Tired of the newbies. Tired of this journey.

[yellowbell]

hello ladies!
just wanted to say that i've been in your shoes before and i also stopped looking at the TTC thread and found comfort in LTTC.
keep your hopes up! Hubby had low sperm count and we were told our chances for natural conception was very low so we did IVF but failed twice. Then when we took a relaxed approach on TTC, that is, just get healthy to prepare for another IVF, we were shocked when we conceived naturally! so don't lose hope, i know it's not at all easy to relax when TTC but if you can let go a little, your miracle might happen soon too.
goodluck and babydust to all of you...

 

[squeaky1983]

Hi Ladies, Can I join you?

I'm 30 my dh is 54 next month. We've been ttc for 5 years on New years day. Never had a BFP. We've been for tests and all is fine (at last check) so guess we are just stuck in unexplained fertility limbo.

In the space of time we have been ttc my husband has become a grandfather twice with another due in February. As amazing as hearing about their pregnancies is and seeing the babies grow up it's bitter sweet...they have what I want. The first grandson was unplanned, the second planned and the third completely unplanned, they never ever spoke of children.

The girls have been good with us. One DIL is a RN in the usa, and thought (after 3 years at this point) it would be amazing to give me opks as if I had no idea about them. I politely smiled, took them and threw them away. The second DIL is not so clued up. I find it really endearing that she calls me to ask about what is going on with her body. She knows I've read so much on the whole pregnancy not just ttc but i cannot understand why she's asking me - it's almost rubbing it in that I've never been pregnant!!

We really feel as though we are running out of time due to dh's age and I can't get it out of my head that i HAVE to conceive naturally...I think the stress of ttc alone is bad enough without the added expectation etc of medical assistance - I know I would drive myself mad. I've accepted that we may not have a child so I guess we'll just see what happens.......

Sorry for the long rambling, just really fed up, we should be buying a pushchair for OUR child not just the grandchildren

 

[tamithomas]

Definitely will join on the newbie frustration. Even healthy couples with no fertility issues can take up to a year. Makes me bonkers when I hear girls only 4 months ttc acting like it's the end of the world. The worst is when they make claims that they think they're IF without anyone confirmation whatsoever except for it taking a bit longer. It's an insult for those who are actually IF.

The ones I can understand are the ones that already knew it was going to be a tough journey from the get go like having PCOS or endo already pre-diagnosed but not the ones that are perfectly healthy and just taking a bit longer than expected.

Hope we all get our babies soon

 

[MItoDC]

Hi ladies,

Count me in too. We're on our 15th cycle, which I know isn't nearly as long as some of you, but I can't stand the regular TTC forums. I unsubscribed from all of my threads there when we hit our 11th cycle and I couldn't take another super fertile girl with three kids telling me to "just relax - it will happen!" or "have you tried putting your feet in the air after BD?" or "I didn't get pregnant until I started charting me CM!" - like I haven't tried or thought about all of those things? We're being referred to a fertility specialist next month. DH has a sperm morphology of 1%, so while we're doing a lot of reading of studies (we're both biologists - which makes all the stupid TTC talk even more annoying sometimes), and we're going to try a few things first, we're definitely heading down the road towards IVF with ICSI unless his next test shows a dramatic change. Feeling pretty crummy these days and it's nice to have these LTTTC forums to come to where I know I'm understood and I'm not going to continue hearing - "oh don't worry so much! that's probably what's keeping you from getting pregnant! just relax - it will happen!"

So thank you all!

 

[madtowngirl]

MItoDC - I'm a biologist, too! And I completely agree, it makes the ttc talk so annoying! We know how this whole fertilization thing happens, you don't need to try and explain it to us!

Being a biologist means that by nature you go to research to find things out. You look at statistics and studies and experiment reports, and everything! And when you're a biologist and have infertility issues, doing research becomes even more intense and expansive. Don't tell us to "just relax and it will happen," we KNOW it doesn't work that way.

 

[summer2011]

Lol. Funny I'm a biologist too is this maybe the root of IF? I'm with you on the annoying part. Sometimes I feel like I know more than my FS.

 

[madtowngirl]

I hate when our doctors treat us like we don't know anything, or that we are just drug seeking/complaining, etc. Not only do I know my body own better than you, I have a pretty decent clue about what is going on! Grrr!

 

[MItoDC]

Lol. Funny I'm a biologist too is this maybe the root of IF? I'm with you on the annoying part. Sometimes I feel like I know more than my FS.

Haha! Maybe it should be considered a job hazard! Someone should have told us all when we started university that we may have trouble TTC later! Kidding, of course - but that is funny that we've got a bunch of biologists on this thread! I've actually made a point to tell my doctor that I'm a biologist and that she doesn't need to use laymen's terms... problem is I think it's both a blessing and a curse to understand the process and problems.

This past month was probably the roughest on me. I was a day late and my temp stayed high and I had started to get my hopes up and was particularly crushed when showed up. I felt stupid afterwards since I have been so good at closing myself off and not allowing myself to get excited or symptom-spot during the TTW anymore. It's tough as we enter the holiday season though - last year on NYE, DH and I talked about how this time next year we would either have a baby or be pregnant, and as we get closer to NYE this year I keep replaying that in my head.

to everyone. Here's hoping we all get our one way or another.

 

[2have4kids]

I hate when our doctors treat us like we don't know anything, or that we are just drug seeking/complaining, etc. Not only do I know my body own better than you, I have a pretty decent clue about what is going on! Grrr!

The worst was when my fs told me that no supplement or drug can help me, only IVF. Um, they hadn't checked for reproductive immune issues (natural killer cells or the like: https://www.repro-med.net/repro-med-site2/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=51&Itemid=31) and I'd read that DOR women often have extremely low DHEAS levels. I got my gp to test and sure enough that was me! I took dhea and conceived naturally 4 months later. I m/c'd but a fs shouldn't be making negative statements like that, you've got to try everything!

 

[JenniferS92]

I am trying to accept the fact that we will probably need doctors to get pregnant but it is just so hard especially because me and my husband are so young. We are both in our early 20s.

Hi @melts! I hope your'e ok, i stumbled across this and thought i'd share my part too. I feel you hun trust me! i'm 21 and oh is 21 also, we after 3 years of trying have finally gone down the doctors route, it was difficult for us both only just being in our 20's and we worried about the scrutiny we would be under by other people. i often flit between both the TTC forum and this LTTTC forum and i gotta tell you its better here.. the ladies are more informative if you need help although you know everything there is to know already haha.

The ladies is the LTTTC forum don't push or bully you into thinking you are wrong and iv'e had that a fair few times with information about positions and vitamins that worked wonders for them and it should for me too.

I will say this it is annoying to read the newbie journeys when you are on a long journey of your own and they do not understand the anguish you may go through every month when shows her ugly head. I eat, breathe, sleep thoughts about having a family with my oh and it hurts sometimes.

It hurts even more so when your friends around you have 2 children or are pregnant with their seconds as my 3 female friends are (two have two children the other just found out she is pregnant for the second time)

I have to be happy for them but i'm insanely jealous inside, especially since one of them thought it was the end of the world not getting pregnant again within a year of having her first and complaining something must be wrong. This person also knows the trouble me and my OH are having so it was rather selfish.

I am here along with all the other wonderful ladies for support and you can chat with me any time x

 

[Teach2]

Hi can I join in? I feel exactly the same way. We have been tying nearly 2 years, I had a 21 day test and internal scan which came back all clear. DH went for testing and was told that I had to be tested first. Now he says we should leave it to God. I'm all for trusting but also believe that He helps those who help themselves. I know he is scared now and convinced that it's his problem but it's so frustrating that he won't get tested.

As for newbies I really can't go into that area at all now, all the angst and onto cycle 5 is too much for me.

 

[ProfWife]

Teach2 - What's his rationale for you being tested but not him? 1/3 infertility cases are female, 1/3 are male and 1/3 are unexplained.

If he does have an issue, it could be something solved by simply taking a vitamin supplement he's missing.

I'd really have a heart to heart about the emotional rollercoaster he is voluntarily putting you on month after month when there could be an issue that is solved. It's not about whether or not you trust God. When we're ill, we go to the doctor for medications. Sometimes God miraculously answers without human intervention. However, even Scripture usually has someone having to be helped by another (ex. Saul before he was Paul had to go to the home of Ananias who was supposed to help and guide him after he was blinded on the road to Damascus). To refuse help that God has readily placed in our paths is just as foolish as trying to force something you know is out of God's will.

 

[Teach2]

Like I said he says we need to trust in God. We had a prophesy that this would be our last Christmas without a child. Like I said it's not that I don't trust God but I don't know much about the guy who said it and I agree that it could mean medically something comes to light. I know that deep down he is scared because he was willing to test when it could be either of us. Now in his mind it's almost certainly him he's backing away. I'm really annoyed at the doctor too in a way she should have let him be tested when he asked. I'm hoping that he will get tested at some point but don't want to push it now. He is having a hard time at work and if he found out it was him he would be devastated. It's just so frustrating, my tests are so much more intrusive than his and I did them.

 

[ProfWife]

I hear you. Done all the tests for me. Hubs has slightly lower than perfect numbers, but nothing that makes our doctor worry.

BTW - It's actually likely more frustrating to know everything is "fine" but still never see a real positive (had what I think was a chemical early in the year). I got what I prayed for regarding the tests...but the baby has yet to be answered.



No real words of wisdom beyond to keep praying (all we really can do, right?).

 

[35andttc2]

My partner has less than 2 million sperm (that number is from a year ago so it is probably lower now due to illness). A year ago the RE said they would do iui if we wanted to but it doesn't have a good success rate & with less than 5 million washed sperm it wasn't worth wasting the time or money. He only has 2 mil to start with & low morphology and low motility who knows how few he'd have after the wash. We considered trying iui anyway for a while just because of the cost compared to ivf. Found out our insurance is going to cover ivf for 2014 so now we are just waiting for the new plan year. In the year since we found out his count was too low to conceive naturally so many people I know have tried to get pregnant & have had their babies already. I still keep up hope every month that it might happen naturally. Wish I could stop doing that. I have a little peace now that I'm putting my faith in the ivf. I think my insurance covering it this year (2014) is a sign from God that now is the time. Last December I never thought my insurance would cover ivf. What a difference a year makes. Hopefully once I get my little bundle of joy I will be less angry that everyone else can have babies but me. I go to support group and some of those people have been trying 5 or more years. I can't even imagine & I know they think I am a newbie compared to that. I hope & pray the ivf with icsi works for us and I finally get my chance to move on from TTC.

 

[Teach2]

I hear you. Done all the tests for me. Hubs has slightly lower than perfect numbers, but nothing that makes our doctor worry.

BTW - It's actually likely more frustrating to know everything is "fine" but still never see a real positive (had what I think was a chemical early in the year). I got what I prayed for regarding the tests...but the baby has yet to be answered.



No real words of wisdom beyond to keep praying (all we really can do, right?).

It's true unexplained can't be great either. I just feel like maybe I'm getting my hopes up when there is none but God has a plan and I have to go with it. Prayer it is then lol

 

[treasured]

Hi everyone,

Hope I'm not too late to join in?

I am now approaching 2 years TTC as well although we haven't really been properly trying for a good few months now as OH is away on business and the stress of planning was just getting on top of me. I have been tested for the normal things progesterone etc which has all come back normal but I had an operation to remove built up scar tissue on my abdomen 2 years ago so I feel this could have affected my tubes.

I can relate to your frustration of newbies, although when I was at the 4 month mark I was probably just as annoying haha. I know now though never to give stupid useless advice to someone who has been trying for as long as some women on LTTTC. No taking a special holiday or break is not going to fix my tubes or make it happen naturally.

All the girls I became very close to on here have all got their BFP's and now have babies. Suddenly there was a change in the group from an amazing supportive atmosphere where we could all bitch to our hearts content; to a space where I felt that I couldn't even complain about another negative test because I was putting a downer on things.... I still appreciate all the support they gave me but of course its natural that the group didn't carry on once everyone had had their babies.

Anyway, sorry to vent, I haven't been on here in a long time and think I had a lot on my chest. Hope I can meet some new pals in the same tired, frustrated old shoes.

x

 

[madtowngirl]

You're not too late, treasured!

I completely understand about being in the position where everyone is moving on, and you can't even complain anymore because you're putting a downer on things. I actually got scolded once for venting my frustrations and fears about it never happening. "Just relax, and stop being negative. Negativity affects fertility, you know."

That's nice, because no matter how positive I try to stay, it still doesn't seem to happen.

 

[ProfWife]

If negativity affects fertility, I know several people who shouldn't have any kids based on their personalities alone...and yet....

 

[Ltruns33]

I just wanted to pop in and say I fully ECHO the original poster's thought/frustrations and all who have chimmed in- I AGREE. I am coming back to BnB after a long break after a miscarraige. We miscarried after ttc for 15 months. Now we are 18 months ttc and I realize some women try fo r waaaay longer. But after a year it all feels long and hard. And ppl who dole out advice and follow it with "it took me 4 months to get pregnant" like they know.. UGH I WANT to respond- "Oh, four months really? If i had gotten pregnant after 4 months of trying I'd have a 4 month old right now" Or "Oh really, 4 months? That must have been so hard. I had a miscarriage almost 4 months ago."

Anyways for those who like scripture- my new favorite verse for LTTC is "In this world you will have trouble- but TAKE HEART, I have overcome the world"
John 16:33