and I am still stuck here is the TTC section. It is so discouraging and I am so sick of waiting and hoping for something that I fear will never happen with such a low count.
I am sorry I'm just angry about newbies and how they think they know everything and I know nothing. Especially when they are still stuck in the " am I pregnant?" Symptom spotting stage of their journey and they will pobably all be pregnant soon and I still won't be. I really do wish them the best because I would not want anyone to be cursed with infertility but I am so tired of hearing it in the TTC section.

 

[LoveCakes]

I occasionally dip in there and then remember why I left. Ltttc is my little safe haven, though I know there are those who have been trying a lot longer who view me in the same light.

I'm sick of it too. People who get pg easily are the most uninformed as they don't have to be. I'm not sure if I've been any comfort but I do understand and share your frustration!

 

[Melts]

Thank you. I am so glad to hear someone feels the same way I do. I guess I am just going to have to stick to the ltttc now too.

 

[uwa_amanda]

When I first started out here on BnB, I didn't last long in the TTC section. I had already been trying for a few years when I stumbled upon this site. It really bothered me to see newbies complain that they are ready to give up after a couple of months. That was at the peak of my bitterness and jealousy. I migrated to the LTTTC section and stayed there until we decided to stop trying after seven years total. I have become more of a journal stalker and don't really post much other than in my journal and in a few threads that I became a part of a long time ago that I am subscribed to.

and :babydust: to you!

 

[longing]

I too only sometimes go in the TTC section and realise why I left. Sounds like you most definitely belong here. Hope you find the support you need xx

 

[2have4kids]

Hi Melts, have you and your oh tried iui? It's a better method for male factor. The road to success is windy and tough for some of us and it doesn't help having really naive perspectives thrown at you when there's a medical diagnosis you have to contend with. The amount of times I heard oh just relax and enjoy yourself and it will happen Nope they don't get 1. Etiquette for infertility and 2. Relaxing won't help my eggs grow/ your oh's sperm increase.
I hope you get your bfp sooner rather than later. Have you and oh discussed all of the assisted routes you're willing to go to get there? Sometimes a new plan brings new hope.

After 2years I totally gave up on the natural way, when IVF failed too I had to wrap my head around using donor eggs. When the IVF failed and my husband said it's not about having your own genetics in a child, it's about having your own child!!! That being a mom is the most important thing and that I'll be the best mom...we'll anyway I was bawling my eyes out even harder at his kind words. He also went on to say I'll be like one of those celebrity moms and might not even need to ruin my body (well I do want to carry my baby, not adopt) but anyway, I got his point. The sentiment was there and I appreciate that he's willing to go to whatever lengths it takes us to be successful. Thinking about the next steps on your road to success might help break the dark cloud hanging over your head. There are SO many things doctors can do for us and there's absolutely NO shame in it.

 

[madtowngirl]

Hi Melts.

I haven't been trying as long as many people here - I am just now coming up on 1 year, with one loss, but I can completely empathize with your frustration with newbies. I joined a "support group" after my loss, and pretty much everyone on their got pregnant again within a few months. And here I am, still ttc. I expressed my fear that something might be wrong with me, and that it may not happen, and I got a lot of the "oh just keep positive, and it will happen" garbage. I'm sorry, but no amount of positive thoughts will make me pregnant.

I also got a lot of the "do this, do that, if you put your legs up after you bd it will totally happen" unsolicited advice, too. I'm a biologist. I know how this works. It actually put me in a really dark place for a couple of months.

I just stay out of the newbie sections now. They just make me angry because of all the misinformation and people getting pregnant by just looking at their OH. Especially when I see BFP announcement threads in sections where you're not supposed to post them. Ugh!

 

[Melts]

Thank you so much, you all have helped a lot.

Amanda- I hate how people say they are so sick of trying and it has only been five months. That is the worst. I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with TTC.

Longing- hugs to you! You made me feel welcome to the ltttc section. I have not really posted in this section before because I have not felt welcome. And I don't want to be one of those newbies to all of you because I know that TTC for two years is not as long as some of you have been trying.

2have4kids- we have talked about doing ivf and we have considered iui, but ivf is so much money and I don't want to take the risk and I don't think iui would work with such a low count. Plus I don't want to have to get medical help everytime we want a child. We are both completely opposed to donor sperm or donor egg. We are stubborn I guess haha. Eventually we will probably do ivf.

Madtowngirl- it is so frustrating hearing just relax and having people tell you things like put your legs up or use preseed, because we have all read all of that advice hundreds of time and obviously it is not working. And just the other day I saw someone post a " is there a line?" Thread and there was clearly a line. It makes me so angry.

Baby dust to everyone!

 

[ProfWife]

@Melts - I get the same thing, but in person by people who have had multiple children back to back (one coworker got pregnant within 3-4 months - "it's so easy, just use an opk...you know what those are, right" :gag: and then was pregnant within 6-8 weeks after her daughter was born. She just announced. Her kids will be almost exactly 1 year apart).

It's hard. It SUCKS. And it makes me scared I'll never get pregnant even though every test has come back basically normal - except hubby's sa showed his boys are a little slow.

BTW - as far as the sperm count goes, we were told that CoQ10 would help with number as well as morphology (which his first SA showed was incredibly off). Within 3 months his morphology was back in the normal range and his number did increase a little. I'd talk with a doc about the level of dosage so you don't cause liver issues down the road for hubs.

 

[2have4kids]

Thank you so much, you all have helped a lot.

Amanda- I hate how people say they are so sick of trying and it has only been five months. That is the worst. I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with TTC.

2have4kids- I don't think iui would work with such a low count.

Iui is one of the best methods for make factor infertility. After scrub they send all the good soldiers on their mission. IVF helps both but most clinics (that aren't after a money grab) will try to get you trying iui first.
Some people have no choice but to use assisted to get pregnant - I hope this isn't you try not to make things difficult for yourself by keeping really high expectations. If you keep your mind open you'll have less heartache. You're very welcome on the ltttc board.
How old is your dh? After the age of 40 sperm counts go down each year pretty drastically. From the age of 41 and 65mill after scrub my oh has gone down to 35mill after scrub at the age of 43. Don't wait too long for things to improve before considering seeking help. I want a large family so I know that time is not on my side for either of us. After 3 years of ttc, between the chemicals, the m/c and waiting...waiting and waiting some more for the clinic, if I want 4 kids at this rate lol I might be a senior citizen lol. Either way I'm determined to have a lovely large family surrounding me when I grow old, no matter the path we have to get there.

 

[Melts]

Thank you so much, you all have helped a lot.

Amanda- I hate how people say they are so sick of trying and it has only been five months. That is the worst. I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with TTC.

2have4kids- I don't think iui would work with such a low count.

Iui is one of the best methods for make factor infertility. After scrub they send all the good soldiers on their mission. IVF helps both but most clinics (that aren't after a money grab) will try to get you trying iui first.
Some people have no choice but to use assisted to get pregnant - I hope this isn't you try not to make things difficult for yourself by keeping really high expectations. If you keep your mind open you'll have less heartache. You're very welcome on the ltttc board.
How old is your dh? After the age of 40 sperm counts go down each year pretty drastically. From the age of 41 and 65mill after scrub my oh has gone down to 35mill after scrub at the age of 43. Don't wait too long for things to improve before considering seeking help. I want a large family so I know that time is not on my side for either of us. After 3 years of ttc, between the chemicals, the m/c and waiting...waiting and waiting some more for the clinic, if I want 4 kids at this rate lol I might be a senior citizen lol. Either way I'm determined to have a lovely large family surrounding me when I grow old, no matter the path we have to get there.

I am trying to accept the fact that we will probably need doctors to get pregnant but it is just so hard especially because me and my husband are so young. We are both in our early 20s.

 

[Melts]

@Melts - I get the same thing, but in person by people who have had multiple children back to back (one coworker got pregnant within 3-4 months - "it's so easy, just use an opk...you know what those are, right" :gag: and then was pregnant within 6-8 weeks after her daughter was born. She just announced. Her kids will be almost exactly 1 year apart).

It's hard. It SUCKS. And it makes me scared I'll never get pregnant even though every test has come back basically normal - except hubby's sa showed his boys are a little slow.

BTW - as far as the sperm count goes, we were told that CoQ10 would help with number as well as morphology (which his first SA showed was incredibly off). Within 3 months his morphology was back in the normal range and his number did increase a little. I'd talk with a doc about the level of dosage so you don't cause liver issues down the road for hubs.

That is awful, no one knows that we are TTC so I don't get that in person thank goodness. We both decided when we started trying that we wanted to keep it to ourselves I would have been fine with people knowing but my husband likes to keep stuff like that to himself. However, after this long struggle I am glad that no one knows ( well my mom knows but she is the only one) because it would be hard to hear people give me advice like that in person.

Your co worker getting pregnant like that and then saying things like it is so easy , that would drive me crazy I am sorry that you have to deal with that.

My husband is taking coq10 and a whole bunch of other stuff. I am trying everthing. I'm glad to hear that it improved your husband count/motility it gives me hope.

Good luck! I'm sending lots of baby dust your way.

 

[2have4kids]

I am trying to accept the fact that we will probably need doctors to get pregnant but it is just so hard especially because me and my husband are so young. We are both in our early 20s.

I know, it makes it even more depressing when you're so young. I just read a fantastic article in a birthing mag about infertility. Much of the depression around infertility is shame-related, thinking there's something wrong with your body, you're broken. In reality, there are SO many environmental bad things going on that can seriously fk us over. As well as random genetic issues AND the stress in our society has never been higher. We are survivors though. I am SO thankful we live in an age with so many options. We have to put it in perspective, if you and I lived even 20 years ago, we'd be without children and no options forced to live alone or adopt.

This process will force you to look at the positives and forgive each other's shortcomings. Couples who don't learn to do those things either divorce or don't have kids. There's a divorced couple where I work, they were ttc and she had my diagnosis, completely barren at 31, they're now divorced 6 years ago. Another couple where she had really bad endo, they couldn't afford IVF back then and he refused to adopt. She nearly divorced him for it because she wanted a family SO badly. Now they're alone and in thier late 50's and he has regretted his stubbornness.

Visualize your long term goals and be open to the paths that you need to walk to get there. It's horrendous when people have to deal with this especially at your age but you WILL be successful! My gf at work and her husband both have issues are both mid 20's, she's unexplained and he's got super low numbers you're NOT alone! Infertility can really put people into depression. She doesn't want to use our fertility clinic so trying acupuncture and chinese medicine first. Just muddle through with us and one day you will get those double lines.

 

[SarahhhFo]

I am trying to accept the fact that we will probably need doctors to get pregnant but it is just so hard especially because me and my husband are so young. We are both in our early 20s.

Same here girl, I'm fairly new to the forums, but we've been TTC since September of 2012.

We're also in our early 20's, and I hate to hear that we are so young and will have to have help getting pregnant.

As for the newbies, I'm fairly new to the forums so I don't want to judge, but I get what you're saying about the normal TTC forums. I feel like I do not get full answers there, or ones that I need. Just questions on top of questions.

I'm glad I noticed LTTTC board a bit ago, and so far I've had better help from women in my same situation.

Good luck to you, love. Hopefully you'll get your BFP soon.

 

[Briss]

Melts, tbh I am just staying away from the general TTC section, most people there have been TTC 1-4 months and it just pains me to read their responses.

I am very sorry but a sperm count of 8000 is just too low for natural conception. is it possible that your Dh had a flu or something that could cause this temporarily?

have you talked to Rich? https://www.fertilichat.com/forumdisplay.php?13-Male-Infertility he has given me lots of useful advice on how to improve sperm count, what's causing it and what vitamins are needed. I got from him much more than from my FS.

I do not know if I mentioned it before, just in case see below a list my DH's vitamins. they actually worked if only my DH could stay away from beer it's possible that his SA would have improved much more but he only managed 3 months, his SA improved 10 times! but after he resumed beer it all went downhill.

Wellman Conception
1,000 Maca
1,000 Ginseng
200 COQ10
60 Pycnogenol
1,000 Flaxseed oils or Fish oils
1,000 L-Arginine
1,000 Carnitine
700 Horny Goat weed
500 tribilus
60 Zinc
50 Selenium
1,000 Vitamin C
1,000 Vitamin B12
200 Vitamin E
4,000 Vitamin D

I've been TTC 3.5 years with low sperm count and am exhausted and frustrated. At the moment I am placing my hope with IVF

 

[Melts]

2have4kids- It is a shame that so many nice couples cannot have children and then drunks/druggies get pregnant every time they turn around. It would be heartbreaking to want to adopt but have your husband refuse to. Fortanetley my husband and I both agree on everything like no donor sperm or eggs and we are open to ivf or iui but want to give it time before we actually decide.
I feel like couples who cannot conceive, because of either male or female factor, that get divorced would not have made the best parents together.I am not saying they did not deserve a child( everyone who wants a child should be able to have one), and I am not judging because I know how hard it is to want a child and not be able to have one. I know that when my husbands results got back I was so angry and upset with him, but then I realized that its not his fault, he didn't do it on purpose and he wants a baby just as badly as I do. So we are just going to have to do whatever it takes, and like you I am thankful that there are so many things that can be done for us today. I really hope I can see two lines some day that would/will be so exciting. Thank you for your encouraging words!

Sarah- good luck to you as well and I hope you get your positive soon too. This Is a hard journey but we just have to stick to it.

Briss- I have also decided to stay away from the TTC section, but last night by habit I went straight there to ask a question.
I know 8,000 is way to low because people with counts of 20mil have a hard time. I am hoping our age is on our side since we are young, and my husband is taking all kind of stuff that I am hoping will increase his count. He is taking:
Maca
Tribulus
L-carnitine
N-acetyl- l-carnitine
Coq10
Men's multivitamin ( by rainbow light, I love that brand)
He is also taking extra vitamin C and E and zinc.
I am making him eat goji berries too.
He is drinking more water and working out regularly.
And neither one of us smoke or drink at all. Well we drink once in a while but I honestly cannot remember the last time either of us drank so it is a very rare occasion.

I cannot believe it improved 10 times that's amazing and gives me more hope. I have read a lot of posts on how much sperm counts increase just from taking maca or fertiliaid and it is so encouraging.

 

[2have4kids]

It would be great to make those changes and be able to get another count. Def try to do annual SA's just so you know where things are at. Time moves quickly and if it's declining you need to know so that you can make a move on alternatives before it's too late.

 

[Melts]

Yea hopefully he will get another SA done in about six months to see if we are making any improvement.

 

[MissMiki]

At nearly three years TTC baby number 1 I think I may want to stay here with you other lovely LTTTC ladies.

I know the journey is hard and it feels so mean when I feel envious of those ladies getting annoyed they didn't conceive 1st month and more envious of those who catch on within a year and say "I never thought it would happen!"

I am 27 years old, my partner is 30. We both have no children although I have been pregnant and m/c in the very early stages with a previous partner sometime ago.

In January 2014 we will have been trying 3 years.

We have been for fertility investigations and all has come back fine. My other half had a low count at first but it was fine second time around so they have put it down to a lingering illness or something like a cold/ being rundown.

Our investigations were a year ago and we were told that as nothing was found we should wait another year and keep trying. So I am on no meds with no explanations.

This is our first month charting, my chart is here https://FertilityFriend.com/home/492e80/ so any insight is very welcome from any experts! I can't get links to work well I'm sorry!

We have our moments of... Why try anymore, we can't keep putting ourselves through this, but then the benefits of actually having a child outweigh this stress. My BBs hurt sooooo much straight after ovulation every cycle and stop hurting just as AF starts ( at least the witch gives me warning) but my PMS is just exacerbated right now!

None of the males in my partners family have got children, and his brother and partner have just had a second round of failed IVF (I'm gutted for them).

...after saying all this I don't really know the purpose of my post but am happy to hear from anyone!

I'll be reading your posts with great interest so I may get insight in what may be to come. Good luck to all of you ladies xx

 

[2have4kids]

At nearly three years TTC baby number 1 I think I may want to stay here with you other lovely LTTTC ladies.

I know the journey is hard and it feels so mean when I feel envious of those ladies getting annoyed they didn't conceive 1st month and more envious of those who catch on within a year and say "I never thought it would happen!"

I am 27 years old, my partner is 30. We both have no children although I have been pregnant and m/c in the very early stages with a previous partner sometime ago.

In January 2014 we will have been trying 3 years.

We have been for fertility investigations and all has come back fine. My other half had a low count at first but it was fine second time around so they have put it down to a lingering illness or something like a cold/ being rundown.

Our investigations were a year ago and we were told that as nothing was found we should wait another year and keep trying. So I am on no meds with no explanations.

This is our first month charting, my chart is here https://FertilityFriend.com/home/492e80/ so any insight is very welcome from any experts! I can't get links to work well I'm sorry!

We have our moments of... Why try anymore, we can't keep putting ourselves through this, but then the benefits of actually having a child outweigh this stress. My BBs hurt sooooo much straight after ovulation every cycle and stop hurting just as AF starts ( at least the witch gives me warning) but my PMS is just exacerbated right now!

None of the males in my partners family have got children, and his brother and partner have just had a second round of failed IVF (I'm gutted for them).

...after saying all this I don't really know the purpose of my post but am happy to hear from anyone!

I'll be reading your posts with great interest so I may get insight in what may be to come. Good luck to all of you ladies xx

Oh that sounds frustrating. Have you tried a reproductive immunologist? Many women can't implant due to immune dysfunction, your body sees the blast/embryo as a foreign invader and hastily rejects it. My Czech clinic is putting me on apo-prednisone low dose to ensure this isn't happening to me. If there's Chrones, irritable bowl, arthritis, there's a huge variety of immune related problems that seem to have connections with reproductive infertility specifically 'unknown conditions' that can easily be treated.
https://repro-med.net/repro-med-site2/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=51&Itemid=31
As well, not all labs in the USA are equal when sending for testing, some don't provide enough detail about the results. My Czech coordinator sorted out her fertility issues and recommends one in particular for all sorts of reasons.

I'm shocked to hear they still won't try Cholmid or IUI with you. My gf had similar unknown issues and iui worked like a jiffy for her. That's really frustrating!