Torn by Mother Nature.

[LittleOwl83]

Hi, I don't know if anyone can relate.. or been here before, but I feel totally lost in a wave of emotions. Please excuse the long ranty post (and poor grammar )

My story... my partner and I have been having unprotected sex for 18 months, first 10 months we wasn't TTC, but we wasn't preventing either. We kinda went to TTC about 8 months ago.. Nothing really has changed, other than a label.. as we have sex everyday, more than once on most days.. Odd occasion a day goes by we don't have sex.. So by this I feel we haven't missed a window of opportunity. It's not that we are trying too hard, we both enjoy sex and it's normal to have it often. (Sorry for the tmi)

Now to where I feel frustration.. I'm nearly 31 and this will be my partner and I's first child. I have too much weight on me.. And I have this feeling I can't have children, which for it to be true would break my heart. My mother and my grandmother (her mum) both went through menopause at 38!! Which I feel is quite young, and I'm scared I will follow same pattern.. so I hear 'tick, tock... Tick, tock...' Don't worry I'm not literally having auditory hallucinations.. But you get my drift.

My second frustration is.. It's a really awkward time to get pregnant, and if time was on my side and I was 21 again I probably would hold on.. As I'm currently in university studying for a nursing degree. I'm half way through now, so a year and a half to go. I feel ideally be better if I waited, as I really would like to qualify and earn money, than have to take a year out.. BUT this is where I hear 'tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock' I think time is too precious and if I wait another two years, I feel I'm just messing with mother nature and you can not turn the biological clock back and I do really want to be a mummy! I just feel it's not time.. And feel selfish saying it but just want to finish studying. My partner suggested I go on the pill, as I was stressing about it at one stage, but I really don't want to start pumping my body full of drugs.. Not that I'm against medication, just don't want to mess with bio, I feel best for me is let Mother Nature takes it's course and what will be, will be. She hopes!!!!

Please don't get me wrong, I would be over the moon to be pregnant, that my partner and I would have a mixture of our best qualities and have a mini us. My partner is Chinese and I am white.. And I can't help and google mixed children, even my other half has been known to. If we see a same cultural mix couple with children while we are out we always have a sneaky peak.. My other half worries (jokingly) that our child will end up with my red hair on half Chinese olived skin baby. It also means I wouldn't have to live in fear that my body has let me down and not being able to do one of the most natural things in the world. Which leads me to wonder, does everything work inside? I question shall I get tested?

I have some questions.. If anyone is kind enough to share their experiences...

I'm in the UK, and I know it varies from trust to trust... But what is the criteria for seeing your doctor about fertility? What tests can or do they do? - I feel at moment, first thing he would say would be 'Claire lose the chub!' Not in those words, but yes I don't need to lose a lot of weight, this factor isn't helping.

Has anyone had a child while being at uni, and if so what choices did you have to make.

Thanks for listening.. I just feel very torn..

x

 

[AnonymousCAT]

Hugs to you! I can't answer many of your questions but it sounds like you are thinking a lot about everything. There was a girl in my class while doing her masters that had a planned pregnancy. We all thought that was crazy, but it worked for her. She took a year off and finished her masters no problem. Just have to do what feels right for you! Can't turn back time. I'm sure you'd be okay to be pregnant in school. It may be a harder road but I'm sure you wouldn't regret it if it happened. Hugs.

 

[Destiny08]

generally in the uk, the consensus is that they will wait until a year of ttc has gone by. however if you've been having sex every other day at least, 18 months is long enough so you could say thats 18 months of ttc and get seen earlier. they'll take bloods and check hormone levels first of all, before moving onto scans etc if the issue hasnt been found.

have you had any miscarriages etc over the 18 months? and are your periods regular? all questions your gp may ask.

and with regards to the studying, I put uni on hold when I got pregnant and as I want all my kids within about 6/7 years (planning on 3) its on hold until my youngest starts school. but I do plan on going back. its easy enough to do these things, especially in the uk where benefits/childcare funding are all possibilities. if you want a family and studying, its perfectly do-able! if you do need fertility treatment, it may take a while to get on waiting lists/for treatments to actually work too, so there may be no effect on your studies anyway, and you probably want to get the ball rolling now! or at least look into it so when you're done studying you know what to expect.

good luck

 

[Radkat]

Wouldn't it be nice if there were some sort of test that would tell you exactly how long you'll be fertile? That would be really great! Unfortunately, there isn't. As PP said, you can always go back to school. Honestly, I don't think there's a perfect time to have kids. There's always something that makes it not perfect. I had a friend in grad school that got pregnant, had the baby, took 4-6 weeks off and was back at class. She had a ton of family support (her mom watched the baby while she was at class, doing her internships, etc.), but it's possible.

If you want to finish school, though, don't feel bad about it. You can finish school while you TTC and have a baby after. Oh and if you decide to prevent, your OH can always use condoms. Guys always seem to forget about that option. If you're thinking of TTC soon, I wouldn't suggest hormonal bc as it can take a while to get out of your system. Oh and weight can be a factor while TTC, but it's not always. Lots of overweight women get pregnant all the time.

Good luck with whatever you choose.