To have a 4th or not?

[Flannz94]

Hi ladies!

Not sure if this is posted in the right section, but we aren't sure if we should try for baby number four!

We have 3 children already, DS 4.5yrs, DD 3.5 years and DD 9 months.

Financially we are all good, although I would need a bigger car. Our first 3 are easy going kids, and are pretty easy, they have their days though lol. But i'm mainly nervous for the logistics of having 4 kids and also for the cost when they're all a bit older (sporting activities, school excursions etc).

Does anyone here have 4 kids? How was the change? How did the children cope?

TIA

 

[Beccaboo828]

Hello!! I have 4 kids two of each I can't drive so that didnt affect me but family members do and they got a bigger car which doesn't cost much more to insure etc. I'm very lucky that my children all just go with the flow when it comes to new additions in the home. We are now trying for number 5 lol we must be glutton for punishment Haha my others are 15/13/9 and 6 x

 

[Flannz94]

Hello!! I have 4 kids two of each I can't drive so that didnt affect me but family members do and they got a bigger car which doesn't cost much more to insure etc. I'm very lucky that my children all just go with the flow when it comes to new additions in the home. We are now trying for number 5 lol we must be glutton for punishment Haha my others are 15/13/9 and 6 x

Thanks Bec!
How did you find being pregnant with 3 other kids to look after and working? I remember being so tired after a shift with my third pregnancy lol hahaha 5 will definitely keep you busy atleast your 2 older children will be able to lend a hand.

 

[Beccaboo828]

Thanks Bec!
How did you find being pregnant with 3 other kids to look after and working? I remember being so tired after a shift with my third pregnancy lol hahaha 5 will definitely keep you busy atleast your 2 older children will be able to lend a hand.

I guess you just kind of get used to always being tired when working along with everything else lol I'm a support worker for adults with dementia so it's more mental than physical which helps when pregnant x

 

[Flannz94]

I guess you just kind of get used to always being tired when working along with everything else lol I'm a support worker for adults with dementia so it's more mental than physical which helps when pregnant x

Yeah that’s true. What is sleep
Oh that’s good! I’m a nurse on a busy orthopaedic ward so it gets pretty crazy and tiring especially when pregnant lol

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Preg with #4. Kids are 14, 13 and almost 12. Not planned that gap...

They will adjust fine and I feel better since they are older compared to when they were toddlers and being preg.

 

[Flannz94]

Preg with #4. Kids are 14, 13 and almost 12. Not planned that gap...

They will adjust fine and I feel better since they are older compared to when they were toddlers and being preg.

Oh that is a big age gap for you! You will have 3 extra set of hands to help out

 

[Suggerhoney]

Go for it hon.

 

[CharCharxxx]

I wrote a similar thread a few weeks back on here! I have 4 age 8, 5, 3 & 1. The 4th was a result of morning after pill failure!! I was panicking at the thought of having 4 it sounds so many! But if I'm honest I find that once you get to 3 or more its just another one! My other kids just loved him so much when he came not really any jealousy etc as they all had each other to keep themselves entertained. I couldnt imagine not having him and so glad I have 4 it's so amazing seeing them all together playing. They do fight and can be bloody hard work but that applies to any amount of kids! If it's in your heart then just go for it. I'm now on the fence about having a 5th Which I never thought I'd say! OH has cancelled his scheduled vasectomy til after christmas lol good luck x

 

[Monkei]

Just be aware if you go for four you could have number five thrown in for good measure

 

[LadyLovenox]

I'm in the same boat, debating on number 3!!! How is the transition from 2-3?? Honestly the transition from 1 -2 was VERY hard on ME. Not on my son. It was me. I beat myself up worrying I couldn't give either of them 100%, worrying that either of them felt left out at any point, etc.. so I worry that kll go thru that again. My kids are currently 4 and 2. I have a nagging for 1 more but I'm getting "fertility world" old (35) and feel like it's now or never. Talk about pressure!

 

[CharCharxxx]

I'm in the same boat, debating on number 3!!! How is the transition from 2-3?? Honestly the transition from 1 -2 was VERY hard on ME. Not on my son. It was me. I beat myself up worrying I couldn't give either of them 100%, worrying that either of them felt left out at any point, etc.. so I worry that kll go thru that again. My kids are currently 4 and 2. I have a nagging for 1 more but I'm getting "fertility world" old (35) and feel like it's now or never. Talk about pressure!

Oh i remember that feeling so well! Constant worrying and mum guilt! 1 to 2 is HARD, honestly 2 to 3 i barely noticed! 3 to 4 again not too different. Now contemplating on number 5 not 100% sure yet but wondering what the transition of 4 to 5 would be!! Bonkers I'm guessing haha. If it's in your heart then i would do it good luck! X

 

[anti]

I'm in the same boat, debating on number 3!!! How is the transition from 2-3?? Honestly the transition from 1 -2 was VERY hard on ME. Not on my son. It was me. I beat myself up worrying I couldn't give either of them 100%, worrying that either of them felt left out at any point, etc.. so I worry that kll go thru that again. My kids are currently 4 and 2. I have a nagging for 1 more but I'm getting "fertility world" old (35) and feel like it's now or never. Talk about pressure!

this is exactly me right now. I thought I was done at 2. My youngest is a handful and I really struggled going from 1-2 and I got post natal depression as well. It was hell and I never wanted more kids. Fast forward to this week and my period never turned up. I’ve tested and it’s negative so I’m not pregnant, but it’s made me start wondering if I do actually want a third. My other 2 are 7 and 3 now. We have some holidays booked for next year so if I did want another we would start after July next year to try. Hubby is booked in for a vasectomy though. My head is all over the place at the moment.

 

[Joannaxoxo]

Going from 1-2 was hard for me too, but mine are only 20 months apart. I found the baby and toddler years exceptionally hard and we were convinced we were done at 2, we even sold all our baby stuff. But I absolutely love the kid years, mine are 7 & almost 6.

But I also recently thought I was pregnant and it took both DH and I by surprise that we were disappointed when AF finally showed. Safe to say we are both excited to try for #3.

 

[MonicaLively]

I admire you for even thinking about having a fourth kid, it is challenging to raise a child no matter how many you already have. But if you feel like this makes you and your husband happy, go ahead with it, it's worth the years of labor to raise the child I guess.

 

[StrawBerry2]

Hi Flannz94! So happy to see I haven’t been the only one wondering and debating about trying for number 4 or not! And now I have decided to go for it! Well we are WTT until March this year, so that my medical aid will cover us in Private hospital for delivery (have a waiting period because its a new medical aid), and also I want to be back at my pre kids weight before ttc and also be on all the vitamins for a while that I feel I need to be on. So looking forward to March!! And I say GO FOR IT! I don’t think we will ever regret a child we have... maybe just ones we don't. I am 38 years old in June, so want to have a last one before I turn 40!! I have a 5 year old boy, an almost 4 year old girl, and a 1 and a half year old boy. When would you start TTC if you decide to go for it?? Xx

 

[Moolia]

Hi, I don't know where else to post this so I hope you don't mind me jumping on here! My children are 8 and almost 6 and I'm about to turn 38 so time is definitely not on my side. Plus my husband is absolutely done! BUT I just can't stop thinking about having another child. I hate the idea of sleepless nights and logic says why would we have another when things are so much easier now and logistically it just works in terms of clubs, activities, holidays, car, house etc! But regardless of all this, I just can't shake the idea. I come home to my kids after work and I feel like there's a child missing. I look at photos of holidays we've had and it feels like there's a child missing from the photos! I know that sounds totally crazy but it's how I feel.
I don't even know how I would broach this subject with my husband. We can't even ntnp and see what happens because I have a coil and having it removed would be like confirmation that we are trying! We've got a holiday booked for April and a weekend break for our wedding anniversary booked in July so I know he'll say how can we even think about it at this time. I know he'll say he doesn't want to go back to the baby and nappy and tantrum stage. He'll say what about the affect on our two existing children. He'll say why would we have another and risk all the potential health complications and other things such as twins etc when we have a girl and a boy who are both healthy. He'll say it's still hard and stressful with the children we've got so why would we add to that. He'll say, we're in a good position financially right now and is it fair for our existing children to have to miss out because we bring another one into the mix.
And he's right in lots of ways...logically speaking. But having children isn't logical is it?! So...what can I say that might help to change his thinking and change his mind? Or, do I have to accept that it's not going to happen, get over it so to speak and concentrate on the two amazing children that we have, even if I might regret it deep down for the rest of my life?

 

[Suggerhoney]

Tbh going from 3 to 4 isnt to bad.
I was going to stop after 4 but have since given birth to my 5th baby who again was supposed to be our last but now I want another.
I'm 40 so time isnt on my side so we have decided we are going to try for one more baby next year 2021. I'll be 41 so I know that's pushing it but I really want our baby boy to have a sibling close in age to grow up with as there is 7 years between him and my youngest child.
If I do get pregnant next year it will be mine and my husbands 4th baby but my 6th as I have 2 older teens from a previous relationship.
So I'm now wtt 2021

 

[Suggerhoney]

Hi, I don't know where else to post this so I hope you don't mind me jumping on here! My children are 8 and almost 6 and I'm about to turn 38 so time is definitely not on my side. Plus my husband is absolutely done! BUT I just can't stop thinking about having another child. I hate the idea of sleepless nights and logic says why would we have another when things are so much easier now and logistically it just works in terms of clubs, activities, holidays, car, house etc! But regardless of all this, I just can't shake the idea. I come home to my kids after work and I feel like there's a child missing. I look at photos of holidays we've had and it feels like there's a child missing from the photos! I know that sounds totally crazy but it's how I feel.
I don't even know how I would broach this subject with my husband. We can't even ntnp and see what happens because I have a coil and having it removed would be like confirmation that we are trying! We've got a holiday booked for April and a weekend break for our wedding anniversary booked in July so I know he'll say how can we even think about it at this time. I know he'll say he doesn't want to go back to the baby and nappy and tantrum stage. He'll say what about the affect on our two existing children. He'll say why would we have another and risk all the potential health complications and other things such as twins etc when we have a girl and a boy who are both healthy. He'll say it's still hard and stressful with the children we've got so why would we add to that. He'll say, we're in a good position financially right now and is it fair for our existing children to have to miss out because we bring another one into the mix.
And he's right in lots of ways...logically speaking. But having children isn't logical is it?! So...what can I say that might help to change his thinking and change his mind? Or, do I have to accept that it's not going to happen, get over it so to speak and concentrate on the two amazing children that we have, even if I might regret it deep down for the rest of my life?

I was like this when considering having our now 4 month old son.
I felt content with life but I there was this niggle in me about having another baby.
I also love my sleep and at the time the thought of the sleepless nights all over again did put me off. My daughter who is my youngest was 6 at the time so I had more time on my hands and was doing more things but something was telling me to get the implant removed. It was like a niggle. Hard to explain.
This happened in the summer of 2018 and by autumn 2018 we decided we wud try in the new year.
I was worried about my age because I was 38 and wud be 39 in at rye start of 2019.
I had the implant removed on jan 8th 2019 and found out I was pregnant on feb 2nd. Yes it was that quick.
My son is now 4 months old and I cudnt imagine life without him.
I had a really traumatic pregnancy and birth experience with DD so was scared to death. But this time it was so much better. So good infact I want to do it all again.
I'm 40 now but we are going to ttc next year when I'll be 41. It may take a little longer to conceive but I have faith.

 

[Moolia]

I was like this when considering having our now 4 month old son.
I felt content with life but I there was this niggle in me about having another baby.
I also love my sleep and at the time the thought of the sleepless nights all over again did put me off. My daughter who is my youngest was 6 at the time so I had more time on my hands and was doing more things but something was telling me to get the implant removed. It was like a niggle. Hard to explain.
This happened in the summer of 2018 and by autumn 2018 we decided we wud try in the new year.
I was worried about my age because I was 38 and wud be 39 in at rye start of 2019.
I had the implant removed on jan 8th 2019 and found out I was pregnant on feb 2nd. Yes it was that quick.
My son is now 4 months old and I cudnt imagine life without him.
I had a really traumatic pregnancy and birth experience with DD so was scared to death. But this time it was so much better. So good infact I want to do it all again.
I'm 40 now but we are going to ttc next year when I'll be 41. It may take a little longer to conceive but I have faith.

Thank you for your reply! I am definitely having that niggle and I just can't see it going away. I'm so scared to mention it to my hubby because I know it will be a no and my heart will break The past week my desire for another one has gotten so strong but I've been keeping it to myself and I actually feel excited by the thought. It's like if I keep it to myself it's still a possibility but if I speak it aloud my hopes will be dashed