laura109
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- Joined
- Mar 17, 2013
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Hi i am kind of hoping that a few of us could come together to talk about toxic parents if you have ever had them? I have realised alot about my life in recent months mainly through being a mum and i have discovered how much hurt i have from the way my own parents have made me feel. I grew up with a difficult dad who wont speak to you without attitude in his voice. He is sarcastic, judgemental and critical. He is rude about the way we live. We are clean people. We have been doing our house up but we are not perfect. My dad finds fault everytime he comes over which is rarely thankfully. He expects us to have immaculate houses and gardens yet never offers his help. If you ask him a question you get nothing but attitude or sarcasm. He wont make conversation. Never asks how you are etc. wont ask you how work is etc. because they have had our daughter for two afternoons this year so we can decorate he claims weve had enough afternoons to sort our house out if we ever say we cant get stuff done around our toddlers. Despite all this hes nice to my daughter and will help you if you get stuck. Occasionally he shows signs he cares but its rare.
My mum is also difficult. I always found her more approachable growing up but looking back i realise she has never shown us love. When i was little if I didn't feel well and had a day off school i remember how unsympathetic she was. She would chuck a paracetamol at me and walk off. There was never any cuddles or reassurance. In my teens she handed me a pad when i started my periods and walked away saying put it on and that was that. I remember crying about it and she told me it was tough. I burst into tears a few times in my teens and remember how she carried on cooking ir cleaning and couldn't look at me let alone comfort me. She gave us wgat we needed, clothes and food and days out occasionally but no magic. Me and my sister always have chats about how little they did with us. We never went out for meals or to the cinema or on a train or to burger king. Things i only experienced because my friends parents would treat me. We had money but they just choose not to as they dont like eating out.
When i was pregnant they were often trying to control mu choices. They went mardy over me finding out the gender. They had ago at me when i paid for a 4d scan. They insulted our choices in names or furniture. It was exhausting dealing with them. All i wanted to do was announce i was having a girl and instead i kept quiet.
Things lately have been getting harder. My mum added me on facebook and i no longer can be myself. Occasionally when my friends chat to me on there i have to try reply without emotion so my mum doesn't moan about or judge the way i am. She hates affection. She recently called me sad because i buy lush bath products for a treat. She spent five minutes telling they are shops designed for people like me who are stupid enough to buy them. She told me it was u necessarily spending. Even though i can afford it she still can't accept that there's nothing wrong with liking things other than basics. She constantly puts me down. She even takes the mick out of the way i told her my daughter had been born. Apparently she is here was a stupid way to say it.
I don't know why my parents cant be proud and show us love. I dont know why they never visit but moan if we dont go round regular. I have realised lately that just because im emotional and want to let my daughter know i love her isn't a bad thing. I worry that I won't be able to bring my daughter up exactly how i want because im still holding back in fear of not being the person im supposed to be. My mum hates kids having birthday partys. They dont need them she says. That makes my life hard because it means i cant relax enough to throw a bash and mingle everyone in. I don't feel i can be myself around them and all my friends and partners family. I struggle to see myself being that confident person laughing and chatting to everyone in their presence. I get lectured if i buy my daughter more than 2 things for birthdays or xmas. My mum finds problems in everything i plan to get her.
Despite all this im still constantly wanting approval. I still reach out trying to get them to say what i want to hear. I send constant pictures of my daughter to my mum just so she can see her lovely clothes and her playing or eating a good meal. Its all to say look at me mum i am good. I still have a long way to go i have pulled back from visiting her and im working on my confidence. Id really love to hear anyone else's story. Hopefully we can get some support and advice to share xx
My mum is also difficult. I always found her more approachable growing up but looking back i realise she has never shown us love. When i was little if I didn't feel well and had a day off school i remember how unsympathetic she was. She would chuck a paracetamol at me and walk off. There was never any cuddles or reassurance. In my teens she handed me a pad when i started my periods and walked away saying put it on and that was that. I remember crying about it and she told me it was tough. I burst into tears a few times in my teens and remember how she carried on cooking ir cleaning and couldn't look at me let alone comfort me. She gave us wgat we needed, clothes and food and days out occasionally but no magic. Me and my sister always have chats about how little they did with us. We never went out for meals or to the cinema or on a train or to burger king. Things i only experienced because my friends parents would treat me. We had money but they just choose not to as they dont like eating out.
When i was pregnant they were often trying to control mu choices. They went mardy over me finding out the gender. They had ago at me when i paid for a 4d scan. They insulted our choices in names or furniture. It was exhausting dealing with them. All i wanted to do was announce i was having a girl and instead i kept quiet.
Things lately have been getting harder. My mum added me on facebook and i no longer can be myself. Occasionally when my friends chat to me on there i have to try reply without emotion so my mum doesn't moan about or judge the way i am. She hates affection. She recently called me sad because i buy lush bath products for a treat. She spent five minutes telling they are shops designed for people like me who are stupid enough to buy them. She told me it was u necessarily spending. Even though i can afford it she still can't accept that there's nothing wrong with liking things other than basics. She constantly puts me down. She even takes the mick out of the way i told her my daughter had been born. Apparently she is here was a stupid way to say it.
I don't know why my parents cant be proud and show us love. I dont know why they never visit but moan if we dont go round regular. I have realised lately that just because im emotional and want to let my daughter know i love her isn't a bad thing. I worry that I won't be able to bring my daughter up exactly how i want because im still holding back in fear of not being the person im supposed to be. My mum hates kids having birthday partys. They dont need them she says. That makes my life hard because it means i cant relax enough to throw a bash and mingle everyone in. I don't feel i can be myself around them and all my friends and partners family. I struggle to see myself being that confident person laughing and chatting to everyone in their presence. I get lectured if i buy my daughter more than 2 things for birthdays or xmas. My mum finds problems in everything i plan to get her.
Despite all this im still constantly wanting approval. I still reach out trying to get them to say what i want to hear. I send constant pictures of my daughter to my mum just so she can see her lovely clothes and her playing or eating a good meal. Its all to say look at me mum i am good. I still have a long way to go i have pulled back from visiting her and im working on my confidence. Id really love to hear anyone else's story. Hopefully we can get some support and advice to share xx