to circumcise or not?

[Breezy]

We are getting it done. My husband got the final say because he is the man and has the penis and he knows more about them than I do. He is VERY adament about it and has a STRONG opinion about it. I never really thought about it either way- it was something I always assumed we would do anyhow so it doesn't bother me one bit.

My mom also had a baby 7 years ago (my wonderful, darling, baby brother!!) and he was circ'd and did not even wimper.

My insurance covers it 100% and all we need to do now is pick out a dr to come see LO after he is born and do the procedure and look into the different ways it is done so we can decide which way we will be comfortable with.

 

[Guera]

My boys are not circed. It was a super easy decision for me, OH is not and my FIL is a Dr. he basically confirmed what I knew anyway. Circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. We have no religious beliefs that would require it. So for us the best choice was not to circ.
My husband is the one that showed my boys how to pee standing so it was kind of a thing where I wanted them to look similar, but really that is not an issue because a man penis looks different from a little boy penis anyway.
There are tons of research both ways but I think it really comes down to personal choice, he is your son you get to decide what is best. You should not feel any guilt or pressure either way. Your son will be great either way.

 

[mislaww]

My boys are not circed. It was a super easy decision for me, OH is not and my FIL is a Dr. he basically confirmed what I knew anyway. Circumcision is a cosmetic procedure. We have no religious beliefs that would require it. So for us the best choice was not to circ.
My husband is the one that showed my boys how to pee standing so it was kind of a thing where I wanted them to look similar, but really that is not an issue because a man penis looks different from a little boy penis anyway. There are tons of research both ways but I think it really comes down to personal choice, he is your son you get to decide what is best. You should not feel any guilt or pressure either way. Your son will be great either way.

hadn't thought of that - you're quite right...

 

[mummy3]

Some of these posts are really hard to read, remember that people have different life views

My son is circumsised and if I were having another boy he too would be. For 1 we are Jewish and it is very important to us, this is our personal religion, each to their own. Also problems with a tight foreskin run in Dhs family.

When our son was born in the Uk it took 6 months to find somewhere that would circumsise him, during the procedure it was found that he did indeed have problems with his foreskin and would definately have needed it cut in the future. During the procedure he didn't get upset at all, and his healing was uneventful.

It should very much be a personal decision between the parents

 

[Ember]

I thanked you for this post because I have been wanting to start a thread myself about it but was afraid it would become a crapfest if I started a discussion about it.

We don't know yet whether we are having a boy or girl, but I want to have the decision made if we are having a boy. DH wants to do it because it's the norm in our area. I doubt you could even find a handful of guys that have been born in our town or the surrounding towns that were uncircumcised. I want to make the decision based on the health aspects.

Warning: potential TMI regarding penises I've known/heard about (and I was in committed relationships with the ones I have firsthand knowledge of, so please don't judge)...
Reason I have found to cut:
I have known two guys that were well-endowed that were uncircumcised. One was from the UK, the other was born in Italy when his father was stationed there in the military, but he was from the US. He wasn't born on base, so he wasn't circumcised. They both had to be circumcised later in life because their penises grew too big and their foreskin couldn't stretch enough. The US guy was 10 when it was done, and had to wear a diaper for a month because he constantly bled, and it hurt him very much for a very long time. He also has a couple of weird scars that turn into giant blackheads unless he squeezes them out with his nails just like they are blackheads. The UK guy didn't really remember his experience with circumcision, but said that he was only partially circumcised, not sure what that means. My husband is the most well-endowed man I've ever known, but I don't really know if penis size is hereditary or not, and I'm not about to go ask his dad, uncles, or brothers how big their dicks are so that I can find out if it runs in the family! I am afraid that it does, though, and that if we don't circumcise, our boy will have to have it done later in life and have a horribly traumatic experience like my ex did.

Reason I've found not to cut:
Botched circumcisions.
My best friend's oldest son had to be circumcised THREE TIMES in his first two years of life because the Dr kept fuxing it up, and something kept going wrong with it. It was a horrible experience for baby and parents. Even after that, though, they circumcised their second, but he was delivered by a different Dr, and he was fine.
Hubby will kill me if he finds out I'm posting this info:
My husband had a botched circumcision, too. He has barely any sensitivity except in his frenulum and at the tip of the head. They cut too much skin, which also caused his scrotum to grow up the shaft of his penis, taking the hair follicles with it. He has hair 3/4 of the way up his penis, and it itches him terribly, makes him more prone to acne on his penis no matter how well he washes, even if he uses acne wash, and makes sex more painful for both of us. The hair on the sides get vaginal fluids caught in them and the abrasiveness of it sloughs skin off both his penis and my vulva/vaginal walls, which then rolls up in the hair and gets matted, causing even more friction and burning. It also makes it difficult to be sufficiently lubricated. Cutting the hairs causes more itching and prickliness, which also causes more friction and burning. It's really a no-win situation. I hope to talk him into electrolysis someday.
Another well-endowed penis I've met had a rather interesting looking (also known as kind of frightening) curve to it thanks to a botched circumcision.
And there was one who was not well-endowed at all (possibly because of restricted growth caused by a botched circumcision) that had an extreme upward curve to it because there was not enough skin left after his botched circumcision and it restricted the growth of the penis (his scrotum was very small, too, so there was not enough of it for it to grow up the sides of the penis in place of the foreskin the way it did on my husband's), and made it painful to become fully aroused.

So my decision comes down to should I do it to spare him the pain of possibly having to have it done later in life because his penis grows too big for his foreskin if he takes after his daddy, or should I not do it and take the risk of that to avoid the other risks of having it done?

I've done a lot of research online regarding circumcisions, so I know that the problems I've mentioned above are not unique to the men that I have known. All of the problems are more frequent than you would expect, actually. Good things to keep in mind when making the decision, even if your FOB is not particularly well-endowed.

Whatever you choose, it has to be yours and FOB's decision and no one else's. I wish you the best of luck and hope you are happy with whatever your choice.

 

[RosieCheeks]

Ember - everything that you mentioned above about the botched circumcisions alone doesn't sound too appealing. That alone would turn me off from circumcising.

 

[lisaf]

I kind of agree about the botched circumcision thing making me lean towards not cutting.. BUT there are doctors who are well known for doing very good work in that area...
There is one OB in my town who has a reputation for excellent circumcisions.. he will only do it if you are his patient, if he delivers your baby, or if you are Jewish... because otherwise he gets flooded with requests.

And my DH is rather well endowed too... I do wonder if that will be a problem for our LO(don't want to ask if large penises run on my side of the family though )
As for over-share of personal information.. My DH doesn't have much sensitivity in the frenulum area.. its very strange but his most sensitive spot is this rough patch about an inch down from there.. I suspect its a small piece of left-over foreskin.. I don't think his circ was 'botched' in any way.. but it makes me wonder about the sensations he is missing from his foreskin.

Thanks for the pro-circ posts ladies!! Its good to keep it balanced and not too inflammatory!

 

[blutea]

I just posted about this too- https://www.babyandbump.com/kids-teenagers/486386-circumcision-looking-advice-k-t.html

This is my experience-

"We just found out we are having our second boy and I must admit I was a little disappointed because I was hoping for a girl. I think my gender disappointment stems from circumcision. Our first son, who is now 2 1/2 was circumcised before I knew any better. Oh, it was the most traumatizing experience I have had so far in his life. It took me a year to get over it and now we are having another boy. My husband wants to circumcise but I want our next son to be left intact because I feel it should be our son's choice. I deeply regret taking that choice away from our first son. My husband wants our boys to look like him and he is worried that our boys will resent one another if we don't circumcise our next boy. I guess I'm looking for advice from anyone who has one circumcised son and one intact son. How have you handled it over the years? Do they resent one another? Do either of them feel less important because they look different than daddy? How did you explain the difference to them?"

"It would be entirely cosmetic and the wrong reason. We were both there when our first son was circ'd and it was terrible. He cried the whole time. In hindsight, the worst part was knowing that my son was in pain and I was doing nothing (besides holding his hand) to stop it. It disrupted our breastfeeding relationship and the scar still gets red and inflamed from time to time. I just feel so terrible for taking that away from him. I don't want to make that mistake twice."

 

[Ember]

I really am leaning more toward not cutting, but seriously hoping that we have a girl so we won't have to actually make that decision. Other than all the pain that the others have had, the problems my husband and I have faced due to his botched circumcision have really killed our sex life and definitely were a factor in our difficulties conceiving. We still try to have sex a lot (if you count once or twice a month on average as a lot, as most married couples would, lol), but it never ends in satisfaction for anyone but him, and that is only manual. I would hate to doom my son and his future wife to having the same problems we have. Other than the trauma and pain of the circumcision at 10 years, the one guy didn't really seem to have any problems with his penis beyond the weird blackhead like scars, so I guess that a month of terrible pain when you're 10 is probably better than a lifetime of a frustrating and painful (and not in a good way!) sex life...
I think I've probably made up my mind now. Sooooooo glad for this thread, it has helped so much! I love you guys!

 

[lisaf]

blutea - I have seen comments on other boards (can't remember where) where women circ'd one boy but not the other... things were totally fine.. .don't think there were any issues.
convincing your husband may be a totally different matter
IF he does insist and convince you... look into some pain killing options! There are many doctors who agree with using a topical numbing agent to reduce the trauma of the procedure. Nursing during the procedure or right after can help soothe the baby too.

I'm trying to get my DH to start talking about it.. .he just doesn't seem to want to think about that stuff

 

[Ember]

My DH doesn't like to talk about it, either. I'm a pretty strong willed person, though, and we always used to say I wear the pants in the family, so I'm pretty sure that he will go with whatever I decide. It's not like he's been doing any googling or research of his own, anyway. Why let someone who only knows their own personal experience and no scientific data make the decision anyway? If he insisted on cutting, I'd probably make him do some homework and make a presentation that could absolutely convince me. If he couldn't do that, then he wouldn't get a say

 

[lisaf]

My DH doesn't like to talk about it, either. I'm a pretty strong willed person, though, and we always used to say I wear the pants in the family, so I'm pretty sure that he will go with whatever I decide. It's not like he's been doing any googling or research of his own, anyway. Why let someone who only knows their own personal experience and no scientific data make the decision anyway? If he insisted on cutting, I'd probably make him do some homework and make a presentation that could absolutely convince me. If he couldn't do that, then he wouldn't get a say

My only trouble is.. I don't have the equipment, so how can I take a firm stance on it? And my DH doesn't feel that he had a botched circumcision... so I don't think I could convince him its better to leave it uncut.

 

[Ember]

You don't think that showing/telling him stories of others would be strong enough to sway him? There are plenty of sites out there that even include pictures, maybe that would help. If you feel strongly that you don't want to cut, you should make him do the research on the scientific facts. I've never been a fan of the bandwagon effect anyway. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we need to! Istill have no idea where circumcision originated from or why. I know Christians say they do it because Jesus was circumcised, but I have no idea why. Why was Jesus circumcised? Who the hell came up with the idea to mutilate little boys' penises? Why do Jews and Muslims do it? Why do some African cultures circumcise women? Why have so many cultures been so misogynistic in their early years? Why am I asking so many questions that are leading to a tangent?

I don't know!

 

[KandyKinz]

Here's my two cents for what it's worth. (this is an evolved version of what I've posted on previous circumcision threads....)

I had my son circumcised following birth 9 years ago. It's certainly a decision that I deeply regret. They told me to give him acetaminophen beforehand which I did and then they just applied a topical anesthesia prior to the procedure. I wasn't allowed in the room when they did (for good reason as I WOULD NOT HAVE agreed to follow through with it had I been there, it's a barbaric procedure IMO and now having actually been there for it to be done on other little boys I just would not do it to any of my children if there was not medical need for it).... Anyways, so I wasn't allowed in but given the screams I heard through the wall I am quite certain that the topical anesthesia was not entirely effective. For about three days afterwards he would cry out in pain everytime I'd pick him him up so we just spent three days in bed together crying. It was awful. His poor penis was blue and swollen and oozing yet was considered entirely "normal" looking for a healing circumcised penis.

So yes I do truly regret that decision. I was young, just 16, and based my decision on the fact that circumcised penises were "the norm" and looked much less "gross" then uncircumcised penises... Little did I know that the trend of circumcision was rapidly declining (Here in Ontario, Canada approximately 90% of men of my age group are circumcised whereas only 15%of boys now are). But overall I thought uncircumcised penises were "ew" and felt that the stated medical benefits of circs made my decision to electively choose to have my son undergo cosmetic surgery justifiable.

Quite frankly, I had the mentality of a 16 year old and while I feel that in many areas I handled my situation of being a young mother rather maturely I still had alot of growing up to do and would have done whatever I could to rationalize my decision to opt for the cosmetic surgery....

And that's what it is... cosmetic surgery. There is not one pediatric society which merits routine circumcision as being of medical value. Yes, it has been shown to decrease the risks of HIV and some other STD's in poorer undeveloped countries where proper hygeine is not practiced by both access limitations as well as decreased education.... However, that decrease in STDs is rather superficial amoung our culture... And frankly I'd much rather my son practice safer sex then feel as though he can go out and f*ck randomly because he has this "extra" protection.... And yes, circumcision does reduce the incidence of penile cancer from 1/100,000 to an even smaller number and it does slightly reduce the incidence of UTI's BUT when compared to the medical risks of circumcision... accidently oopses, infection, hemorrhage, death (and there is a risk of death....) they equal out.

And there will be some uncircumcised boys who will require circumcision later in life for medical reasons.... Just as there will be women who later need their breast tissue removed.... But I don't think removing a portion a portion of a person's body without their consent for no medical benefit is ethical at all. There's been an outcry about the horrendous of female genital cutting when the reality of it is there really is no difference at all...... And IMO it just seems ridiculous to unncessarily circumcise 100 boys when only 1 of them (if even that many) would require a medical circumcision in the future.

And should I have another child who does medically require circumcision later in life I'd much rather have him go through that procedure when he's older and is allowed to take stronger pain medication anyways..... And if I have a boy who grows up to hate his uncircumcised penis he can always elect to undergo the procedure himself. Getting rid of foreskin is much much easier then trying to get it back.

And also, caring for a circumcised penis is really not much of a hassle at all. When caring for an uncircumcised boy you are not suppose to retract the foreskin to clean the area. When they are born the foreskin is attached to the glans of the penis with adhesions. This is a protective mechanism against infection as the attachment does not allow icky stuff to get in there.... As the child grows and he penis gets larger these adhesions will begin to stretch and naturally come away and this tends to be aided by them "playing with themselves." (which is actually one of the reasons why populations of our previous generations circumcised..... to help stop masturbation!) Anyways, this is also at a time when children have to start caring for their own hygeine and when it comes down to it most boys don't seem to mind getting all sudsy down there at all.... BUT if you forcefully tear away those adhesions prematurely then you can in fact cause scar tissue build up which can lead to future problems which can potentially be long term.

And once the child/man is older then yes he has to keep the whole area clean by retracting the foreskin.... But it's really not a terribly daunting difficult task.... A normal foreskin will more forward and retract with just a flick of the wrist.... A task any man is capable of doing! The only time hygeine really becomes an issue for most uncircumcised men is when they are completely neglectful to all aspects of hygeine... eg only shower once or so a week...... But then they have other ewwwwwwwwwwww factor problems going on......

 

[KandyKinz]

My DH doesn't like to talk about it, either. I'm a pretty strong willed person, though, and we always used to say I wear the pants in the family, so I'm pretty sure that he will go with whatever I decide. It's not like he's been doing any googling or research of his own, anyway. Why let someone who only knows their own personal experience and no scientific data make the decision anyway? If he insisted on cutting, I'd probably make him do some homework and make a presentation that could absolutely convince me. If he couldn't do that, then he wouldn't get a say

I LOVE your attitude!

 

[blutea]

My DH doesn't like to talk about it, either. I'm a pretty strong willed person, though, and we always used to say I wear the pants in the family, so I'm pretty sure that he will go with whatever I decide. It's not like he's been doing any googling or research of his own, anyway. Why let someone who only knows their own personal experience and no scientific data make the decision anyway? If he insisted on cutting, I'd probably make him do some homework and make a presentation that could absolutely convince me. If he couldn't do that, then he wouldn't get a say

My husband doesn't like to talk about it either. I think he gets offended and defensive when I try to discuss it with him because he feels like I am saying there is something wrong with his penis. He takes it personally. Thankfully, I have the next five months to get through to him...and believe me I will. I'm very strong willed and he needs to get over his insecurity because it's not the right reason to circ.

 

[tashak88]

This might have been said before..but I'm gonna state my opinion!!

I think a little boy should be like his daddy, either circumsized or not...(don't want baby growing up looking 'different' from his daddy..make sense?) lol

and yeah, our insurance doesn't cover it..We will have to pay $250 dollars to get our lil man circumsized...

 

[blutea]

blutea - I have seen comments on other boards (can't remember where) where women circ'd one boy but not the other... things were totally fine.. .don't think there were any issues.
convincing your husband may be a totally different matter
IF he does insist and convince you... look into some pain killing options! There are many doctors who agree with using a topical numbing agent to reduce the trauma of the procedure. Nursing during the procedure or right after can help soothe the baby too.

I'm trying to get my DH to start talking about it.. .he just doesn't seem to want to think about that stuff

He did have the painkiller (both the injected and topical) and it didn't make a difference. He was still in extreme pain. So much so that he would gasp for air and turn purple. We did nurse right after but he refused because he was in so much pain and it took a week to get that back on track. It took two weeks for him to not scream when he peed and the circ sight bled for a month. A few weeks after the procedure it became infected and developed a yeast infection. He still has redness and inflammation from time to time. In my humble opinion, it seems an uncirc'd penis would be much healthier and cleaner, especially during the diaper years.

 

[lisaf]

thanks for the info Kandy and blutea ... I guess I've been mislead a little about the effectivenes of the painkillers they use!!! Very useful to know!

 

[blutea]

You don't think that showing/telling him stories of others would be strong enough to sway him? There are plenty of sites out there that even include pictures, maybe that would help. If you feel strongly that you don't want to cut, you should make him do the research on the scientific facts. I've never been a fan of the bandwagon effect anyway. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean that we need to! Istill have no idea where circumcision originated from or why. I know Christians say they do it because Jesus was circumcised, but I have no idea why. Why was Jesus circumcised? Who the hell came up with the idea to mutilate little boys' penises? Why do Jews and Muslims do it? Why do some African cultures circumcise women? Why have so many cultures been so misogynistic in their early years? Why am I asking so many questions that are leading to a tangent?I don't know!

We looked into this after our son was circ'd. We are christian and that was one of the reasons we had it done to our son. Then, we researched further and discovered that in the New Testament God told us that it is no longer necessary to be circ'd to be a christian. This made me cry and I felt so betrayed by the people who told me that it was God's command because it is not! I think (correct me if I'm wrong) that Jews do it because they do not believe that Jesus is our savior so therefore the New Testament is not relevant to them.