Toddler reacting after (step) daddy leaving

[Geo2]

Hello, I just wondered if anyone had any advice over how to deal with my situation at the moment?
I had a partner that lived with us from when my dd was just over 2 1/2, we all moved in together and were a happy family, she started to call him daddy (we have no contact with her birth father and she doesnt remember him).
We decided to have another child and I'm now pregnant (31 weeks) DD very happy about new baby, as we all are. We lived together for just over a year.
But my partner started to become abusive towards me and I didn't really notice until it was too late, i was aware for the past 5 months or so we've had issues but things got worse, he cant control his anger and blames me and my dd, angry outbursts happened on more than 1 occasion (not violent, just shouting, slamming doors etc) and on the last occasion the police arrested him, he's now on bail under conditions that he's not to come home or contact me.
My DD misses him and i do too of course and now things are different living without him, but my DD has been having difficult to control angry outbursts when she doesnt get her way, for example today she had an outburst over the coat I told her to wear because she needed to put on waterproof one. When she was calmer,I told her mummy doesn't shout etc so where does she learn that its ok to act like that from? She replied Daddy, so then I had to explain that he was very wrong to act like that and thats why he's not allowed back. She also said on the bus the other day that she doesn't have a daddy anymore, i felt so sad, explaining to her that she does he's just not allowed to come home because he acted badly. Its not her fault etc.
I feel so guilty now for introducing her to this daddy, now he's gone, she misses him, and Ive caused this by letting him in too soon.
I reassured her today that daddys gone for a reason and mummys not going anywhere, and we will be living together at home, with baby and cat. She seemed to understand, but does anyone suggest anymore I can do to reassure her? Should i let her see him? She has seen him about once a week for the past month, supervised of course, and she enjoys that very much. Should I continue this to maintain their relationship so she doesnt miss him too much? Or Should I just cut contact completely? When should I tell her thats not her birth father, is now a good time to do that?
Thanks for reading and please any advice is appreciated.

 

[seoj]

I think only you can determine the best option for your child... hearing how he is, my initial reaction would be to cut all ties- but obviously, being that you're going to have another child together--- it's not black and white. Obviously getting him out of the house was best for all involved. You are so strong to do that!

I don't have much personal experience. But my hubby got full parental custody of his daughter when she was 2yrs- due to his horrid ex - but still had minimal visits via court (twice a month)- so I know all he and my SD went through with that... even after I came along, and tbh- it would of been better for my SD if her bio-mom wasn't around (long story)- but despite it all, she has grown into an amazing young woman! Tough, self assured and loving-- and I know hubby and I helped create that, in spite of the ex- it was really tough at times though.

I know it's not the same- every situation is unique... but I think you trust your gut. I think you just go with what makes the best sense for your daughter- if the supervised visits are good... and he's never been physically abusive towards her and can keep his anger in check during the visits? Then... it's really your call.

I wish I was better help. But at the end of the day- YOU are there every day for her. It's just to take time for her to adjust to it all. You too. But long as you keep your responses honest (but child appropriate)- like you have, she'll get there. Just keep giving her loads of love and consistency and clear boundaries. Best of luck!